We broke up... 11 months into our relationship

[wjh]

I love the girl, still do, but I'm in pain.

She initiated it, but we both have our problems. She initiated it into "space", and I basically took her confusion and turned it into a break up. I "walked away" so to speak.

I respect her stance, for wanting to make sure that if she gets married to someone, enters into a lease, etc. that she does it with someone she's compatible with and so on. I just thought that the love was strong enough to work through our problems, and move forward. Apparently not. This process has been a week in the making, and now, I no longer have hope.

Killing her in my mind is difficult, since I really care about her, and I'm really hurt on the inside. I don't feel like a Don Juan... To be honest, right now it feels kind of silly to even think about those things.

My problems with her were primarily sexual, she just was too boring in bed and she wasn't sexy enough. Sure, she was really pretty, had a great body, and could be sexy if she wanted to be, but her insecurities were something I could not help her overcome. I look at other girls all the time, and desire them with my loins and all the passion that I've always had. It's the same feelings that initially turned me to this community. I hope that I can keep that perspective and not fall so weak as to completely fall apart emotionally.

She's a great girl, she has a lot going for her, but truthfully we probably wouldn't work in the long run. And for that I guess all I can do is thank her... But I wish it wasn't this way, the pain is there. I loved this girl very, very much. I'll miss the affection the most.

Timing wise, this couldn't be worse. The holidays are here, she just met my whole family a week or so ago, we had plans for New Years, and I've also completely shed my old baggage friends who, albeit had their issues and I needed to get rid of them, would be a crutch for me in the meantime. I'm literally alone (besides my parents, who are difficult to talk to as you can imagine).

I don't know where to start with my feelings. I'm scared to death of jumping into another relationship, so I don't want to date right away. I don't want to get into a relationship JUST for the affection, that's not good enough for me. If I'm going to take this as a learning experience, I need to make sure not get involved with a girl who is affectionate, but not everything else I need.

I'm lost guys... Can you please help with some words?

Also, I work out regularly, that sort of helps, but I'm getting sidetracked at work, and we have a lot of new stresses right now as we were recently acquired. Financially I'm not in a bad place, but if I was fired I would be on the edge very quickly. I'm scared, and I fear I placed too much of my happiness on this one girl.

[samspade]

Hey dude. Sorry to hear about your break up.

You're going to have to let the bruise heal, that's all. That might mean feeling low for a bit. You can mitigate that, of course, by finding things to distract you. And of course by eliminating all reminders of your ex.

When in doubt, post here first...we will keep you from doing anything stupid.

Sure you're sad, but deep down, you knew it'd end (from the sound of it). Now you have the gift of freedom again. Enjoy it.

[Julius_Seizeher]

I will tell you the same thing I told Fuzzx.

GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR, BOY!!! If you aren't obsessively pursuing lofty goals with eyes ablaze of determination, with your girl there as a companion to relax you in downtime, then you don't deserve a girlfriend. I have seen this issue from both sides my friend, and let me tell you, it is SO MUCH better to be without a girlfriend and actually KICKING ASS AT LIFE than it is to languish in mediocrity "with your girlfriend". But I understand, pvssy hypnotizes a man and he falls asleep in the warm blanket of female comforts.

[squirrels]

Keep moving, man.

[Jitterbug]

Well, it gotta hurt... and yeah it's the season for breakups. Most of mine happen around Dec/Jan, and I notice among people I know that it's fairly common.

Timing wise, this couldn't be worse. The holidays are here, she just met my whole family a week or so ago, we had plans for New Years, and I've also completely shed my old baggage friends who, albeit had their issues and I needed to get rid of them, would be a crutch for me in the meantime. I'm literally alone (besides my parents, who are difficult to talk to as you can imagine).

This is why a man should always cultivate his support network. Women are much better at this than us. When a guy is deep into a relationship, he often invests his social energy way too much into his girl, so when the breakup happens, he has no social support.

A few years ago, my GF of a few months flaked on me, out of all possible dates, fvcking New Year's Eve (we broke up afterwards, she probably cheated on me or sth, I don't care - that flake was enough). Luckily I had good friends that I could join on the same night at short notice and hooked up with a MILF in the group.

So, to think along that line and on the bright side of life...

I don't know where to start with my feelings. I'm scared to death of jumping into another relationship, so I don't want to date right away. I don't want to get into a relationship JUST for the affection, that's not good enough for me. If I'm going to take this as a learning experience, I need to make sure not get involved with a girl who is affectionate, but not everything else I need.

... in two weeks time, it'll be New Year's Eve and you'll be a happy single guy free to hook up with drunken hotties! No you don't have to date them or to be in a relationship then!

[Slickster]

Originally Posted by wjh

My problems with her were primarily sexual, she just was too boring in bed and she wasn't sexy enough. Sure, she was really pretty, had a great body, and could be sexy if she wanted to be, but her insecurities were something I could not help her overcome.

The next time you are balls deep with a chick that is super sexy and really blowing your mind I want you to think back about ol' what's her name and thank God that you never ended up with her boring a$$.

I'm sure she was a great girl and your feelings for her were real. However, you were selling yourself short and you know it. Give yourself a pat on the back for realizing that.

X-mas time is a tough time for breakups but it's also a great time for romance and seduction. Nothing heals the pain of a breakup faster than a new woman in your sights.

Forget the relationship stuff and just go out and enjoy women for the fun of it.

Good luck

[AMDG]

Originally Posted by wjh

My problems with her were primarily sexual, she just was too boring in bed and she wasn't sexy enough. Sure, she was really pretty, had a great body, and could be sexy if she wanted to be

So basically you were low value in her eyes, and by "accepting" her you further decreased it. No surprise here. Fom my experience when a woman loves you any inhibition is cast away - even the virgin religious type can be persuaded into all kind of unconventional fantasies.

Originally Posted by wjh

She initiated it into "space"

Bottom line - you loved her more than she loved you. I was tempted too at times to enter such a relationship - fortunately I was able to pull back after testing the waters, because of self-respect.

Originally Posted by wjh

I fear I placed too much of my happiness on this one girl.

Exactly. Women are here to make you happy, not the other way round. Don't be afraid to search for a better alternative - I did it and I am happy now.

[Pickupmilitia]

Originally Posted by AMDG

So basically you were low value in her eyes, and by "accepting" her you further decreased it. No surprise here. Fom my experience when a woman loves you any inhibition is cast away - even the virgin religious type can be persuaded into all kind of unconventional fantasies.



Bottom line - you loved her more than she loved you. I was tempted too at times to enter such a relationship - fortunately I was able to pull back after testing the waters, because of self-respect.



Exactly. Women are here to make you happy, not the other way round. Don't be afraid to search for a better alternative - I did it and I am happy now.

Tell us your story

[wjh]

Thanks guys for the input. I know you all know this about this process, but I feel like I can't shake the pain. I know it's only been two days, but I feel really broken up. It comes in waves.

[shyguy32]

WJH...I feel your pain man. I just recently broke up with my girl of about 10 months. Issues came up that we couldn't get through. I still think she's fantastic and amazing and haven't met anyone that comes close to her yet.

We didn't talk for a couple months and then started talking again here recently, which I'm not sure whether we have a chance to get back together and quite frankly it's driving my emotions through the roof. So my suggestion to you and I believe what I'm going to do is to cut off communications again. Thats the only way I know how to get her out of my head and heart. And don't think that by going out there and bagging some chicks is going to take the pain away because it won't. I've had like 5 diff girls that I've banged/banging since her and they're all just nothing to me. I mean I make them feel special, but they don't make me feel any better about the one who got away. haha

Seriously though if you keep contact with her you're never going to get through this. So do not talk to her!!

Just my opinion.

[AMDG]

Originally Posted by Pickupmilitia

Tell us your story

There were many stories. I will tell them when a similar situation comes across, if and when a person asks for advice - in the meantime, like the good book says "there is nothing new under the sun".