Why can't I stop obsessing over this woman?

She was never even my girlfriend. I met her about 13 years ago in a gentleman's club where she was dancing. We went out once as friends only, after I had given up that she would ever have romantic feelings for me. She was never interested in me romantically and never led me on that she was. I've felt this way about lots of females in my life (I'm 36) and I've even felt this way about females SINCE her. But none of them mean anything to me anymore, I never start obsessing over any of them today, only her. Why can't I get over her? I have such a deep need to feel loved by a woman that I have the same kinds of feelings for. And I've never experienced that. But what is it about her?? I found out friday that she moved with her live-in boyfriend to Wisconsin (I'm in IL) and it just tore my heart out. Why can't I get over her once and for all? Why do I feel like such a failure because she never liked me as more than a friend? Am I broken somehow? What's wrong with me?

Another thing is, I've watched some of Johnny Soporno's videos at his website and the whole thing about just having friends you have sex with, but nobody exclusive, no commitment. It sounds so lonely! Maybe its because I have no experience with women? I want to find a woman that I respect, and admire, whose intelligent and strong-willed and independent, and know that she thinks I'm the sexiest man she knows. Is it AFC to want to be loved by a woman? Not just that she wants to have sex with me, but that she loves me?

Maybe I don't know how to be a man, because I never had a strong role-model. I never played sports growing up, never had many friends, never worked when I was in school, never went to parties, never dated, just went home every day after school and played video games and watched tv. I was raised by my mom and grandma, my dad was there but was pretty useless as far as male guidance goes. Is that what's wrong with me? That I don't know how to be a man? That I don't know what it feels like to believe in myself? At 36 is it too late to learn how to be a man? And where would I start?

Edit: I read some of Pook's stuff. I had forgotten about being the Prize. I am the Prize, or at least I'm supposed to believe that. But what if I don't? What do I do?

Join the military. They will put some hair on your chest really quick. Go after what you want. Never compromise. My suggestion; chicks love coke and a good time. But you should start with the basics; sleep with a couple fat girls to get confidence going.

trent is right, get some experience under your belt. start spinning plates and it helps you shake your oneitis.

Ask yourself what the meaning of LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST IS.

Take that chick out the picture.

Hope that helps.

Def BUMP to sleeping with a few fat or ugly girls.. They do wonders for your confidence

As I read through your post I realised you have quite a bit of problem. Many little ones that adds up and it becomes a big one.

AFC is a mindset or behavior that you would call it. If there is the best word to substitude it it will be neediness. However, people may call you AFC because after so long you fail to get over a girl. This can be very damaging to your own future actually. You seem to want ONLY HER, and she seem to be the ONE.

She is not. She is not more important than yourselves. You have your ambitions, right?

You ask yourself these two questions:
1. Where am I going?
2. Who is coming along with me?

So what are your ambition? Short term and long term goals? If you want to start the next fast food restaurant then work towards it. If you want to buy that Merc SLR then work towards it!

Then as you go along you will ask who is willing to come along with you. People will join you and fall off as you work towards your goal. You are the reason for your own happiness or sadness, not others.

The questions are never reversed. If it is then you are utterly screwed.

Right now, take things slowly. You can hit the gym do some workout. Take part in the dance class with your friends or scale the mountain with your friend. Look around, there are many people that are living a fulfilling live.

I can see your stressed up, so doing workout does help because endorphines are released.

I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long, but I had to check in and see where we stood these days and your post caught my attention immediately. Your question to the group is WHY. You also associate being in a relationship with being an AFC. Let me do you a favor and answer your questions before giving you advice. (BTW, Pook is a LEGEND while I am only a Master, so if he tells you to do something, do it!)

So, first off, you need to check yourself. You've already placed this woman on a pedestal, and that's me reading it from text. So you can imagine what she thinks of you.... She's already dismissed you based on the info you've provided. It does not seem unrecoverable but at the same time you need to be able to walk away from this girl if you want to get with her. I know it sounds wrong, but it's the way it is.

Do us all a favor and read the community books. Look for members and gurus like Mystery, Style, and PUA's like David De angelo or Ross Jeffries.

Don't abandon a project girl entirely, but leave a seed of what if in her mind before you send her back to her BF.

Quick Relay Advice. let me know if you need some help/

Hang in there kid .. I never had good role models too. Be strong - suck it up.
WWalk away from her and find new women who are interested in you too. Nothing removes a memory like someone new. Work out, read the advise here
alot of it is very good. send me a message if you want to talk more.

Ugh, I feel for you man. Strong oneitis is an absolute nightmare. Look over all the posts in the Bible about how to defeat it. Good luck.

It’s only too late if you decide it to be, at this point, even though you’ve had so many years without success and progress is going to be tough, this really is a journey that I believe all men should undertake, period.

If you don’t fulfill this part of your life, you’ve failed yourself as a man, your sole purpose on this planet is to survive and replicate, if you haven’t done that, then you’ve entirely suppressed your subconscious drives and motivations.

If I were you, I would tackle this problem right away to the point where only death would be the only obstacle.

Granted, I’m 23 and I’m younger, but it only took me a year to become highly proficient at pickup, it’s not a matter of whether or not its accomplishable, because we both know it is, it’ s a question of whether or not you’re willing to put the time/effort into it.

We call it "oneitis". You need to go out and meet and date other women, simple as that. At the moment, you don't have a lot of experience with women, so you treat them like something rare like gold. Men who have no trouble attracting lots of women treat them like something common, like copper. There's 3 billion of them out there, you just have to meet some.

Sometimes having what you want is the best medicine in the world. Its like an old saying in swahili "mtoto akililia wembe mpe", IOW if a child cries for a blade give it to them, the painful experience of being cut will erase all thoughts of your baseless desire, its like be careful what you wish for.

You know nothing about this girl, all you know is that you want her to be yours, you want to be loved and thought of as attractive by a woman, preferably this oneitis. Its reasonable to feel the way you do but, highly delusional and if you do get this girl by some miracle you will regret the wasted mental and emotional effort. You could in a years time if dedicated to improving your lifestyle and working on picking up women be ten times happier and mentally healthy than you would chasing this fantasy woman you've created in your head.

I had oneitis for a girl at my school, I obsessed day and night about her and imagined she was the perfect woman for me. I got her after working on my game and spinning plates and it wasn't worth it, I hated her for being mediocre and not living up to my fantasy. Forget her and date other women, experiment and try new things, you'll discover new passions and hobbies and look around this site, your problem isn't unique to you, you'll find the hard truth was staring at you in the face you just didn't want to accept it.

There are 3 billion women on the planet and if you give them a chance they'll love you for it.