How do i become less ****y and arrogant and become more confident?

I'm in high school, and throughout school I've always been known as one of the 'smart' kids. I'm not considered a nerd or geek, but I hang out with some of those kids sometimes, and they all look up to me a lot. Like I'm the leader of their group even though I'm part of other social groups. I think they do it because I have other friends and I'm perceived differently than they are. To tell the truth, however, I'm not really a confident guy. I'm actually an egocentric, ****y, arrogant guy. Because I have such a large ego, I'm afraid of being hurt. I've never been in an actual relationship with a girl because I don't have the courage to ask one out. It's like my ego is afraid of being bruised. Most, if not all my classmates consider me arrogant, and they say I'm ****y and whatnot. I have friends. I actually have a lot of friends, but I feel like my ****iness/arrogance has deteriorated any chance i have with the opposite sex. For some reason people get this vibe that I think I'm better than everyone else, and most people think I'm shallow, but I only act out in ****iness because I'm so insecure. I'm a lot more deep than most anyone really knows. Only my family and this one girl know I can actually write songs or poetry well, and the girl only knows because I had to show her my poetry notebook for a lit class. I have a social life. I hang out with my friends almost every night, but my social circles don't consists of girls. How do I lose this ****iness and become more confident?

Don't take stuff seriously. Not too seriously anyway.

Does this sound like you?

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love (megalomania)
3. believes that he or she is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, people (or institutions) who are also "special" or of high status.
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement
6. is interpersonally exploitative
7. lacks empathy
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

1. Yes
2. I do dream of becoming successful, and I work really hard, maybe too hard for it. I don't think my dreams are fantasies because they aren't unreasonable.
3. I do believe that I'm special, but i don't discriminate against people.
4. Doesn't everyone like being admired?
5. I don't believe i'm entitled to anything. That's why I work hard for acknowledgement.
6. Yes
7. Yes
8. Yes, but I use some of the envy I have for other people to motivate myself, and I don't have bad intentions that way.
9. Guess so

Why did you ask? Where is that from

It seems very likely that you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. To my knowledge you cannot cure this disorder, which means you will probably feel insecure on the inside for the rest of your life, but put up a facade of over-confidence to hide it. By no means does this mean you won't be able to pick up women though. Hope this helped.

If i have this disorder is there any way to overcome it? I understand you can't 'cure' it, but does that mean that I will always be ****y and arrogant?

Jokerlsk said:

If i have this disorder is there any way to overcome it? I understand you can't 'cure' it, but does that mean that I will always be ****y and arrogant?

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I believe so, do you have a problem with that?

Up until now I didn't know what my problem was, but at least now I'm moderately positive on what it is. I have strong morals, but I feel I cling onto those morals to try to persuade myself into believing I'm truly a good person. I actually really know how to destroy people. I can read into people's strengths and weaknesses just by talking to them. I've made people cry just by speaking a few sentences. It's like I can manipulate people without even truly wanting to. Sometimes I do things just because I can. I really do feel bad about them though. I pray, and try to improve myself, but I'm just so consumed with being the best. I can't keep a relationship because I'm so critical in other people, but if I were more critical in myself, I would be 100x better off. The longest I can go out with a girl is probably a week because then her flaws start sticking out like sore thumbs in my mind. When people ask if i've ever had a gf i always tell them no because I can't keep a relationship. Sometimes I feel like Lex Luthor from Smallville, because I'm so conflicted with who I am.

Joker, you're also in High school. Don't worry so much about it. Just enjoy yourself, make good grades, and go to all the parties you can. Quit taking yourself so seriously and realize that real life is ALOT longer than where you are right now.

****yness and arrogance are just ego-driven ways to display fake bullsh!t confidence.

Confidence is a highly valued commodity. And like all others, it is something that must be EARNED. Arrogance is a guy lying to himself that he is something he knows he is not, and he wants to make damn sure you believe so too. You find ways to earn it, so that you may know you are not a common bullsh!tter.

A famous wrestling coach sais, "Your confidence is equal to how hard you have worked." As is so often said here, it is pushing your comfort zone and courageously going after what you want in life. That is how you earn it.

I really do work hard though, and I don't always follow the crowd. One thing I know is that I'm not weak minded. I mean, i'm only in highschool, how can i push my comfort zone?

Dont brag about how good you are or what you got. Show it by your actions and not your words.

man, you sound A LOT like me. I've been one of those 'smart' kids all my life, always have been social, but slightly awkward about it? I think thats the quickest and most efficent way to explain it. I always blamed other people for that though - my mom for not letting me out more, peers because they're jealous, etc.... I'm guessing you hang out with some of those 'nerds', etc because they make you feel better about yourself. Don't get me wrong, you genuinely like them, but seeing them somehow makes you feel better about your own insecurities. I write songs, poetry, stories too, I feel thats one of the only ways I can truly show my inner self, without risking 'rejection', etc... I'm also guessing that at first glance a lot of women are initially attracted to you, but after you get to know them they're majorly turned off? That's why you don't have any girls in your social circle.

to worship, I've been told by my current gf that I am narcissistic, and I took a facebook quiz (lol) that gave me those results that you just posted. I don't really think joker is narcissistic though - if he was, he wouldnt really have those insecurities (although that might just be me, it could be different for different people). Narcissistic people truly BELIEVE with every fiber of their beings that they're superior (sadly, I do...)

My diagnosis man, is that your insecurities about stuff led you to develop a ****y exterior, or shell, so people wouldn't catch on. that's going to be hard to break.

You want to exude confidence, but not ****iness or arrogance. I'm not exactly sure how to help you with this, because I don't know how to do it myself - I AM a ****y, arrogant ****. and I understand this. But maybe it'll help you understand the problem a little more? i dont know, i'm rambling bull**** now, lol.

I hang out with them because i like being in a leadership role, and when I'm with them i am the leader. I blame most of my insecurities on the way people have treated me. People have always acted like i was less than them because I'm not 100 percent white, so all they do is try to pull me down to their level by making remarks about my asian heritage. When girls first meet me they usually think I'm a funny, smart, all around good guy, but after a while I lose attraction to whoever it is, and stop talking to that person.

I don't think i'm superior to everyone. I'm not going to lie though, I have thought i was better than some, but I do wish i was superior to everyone. That's why I work so hard. Just so i can earn the respect that I'm never given.

Thanks a lot though cassanova

Jokerlsk said:

I hang out with them because i like being in a leadership role, and when I'm with them i am the leader. I blame most of my insecurities on the way people have treated me. People have always acted like i was less than them because I'm not 100 percent white, so all they do is try to pull me down to their level by making remarks about my asian heritage. When girls first meet me they usually think I'm a funny, smart, all around good guy, but after a while I lose attraction to whoever it is, and stop talking to that person.

I don't think i'm superior to everyone. I'm not going to lie though, I have thought i was better than some, but I do wish i was superior to everyone. That's why I work so hard. Just so i can earn the respect that I'm never given.

Thanks a lot though cassanova

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You like feeling like a leader, or 'alpha' around them. the key is to get that alpha feeling wherever you go - that radiates out to everyone who sees you.

for the thing about your asian heritage, do you know if they're actually mocking you, or is it in joke? I'm black, white and asian, and I get all sorts of bull****, "hey squinty eyes" (dont actually have squinty eyes lol), "plantation ******" etc...
The key is to know when they're joking, and when they're not. you can't take that **** from teh *******s who mean it demeaningly, but there are always idiots who don't know what's too far for a joke and will say it anyway. Being able to laugh at yourself is a great life skill.

Go and analyze some of those encounters with those girls. what made them attracted to you at first? was it a mixture of your humor with your smarts and arrogance? what made you lose that attraction?

then attempt to change things.

But how do i get that alpha feeling wherever I go?

I live in a redneck town, so I get it a lot of times from teachers and kids who do it in a malicious way. My friends do it as a joke, and I can take those. I call most of them round eyes as retalliation, but i'm only joking.

Jokerlsk said:

But how do i get that alpha feeling wherever I go?

I live in a redneck town, so I get it a lot of times from teachers and kids who do it in a malicious way. My friends do it as a joke, and I can take those. I call most of them round eyes as retalliation, but i'm only joking.

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You're in Georgia. You can never be a DJ in redneck Georgia. Just be thankful you're not in Mississippi.

Jokerlsk said:

I don't think i'm superior to everyone. I'm not going to lie though, I have thought i was better than some, but I do wish i was superior to everyone. That's why I work so hard. Just so i can earn the respect that I'm never given.

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There is a major rule: you can´t earn respect without respecting others. You said you hang out with guys you characterise as "geeks". Dou you respect them? I don´t think so. Why do you hang out with guys you don´t respect? It´s only wasting your time. What do you learn from them? How to rule a group of geeks? Is that fun for you?

You always say that you work hard. Hard? Compared to who? Paris Hilton, who inherited a lot of money? For her is really easy to be the richest b!tch of all times. Or compared to a poor guy from Congo who was hunted in the jungel in his whole life? For him is really hard even to survive. Everything is relative, don´t forget it.

But I´m pretty sure there is a solution for your problem. Doing some martial arts would teach you how to respect others for their achievements and how to be respected for yours. And you would learn that you can´t be superior to everyone. You can´t be respected by everyone. And that this doesn´t matter at all. Because the only thing what matters is that you are respected by the choosen ones, who are worth enough to be given a fvck about their opinion. And you would learn that you can be respected by people who are superior to you.

Sounds good? Go and find yourself a dojo! But be cautious, there are a lot of them collecting the "bad personalities", if you know what I mean.

Not all my friends are geeks, and I hang out with them because i generally like all of them. I hang out with them the least to tell you the truth.

I meant in school, and my job, and everything else. I make really good grades because i earn them, not because I'm smarter than everyone else. I play guitar, and I'm really good at that too, but that's only because I practice everyday. If you want to be the best you have to work the hardest. I don't feel entitled to anything.

You wrote at first:

Jokerlsk said:

I hang out with them [the geeks] because i like being in a leadership role, and when I'm with them i am the leader.

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and you wrote later:

Jokerlsk said:

Not all my friends are geeks, and I hang out with them because i generally like all of them.

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Do you see the contradiction in your posts? You don´t have to explain yourself to us! We are not here to judge you. After being honest to us you should be honest to yourself!

Jokerlsk said:

If you want to be the best you have to work the hardest.

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You don´t have to be the best. It´s enough if you are good at what you are doing. Except if you train for the olympia. In this case you have to have the best doctors and dope.