Is this a fetish? Do I deny myself?

wjh · Apr 30, 2009

I LOVE very sexual and sexually attractive women. Duh that's obvious. But my thing is, I LOVE sexy girls who wear sexy clothing and show off their assets. Miniskirts, heels, short dresses, short shorts, etc. That stuff really does it for me. When a girl dresses boring, but is very pretty, I don't seem satisfied.

I guess my question is, if I have a really attractive girl in my life, but let's say isn't a total sexpot and doesn't dress in the manner that would really be my ideal, but ALSO has a lot of other great qualities... Should I balance that with my fetish-type desires? Or should I just be happy?

Is it too much to ask for everything?

I've expressed this issue to her, and she's sad because "I don't like her as she is", which is stupid because it's just some fvcking clothes. Why is it such a big deal? I don't think it is.

Quite frankly it's kind of starting to piss me off. I've been with other girls, who albeit had their faults, didn't mind wearing a little mini skirt for me.

WTF folks...

I know that if she doesn't CARE enough to satisfy this need, then I'll just have to end up with someone else who can. At least, that's what my FRUSTRATED mind is telling me. She SAYS she tries, but I just don't agree thus far.

/CHUMP ALERT. I fully recognize I'm doing something wrong here. Advice please.

decades · Apr 30, 2009

you want her to be someone she's not. ask yourself how you would like it if she asked you to be someone you are "not". You have dissatisfaction and that's going to kill this relationship no matter what. As superficial as it is, I wonder what keeps you from finding exactly what you want, instead of trying to get people to change.

wjh · Apr 30, 2009

other than this she is what i want, seriously. i've dated a ton of girls and she's the best thus far.

that's the issue, she has a TON of great things... it's just this ONE thing that's bothering me.

seriously how many girls do i have to go through? is this SUPPOSED to be this challenging? heh. and i don't want to lose her because those other great qualities are great...

BLAH. I'm confused.

decades · Apr 30, 2009

then get over it. time to grow up maybe?

wjh · Apr 30, 2009

maybe.

or hit up a prostitute.

edger · Apr 30, 2009

wjh said:
I LOVE very sexual and sexually attractive women. Duh that's obvious. But my thing is, I LOVE sexy girls who wear sexy clothing and show off their assets. Miniskirts, heels, short dresses, short shorts, etc. That stuff really does it for me.

My preference to a "T", along with sexy fishnet stockings/lingere and corsettes.

Anything other, I pass right up. The b*tch MUST look sexy.

edger · Apr 30, 2009

wjh said:
or hit up a prostitute.

There ya go! Plenty of hot ones out there, that's for sure.

PokerStar · Apr 30, 2009

maybe you are just looking for a fault.

wjh · Apr 30, 2009

PokerStar said:
maybe you are just looking for a fault.

No, it's something that I've realized in myself is becoming absolutely necessary in any girl I date. I'm not sure this is something I can shake.

I almost wonder if I'd be happier with other faults if a girl was super excited to do these things I'm complaining about instead...

MikeEdward1973 · Apr 30, 2009

There's actually some clinical data that's been collected on this.

Visit: http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Paraphilias

Fetishes affect different people differently. Take a look at their descriptions of normal, optional, and exclusive paraphilia.

If she's gotta satisfy this requirement for you to have sex with her, that's 'exclusive.' That can be tough. If it's just a 'nice to have,' it's in the 'normal' category. If it's really important, but not mandatory, it's in the middle-ground 'optional' range.

Sounds like it's 'optional' for you.

Any chance you can get her to satisfy this interest of yours behind closed doors?

Trader · Apr 30, 2009

wjh said:
I LOVE very sexual and sexually attractive women. Duh that's obvious. But my thing is, I LOVE sexy girls who wear sexy clothing and show off their assets. Miniskirts, heels, short dresses, short shorts, etc. That stuff really does it for me. When a girl dresses boring, but is very pretty, I don't seem satisfied.

I guess my question is, if I have a really attractive girl in my life, but let's say isn't a total sexpot and doesn't dress in the manner that would really be my ideal, but ALSO has a lot of other great qualities... Should I balance that with my fetish-type desires? Or should I just be happy?

Is it too much to ask for everything?

I've expressed this issue to her, and she's sad because "I don't like her as she is", which is stupid because it's just some fvcking clothes. Why is it such a big deal? I don't think it is.

Quite frankly it's kind of starting to piss me off. I've been with other girls, who albeit had their faults, didn't mind wearing a little mini skirt for me.

WTF folks...

I know that if she doesn't CARE enough to satisfy this need, then I'll just have to end up with someone else who can. At least, that's what my FRUSTRATED mind is telling me. She SAYS she tries, but I just don't agree thus far.

/CHUMP ALERT. I fully recognize I'm doing something wrong here. Advice please.

This is so me. I have to have a girl dressed to the nines and with hair and make done perfectly. It is HOT

This is why I only go for the high-maintenance barbie girl types. The ones that are always fixing their hair and reapplying their makeup with their compact.

Put a hot girl with only a t-shirt and jeans, and I just cannot stand it.

Here is the honest truth, she is just not the type of girl who likes to get dolled up every day. It's just not her style. If she really does have everything else you want, just tell her she can dress how she wants during the day, but during sex, she dresses up for you, i.e. schoolgirl uniforms, short-skirts, etc. I hope that is enough to satisfy you.

Though the weird thing is she won't even compromise *a little* and wear a miniskirt once in a while. That I cannot accept. She should at least make *some* effort to please you.

Are you sure this is not low-interest on her part?

There was a girl who had high-interest in me, and once she found out I liked flat-chested girls, she ditched her push-up bras and made sure she looked as flat as an ironing board for me.

STR8UP · Apr 30, 2009

I could be way off base, but I would bet that this has more to do with you wanting validation from other men than anything. If you can't accept her dressing that way ONLY in the bedroom there is a pretty good chance. Not that this is a bad thing, because the opposite would be that you are insanely jealous and want your chick wearing a burka when she leaves the house....

My ex could have made some money off of modeling, but she was the conservative type who always wore "cute" things instead of stuff that would make her look smokin' hot.

I mentioned to her a couple of times that she could easily get away with wearing sexier clothes, and she actually did end up letting loose a bit, probably because I led the relationship and she knew that if I said it was ok it was ok (meaning she wouldn't be judged as a slvt).

It's kind of like getting a chick to try new things in the sack. Best thing you can do is confidently push her in the direction you want her to go. chances are she will bend (over time) 1) if her interest is high enough, 2) she respects you enough, 3) you aren't judgmental, 4) and she doesn't have self esteem issues.

mrRuckus · May 1, 2009

I like ponytails and girls with nice hips in sweatpants. A ponytail pulled through the back of a ball cap is even better.

I think girls made up too much look stupid. Fishnet, garters, and high heels look ridiculous to me... to the point where i just want to laugh at the girl. Claire's makeup on Heroes lately has been annoying me. She's trying to look too grown up like every young actress. Remember when Lindsey Lohan was like 16? She was cute. Now she's like wtf.

Short hair causes loss of most all attraction.

Am i weird?

Rollo Tomassi · May 1, 2009

Every man wants a slut, he just wants her to be HIS slut.

I wouldn't call this a fetish. If YOU wanted to dress up in fishnets and a g-string, I'd call that a fetish. That said, you're definitely experiencing a very common, very frustrating paradox - it's the balance of physical arousal vs. sexual availability in a given woman. I've dated women most guys would call HB8-9s who were the deadest, most inhibited lay you'd ever imagine, and I've tapped wall flowers who we're insatiable. Its an inverse ratio of sexuality to physicality.

This is why strippers hold such appeal for men; they appear to be the best of both - physically desirable AND sexually available (or sexually comfortable). The problem is that being both IS their vocation. Having a woman as hot as a Jessica Alba who doesn't know how to be sexual is like owning a Lamborgini with the engine of a VW Bug. Likewise, a woman who'll go to great lengths to be sexual, initiate sex, actively seduce you all of her own accord, yet isn't physically arousing is equally frustrating.

Don't make the mistake of equating how a woman dresses with her sexual availability. Most women have no idea how to be sexy. The tendency is simply to stick with what becomes most attention-reinforcing for them without much afterthought. One woman's sexy is another woman's slutty.

wjh · May 1, 2009

STR8UP said:
I could be way off base, but I would bet that this has more to do with you wanting validation from other men than anything. If you can't accept her dressing that way ONLY in the bedroom there is a pretty good chance. Not that this is a bad thing, because the opposite would be that you are insanely jealous and want your chick wearing a burka when she leaves the house.....

No, it could just be in her apartment or the bedroom.

It doesn't have to be outdoors, I don't want validation. I know she's hot.

wjh · May 1, 2009

MikeEdward1973 said:
There's actually some clinical data that's been collected on this.

Visit: http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Paraphilias

Fetishes affect different people differently. Take a look at their descriptions of normal, optional, and exclusive paraphilia.

If she's gotta satisfy this requirement for you to have sex with her, that's 'exclusive.' That can be tough. If it's just a 'nice to have,' it's in the 'normal' category. If it's really important, but not mandatory, it's in the middle-ground 'optional' range.

Sounds like it's 'optional' for you.

Any chance you can get her to satisfy this interest of yours behind closed doors?

Interesting... I think I definitely fall under the "optional" category. To the point where it's becoming something I'm getting frustrated about.

Today she wore this really long, non-flattering boring black dress with leggings and boots and a scarf. I have zero sexual attraction to her, even though we had decent sex last night. To her credit she said she didn't have anything else to wear...

wjh · May 1, 2009

Trader said:
Though the weird thing is she won't even compromise *a little* and wear a miniskirt once in a while. That I cannot accept. She should at least make *some* effort to please you.

I agree! And other girls from my past have!

Are you sure this is not low-interest on her part?

There was a girl who had high-interest in me, and once she found out I liked flat-chested girls, she ditched her push-up bras and made sure she looked as flat as an ironing board for me.

I highly doubt it's low-interest. She loves me and talks about me to her friends/family/etc. and makes a point to be involved in my life. She gives me head, we have frequent "enough" sex, although I could use more (I have a high libido).

I think she doesn't want to come off looking like a slut. I think she has the ASD fear of looking like trash. She's mentioned once when we went into a store with hot clothes I would like for her to try on that that was the type of clothes she made fun of girls wearing, ugh.

And, I also think she's a bit insecure about her body (which is ridiculous, but typical).

It's an uphill battle...

Is this a fetish? Do I deny myself?

wjh

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decades

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edger

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PokerStar

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MikeEdward1973

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Trader

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