WTF, THIS is college?

I'm currently 27 years old and I'm in the middle of my second semester at college and it's gone nothing like I wanted and yet it turned out exactly like I expected...

When I started typing this I was sitting by myself in the library on lunch break. I simply didn’t have anybody to be with. I could of hung out with one of my female coworkers and her friends but I feel like a tag-along whenever I eat with her since I only know her. When I found out that they were going to go a an amusement park over spring break and she made no mention at all of inviting me, I understood that she merely tolerates my presence.

So here I am, no GF, not dating anybody, no friends. I've basically been by myself since I moved to SoCal. The only person I hung out with was a girl who eventually friendzoned me and I haven't spent any time with her in a month.

Last week I went Salsa dancing with a mixed group of guys and girls from my dance class, it was some of the most fun I’ve had in a while. I don't think that will happen again. I can talk to a girl I know who helped organize the last event and she if another one can happen.

Responding to a post I made in another thread Warrior74 asked

Warrior74 said:

Don't you have roommates, dormmates? Do you go to campus events? Are you in any social groups, frats, study groups? Any hobbies? Campus parties? Frat parties? Student government? Prayer groups? I did all of those in college and knew lots of people to hang out with. Do you just ever invite people over to hang out, or ask what's up this weekend? where the party at? I mean its college! your suppose to be having a ball. You have no limits on how to behave or what to do other than what you put on yourself! Be who you want to be!

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I’m not nearly involved in college activities as I should be. When I first started I was going to the meetings of three different clubs. But college clubs didn’t turn out anything like I expected. It was just like a class where someone gave a presentation and then everybody left right afterwards. How are you supposed to meet people in a situation like that?

The only club that I still go to is the Salsa club. The once a week session is divided between a lesson and a social dance. I’ve been leaving right after the lesson portion because I don’t feel like I’m good enough to dance at the end. Also what happens pretty often is that are just not enough girls there. I’m going to keep going as I can see myself having more fun down the line.

Besides that; I’m not in any social groups, frats, study groups, student government or prayer groups. I don’t really know what groups to join.

Do you speak to people (other guys?)

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No I don’t. I don’t know why but I just don’t like other guys. I feel that I could be perfectly happy if I was the only man alive. As long as there are women in my life, everything is good. I understand that it is not the way it should be. The biggest issue I have with men is that I see them as competition for women. I’m struggling so hard to get girls and the last thing I want to see is another guy talking to a girl I want. I simply have no interest in spending time with men. The only guys I ever talk to are my two coworker's when we are working. None of them have invited me to do anything or hang with them. And of course I haven't invited any of them to hang out. I don't know anybody so what the hell am I going to do with just one dude and myself? I'm not looking for a man date.

I do know that one of the reasons that my social life sucks is that I don’t have any guy friends. It’s actually been about 6 years since I had a male friend. It’s been so long that I don’t know how to make friends with dudes any more.

One thing that really bugs me is that I’m at college and I haven’t gone to a single party. Seriously what the hell? But I guess that is part of the no social life thing. I should be having a lot of fun in college, but right now it’s pretty lame, and the only person to blame is myself.

I do feel that my age is negatively effecting me. I just don't have the right young person mentality and it's a little hard to fit in.

Go bowling. Great way to meet girls. Also, join other groups. It doesn't have to be in college, it could be anything outside of college, then go back to college groups and mix it up. Always be going places.

Im from southern California too Maxtro! im from Riverside, what part of the inland empire are you from? I was just like you on the first couple of weeks of college, but i gradually started making friends first with people in my classes, then with strangers i just met. It may be hard to make new friends when your new at college, but its a snowball effect, and pretty soon you start making new friends easily once you have a social circle going.

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Poonani Maker said:

Go bowling. Great way to meet girls. Also, join other groups. It doesn't have to be in college, it could be anything outside of college, then go back to college groups and mix it up. Always be going places.

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Bowling? By myself?

I am looking for other groups to join. I just don't know where to start looking for groups that cater to people in their 20's.

Azudragon said:

Im from southern California too Maxtro! im from Riverside, what part of the inland empire are you from? I was just like you on the first couple of weeks of college, but i gradually started making friends first with people in my classes, then with strangers i just met. It may be hard to make new friends when your new at college, but its a snowball effect, and pretty soon you start making new friends easily once you have a social circle going.

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I'm actually in Long Beach.

I don't know why I haven't been making friends with people in class. How did you make friends? I can't figure out how to go from small talk to hanging out with people.

Maxtro said:

Last week I went Salsa dancing with a mixed group of guys and girls from my dance class, it was some of the most fun I’ve had in a while. I don't think that will happen again. I can talk to a girl I know who helped organize the last event and she if another one can happen.

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What about the other two girls you meet at the Salsa dance lesson? The ones you were worried about getting "friendzoned" but didn't want to be an outsider. Are you talking with them?

Luke Skywalker said:

What about the other two girls you meet at the Salsa dance lesson? The ones you were worried about getting "friendzoned" but didn't want to be an outsider. Are you talking with them?

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The other two girls are actually in my dance class. I know one doesn't have any interest in me unless I can do something to really attract her. The other one I may have a better shot with but I don't have a lot of time to talk to her in class. I'm going to try getting her number next week and just see what happens.

Maxtro said:

The other two girls are actually in my dance class. I know one doesn't have any interest in me unless I can do something to really attract her. The other one I may have a better shot with but I don't have a lot of time to talk to her in class. I'm going to try getting her number next week and just see what happens.

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With these sentences you typed here, you do not appear to think of yourself as the Prize. You may be placing the women as the prizes which must be won. You will never obtain a woman unless you first view yourself as the prize. You qualify Her, not the other way around. And if a woman, or group of women, view you as not the prize, then it's time to move on to another group, and then another, and another, until you find a woman who falls for you off the bat, and wants you for some fickle reason or another. Women are fickle. Use their fickleness to your advantage. Never give over your power to women. They're weak by nature. They have periods. They don't fight side-by-side with men in combat. They are totally different, and whether they like to admit it or not, they NEED a man. You be that man they need.

I'm sorry Poonani Maker, but the whole "you are the prize" stuff is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard in my life. I cannot be the prize until I've earned it. Once I start screwing girls, then I can be the prize. Self-confidence is built on success. No psycho mumbo jumbo can replace it.

Once I start getting laid I think it will be much easier from then on. That's why I'm pursuing girls that aren't that hot. I'd say both of these girls are 6.5 almost a 7. But just because they aren't hot doesn't make them easy. I do know that if I can manage to screw one of them my confidence level will sky rocket.

In the 27 years I've been alive, I knew of 4 girls that were attracted to me. 3 of them were fat and ugly (I dated one for 2 weeks till I screwed up) I never met the 4th girl but one of her friends told me that she liked me. So only going for girls that display high interest in me is a very bad decision.

I don't want this thread to focus too much on sex.

My main focus of concern in this thread is my lack of a social life and how I've managed to make college something I'm not enjoying.

I think for an introvert like yourself, getting involved with school activities is really the best way to meet people. I'm not all that involved at my school but I met a ton of people in my dorm when I started my first year, and then met their friends, and so on until my social circle keeps multiplying.

But in your case, you hardly know anybody and you don't really have an excuse to meet people. And that's exactly what someone who lacks social skills like you do needs to do: find an excuse to meet people.

Don't focus as much on women, obviously it's hard not to since you're 27 and are probably looking back on your lack of a sex life with regret.

If I were you I would sign up for as many clubs as possible and get a solid group of guy friends going. Then it's 1000x easier to meet women when you're out at the bar with your boys or at a house party having some beers with them. Plus, meeting people shouldn't just be with the goal of sex in mind. I truly enjoy the company of my friends regardless of whether or not they make it easier to get pusssy.

Like I said, I'm not really involved in school but trust me man, those people who are, they actually know EVERYBODY. My roommate is into so many activities and it seems like he knows everyone on campus through some group or club.

I know everyone is going to tell you that you need to get involved but it's the truth. It's a vicious circle that goes both ways: either you meet some people and your social circle snowballs, or you continue to be alone and find it harder to crawl out of your hole.

Maxtro, your biggest mistake is thinking that making male friends will hurt your chances with girls because they will steal them. Most "good" friends will not go after the girls your are really interested in. I have a problem where i have too many male friends and hardly any female friends. Having close male friends is awesome because you can always count on them to cheer you up and hang out wit you. I say you should focus on making male friends before you start going after girls.

Maxtro said:

My main focus of concern in this thread is my lack of a social life and how I've managed to make college something I'm not enjoying.

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The lack of social life is a direct result of you not wanting to be friends with other guys. For the sake of being simple: girls like cool guys. cool guys have cool guy friends who are always inviting them to do things. Uncool guys don't have many guy friends and sit around being uncool. Go make some friends!

If you want to do it the old fashioned way-- play a sport. You don't have to necessarily try out for the University basketball team, but there should be intramural sports that you can play which will do two things. One, they will make you healthier and more athletic and two, give you something to talk to females about while your near the sports/kinesthiology building. By the way, these "clubs" that you are talking about are mostly just an excercise in resume padding for scholarships and don't really mean anything.

First off, the bad news. Your age is definately going to hurt you because you aren't in the same mindset as people like 5 years younger than you. And also, I didn't see you specify whether you commute or live on campus. Living on campus DEFINATELY makes it a lot feasier to make friends. I'm not saying commuters don't make friends or anything, its just that living on campus forces you to be around people all of the time, and share living experiences together.

The good news however is that you can make new friends like anywhere if you look for the opportunities. I mean take class for example. If you're sitting next to someone and class gets boring, make fun of the teacher with them. You do that throughout the semester with them, all of the sudden you can just be like "hey what are you doing this weekend" and just get in with their social group.

Also, pay attention to people that you see often, or in the same place all of the time. The reason this can be useful is because you automatically have something in common with the person.

In general, the biggest thing about college and making friends is all about just wanting to be social, because if you want to suddenly you will become social. If you walk around campus all day and think "eh I don't really want to talk to these people" then of course you're not going to be going to parties or anything like that. Be open to meeting random people, you'll be suprised at all of the variety of different people you come accross at college, especially if its a big one.

Maxtro said:

No I don’t. I don’t know why but I just don’t like other guys. I feel that I could be perfectly happy if I was the only man alive. As long as there are women in my life, everything is good. I understand that it is not the way it should be. The biggest issue I have with men is that I see them as competition for women.

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I'd rather talk to and hang out with women usually too. Guys constantly talk sh1t on each other and make stupid jokes.

I don't view them as competition for women, but i hate the competitive vibe. Constantly trying to one up each other... it's stupid.

I do find your guys verbal sparring amusing. It's very stupid how much you care, but it's amusing sometimes how worked up everyone gets and starts banging on their chests like apes with their angry talk trying to prove to others their superiority. The whole fake confidence or delusionary confidence is fun too. I can't believe how women buy into the appearance and demonstration of confidence over the real thing. Just shows how easily swayed and emotional they are to follow sh1t like that on a whim. The loud mouth sh1thead always seems to have women.

jahidi said:

I think for an introvert like yourself, getting involved with school activities is really the best way to meet people. I'm not all that involved at my school but I met a ton of people in my dorm when I started my first year, and then met their friends, and so on until my social circle keeps multiplying.

But in your case, you hardly know anybody and you don't really have an excuse to meet people. And that's exactly what someone who lacks social skills like you do needs to do: find an excuse to meet people.


If I were you I would sign up for as many clubs as possible and get a solid group of guy friends going. Then it's 1000x easier to meet women when you're out at the bar with your boys or at a house party having some beers with them. Plus, meeting people shouldn't just be with the goal of sex in mind. I truly enjoy the company of my friends regardless of whether or not they make it easier to get pusssy.

Like I said, I'm not really involved in school but trust me man, those people who are, they actually know EVERYBODY. My roommate is into so many activities and it seems like he knows everyone on campus through some group or club.

I know everyone is going to tell you that you need to get involved but it's the truth. It's a vicious circle that goes both ways: either you meet some people and your social circle snowballs, or you continue to be alone and find it harder to crawl out of your hole.

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I’m wondering what clubs to actually join. I’ve been looking and nothing seems to appeal to me. I’m wondering if I’m being overly picky. What clubs do the “cool” people join? I want to know people that party and that have girls around. I don’t think something like the anime club would work. So far I've been to the; Information Systems (my major) club, the Accounting Club, the Japan Club, Salsa Club and Surfing Club. I might try the surfing club later once I actually learn how to surf.

jahidi said:

Don't focus as much on women, obviously it's hard not to since you're 27 and are probably looking back on your lack of a sex life with regret.

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You got that right. My whole sex life is completely pathetic. I could go on and on about it but I wont.

Prodigy746 said:

Maxtro, your biggest mistake is thinking that making male friends will hurt your chances with girls because they will steal them. Most "good" friends will not go after the girls your are really interested in. I have a problem where i have too many male friends and hardly any female friends. Having close male friends is awesome because you can always count on them to cheer you up and hang out wit you. I say you should focus on making male friends before you start going after girls.

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I don’t really see male friends as competition; it’s the way how I see men in general when women I want are present. I’m very jealous when women are involved. I have the whole scarcity mentality thing. I hate losing girls to other guys. i get pissed off or feel defeated when I can't talk to a girl because she's talking to another guy.

I’ve only had guy friends up until I was 20. A few years after High School I purposely lost all contact with them.

How do I start making myself want to hang out with guys?

Duffdog said:

The lack of social life is a direct result of you not wanting to be friends with other guys. For the sake of being simple: girls like cool guys. cool guys have cool guy friends who are always inviting them to do things. Uncool guys don't have many guy friends and sit around being uncool. Go make some friends!

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Yup I agree with you 100%. It’s obvious that I’m an uncool guy.

Duffdog said:

If you want to do it the old fashioned way-- play a sport. You don't have to necessarily try out for the University basketball team, but there should be intramural sports that you can play which will do two things. One, they will make you healthier and more athletic and two, give you something to talk to females about while your near the sports/kinesthiology building. By the way, these "clubs" that you are talking about are mostly just an excercise in resume padding for scholarships and don't really mean anything.

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Hmm play a sport? That’s an idea. I’ll have to look around and see what seems interesting. BTW do you mean join a team, take a class or what? Any sports I should lean toward or avoid?

As for the clubs, that explains why they were so lame. I’m sure most people came for the free food and nothing else.

flint said:

First off, the bad news. Your age is definately going to hurt you because you aren't in the same mindset as people like 5 years younger than you. And also, I didn't see you specify whether you commute or live on campus. Living on campus DEFINATELY makes it a lot feasier to make friends. I'm not saying commuters don't make friends or anything, its just that living on campus forces you to be around people all of the time, and share living experiences together.

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Yeah I agree. Most people, especially guys have a completely different mindset than I do. I just don’t think I have a lot in common with a 19 year old dude or it may be that we just don’t think the same way. Interestingly enough I get along great with girls that age. Of course the girls friendzone me but I still have a easier time connecting with girls than with guys.

I live with roommates off campus. Both guys are older than me and they are working professional, 9-6 type stuff and each one does their own thing. The school itself is a commuter school and not a lot of people live on campus.

flint said:

The good news however is that you can make new friends like anywhere if you look for the opportunities. I mean take class for example. If you're sitting next to someone and class gets boring, make fun of the teacher with them. You do that throughout the semester with them, all of the sudden you can just be like "hey what are you doing this weekend" and just get in with their social group.

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How do you actually get them to invite you to do something? I know it would be easier to get people to hang with me if I invited them but I simply don’t have anything to offer to a guy. It seems much more easy spending time with just me and a girl than with just me and some dude.

flint said:

Also, pay attention to people that you see often, or in the same place all of the time. The reason this can be useful is because you automatically have something in common with the person.

In general, the biggest thing about college and making friends is all about just wanting to be social, because if you want to suddenly you will become social. If you walk around campus all day and think "eh I don't really want to talk to these people" then of course you're not going to be going to parties or anything like that. Be open to meeting random people, you'll be suprised at all of the variety of different people you come accross at college, especially if its a big one.

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I’m going to make an effort to be more social. OK so I’ll make it a point to talk to more than just girls.

Cal State Long Beach is pretty big, 37,000 students and it’s one of the most popular schools in California.

mrRuckus said:

I'd rather talk to and hang out with women usually too. Guys constantly talk sh1t on each other and make stupid jokes.

I don't view them as competition for women, but i hate the competitive vibe. Constantly trying to one up each other... it's stupid.

I do find your guys verbal sparring amusing. It's very stupid how much you care, but it's amusing sometimes how worked up everyone gets and starts banging on their chests like apes with their angry talk trying to prove to others their superiority. The whole fake confidence or delusionary confidence is fun too. I can't believe how women buy into the appearance and demonstration of confidence over the real thing. Just shows how easily swayed and emotional they are to follow sh1t like that on a whim. The loud mouth sh1thead always seems to have women.

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I can’t stand guys that make stupid jokes and talk sh it. Immature and arrogant guys just annoy me. On average, girls are just easier to get along with. Even when I was young I wasn’t that kind of guy. But somehow girls like those guys.

So your older...what experiences do you bring to the table? That's one thing you have over college guys. How do you dress? how do you have your hair cut, how do you act in class? Post a picture of you at your most pimping. Maybe fixing your look might give you the confidence to talk to people? Do you look like you fit in?

Can you get a new job? I understand if you can't.

Having a sick job is one of the things that saved my life in college. Definitely facilitated my transition from introverted shy unconfident dude to loud confident friendly man. Find a job with lots of *****es and lots of social interaction. For me it was a job at a catering company... attracts LOTS of women, and there's a ****load of free time to just hang out and shoot the **** while nothing is going on.

Get a job where you are going to meet a LOT of people and work as many hours as you can during the week. Find a company (on-campus if possible) that employs many, many students and work your ass off.

If you don't want to do that, there are many clubs that might as well be a second job. Stuff like school ambulance, school newspaper, school magazine, buggy club or whatever. Student government too, it's not just for dorks! (only mostly). Working in your cafeteria or kitchen if you have one is also not a bad choice.

Yeah I know, none of that **** sounds interesting to you, right? It didn't ****ing sound interesting to me either, but I took a chance and tried it and it ended up being a great experience both for the work I was doing and the social experience. If you really want to make a change you have to get off your ass and take a chance with something. If you don't like it after two weeks just stop going.

If you end up spending a lot of hours chilling with all the same people, working on the same projects etc, you end up getting really friendly, close and tight-knit, and it carries over beyond the walls of the club or job. People who stress out together drink together, know what I mean?

And of course I'm going to put in my token advice that I give to everyone: join the weightlifting club and start lifting.

If you're lame and don't want to life there's probably the running club... biking club... climbing club...

Maxtro, your situation reminds of what i kinda went through at university. Hopefully my advise can be of some help and relevance.

Without doubt the best thing you can, must, do is get out of this hole and into the open. Don't think too much about it, or judge others or worry about their opinions too much. Just come out and start taking steps towards enjoying your life more.

The sex life, how many girls were in to you, the lack of friends you had yesterday etc I know it is easier said then done, but there is nothing you can do about the past. Let it be. The good times and bad. Focus and think about what you can control and make: Today- right now, and the future. Grab it with both hands.

Its important to forget about girls for the time being as well. The girls will come themselves once you get your own house in order- once you reach that level called 'cool'.

Looking back now, i should have appreciated my time a lot more. Had more fun. Talked to more people for the hell of it. Gone to new places, tried new things. Been more reckless. Moved in with new people. Rather than worrying how some girls or guys i'd never met or spoken to before would think of my age, me wearing this or saying that...

Make the most of the time you have left at college. You've not got a day more to spare. Join as many classess as you can. Don't be so picky about it. Talk to people on campus. Having a ball at college means trying out new things, just having fun, being reckless. This will help expand your social circle.

Maxtro, most importantly you really need to let go of wanting girls for the time being. This should immediatley help your trouble with wanting to make friends with guys: the jealousy, the competition, etc will drop. It is the root cause.

Get the snowball rolling. Starting today.

Peace

The day I stopped concentrating on women, was the day I released myself from a huge burden. I also had to get comfortable with acting on "impulse" if I saw an opportunity to socialize, not just spot a target and aim for the bullseye, but initiate a genuine conversation because I felt like it.

For me, that was the greatest hurdle. Once I stopped focusing on outcomes it became a lot easier not only to deal with women, but all people. There has to be something else going on in your life that drives you, because if you rely on women as a purpose and/or end goal of your life you will never be happy. In way I guess you could say I became "selfish", but I'll be damned, it worked.

Not only do you end up doing what you truly want to do, but you will meet women who won't mind tagging along in the process. Your inner mindset always comes forth through your outward behavior.

Maxtro said:

I'm sorry Poonani Maker, but the whole "you are the prize" stuff is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard in my life. I cannot be the prize until I've earned it.

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Well,I agree with Poonani Maker. You do have to think of yourself as the prize. I think there's a misunderstanding here. When people say "prize",all they mean is you carrying yourself with dignity and respect. It just means you putting yourself,that is,your mental,physical,and emotional health ABOVE you desire for sex. Sex CANNOT be the #1 priority in your life,YOU have to be #1. You need to think more highly of yourself than you currently do. I mean the other day,I saw a thread in which one of the members here mentioned a couple of posters who he thought well of,and he had your name included in the bunch. And what did you do? You immediately replied saying something about you didn't think you should be mentioned in the same breath as the others guys he named. Then,when you noticed that you now have 3 squares for reputation points,you said something about you not deserving it,and how you had considered turning off your reputation. This is what Poonani was talking about. This attitude of downing yourself will kill your chances with women. And the thing about it is,you don't even realize that your giving off these vibes,or impressions.....but the women do. And not only are they not attracted to that kind of behavior,they're turned off by it.
By the way,I was one of the pepole that repped you ofr your reply in the thread called,"Quiet naturals". Now if I and some of the other members thought enough of you to make your rep squares go from 2 to 3,then you should think enough of yourself to except it.

Maxtro said:

Once I start screwing girls, then I can be the prize. Self-confidence is built on success. No psycho mumbo jumbo can replace it.

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You said that you cannot think of yourself as the prize until you "earned it". Uh....what does that mean? What do you mean by "earn it",and what exactly is it that you would have to do to have earned it? What,have sex? You're not a virgin,so that means you've already had sex. So if you've already had sex,then why didn't you earn it then,right after you lost your virginity?
Was once not enough? Ok,what about after the second girl? Not feeling it yet? Ok,let's jump to 5. You slept with 5 girls. Ok,NOW have your earned it?
Just how many girl do you have to have slept with for you to finally say to yourself,"Ok,I'm the prize now".

You got it backward....again. You don't sleep with girls,then become the prize. You become the prize FIRST,which is putting yourself,your health and well-being as #1,ABOVE some random chick. Then when she sees that you've made yourself a priority,then she'll look up to you because you look up to yourself.

Maxtro said:

I'd say both of these girls are 6.5 almost a 7. But just because they aren't hot doesn't make them easy. I do know that if I can manage to screw one of them my confidence level will sky rocket.

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No it won't. I guarantee you that. If you can't find it in yourself to make your confidence rise,then sleeping with some girl won't do it. Yeah,you may feel good at the time it's happening,and a little thereafter,but once the girl is gone,and your desire for sex resurges,you'll be right back where you started.
As long as you're looking for someone or something outside of yourself to make you feel confident,you'll stay in this hole your in. Why do you think so many guys are given advice to go to a gym? It's to improve themselves.
Once YOU improve YOURSELF,then your own confidence will rise as a result YOU,not some girl you just met. And that's what you want. SELF-confidence.

Maxtro said:

My main focus of concern in this thread is my lack of a social life and how I've managed to make college something I'm not enjoying.

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It seems to me that you're waiting for something to happen. Like you're waiting for some lightening bolt to fall from the sky,and make college everything you had hope it would be. Ain't gonna happen. Everthing starts and originates from you. If college turns out the way you had hoped,it'll be because you made it that way. If it turns out to suck for the next four years,it'll be because internally you made it that way. You have to get out there and make your life what you want it to be,and quit waiting on other people you make YOUR college experience fun and fulfilling

They call us PUAs, but in reality, you're striving to be a social artist. You're looking to be good with everyone INCLUDING men. If you're not a very social guy, you're going to struggle a lot with this. That's the base requirement for being a pick up artist, it requires you to meet and socialize with new people.

If you can't be social, it's the equivalent of trying to get in shape without wanting to go to the gym and work out.

I really don't see much of a way around this problem. Plus, you're in the most ideal situation possible being in a college atmosphere

-Kevin