Low IL? Ride it out?

I was talking with my one of my wingmen last night about a girl I've dated recently. She saw me dancing at a club provocatively with another girl the night after we went out on a date. When I tried to acknowledge her by tugging her arm on two different occasions later in the night, she didn't want to turn around - obviously disturbed by the dancing with the other chick. I waited a couple of days then texted her a story about "a funny thing that happened to me the other night" - she responded condescendingly. "I don't appreciate the fact that... blah, blah, blah". She usually has a good sense of humor and is a person that laughs at every comedy show joke, including the dry ones. Therefore, I gotta assume she's sort of disappointed in me. That's why I'm giving her distance.

Just for the record - we were dating for a couple of months and were intimate in the recent past. She's very popular and probably used to getting her way and communicating like that. However, when I actually started dating and getting to know her - she's a softy. I dropped the ball and lowered her IL by being too available - especially when I drink too much. Although we still saw each other up until that point - I could tell her IL was dropping. She also has mentioned that she's turned off by my drinking too much.

Although she always answers my calls and texts, I was on the verge of nexting her. It has been a week since that last text - she hasn't contacted me since either. My friend/wingman told me to try and contact her again anyway and ride it out. After reading some posts about "nexting a chick too soon", I might just try contacting her again.

If I do contact her today, what should my thoughts be? I feel bad that she saw me pawing the other chick on the dance floor (that other chick is my ex, BTW) but don't want to sound appologetic in any way. Your thoughts on this are welcomed?

I wouldn't next her but I would not try to pursue her either. This girls interest level probably wasn't that high. If it was high she would at least want to talk things out. She would want an explanation about why you were dancing with the girl the way you were.

Don't aplogize about anything when you do contact her. You dancing with another girl gives her a right to a little upset. But to ignore you is out of line on her part.

lookyoung said:

I wouldn't next her but I would not try to pursue her either.

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What do you mean by this? How do I NOT next her, but then NOT pursue her. If I'm calling her, I'm pursuing her - otherwise what's the use of trying to make contact? I think it's one or the other, no?

Mr. Wise said:

I feel bad that she saw me pawing the other chick on the dance floor (that other chick is my ex, BTW) but don't want to sound appologetic in any way. Your thoughts on this are welcomed?

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Why don't you want to sound apologetic?

I mean, if the situation were reversed and you saw the girl dancing like that with HER ex, you'd think she wasn't over him, or something was still going on, and that my friend, would be a huge red flag.

Sounds like maybe you were raising a few along the way (the drinking for example), and this last one was a biggie.

I'd be p!ssed.

However, I do see the prob. of the lowered IL. Is it because of the red flags? Or the neediness?

Give me some more details on this chick and your relationship with her, and I'll tell you the best course of action!

She may or may not be deserving of a small apology. Then you may have to Gangi that a$$.

iqqi said:

Why don't you want to sound apologetic?

I mean, if the situation were reversed and you saw the girl dancing like that with HER ex, you'd think she wasn't over him, or something was still going on, and that my friend, would be a huge red flag.

Sounds like maybe you were raising a few along the way (the drinking for example), and this last one was a biggie.

I'd be p!ssed.

However, I do see the prob. of the lowered IL. Is it because of the red flags? Or the neediness?

Give me some more details on this chick and your relationship with her, and I'll tell you the best course of action!

She may or may not be deserving of a small apology. Then you may have to Gangi that a$$.

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1) Appologetic = "I really care about what you think".

2) She doesn't know that was my ex I was dancing with.

3) Yes, I was drinking lots, it was NYE and my friends and I all took the cab to go out.

4) We were seeing each other more often in the past months, she slept over a handful of times. She thinks I drink too much and most my "needy" blunders are when I'm drunk and not thinking DJ - more AFC. I'd call her when drunk to see if see'll sleep with me that night. She and her friends think I'm "shady" because I contact her when I "want some" all the time. As a matter of fact, most all my relationship blunders come from when I'm drunk. I drink about 5 nights a week. I know, I need to cut that out, but I say life is too short. However, when I do have a GF, ironically I rarely drink at all. I guess the problem for me is: How to get a GF if you drink too much? LOL

I'd think that, whatever the reasons are that she's gotten turned off to you, that the thinking that you can somehow repair damage done by some sort of telephone message doesn't seem realistic to me, and actually seems more like you don't believe that actions have consequences? Besides your excess drinking, what was it that she said to you that she "didn't appreciate"?

Men typically get a few repeated warnings, minimize or discount them, and then when the gal leaves, they're all surprised.

dude you gotta work on the same thing i do...being able to feel when doing nothing is your best move. doing so lets them wonder. doing so lets you be mysterious. doing so keeps you from being labeled as "creepy"

i used to drunk dial. dont anymore. why? simply because the female at the other end knows that you didnt arent with anyone else that night. unless you have a concrete understanding about booty calls dont do them. in fact the first time a girl doesnt respond to one in some manner, forget it. dont next her but dont EVER booty call her again.

you gotta let a woman think the whole relationship is her idea. your job is to learn how to press the right buttons to point her down the path. woman want sex and love and whatnot...alot. if they think they can get it, they will run down that road. its like tom sawyer getting the kids to paint the fence for him. he attracted them and convinced them that painting a fence on a summer day was the best thing going and they all gladly painted aunt pollys fence. chicks are the same way.

Mr. Me said:

I'd think that, whatever the reasons are that she's gotten turned off to you, that the thinking that you can somehow repair damage done by some sort of telephone message doesn't seem realistic to me, and actually seems more like you don't believe that actions have consequences? Besides your excess drinking, what was it that she said to you that she "didn't appreciate"?

Men typically get a few repeated warnings, minimize or discount them, and then when the gal leaves, they're all surprised.

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I texted her something funny to see if she'll respond for one. Secondly, to see she'll react positively or negatively and thirdly, to see if she held something against me. As far as my actions, I don't regret anything I did that night. She's NOT my GF, we don't have a committment. What I do regret is that she saw me doing it. If she was more confident in herself, she'd not hold it against me. Don't you think?

I'm surprised that the issue of being exclusive hasn't popped up yet in this thread. That's likely the issue that the both of you have.

She seems to think you two are exclusive, but you don't seem to think you are. Perhaps you should have a chat with her and define where the both of you stand in the relationship.

Desdinova said:

I'm surprised that the issue of being exclusive hasn't popped up yet in this thread. That's likely the issue that the both of you have.

She seems to think you two are exclusive, but you don't seem to think you are. Perhaps you should have a chat with her and define where the both of you stand in the relationship.

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Funny you think this. I once had a conversation with her and she seems to have a thick shell around her that wards off all guys that try to get close to her. As soon as I try, she withdraws, so I withdraw and give her distance. When I contact her some days later, I guess she misses me and is really enthusiastic to hear from me. She also mentioned how hurt she got in the past and sees me as a "shady bad boy" which I am not. I do booty call her when drunk and that's why she's resistant. I haven't contacted her in a week - how long more should I wait? I think she should be over the NYE fiasco by now but not sure.

lookyoung said:

Don't aplogize about anything when you do contact her. You dancing with another girl gives her a right to a little upset. But to ignore you is out of line on her part.

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Why?

When did they agree that was not okay? When was she made his girlfriend? Is he allowed to talk to other girls? Where is the line drawn?

Doesn't sound like they discussed any of this. Do not apologize even if apologizing would get her to fvck you again. You're better off never talking to her again than being made a fool apologizing when you've done nothing wrong. She has a "right" to be mad, technically, sure, but she's stupid for being it.

I never understand these interest level posts because they're usually about girls that you shouldn't even be interested in. They're behaving poorly. Why do you want poorly behaved women? Children.

I've really gotten to the point where i make sure the girls i see know what type of behavior i expect. I just talk about things off-handedly or give examples from the past just in general conversation that clearly send the message that she's doomed if she ever does similar things. Like lengthy cell phone conversations while on a date (..from those other threads..)

Whatever happened to the antidump stuff about finding the girl interested in YOU rather than trying to trick a girl into being interested.

mrRuckus said:

I never understand these interest level posts because they're usually about girls that you shouldn't even be interested in. They're behaving poorly. Why do you want poorly behaved women? Children.

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Haha, let me tell you why I'm still interested. 1) She's hot. 2) So called "well behaved" woman are boring. I don't want a trained doormat even if she looks good. 3) Inside but NOT while she's out with the girls, I see a good, caring person. She's emotional and sensitive yet able to prop that "***** shield" up when in the social scene. Kinda stuck up. 4) She's not the type to "sleep around" on a whim.

Oh, did I mention she's hot? When I'm in the club with her, she's easily the top 2% as far as looks go. If judged by her face alone, easily the one of the top chicks on a typical Saturday night. Nice shapely booty although not very large breasted. Get the picture?

mrRuckus said:

Whatever happened to the antidump stuff about finding the girl interested in YOU rather than trying to trick a girl into being interested.

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if you are refering to what i was saying earlier, my frame of reference was with a girl in which you have interest.

They aren't exclusive by DISCUSSED COMMITMENT, but the OP seems well aware that they do in fact have some exclusivity, they are heading down that path. He also seems well aware that his actions have upset the girl, and rightfully so. If the shoe were on the other foot, he'd be feeling the same way.

You keep booty calling her? LOL, no wonder her IL is dropping. That isn't hot. That is probably a turn off. She thinks you are a dog. It is obvious that she hopes you aren't however, which is why you still have a chance. And she still is talking to you.

She is making up her mind about you RIGHT NOW. She has been doing so for the past few weeks it sounds like. She is convinced she needs to leave you alone, but doesn't really want to, and is hoping you'll do something to make her believe in you.

The question becomes, what do YOU want?

iqqi said:

They aren't exclusive by DISCUSSED COMMITMENT, but the OP seems well aware that they do in fact have some exclusivity, they are heading down that path. He also seems well aware that his actions have upset the girl, and rightfully so. If the shoe were on the other foot, he'd be feeling the same way.

You keep booty calling her? LOL, no wonder her IL is dropping. That isn't hot. That is probably a turn off. She thinks you are a dog. It is obvious that she hopes you aren't however, which is why you still have a chance. And she still is talking to you.

She is making up her mind about you RIGHT NOW. She has been doing so for the past few weeks it sounds like. She is convinced she needs to leave you alone, but doesn't really want to, and is hoping you'll do something to make her believe in you.

The question becomes, what do YOU want?

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Once again the IQ is spot on! Ohhh the iqster.

If I do contact her today, what should my thoughts be? I feel bad that she saw me pawing the other chick on the dance floor (that other chick is my ex, BTW) but don't want to sound appologetic in any way. Your thoughts on this are welcomed?



Your thoughts should be about you and not about her. For example................ Why are you drinking so much?


.

iqqi said:

They aren't exclusive by DISCUSSED COMMITMENT, but the OP seems well aware that they do in fact have some exclusivity, they are heading down that path. He also seems well aware that his actions have upset the girl, and rightfully so. If the shoe were on the other foot, he'd be feeling the same way.

You keep booty calling her? LOL, no wonder her IL is dropping. That isn't hot. That is probably a turn off. She thinks you are a dog. It is obvious that she hopes you aren't however, which is why you still have a chance. And she still is talking to you.

She is making up her mind about you RIGHT NOW. She has been doing so for the past few weeks it sounds like. She is convinced she needs to leave you alone, but doesn't really want to, and is hoping you'll do something to make her believe in you.

The question becomes, what do YOU want?

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Ok, you got me. I don't want a committment yet but I still want to hang out with her. I can do without the booty calls if I can suppress it when intoxicated. I hope she responds well this time and I haven't ruined it with the NYE blunder. I gave her a week's worth of space but plan to try and get a date with her soon. All depends on how enthusiastic she is about hearing from me. I try to keep it light and entertaining on our dates but perhaps I need to shift into selling her the fact that I'm a good guy that's not only fun but doesn't just want her for sex. I hate it that her and her friends think I'm shady.

i am against booty calls but if you gotta find another girl for booty calls OUTSIDE your normal circles

drmeathead said:

i am against booty calls but if you gotta find another girl for booty calls OUTSIDE your normal circles

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Yeah, the ones I use for booty calls eventually know I only call them late at night when I'm drunk. These girls really don't stick around for very long in my experience. A little while ago, I had this one chick I only spent time with after drinking. She constantly responded to my booty calls. However, after I flaked on a movie date with her, that was it. She no longer answered my phone calls no matter what time of the day I called sober or not.

iqqi said:

They aren't exclusive by DISCUSSED COMMITMENT, but the OP seems well aware that they do in fact have some exclusivity, they are heading down that path. He also seems well aware that his actions have upset the girl, and rightfully so. If the shoe were on the other foot, he'd be feeling the same way.

You keep booty calling her? LOL, no wonder her IL is dropping. That isn't hot. That is probably a turn off. She thinks you are a dog. It is obvious that she hopes you aren't however, which is why you still have a chance. And she still is talking to you.

She is making up her mind about you RIGHT NOW. She has been doing so for the past few weeks it sounds like. She is convinced she needs to leave you alone, but doesn't really want to, and is hoping you'll do something to make her believe in you.

The question becomes, what do YOU want?

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I never thought that I would say this BUT I agree with ICKY mostly on this one.

Let me ask you this my man, would YOUR IL in a woman raise or lower after you saw her grinding another guy the next night after you had dated her ?

Again- would your IL shoot up or go south if she drunk dialled you frequently ?

You are shooting yourself down by your own crappy behavior. Heavy dinking and whoring around does NOT raise your sociall value. YOu are disrespecting YOURSELF in a large way. Act more like a grown man and her IL will return.

Quality women do not want men who act like idiots.