Was this called for?

amoka · 03-29-2007, 10:37 PM

My GF left for a 3 days conference in another state; from there, she'll leave to visit her family in another state for 2 more days. We talked two-four times a day ever since she left. After talking to her today, she text message me 5 minutes later and said: "I hope you miss me." Although I miss her, not in the sense that she implies. So I text her back and said: " Just as much as you do miss me." She texted back and said: " That's a stupid response..." I refused to respond to her back because I feel she has insulted me and I deserve an apology. Then again, I fell I should not have responded to her in such a manner. Do you think my response was a good one and if so must I demand and apology from her?

Phyzzle · 03-29-2007, 10:44 PM

Sounds like she has a very wierd sense of humor.

I would have written back: "oh yeah? Well your grammar sucks!"

Anyway, I think we can all agree, fvck texting. Nothing good comes from it (except for confirming details of a get together). Don't go demanding any apologies, unless she unambiguously insults you in person. It's hard to tell what she meant, judging by text.

weak · 03-29-2007, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amoka

My GF left for a 3 days conference in another state; from there, she'll leave to visit her family in another state for 2 more days. We talked two-four times a day ever since she left. After talking to her today, she text message me 5 minutes later and said: "I hope you miss me." Although I miss her, not in the sense that she implies. So I text her back and said: " Just as much as you do miss me." She texted back and said: " That's a stupid response..." I refused to response to her back because she I feel she has insulted me and deserved an apology. Then again, I fell I should not have responded to her in such a manner. Do you think my response was a good one and if so much I demand and apology from her?

I think your response was just right, and you did well by leaving it at that. Your response basically implied that you're not too worried about how much she's missing you, and it left her wondering. Her initial text message made her look like the more concerned one in the first place, and your response kept her looking that way. I think THAT is why she was irked.

That said, don't louse that up by seeking an apology. That'll just make you look insecure.

joekerr31 · 03-30-2007, 12:33 AM

Do you love me?
Translation: kiss my *ss and let me know that I'm in control here. I'm high maintenance and need you to constantly let me know that you love me so that i feel secure.

As much as you love me.
translation: nice try, im my own man. perhaps you should tell me that you love me, instead of asking if i love you.

Thats a stupid response
translation: you bend down and kiss my ass or you're in for a world of trouble. I want to control this relationship and you better not try to stop me.

now, what do you do from here...

1) you could do nothing. an ok option, it will just prolong things until later most likely. but who knows, perhaps she'll settle down.

2) start assessing whether this was a one time incident, or whether this is going to be a regularly pattern wherein her focus is on HER needs (ie. being told you love her) or whether her focus will be on a give and take (ie. instead of asking y ou questions, she'll make statements of how she loves you).

3) shoot her off a response that kills any hopes she may have of controlling you in this relationship. personally, if it were me, id have responded with..

"how could I not love someone who calls me stupid"
"Two people have called me stupid in my life time, neither of whom I ever spoke to again."
"Not really sure how to respond to your comment. Would it be inappropriate for me to say that your response was stupid? I'm just worried if I do that our conversation will decend into utterly childish banter. What do you think?"
"Your right, it is a stupid response. I thought you loved me. but if you're insulted by the fact htat I said I love you as much as you love me, then its pretty obvious you must not love me. this is confusing. I need some time to think about this. Enjoy your trip and we'll talk when you get back."

anyway, all of the above are equivalent to giving her a good metaphorical slap in the face.

Bonhomme · 03-30-2007, 07:58 AM

Quote:

"how could I not love someone who calls me stupid?"

That would be the winner ... but it would have been better quickly.

Best to just say nothing at this point and let her stew over her own stupid response. But it's just a few text messages and shouldn't be a big deal.

Yes, her response was uncalled for. But play it cool... a bit on the cold side.

drmeathead · 03-30-2007, 08:59 AM

i dated a girl like this emphasis on the word dated. dont put up with being her whipping boy from another state. one of two things is going on either she is insecure or feeling guilty.

she may be insecure and thinking that you dont love her and she is going to be cheated on. she may be insecure and is not getting the attention she needs on the trip from strangers so she is willing to force you to give her any attention, even bad attention. she may be insecure around strange people and that frustrates her so she is picking a fight with you to work out her pent up emotions.

she may be feeling guilty that she didnt not bring you along so she flips things on you so you are the ******* not her. she may be feeling guilty that she came close to or crossed the line with some guy but is trying to flip it on you so you are the ******* not her.

sucks man. ive been there and i have tried to ignore the **** but i also have been dumb enough to argue. your best bet is to go out with some of your boys you dont get a chance to see when she is around. like my dad told me "hey if she can go out and about you can to." if she asks what you are up to just say hanging out. if she starts playing 20 questions laugh them off but then ask them right back.

squirrels · 03-30-2007, 09:38 AM

"

" is a good reply for something liek that.

Honestly, it was a stupid response. It sounds so contrived that she knew you were playing games with her right away. But it's way better than, "Oh yes, baby, I miss you! Please come home soon!"

speed dawg · 03-30-2007, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amoka

"I hope you miss me."

" Just as much as you do miss me."

" That's a stupid response..."

Your response = "And that was a stupid question." Like another poster said.

Why are you getting bent out of shape over a couple of text messages? From your previous posts, you're having a h*ll of a time with this chick. I'd say start looking for a replacement.

DJDamage · 03-30-2007, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amoka

We talked two-four times a day ever since she left

I thought she was your gf not your wife or your parole officer.

If your girl goes on a vacation consider that a vacation for yourself as well. If you are not travelling with her then why would you be talking to her everyday as if she was there with you? To me it sounds like she is checking up on you to make sure you are not straying and give her a sense of security (which is anti challenge). You want her to worry a bit about you, that is how you keep them interested for the long haul.

And as someone else put it, cut out the text messages.

03-29-2007, 10:44 PM	#2
Phyzzle Master Don Juan Join Date: Jun 2006 Age: 36 Posts: 1,985	Sounds like she has a very wierd sense of humor. I would have written back: "oh yeah? Well your grammar sucks!" Anyway, I think we can all agree, fvck texting. Nothing good comes from it (except for confirming details of a get together). Don't go demanding any apologies, unless she unambiguously insults you in person. It's hard to tell what she meant, judging by text. __________________ Her piercing blue eyes were delving into my very soul and finding the word "chump" written all over the place. - Izza It was like sitting in a sauna with punani juice on the coals. - Jaxon

03-30-2007, 09:38 AM	#7
squirrels Master Don Juan Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: A universe...where heartbreak and sadness have been replaced...by Old Spice Age: 33 Posts: 6,682	"" is a good reply for something liek that. Honestly, it was a stupid response. It sounds so contrived that she knew you were playing games with her right away. But it's way better than, "Oh yes, baby, I miss you! Please come home soon!" __________________ What you know does not matter - what you do matters. - Mark Twight I've seen a million faces...and I've rocked 'em all!

03-30-2007, 12:33 AM	#4
joekerr31 Master Don Juan Join Date: Aug 2005 Age: 38 Posts: 3,410	Do you love me? Translation: kiss my *ss and let me know that I'm in control here. I'm high maintenance and need you to constantly let me know that you love me so that i feel secure. As much as you love me. translation: nice try, im my own man. perhaps you should tell me that you love me, instead of asking if i love you. Thats a stupid response translation: you bend down and kiss my ass or you're in for a world of trouble. I want to control this relationship and you better not try to stop me. now, what do you do from here... 1) you could do nothing. an ok option, it will just prolong things until later most likely. but who knows, perhaps she'll settle down. 2) start assessing whether this was a one time incident, or whether this is going to be a regularly pattern wherein her focus is on HER needs (ie. being told you love her) or whether her focus will be on a give and take (ie. instead of asking y ou questions, she'll make statements of how she loves you). 3) shoot her off a response that kills any hopes she may have of controlling you in this relationship. personally, if it were me, id have responded with.. "how could I not love someone who calls me stupid" "Two people have called me stupid in my life time, neither of whom I ever spoke to again." "Not really sure how to respond to your comment. Would it be inappropriate for me to say that your response was stupid? I'm just worried if I do that our conversation will decend into utterly childish banter. What do you think?" "Your right, it is a stupid response. I thought you loved me. but if you're insulted by the fact htat I said I love you as much as you love me, then its pretty obvious you must not love me. this is confusing. I need some time to think about this. Enjoy your trip and we'll talk when you get back." anyway, all of the above are equivalent to giving her a good metaphorical slap in the face.

03-30-2007, 08:59 AM	#6
drmeathead Senior Don Juan Join Date: Apr 2004 Age: 34 Posts: 490	i dated a girl like this emphasis on the word dated. dont put up with being her whipping boy from another state. one of two things is going on either she is insecure or feeling guilty. she may be insecure and thinking that you dont love her and she is going to be cheated on. she may be insecure and is not getting the attention she needs on the trip from strangers so she is willing to force you to give her any attention, even bad attention. she may be insecure around strange people and that frustrates her so she is picking a fight with you to work out her pent up emotions. she may be feeling guilty that she didnt not bring you along so she flips things on you so you are the ***** not her. she may be feeling guilty that she came close to or crossed the line with some guy but is trying to flip it on you so you are the *** not her. sucks man. ive been there and i have tried to ignore the ** but i also have been dumb enough to argue. your best bet is to go out with some of your boys you dont get a chance to see when she is around. like my dad told me "hey if she can go out and about you can to." if she asks what you are up to just say hanging out. if she starts playing 20 questions laugh them off but then ask them right back.