How To Be Social

It's late, so bear with me.

I understand, through reading countless posts on here, that many people have difficulty making friends and socializing in school. Is this you? It was me last year, and I finally understand what I started to do differently. (this can also be applied to any facet of life)

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It is in fact very simple.

Treat everyone you meet as if they are ALREADY your friends.

How do you treat friends in school?

You say "hey" when you pass them in the halls. You smile at them. You hold eye contact with them. You joke around with them. You touch them. You share stories with them. You ask for advice and help with things from them. YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH THEM.

Now, enter classroom setting. This is where many people have trouble.

You are now in a classroom with perhaps one or two friends, the rest are strangers. These people may look different, dress different, act different, whatever. But to you, they are STRANGERS.

This is the biggest mistake you could make. Never treat people as if they are strangers.

Tomorrow morning, yes, TOMORROW MORNING you will go to school and show up right at the bell, not early, not late. You will sit in your seat, beside your friend, alone, beside a stranger, whatever. Here is the catch...You WILL treat everyone around you--whether it be beside, behind, infront--as if you are already their friend. Say hi to them, ask a simple "what's up?", a very bland "Did you finish the homework?" , mabye even a little "How was your weekend?".

Hold eye contact with them, smile like you mean it, and be interested. BE INTERESTED. To make friends like this, you must treat it like getting to know each of these friends IS YOUR JOB. You damn well better remember their name, you'd better remember what they told you afew minutes ago. Make mental notes, even take jot notes if it seems important. BE SOCIAL LIKE IT'S YOUR JOB.

Talk to that girl beside you who you haven't spoken to all year. Ask her about her homework, her weekend, basic things.

Talk to that dude behind you, say afew words, let him know that you aren't shy.

From your point in the classroom, in one or two weeks TOPS, you should be friends with everyone directly surrounding you. Now I know you won't be really tight with them right off, people just aren't like that. But, you should be at the end of two weeks at the point where you can tell them, or suggest, that you should hang out sometime, or go get lunch, or anything.

In contrast to all of this(referred to by normal people as being social), DO NOT be that guy who doesn't talk to anybody all year. DO NOT be the dude in the corner with his head propped against his hand bored out of his mind, yet toooo shy to talk to the dudes or ladies around him.

Treat everyone around you as if you are their friend already, and guess what? THEY WILL BE YOUR FRIEND.

There will be the odd prick or ***** in there, but who cares? Their loss right?

Ever heard the phrase, "Expect and you shall recieve."?

If you treat somebody like a friend, naturally you EXPECT them to treat you like a friend in return. Create an expectation of somebody, and they will SUBCONSCIOUSLY fill that expectation. It's simple, it's psychology.

Ever been in a class with the "jocks"? We talk all the time, we don't care what other people in the class think of us, because we EXPECT them to be friendly. Ever have one of us talk to you? When I talk to one of the "losers" in the class, they are more than friendly. It's almost scary.

THIS IS REALLY EASY FOLKS. Treat kids around you like friends, laugh with them, tease with them, talk with them, discuss with them, help them, and pretty soon you'll be hanging out WITH them.

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To recap:

1. Talk to everyone around you.

2. Don't just talk, however. Act like they are all your friends. The entire class is filled with YOUR FRIENDS. All you have to do is treat them that way. The "fearless" kids who appear as though they have no nerves when they talk out loud or laugh out loud aren't actually fearless...They just act as if everyone is their friend in the class. Would you be afraid of laughing infront of your friends? Hells no.

3. Hold eye contact, and smile. Ask a question or two. Start it off light, with a focus on the class itself. Get them talking. Better yet, get them talking about themselves. Share a funny story. Get them laughing.

4. People are conformists by nature. Set an expectation(of friendliness) on them, and they will conform to YOUR WILL. This is what true power is folks...Power over other people...The ability to take advantage of human nature...Not maliciously, not to harm them...But to benefit them and you...To make you friends...

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I never did talk about the results of doing this did I?

The results are great. First off, it will give a whole new meaning to "going to classes". Now instead of going to class to sit and be silent as humans SHOULD NOT BE, you are going to class to work WITH YOUR FRIENDS. It will give you motivation in school, knowing that the class is filled with friends rather than strangers.

Rather obviously, you will have more people to talk to. After working up some confidence for acouple weeks just talking to them about small stuff, fluff talking, and joking, you might even venture out on a limb to ask one of them for their MSN or email, or phone number. You might even get invited to a party, or hear of something "going down" this weekend. Your options start to open up, you start to become a social and popular kid. Your popularity is a different issue, but you definitely become more social and make yourself a better person with more friends.

Lastly, I figured I should add this as well. Girls notice guys with lots of friends...Especially in class. Guys who aren't afraid to talk to people and appear to be easy-going and comfortable for everybody to talk to are very appealing in a girls eyes. Trust me on this, again from first-hand experience. If you're the "fun" guy in the class, the one who isn't afraid to talk to people, girls start to notice you. I catch girls looking at me and smiling all the time, starting converstations with me, asking me retarded questions, whatever...Guess why? BECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS.

Aight, that's all I got for tonight folks.

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If anybody has any problems with making friends, throw me a PM, I'll be glad to help. I'm still learning and practicing making friends, so I benefit by helping you guys as well, understanding different situations and stuff...


peace out brotha's.

Youre incredible ( not gay)

awesome post. I will immediately apply this tomorrow

grrrr........why can't u tell me that last year?? hahah j/k. great post btw.

just a small tip to add:

don't be asking people (especially guys) questions like "so where u from?" or "what do u do for fun" except when it comes up or they bring it up. it makes for incredibly boring conversation and also makes the guy think u mite be a f@g trying to pick him up and noone would wanna be friends with u. save those questions for later, the first thing should be to build rapport

like quiksilver said, treat 'em like they're already ya friend, just go up and be like "damn did u see that teacher scratch his balls? that **** made me wanna throw the **** up" do it from a higher position, not desperate for laughs or anything

bump

Just did read this again and realized how much it actually helps me.

I keep on having to remind myself that nobody is a stranger, just someone I haven't met yet.

Some stuff I've noted since the last time I've read this:

1) Wear an article of clothing that catches interest. It's an easy-in for them in a conversation. some stuff that I notice on other people: belt buckle, boots, hat, watch, wristband, necklace. Find something that fits your persona and wear it.
2) Learn how to tell a good joke, or if something funny happens to you, remember it, practice how you would say it in your head, and tell people in class. It's one thing to be social, but it's a giant step ahead if you're also an interesting person, or atleast look the part.

Also when talking with guys, try to get into some nitty gritty **** at your first chance. Talk about women. It's probably one of the best conversation topics to bond with other guys. Talk about sex. Talk about all this stuff.

My closest and dearest friends are always able to spark up great chats about their sex lives, problems, girlfriends etc. It really gives you a window into that person and if you REALLY listen to what they have to say, you'll be GOOD friends in no time.

So seriously, try to escalate the conversations towards important issues. Fluff doesn't bond anyone.

Why do you think veterans from WW2 who were in the same platoon are still best of friends? They were together and shared extremely tough and painful times with each other. They saw each other in a very cold, primal way. They knew each other in the bleakest place thousands of miles from home.

You don't bond with someone by having fun in an amusement park or spouting off scenes from The Simpsons. You bond with someone by sharing their pain and seeing into their soul. It's your job to delve into subject matter than will do this for you. Just make sure you do it to people that you're CERTAIN you want as friends... people who won't drag you down, people who won't embarrass you, people who will care about you.

Some guys are really nice and can be fun to hang out with, but as shallow as it may seem... sometimes they're just not the type you want to be seen around in public.

Think to yourself: "if I had the most perfect woman on my arm right now, is THIS the type of guy that I'd have nothing but pride to introduce her to?" if the answer is no, I'd move on. Dumping friends is a really tough thing to do, so best bet is just to not ever get into that position.

Maintain rapport with everyone though. It's great social proof and honestly it's just a nice warm feeling when you're always able to greet people that you know and shoot the **** with them for a while.

Anyway, after 23 years and having gone through middle school, junior high, high school and in a couple weeks, university... I can safely say that the advice so far in this thread is how I would re-live my life if I could do it all over.

Heed this guys. Seriously. Don't make the same mistakes that we have. Seize the day and make changes NOW.

Interesting idea - trying to just skip the whole C&F & peacocking step?

Well, to develop rapport, you do talk more "normally" about real issues so you don't come off as a try-hard "entertainment monkey" working too hard for their laffs & approval. I think that was my mistake before - extending the C&F for wayy too long. It did good in spiking BT and attraction, but without going deeper you will stall out.

Also, if you are the Prize, they should be working hard to impress you. Every line doesn't have to be a C&F joke. If you perform too much then you become the jester, not the star... DHV enough so that they must DHV back to feel worthy (A3).

that's some good advice. i only wish i had heard about it about 4 years ago, back when i was in high school, i'll definately be trying this tomorrow,

I'm in highschool but it seems like I have a hard time talking to people around me. I am actually pretty damn quiet. I can go all day without talking in my classes and even though i want to talk, I don't. I haven't had a girlfriend since 6th grade (which I think doesn't even count).

mmm

yea i can be the same too. its eitha u one day you have people to talk to. and other days its just like NO1 wants to talk to you.

Good advice.

One thing I'd add is that you don't always have to know someone for a pre-determined amount of time before you can ask them to hang out. It's not like: we must chat in class for 2 weeks, then we must talk after class for x weeks, then I can get his number, 2 weeks later I will invite him to my house, etc, etc. If you really hit it off with someone, or a group, you could be going to their party that weekend/eating lunch with them/ playing basketball after school.

Overall, a big picture focus on trying to be as attractive and cool as you can will carry you farther than getting stuck on little details like exactly what lines to use or topics to discuss. If you work on being as generally cool as possible the little details will naturally flow out of that.

This is probably one of the best threads I have come across since joining this site and all I can say is that I have been using this and living my life like this all through high school and it has done nothing but make me more popular.
I motion for this to be a sticky and/or in the dj bible asap.

R4dianeclipse said:

I can go all day without talking in my classes and even though i want to talk, I don't. I haven't had a girlfriend since 6th grade (which I think doesn't even count).

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T_T me too my friend. I'm trying real hard to make a lot of friend so i can go parties and have great social proof

bump. Might help people out since school is starting soon or has started already for some.

Very good advice!! Love it.

This is really precious advice, I have to bump this.

I never read this thread prior to changing my social life,but this advice really works.

Great post, glad for the bump. Just one think I would like to make clear:

PEOPLE ACT HOW YOU EXPERCT THEM TO ACT

Seriously. Believe it. It comes across in your subcominication and everything. Body language, voice tone, confidence - everything. If you act and think like a victim, you will be treated like one. Act like a king, and go figure. Possibly one of the single greatest epiphany I've had.

Mjazz said:

Youre incredible ( not gay)

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greatest post ever