Dating girl for 4 months - no sex yet

I need some advice on this one. I've been seeing this HB8 for 4 months plus now. We were introduced through a friend's wife. My problem is that she won't have sex.
Im 31 she is 28. We both are career-minded professionals.
She says she has only been with 3 people in her life. Each of those were LTR.
I just got back from a weekend trip to Chicago where I got an expensive hotel -- I thought for sure that I would hit there but I didn't.
This is what happens everytime we are together:
We make out, get naked, she jerks me off, sometimes head, titty fvck -- stuff like that. Ill get her off just playing with her. Whenever I try for any penetration though she pushes me away.
since Ive been seeing her awhile I expected sex by now. When I ask her wtf is up she's says that she's not sure about me -- that Im hard to read. She brings up stories that Ive discussed with her about some past girlfriends and how I broke up with them in different ways. Prob shouldn't have disclosed so much but hey I admit that I am a recovering AFC.
In Chicago I ran the half-marathon on Sunday. I left her in the hotel and told her not to worry about coming to the race since it started at 7:30 am.
She was waiting for me at the finish line. When we got back to the hotel we had yet another passionate make out session and she gave me head. She also went and got me some food while I was in the shower.
After driving home about 6 hours away she stayed the night at my house. I asked her if she wanted to have sex with me and she said yes (but not now). I asked her when and she said "soon". I said OK how about next weekend -- she said "maybe". She said she didn't want to say yes to next weekend because if it didn't happen I would be upset.
She said "soon" to me about 3 weeks ago too. Also she has said on several occasions, "Don't worry it'll happen"

What the hell is going on here? Some things Ive considered:
She's had a possible traumatic exprience.
She's not attracted to me.
She is ****ing someone else (seriously doubt)
She is playing a game.
This is some sort of test.
Maybe she has some sort of STD that she's embarrassed about. (she said she doesn't)

What's hard is that I won't really feel secure with her until Ive fvcked her. This is bad for my sexual confidence. In an effort not to be AFC and to combat oneitis Ive hooked up with a few girls since Ive been with her. Last week I hooked up with a waitress at a club but the experience although fun made me feel like **** because the girl was obviously a slut to fvck me right off the bat.
My goal with this girl is a healthy LTR that includes sex.

Your help is GREATLY appreciated as Im going fvcking crazy with this chick.

4 months and no sex? by the time you get it, it will be so bad you would wonder WTF you waited this long.

NEXT!!!

I dont want to give her up because she is hot and she has a lot of great qualities. Plus, she assures me that we will have sex "soon". Is this a type of test? Why would she not want to have sex? Is this a rejection? Any ideas?

bigmil said:

I dont want to give her up because she is hot and she has a lot of great qualities. Plus, she assures me that we will have sex "soon". Is this a type of test? Why would she not want to have sex? Is this a rejection? Any ideas?

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OOPS! Strike that recovering and replace it with relapsing! Look at the facts, she is having sex ... just not what you want! She says "what you want soon" ... but if soon hasn't come after four months, it could mean anything from next week to not until after the wedding. Look at your frustration level! And ask yourself the same question the chicks always ask themselves about us. Can I do better?

My opinion: The frustration alone is going to create issues later. You want to ignore the things you dislike because of the "potential" you see in her in other areas. You are hanging on to a hope that it will all work out in the end. Even your questions about why are attempts at finding excuses you can believe in right now because you have succumbed to attachment before she has shown she deserves it! Welcome back Mr. AFC!

Next her! She has some issue to deal with before she will be worth pursuing! Maybe the shock of your moving on will cause her to reevaluate! If it doesn't, why settle for something that stresses you so much? Some things aren't meant to be and the sooner you acept and move on, the sooner you find what is meant to be!

If she's givin you lots of head, I don't think that's a rejection. It's some other hang up.

to combat oneitis Ive hooked up with a few girls since Ive been with her.

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Sweet! You've got a good head on your shoulders.

But after 4 months, I think it's time to go into interrogator mode, to stop takin' it easy and letting things happen.

She's asking all these hardball questions about your past girlfriends. Have you done the same? Ask her how long it took to have sex with her 3 other guys. Ask her what's so different about you that it takes so much longer.

Finally, you can straight up say that she's not your girlfriend, since that involves sex, and that you are going to see other people.

You can't phrase it like "give me sex or else." But you do have to ask her what her issues are. If she's got 5 kinds of mental illness concerning sex, you should gracefully bow out.

Screw it, if the only thing that's lacking is actual vaginal penetration, your problems could be worse. Maybe I'm just wierd, but if I'm with a girl who really knows how to blow, I'd rather have that than sex anyway. Just lead her, help her know what you really like when she's going down, in essence, train her to give you mindblowing *******s, and enjoy. Think about it, you're getting your rocks off, no chance of pregnancy, you get to look as though you're very patient and sensitive to her needs (though that could be good or bad depending on the girl), and she does most of the work. It's win/win. Really.

Or just point out to her that in the eyes of the law, what you have already done is considered sex to begin with, so there's no reason no to progress further.

You know if you said she was 18-21, I might go.. Alright she wants to play around. But she's 28 dude. If she was dating some rich/powerful guy, I guarantee you by the 2nd or even 1st date she'd spread her legs wide open for that guy. Now back to the age thing, at 28 years old a girl wants to REALLY REALLY SETTLE DOWN with a guy around that time. A mature one at least. Women around this age are cut throat when it comes to determining who she shoudl marry and stuff, During a woman's age of early 30s, she kind arelaxes that because she wants to be flexible and date any guys at any age to see what she can get. Settling down is not really much of an option, but she'll take a guy that is 100% into her which becomes rarer and rarer as she ages.

But a 18-21 year old girl will play hard to get to no ends because of lack of experience or wants to see if you are true for her. But a 28 year old.. man that's another story!

bigmil said:

Also she has said on several occasions, "Don't worry it'll happen"

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So is christmas, jesus how embarrassing it must be for this b!tch with the gold plated cvnt to dictate when and where you will finally get your "reward".

Your after some tactics to bed her?

Fvck that noise, you should be ashamed of yourself.

You and your ilk is basically why I have to spend an extra 10 minutes listening to chick drivel disarming ASD.

ASD that guys like YOU created by giving it merit in the first place.

Bloody time waster, I should send you a bill, warpigs included.

lee36044 said:

OOPS! Strike that recovering and replace it with relapsing! Look at the facts, she is having sex ... just not what you want! She says "what you want soon" ... but if soon hasn't come after four months, it could mean anything from next week to not until after the wedding. Look at your frustration level! And ask yourself the same question the chicks always ask themselves about us. Can I do better?

My opinion: The frustration alone is going to create issues later. You want to ignore the things you dislike because of the "potential" you see in her in other areas. You are hanging on to a hope that it will all work out in the end. Even your questions about why are attempts at finding excuses you can believe in right now because you have succumbed to attachment before she has shown she deserves it! Welcome back Mr. AFC!

Next her! She has some issue to deal with before she will be worth pursuing! Maybe the shock of your moving on will cause her to reevaluate! If it doesn't, why settle for something that stresses you so much? Some things aren't meant to be and the sooner you acept and move on, the sooner you find what is meant to be!

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Excellent advice!

This is one of the very few times that I would go back to a woman after I "next her". It is the "Next" a.k.a. "Wake Up Call!".

And MOST women change after experiencing that.

But...once he does the "Nexting"...he should do it under the understanding that she might not reevaluate...and if that is the case...he should understand that he might never go back to her.

S1NN3R said:

Screw it, if the only thing that's lacking is actual vaginal penetration, your problems could be worse. Maybe I'm just wierd, but if I'm with a girl who really knows how to blow, I'd rather have that than sex anyway. Just lead her, help her know what you really like when she's going down, in essence, train her to give you mindblowing *******s, and enjoy. Think about it, you're getting your rocks off, no chance of pregnancy, you get to look as though you're very patient and sensitive to her needs (though that could be good or bad depending on the girl), and she does most of the work. It's win/win. Really.

Or just point out to her that in the eyes of the law, what you have already done is considered sex to begin with, so there's no reason no to progress further.

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That's a good point.

But many men (myself included) feel satisfaction by knowing that we have the ability to satisfy our partner.

I bet he is like that too. I don't blame him at all.

First off there is no reason to do something that would intiate a "next" type situation.

I would continue to date other women and still be working on this one.

She sounds like a qaulity women just unsure about some things.

I would take the attitude of dating and having fun with her. Come across as
the no vaginal sex is not a problem. Start acting like it dont bother you. Just dont bring it up anymore. Her attitude might start to change. Whats wrong with a hot blow job and feeling up a naked women.

I think you can really have some fun with this HB8. You dont have to have vaginal sex to make it hot and be satisfied. Hell maybe she would take it up the backside.

If you are dating other women there is no reason to next this women yet.

I think if you stay aloff about the vaginal sex things could get exciting regardless of which way she goes.

It will come down to what he truly wants with her.

Like somebody else said…if he is spinning other plates (and having fun with other women), then I don’t see what’s the big deal. She becomes one of the bunch.

However, if he is investing emotionally on her…hmmmm…then now here is an issue.


I don’t know if the reason she is acting like that is due to

1-A venereal disease. If that is the case, then keep in mind that she LIED by saying that’s not the reason.

2- Emotional scars. If she has emotional scars…then that’s something he will have to deal for a very long time. I’m not a psychologist, so I won’t comment more on this.

3- Using sex to manipulate. Maybe she is doing that intentionally. Maybe she is not.

However, if she is using vaginal sex (don’t kid yourself…sucking you is a very intimate sexual act) as a way to play with you. Then be ready to be manipulated in the future. And if you want to have a LTR (or even a marriage) future with her…you better start working on your boundaries right now!

Maybe…she is using oral and manual sex to drive you crazy. Make you attached. And then using the vagina as a “carrot in front of the stick” to manipulate you.

But think about this…what if she gives you her body and things turn out great. Let’s say you two marry each other. Then months or years after, she reverts into using sex as a bargaining tool?

In my eyes…sex is not for bargain. In my eyes…women don’t give sex. In my eyes, sex is something that is MUTUALLY enjoyed and MUTUALLY shared.

I understand if she is trying to make sure, and by doing so, she made you wait a bit. However, she is sucking your diack. So…she is already engaging in sexual acts with you.

romangod said:

My guess is one of two reasons: 1. There's something psychologically holding her back such as being sexually abused. 2. There's something "down there" she's embarrassed about.

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or 3. She is using sex (consiously or unconsciously) to manipulate him.

bigmil said:

Maybe she has some sort of STD that she's embarrassed about. (she said she doesn't).

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Well, does she let you eat her out?

If she does, she probably doesn't have an STD (that she knows about).

If not...I'd be worried. :woo:

No reason to break up with this women at all, IF you believe that her other qualities are strong enough for you to wait. It's her body, she can do with it what she wants. 100's of years ago it was very common for people to wait until after marriage to begin having sex, it is only in recent times that people think if sex doesn't happen after 3 dates that "something" is wrong.

I'm not telling you i would be happy in that situation either, but you have chosen to be with this woman, and if this is something she feels strongly about, then that is something that you are going to have to be patient with if you choose to remain with her.

Try this, instead of pressuring her into having sex like you have been, why don't you ask her, in a calm and non threatening way, why it is exactly she has been so reluctant to have sex. Maybe she was raped earlier, molested, maybe she has a disease, maybe she thinks her vaginal hole isn't small enough, who the hell knows! But pressuring her will only make things worse believe me.

Also, have you two discussed being in an exclusive relationship? Because if you have agreed to that and yet you are still sleeping with other women, you may not like this woman as much as you think or perhaps you are not ready to be involved in something like this.

It all depends on what you want.

From my past experience and from how Bigmill describes her life, dating habits, and personality, I feel she is wanting to make sure Bigmill doesn't run after she spreads her legs. She is a LTR type of woman

You hear women all the time complain about sleeping with a man and not seeing him again, he disappears.

I doubt she has STD problem.

I agree with being careful of the emotional attachment.

I still think if he goes with the flow and does not stress out over it she will spread those long legs soon enough but he cant be stressing out about it around her. She is 28, probally a mature type women.

Have fun with other women until it happens.

Interesting responses...

I would not next her yet. She seems LTR material but be careful, she will use the same technique to get her way later on.

Have you tried teasing her to the point of climaxing?...and then leaving her hanging. If this does not work then I would do the hot/cold method, basically try having sex and if she refuses, ignore her until she comes around, giving her the impression you are bored - risky but may have good results.

She is not using sex to get her way or to manipulate.

She is one of those women who feel as long as a penis was not put in her ***** she did not have sex and can feel better in church the next morning, but anything else goes. Once this type of women feels she has a strong commitment from a man then the sex is justified and she still feels good in church.

In my experience the women who think like this are good LTR material.

I think Bigmill says he is getting her off also by stimulation.

Guys...guys...guys...

I hope you are not basing the "LTR material" to the fact that she is denying him of sex.

Listen guys...

She is SUCKING his d*ck. She is t*tty phucking him. She is in fact having sex with him!

But for some reason, she is doing the "let's wait for penetration".

LOL.


A woman giving you puzzy on her first, second, third date...does NOT disqualify her from "LTR" material. After all...YOU are also giving it up to her.

But a woman that is using sex as a weapon to manipulate the behavior of her man SHOULD be disqualied as LTR material. If she does it now (and he allows it)...then she will do it again. Assuming that's the case in here. Which, quite honestly, I don't know. The same way that NO ONE in here knows (with the information given) if she is "LTR" material. We don't know that.

cordoncordon said:

No reason to break up with this women at all, IF you believe that her other qualities are strong enough for you to wait. It's her body, she can do with it what she wants. 100's of years ago it was very common for people to wait until after marriage to begin having sex, it is only in recent times that people think if sex doesn't happen after 3 dates that "something" is wrong.

I'm not telling you i would be happy in that situation either, but you have chosen to be with this woman, and if this is something she feels strongly about, then that is something that you are going to have to be patient with if you choose to remain with her.

Try this, instead of pressuring her into having sex like you have been, why don't you ask her, in a calm and non threatening way, why it is exactly she has been so reluctant to have sex. Maybe she was raped earlier, molested, maybe she has a disease, maybe she thinks her vaginal hole isn't small enough, who the hell knows! But pressuring her will only make things worse believe me.

Also, have you two discussed being in an exclusive relationship? Because if you have agreed to that and yet you are still sleeping with other women, you may not like this woman as much as you think or perhaps you are not ready to be involved in something like this.

It all depends on what you want.

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Some very good points in here.

It also comes down to what he wants. And as importantly...to communication.