Is she into me or is she just being 'nice'?

Hello all,

Back in August of last year, I met a girl at work. She came up to my office, and a few days later we went out for drinks as a group. My colleague told me she thinks I'm 'cute'. Night went OK, and we had some food and drinks with our co-workers, over the next few days, my colleagues kept teasing her over the phone, calling her my girl (apparently they all thought she's attracted to me). Fast forward a couple of months later...I call her to ask her out and she tells me she's busy the following week, but will call me back. She never did. Another 3 months pass by and she calls my colleague to organize a night out. This came a few days after I was sent to her office on a temp assignment...after 3 months of almost no contact (since the day I asked her out). I never brought it up, and neither did she.

Recently, she organized an event for a few of us to go to and sat right next to me the entire time. We went outside to have a cigarette and we were chit-chatting about her. I brought up her recent vacation (from 5 months ago), where she went to Mexico in December, and when asked her why at that time of the year, she told me she went with her boyfriend's family. This comes 8 months after I initially met her. These entire 8 months whenever we went out she was flirting with me, including the last time out. Was I right to think she was attracted to me? If so, should I continue pursuing, or leave it alone? This might sound weird, but I talked about this with my sister...she thinks this girl does like me but doesn't want to leave her guy. I should mention that the event we went to...she was the only girl, me and 2 of my colleagues went along, both of the guys are married and have kids. Every time we went out for drinks/dinner with group, she never once mentioned her boyfriend, let alone bring him along. The fact that I almost had to fish it out of her is unfathomable. Why couldn't she just tell me she was seeing someone the day I asked her out?

I feel like I've wasted 8 months of my life, and the truth is that I have no one to blame, but myself. The first workday after we went to the event together left me feeling jaded and pissed off to the point where I nearly quit my job...but I persevered. A few days later, I was sent to her office again by my boss, and thankfully, she wasn't there. She knows I'm attracted to her, but if she has a BF, why on earth was she dishonest with me about the fact? Sh wants to go out for drinks again, but I told her my schedule doesn't allow for it right now. I'm still confused here...

Thanks!

Be above that schoolyard bullsht man. She's feeding off your lust and has no intention of playing ball.
Continue being aloof and continue flirting lightly because you never know when one night she'll be single again and be up to bang.
But don't invest any serious time, emotion or effort into her. Bang other women and just keep yourself in a position to be Johnny on the spot one day.
Keep her at arm's length and don't let yourself think she likes you.
If she really wants to fvck, she'll make it known. In the meantime, don't get caught up in the drama she's trying to cause.

Stick a fork in this one. Don't waste more time.

In the future, when you ask a woman out and she doesn't respond or makes excuses, wait a week, ask again. If she doesn't "yes" enthusiastically that time? DONE. Right there and forever, done. Waste not one more minute of time until she is literally dragging you into a car or side room to give you a BJ. Spend that time instead on cultivating other options.

Keep your dating life binary; keep yourself sane. As long as a woman is 1. enthusiastically accepting your date invitations or invitations to spend time alone with you, and 2. enthusiastically accepting your respectful, escalating physical advances, it's on. At the very moment 1 or 2 becomes "false?" DONE, and on to the next option. Everything else is noise, her phone calls, her texts, what people say. ALL of it is noise other than 1 and 2 above.

When women are sexually attracted to you, not "like" you, not through hearsay "you're cute," but want to f you? They make it ridiculously easy to be with them. All others? why spend time on women who don't want to f you?

Good luck and remember, keep your dating life binary, keep yourself sane.

@seek&destroy.

So, through all of this, was there any lessons you learned from your experience? What say you man?

seek&destroy said:

Hello all,

Back in August of last year, I met a girl at work. She came up to my office, and a few days later we went out for drinks as a group. My colleague told me she thinks I'm 'cute'.

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I already don't like where this is going.

(1) Girl at work.
(2) Colleague hear-say.

Night went OK, and we had some food and drinks with our co-workers, over the next few days, my colleagues kept teasing her over the phone, calling her my girl (apparently they all thought she's attracted to me). Fast forward a couple of months later...I call her to ask her out and she tells me she's busy the following week, but will call me back. She never did. Another 3 months pass by and she calls my colleague to organize a night out. This came a few days after I was sent to her office on a temp assignment...after 3 months of almost no contact (since the day I asked her out). I never brought it up, and neither did she.

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And yes, you never should have brought it up again and this is ALL you needed to know. She never called you back. Boyfriend or not, this was all the sign you needed. You never asked again, either, nor should you have. She didn't counter-offer. 3 months had gone by. What were you doing during that time though? Is this the only prospect in your life?

Recently, she organized an event for a few of us to go to and sat right next to me the entire time. We went outside to have a cigarette and we were chit-chatting about her. I brought up her recent vacation (from 5 months ago), where she went to Mexico in December, and when asked her why at that time of the year, she told me she went with her boyfriend's family. This comes 8 months after I initially met her. These entire 8 months whenever we went out she was flirting with me, including the last time out. Was I right to think she was attracted to me? If so, should I continue pursuing, or leave it alone?

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Oh boy.
Listen, just because she has a boyfriend, it doesn't mean that she is going to be caste and pure and not flirt with anyone else. It happens, we all do it. Not a major thing. She may have been flirting but it obviously NEVER went past that since you asked her out and she said nothing at all. She obviously wasn't attracted enough to you to think you were even a serious possibility. Why would you pursue it? What is there to pursue? I've flirted with a TON of women and there were always someone who wouldn't take it ANY further at all.

It happens.

This might sound weird, but I talked about this with my sister...she thinks this girl does like me but doesn't want to leave her guy.

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This girl just likes the attention you are giving her. That's it. End of story.

I should mention that the event we went to...she was the only girl, me and 2 of my colleagues went along, both of the guys are married and have kids.

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I don't get the point of this info... but ok?

Every time we went out for drinks/dinner with group, she never once mentioned her boyfriend, let alone bring him along. The fact that I almost had to fish it out of her is unfathomable. Why couldn't she just tell me she was seeing someone the day I asked her out?

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Why would she? You didn't ask her if she had a boyfriend. And why kill any potential future attention you'd give her.

I feel like I've wasted 8 months of my life, and the truth is that I have no one to blame, but myself.

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Unfortunately, yep... all on you. Were you waiting for this girl to come around? What have you been doing for 8 months?

The first workday after we went to the event together left me feeling jaded and pissed off to the point where I nearly quit my job...but I persevered. A few days later, I was sent to her office again by my boss, and thankfully, she wasn't there. She knows I'm attracted to her, but if she has a BF, why on earth was she dishonest with me about the fact? Sh wants to go out for drinks again, but I told her my schedule doesn't allow for it right now. I'm still confused here...

Thanks!

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Okay, see what I mean... "Girl at Work". Stop it. You almost quit your source of income over a girl who never even gave you a fair chance nor wanted to. I might have missed this in your post... but how was she dishonest? Did you ask if she had a boyfriend and she said "NO"?

I'd seriously say just avoid her. You need to get over her and see her as just a colleague. I don't even see how she is messing with you other than playful banter. If she is doing more than that, it's not coming across through your post. If there's more info we need to know... by all means, share it.

Otherwise, it just seems like it's you that's all-in and she's not even close.

There's a lot of missing information.

You said you met her, she came up to your office....and?

A few days later you went out for drinks as a group....and?

You ask her out "a couple of months later."

It sounds like she talked about you and her coworkers were "leaking" information so you'd ask her out. You didn't take any initiative until months later. She took it as rejection and wrote you off to maintain her reputation/ego. She opened a window and you let it close by taking an excessively long time to ask her out.

Seems pretty straight forward.

G_Govan said:

There's a lot of missing information.

You said you met her, she came up to your office....and?

A few days later you went out for drinks as a group....and?

You ask her out "a couple of months later."

It sounds like she talked about you and her coworkers were "leaking" information so you'd ask her out. You didn't take any initiative until months later. She took it as rejection and wrote you off to maintain her reputation/ego. She opened a window and you let it close by taking an excessively long time to ask her out.

Seems pretty straight forward.

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↑↑↑↑↑↑↑ Yep, was just going to say this. That's where you fücked yourself over. If some chick is into you and she's buzzin to other people that she digs you, you ask her out ASAP. You don't wait months on end. Hell, she could of met some dude that very night and by the time you pick up your balls to ask her out she had his kid already! Come on, man. You gotta be swift, expeditious, and proactive to get in the game. You can't get the girl if you don't play.

This one is done. Better luck next time.

VladPatton said:

↑↑↑↑↑↑↑ Yep, was just going to say this. That's where you fücked yourself over. If some chick is into you and she's buzzin to other people that she digs you, you ask her out ASAP. You don't wait months on end. Hell, she could of met some dude that very night and by the time you pick up your balls to ask her out she had his kid already! Come on, man. You gotta be swift, expeditious, and proactive to get in the game. You can't get the girl if you don't play.

This one is done. Better luck next time.

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You are right, I waited too long and I know that, I realized that 2 days after when she didn't call back.

What still gets me here...she always organizes a meeting a day or two after I talk to her after she calls in to my work. I'm the dedicated tech for her location, but the funny thing is she never tells me we're going for drinks I always hear it from my co workers first. She has my number and we do text from time to time. I usually initiate the texts. So judging from all of this, this is nothing more but a social interaction now. As one of you said earlier, forget about it and just play it as if nothing happened, until she becomes single again. The moment I know she is, I won't make the same mistake again, provided that I don't meet someone else before then. I'm not going to just sit and wait for her to leave him, as that is ridiculous and will not happen no matter how much I'd want it to. So for now, I will move on to next prospect and if she happens to come around, great, if not...her loss!

I've used this rage I initially felt to get myself into the gym again. Started working out 6 days a week, and went on a master cleanse detox program to flush out all the toxins from my body. I was a heavy smoker and have now completely quit, cold turkey. I'm almost a month removed from nicotine, and feel much better overall. Dropped 10 lbs from 184 to 174 in 3 weeks, and I'm looking and feeling like I did back in first year of college.

Thanks for your replies!