Beijing break up. Advice needed.

OK, here's my rather complicated story...

I'm three months out of a LTR. The girl is Chinese and we met in the UK two years ago. At the time things were going really well, so when she returned to Beijing (she was only on a temporary work rotation in the UK), I followed her all the way back and moved to China. To be fair, I didn't do it just for her - I also wanted the experience of living overseas for a while, plus I managed to land a decent job here.

Anyhow, here I am in Beijing, almost two years later, broken up, and feeling kind of sorry for myself. We broke up in January, following months of ups and downs. I ended it, and at the time, it felt right, and when she tried to get back with me in the following days, I gave her the brush off. At that time, I was certain I wanted to end it. A few days later, I flew home to the UK for a 2 week break to recuperate.

Two weeks later, I return back to China, feeling refreshed and anticipating that we can patch things up. Big surprise: her mindset has totally changed. She's gone completely cold and has frozen me out. Very little contact, and every message very short and business-like. My reaction to this is firstly surprise, and then panic. I start fearing I've lost her forever and that this is the worst thing that could happen, and I start chasing. This does not work. The more I chase, the more adamant she becomes that she wants to move on. And the more she ignores me or tells me she doesn't want me, the more I want her back.

The only time I didn't chase was four weeks ago, when I started seeing another Chinese girl (let's call her Girl B). While this took my mind off Girl A, this didn't work out. Turns out Girl B is pretty traditional (some Chinese girls are, some aren't), so once we'd got past the kissing stage, and I thought we were safely on the way to the bedroom, she made it clear that sex was not going to happen until we were engaged. Absolutely not what I wanted to hear, and was never going to work for me, so, in the nicest possible way, I ended it. (She's since been in contact by email, but that's a whole different story.)

Interestingly, during the brief time I was with Girl B, I paid Girl A no attention and Girl A actually increased her interest. She sent me advice on moving apartments, asked about my future plans, even hinted at meeting up, etc.

Anyhow, with Girl B out of the way, my mind goes right back to Girl A and get stuck in beta mode again. I phone her, send her messages on WeChat, practically beg for a reconciliation. She tells me that maybe in the future there's a possibility, but not yet. Basically, I get nowhere again.

Anyhow, a few days ago I start reading this forum (I wish I'd read it 2 months ago) and suddenly it becomes clear what's been happening:

A. Whether intentionally or not, this girl has been playing a good game. She's made it appear as though she's the prize - low contact, no interest, busy, moving on, putting me down, etc.

B. I've fallen for it. I've been behaving like a complete loser and have been texting her, phoning her, trying to initiate meet-ups, etc. The more she's resisted, the more I've pursued. It's no wonder she's lost interest in me. Right now, her perceived value is way up, while mine is way down. Her confidence is high, while mine's dwindling.

The last face to face contact I had with her was 6 days ago, when I went round to her flat and pretty much begged her to try again, in a rather pathetic beta display that did me no favours at all. She told me that she didn't know if we had a future, but that she thought I was emotionally unstable and that I should go and talk to friends about this. In hindsight, this was probably the most pathetic thing I've done since arriving in China.

A couple of days later I sent her a message asking if she was feeling better (she'd had flu). She replied and said she was fine now. No contact since that time.

I realise there's a good chance I won't get this girl back, and I'll just have to accept this. However, I still want to try to turn this situation around if at all possible.

I need advice on what to do now. Right now, she sees me as a loser, there's no doubt. I want to somehow elevate my status and try to get her interest back. I need to make it clear to her that I have interest from other girls (which I do), and start to look more like the man again.

Should I initiate no contact immediately? Or should I send her a final message and tell her that I'm moving on, have other options, and don't want to fu*k about any longer when it's clearly pointless?

How can I get the power back here? Any advice on my next move?

Next move? There is probably 500 million other chinese chicks to pick from.

You've been PUZZIFIED.

Get your game back dude - long road ahead of you.

Exodus

Holy sh!t man, lay off any contact devices you have. Don't do ANYTHING with her. I was waiting for your realisation in the end when you just see this as a learning experience, but then you go back into it and I wanted to cringe bro . You probably could only have appeared slightly more undesirable to her than you already do if you so tried to make it worse, and I'm just saying it so it'll get into your head and you'll realise it.

You clearly have feelings for her because only someone with an emotional investment would consider making a show of his feelings and saying to a person that they're moving on when said person very visibly already has. In this specific situation, "send her a final message and tell her that I'm moving on, have other options, and don't want to fu*k about any longer when it's clearly pointless" is what a hurt loser does and I know you don't want to be one. That just makes it even more important to not do ANYTHING with her, aka. NC, and move on.

For your own good at least delete every conversation you've had with her and if you have the stomach for it then also all her contact information in your phone/computer.

NO CONTACT.

It's not about getting "power" back. That's a fool's errand, because if you get it back in the short term, you're liable to squander it again just like you did before (during Girl B period). The reason: Emotions.

You need to go NC so you can get through the emotional swings quicker and with some dignity intact. No contact, no contact, no contact. Don't contact her at all unless - never.

The great irony is you'll only get "power" back when you're over her emotionally. Then - and I can predict this with 85% certainty - she will come sniffing around to see what you're up to. If you allow it of course, but you can only do that if you don't care. Funny how it all works but there you go.

Thanks for the replies. No contact it is then, even though this is practically killing me. This weekend is particularly tough as I don't have anything planned, except stay at home and catch up on work. Also, some Chinese guy phoned my number on Friday asking for her (I have her old phone number and from time to time get people trying to contact her) and that's been playing on my mind.

It's absolutely true - I'm emotionally attached here. I've been through break-ups before, but all of them were a total walk in the park compared with this one. This one stings like bloody hell and hasn't stopped stinging for the last 2 months. Possibly something to do with the fact that I'm in a totally foreign country here, on the other side of the planet to family and friends.

There are indeed a lot of chicks in the city - both Chinese and Western (obviously the vast majority are Chinese). However, at present, I'm just totally lacking motivation to do anything about it.

I live fairly near to Peking University (the top University in China) so I've toyed with the idea of going for a walk around the grounds and doing some approaches. I haven't tried to pick up chicks in a long time, but I suspect that would be a smart place to do it. However, I feel too depressed to do anything like this at present.

Well, no contact it is.

#1. What are you doing in Beijing??? That is the worst city in China located nearest the most heavily polluted city (shijiazhuang) in the world. You are breathing in aerosol cancer as we speak.

#2. Beijing is the domain of snobs, anyone that knows ANYTHING about China will tell you to avoid BJ like the plague, they are some of the laziest, snobbiest and rudest people in all of the red republic.

#3. Everyone, even the Beijing beggars are the richest people in China, save for maybe Guangzhou. You are not going to find any keepers there. Any woman who was born in BJ or lives in BJ is part of the rich elite of the Earth and will act no different than a Western broad.

#4. The way they talk is so fvking annoying, its like listening to the screech of nails on a chalkboard. They also think their accent is the most pure form of Chinese and that everyone else is a hick.

#5. MOST of the post 90's generation has been spoiled beyond belief. Imagine never hearing the word NO in your ENTIRE LIFE. I'm not generalizing or making things up, some of these little rich low life's have never be denied a single thing in their entire life. They will expect you to do everything for them and then ditch you as soon as they're bored. That makes up the large majority of Chinese women in CHINA. You want quality tail? You have to A) Goto a poorer province B) Goto a poorer city [3rd to 5th tier] C)Find a farm girl [there are loads].

#6. If she has been ANYWHERE outside of China, she likely belongs to an extremely rich family. You need at minimum a HOUSE and CAR in your name and 50,000 RMB in the bank to obtain a tourist visa plus a LOAD of Guanxi from the gov. Most have much more than that... Chinese who can afford to leave and study abroad belong to the rich elite, think Paris Hilton.

#7. You are a bad boy by default... if you haven't noticed, the Chinese population isn't exactly rough. The men wear makeup, gel and dye their hair,
carry the woman's purse. I've only met 2 Chinese men that went against the grain. One had been to the west for awhile named Hank and the other is my very good friend who believes in very old world values. His wife cooks and cleans and he doesn't take any sh1t from her. The other 750 million men have been programmed to seek a house/car and money to impress a woman.. They also bring flowers, write poetry, go on shopping trips and let women basically do as they please. You want to pick up women quickly? Learn about the 12 animals signs and call women by their animals names. They love that Chinese astrology stuff and you can solidify a relationship by being honest about your animal sign and its connection to theirs. My perfect match is supposed to be the Snake and what's kind of weird is the last girl I had was a snake as is my wife.

Go out and experience the REAL China. Beijing is basically the rich center where all the know nothing expats hang out. You aren't going to meet any quality broads there. Most Chinese women worth their weight in rice will not sleep with you until they have some sort of guarantee that you are in it for the long haul. The ones that will are westernized broads whose only goal is to piss daddy off for a laugh and get their western flag before they marry the rich guy daddy and mommy have picked for her. Been there done that. BJ is so fckin bad for your health that they have to offer 20 to 25,000 rmb a month to anyone willing to teach out there.
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Here is a surefire way to LOADS of dates with horny women:

Get on couchsurfing. Make a profile...just outline the places you've been blah blah blah, doesn't have to be super interesting. Then send a post to every single girl in Beijing:

"Hi my name is N00B2CHINA and I've just arrived. Would you be interested in getting together for a tour of the city? I would really like to learn some good places to eat!

Best Regards
N00B "

Bet you get a 1/2 response rate.

I know this works, I've used it in almost every country I've been to. I even met my wife off that website.

LiveFreeX said:

#1. What are you doing in Beijing??? That is the worst city in China located nearest the most heavily polluted city (shijiazhuang) in the world. You are breathing in aerosol cancer as we speak.

#2. Beijing is the domain of snobs, anyone that knows ANYTHING about China will tell you to avoid BJ like the plague, they are some of the laziest, snobbiest and rudest people in all of the red republic.

#3. Everyone, even the Beijing beggars are the richest people in China, save for maybe Guangzhou. You are not going to find any keepers there. Any woman who was born in BJ or lives in BJ is part of the rich elite of the Earth and will act no different than a Western broad.

#4. The way they talk is so fvking annoying, its like listening to the screech of nails on a chalkboard. They also think their accent is the most pure form of Chinese and that everyone else is a hick.

#5. MOST of the post 90's generation has been spoiled beyond belief. Imagine never hearing the word NO in your ENTIRE LIFE. I'm not generalizing or making things up, some of these little rich low life's have never be denied a single thing in their entire life. They will expect you to do everything for them and then ditch you as soon as they're bored. That makes up the large majority of Chinese women in CHINA. You want quality tail? You have to A) Goto a poorer province B) Goto a poorer city [3rd to 5th tier] C)Find a farm girl [there are loads].

#6. If she has been ANYWHERE outside of China, she likely belongs to an extremely rich family. You need at minimum a HOUSE and CAR in your name and 50,000 RMB in the bank to obtain a tourist visa plus a LOAD of Guanxi from the gov. Most have much more than that... Chinese who can afford to leave and study abroad belong to the rich elite, think Paris Hilton.

#7. You are a bad boy by default... if you haven't noticed, the Chinese population isn't exactly rough. The men wear makeup, gel and dye their hair,
carry the woman's purse. I've only met 2 Chinese men that went against the grain. One had been to the west for awhile named Hank and the other is my very good friend who believes in very old world values. His wife cooks and cleans and he doesn't take any sh1t from her. The other 750 million men have been programmed to seek a house/car and money to impress a woman.. They also bring flowers, write poetry, go on shopping trips and let women basically do as they please. You want to pick up women quickly? Learn about the 12 animals signs and call women by their animals names. They love that Chinese astrology stuff and you can solidify a relationship by being honest about your animal sign and its connection to theirs. My perfect match is supposed to be the Snake and what's kind of weird is the last girl I had was a snake as is my wife.

Go out and experience the REAL China. Beijing is basically the rich center where all the know nothing expats hang out. You aren't going to meet any quality broads there. Most Chinese women worth their weight in rice will not sleep with you until they have some sort of guarantee that you are in it for the long haul. The ones that will are westernized broads whose only goal is to piss daddy off for a laugh and get their western flag before they marry the rich guy daddy and mommy have picked for her. Been there done that. BJ is so fckin bad for your health that they have to offer 20 to 25,000 rmb a month to anyone willing to teach out there.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is a surefire way to LOADS of dates with horny women:

Get on couchsurfing. Make a profile...just outline the places you've been blah blah blah, doesn't have to be super interesting. Then send a post to every single girl in Beijing:

"Hi my name is N00B2CHINA and I've just arrived. Would you be interested in getting together for a tour of the city? I would really like to learn some good places to eat!

Best Regards
N00B "

Bet you get a 1/2 response rate.

I know this works, I've used it in almost every country I've been to. I even met my wife off that website.

Click to expand...

Wow. What tier city is chonqin? My ex's dad is a "government property manager" (what ever that means) for that city.

One Christmas she came home from China (after new-years) and guess what she bought me, a $300 (american) pair of silk pajamas. I spent like 40 dollars on her present, but I spent "our" money on it, not mine.

I never realized that all Chinese that travel abroad are that rich.

Sh!t even one of her best friends, who was far wealthier than my ex, some how (after she learned about me dating her best friend) got my number and started calling me sometimes. I saw pictures of that girls home. I'm talking a palace with marble columns. Like not sh!t, a home you probably would probably never seen in the U.S.

:cuss: :cuss: :cuss: :cuss: Man had I played my cards right and not been an alcoholic, drug addict, I could have had some powerful connections.

I had opportunity staring me in the face, never even realized it.

These girls are uptight to. They usually don't put out easy. But if you can charm her, and then fvck her brains out to the point where she is having orgasm, after orgasm after orgasm til she can't walk for a good hour after, and never put them on a pedastil they will be your sex slave sugar mama. They have strong b!tch shields because once you get through that shield, they are very vulnerable, and will accept almost any treatment. Then you push and pull (which wasn't premeditated, I would get bored of her, then interested, ect.)

I should have monkey branched to her richer friend and cleaned her out to.

It was hard for my ex to leave, and she left me with 2k in the bank (which I drank away, and on cigs, some blow, and probably other things I dont remember) and she bought me a new phone after I smashed mine (after the break up, because I was doing nc very well)

This is on top of all the money she invested in the relationship also.

But I didn't know then what I know now (after finding ss) So it would have blew up in my face, like it did.

I did have very strong frame during 90% of that relationship. Then I started being "nice"

One good thing I would always tell my ex when she would bring up marriage (which was at least 6 times in two years) is that I will not marry her until she can get her own citizenship on her own, or a longterm visa (like a working visa, which is very hard for chinese to get) or she if she became a phd at an American university.

I told her then, and only then would I consider marriage.

I wasn't all bad. I was thoughtful a times with her. When she first came to meet me (after I told her to break up with her boyfriend) she drove 8 hours to my place, I bought her a big mac, she was greatful. Everytime we came back to my state to visit my family, when we drive past that mcdonalds she would say "remember, that was the first time you bought me somthing" (and pretty much the last, in terms of actually spending my own money to buy something for her, i bought her stuff after that but it was with "our" aka her money aka her daddies money) She called it "our" money, not me. Her car was also "our" car.

All you have to do is get her to want you to commitment, and put it off for as long as you can. Be indifferent often, sometimes be a d!ck, and very sparsely be nice.

Which I did until i let drugs and alcohol weaken me to the point of a pitiful little fvck.

So beijing dude. Treat rich little princesses like sh!t, and they will lick your butthole, then take a pause to pick the hairs our of her mouth, and then proceed to lick it. Yup she did that also.

Yes i did go beta, afc after she left. I googled stalked. Here is somthing I found a long time ago. This is in jan, she left in june I think. http://yuzhens.blogspot.com/

Now you know my first name. Don't stalk me please.

This is called a nuked hamster "Maybe I am just thinking too much, maybe xxxx doesn't even want to settle down yet, who knows what he really thinks, one day he wants to talk about marriage and paint a picture of a happy family, and another day he wants to be a nomad. But I just can't stop thinking about it. I can't just let our relationship grow and grow and grow and one day, boom, there's going to be a big sacrifice made, whichever side took the sacrifice would not be good, at all!"

Went afc over the next few months. Total script flip.

:trouble: :moon: :nono: :rockon: :kick: :flowers: Let me got to beijing. I would accept that challenge. I love little rich girls

Well get down there, I told you b4, you can teach English dude... its also ok money. You just need to buy a good quality air cleaner and a load of house plants. Also buy a special mask for walking around outside, theres one they sell I think from singapore, its a reusable face mask that you can wash out. Otherwise you need 3M dust masks to filter out the PM2.5s. Pollution is serious business up there, people are going to be fvcked really soon, maybe 5 years. Mark my words, they will begin bottling air for sale in the next 10 years. It's so bad at certain times of the day, that you can't see across the street.

LiveFreeX said:

Well get down there, I told you b4, you can teach English dude... its also ok money. You just need to buy a good quality air cleaner and a load of house plants. Also buy a special mask for walking around outside, theres one they sell I think from singapore, its a reusable face mask that you can wash out. Otherwise you need 3M dust masks to filter out the PM2.5s. Pollution is serious business up there, people are going to be fvcked really soon, maybe 5 years. Mark my words, they will begin bottling air for sale in the next 10 years. It's so bad at certain times of the day, that you can't see across the street.

Click to expand...

Need money first. That's terrible you have to wear a mask. real fvcked up way to live imo