Girls below your standards: best way to friends w/ benefits?

Through online dating I meet a lot of girls who are really cool and down to earth, but a bit below my standards looks wise. Just now I came back from a "date" with one.

Considering her, for example, I really enjoy her company, and she hopes to get with me. However I have decided that she won't be my girlfriend. But I still like her. What do?

How do I start a FB relationship without deceiving her? Or am I being illusionary here.

I want to avoid what I did last time, pretend we're getting into a relationship, and after she gave it up reject her / offer FB. That was kinda low.

Tortendieb said:

Through online dating I meet a lot of girls who are really cool and down to earth, but a bit below my standards looks wise. Just now I came back from a "date" with one.

Considering her, for example, I really enjoy her company, and she hopes to get with me. However I have decided that she won't be my girlfriend. But I still like her. What do?

How do I start a FB relationship without deceiving her? Or am I being illusionary here.

I want to avoid what I did last time, pretend we're getting into a relationship, and after she gave it up reject her / offer FB. That was kinda low.

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What if she really likes you and is good in bed? You can let her know that at this point in your life your not locking down with anyone, but you guys can be FWB and continue doing what your doing.

Over time your phase might shift where looks are not a primary criteria for selection. Even my mother who was a beautiful model says it's a poor priority for choosing a relation partner.

However I do agree that lust and attraction are important in a relationship and it's a good thing to have.

She might very well be, but I don't want to start something serious and then dump her (with drama). My experience tells me that's what's going to happen.

I played a couple of girls in the past and felt really bad about it. I just want to make it easy and comfortable for us. Thing is, I don't think we've been close enough for me to straight out tell her. Or actually we might...

I'd say just be straight up then & let her know you're not looking for any type of serious relationship right now & that you'd just like to hang out & have "fun" from time to time but if something starts to come about then we can talk about it. That's probably about the best way to put it. Being straight up is risky bc she'll either agree to it, or she could just bail if an actual boyfriend is what she is really after. However, it's better than deceiving someone as you said.

It's a tough situation, you probably don't want to "spoil" her too much by taking her to dinner, getting her gifts, etc bc that will really lead her on, just keep it strictly to coming over to each other's place to do the deed & that's it. Good luck.

Tortendieb said:

She might very well be, but I don't want to start something serious and then dump her (with drama). My experience tells me that's what's going to happen.

I played a couple of girls in the past and felt really bad about it. I just want to make it easy and comfortable for us. Thing is, I don't think we've been close enough for me to straight out tell her. Or actually we might...

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Be a friend like me. A real friend and lay down that pipe really good. Encourage that she meet other guys. Do things to boost her self esteem let what you guys are doing be a good experience for her.

Sex doesn't have to be a degrading thing and no one has to be used. Just be honest that your not trying to lock down with anyone at this stage in your life.

I agree with some of what was said above. The main factor - just don't treat her like a girlfriend. If you want her to be a FWB/FB then you can't see her everyday. See her once or maybe twice a week, and don't call or text inbetween. Be a FB for her, don't make it about anything else. Keep everything surface level. If she starts talking about relationship stuff or acting like a girlfriend then back away. She'll pick up on it.

DaddyLongShanks said:

Sex doesn't have to be a degrading thing and no one has to be used. Just be honest that your not trying to lock down with anyone at this stage in your life.

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Girls want a good FB just as much as guys do. So be that guy that doesn't get attached.

WanderingMan said:

Girls want a good FB just as much as guys do. So be that guy that doesn't get attached.

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Not so much. That's why I don't advocate FB friends. You just ruin the girl mentally and now no guy wants her.
If your willing to do that, take responsibility instead of trying to convince yourself otherwise. You certainly can be honest about it and keep her in GF mode the entire time. She will do everything you want. But she will be one f'kd up B if you ever cut her off completely, actually she will be one fk'd up B the second you pull this.
So accept responsibility, then decide.

*she might already be fk'd up by a previous relationship like this, if so then it's probably more acceptable. That woman wont ever be happy, so might as well make yourself happy.*

nugama said:

Not so much. That's why I don't advocate FB friends. You just ruin the girl mentally and now no guy wants her.
If your willing to do that, take responsibility instead of trying to convince yourself otherwise. You certainly can be honest about it and keep her in GF mode the entire time. She will do everything you want. But she will be one f'kd up B if you ever cut her off completely, actually she will be one fk'd up B the second you pull this.
So accept responsibility, then decide.

*she might already be fk'd up by a previous relationship like this, if so then it's probably more acceptable. That woman wont ever be happy, so might as well make yourself happy.*

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I think you misunderstood my post.

Knew a girl who use to only "just date". Mainly because she had a guy who kept her as FB. She would flout it as her being a strong woman.
Now she has been with a guy for 3~ years, he tries to treat her well - but she follows his demands even the smallest. You can tell she is sorry for being some guys FB so long and accepting that lifestyle. He just wants her to get over it.

Not the first time I have seen this either, seems to happen with every girl that was a FB at some point in her life. The final man has a docile and miserable wife, who loves that man but can't ever forgive herself.
or she becomes BPD.
or she is just straight yelling all the time, skip the BPD part - there is no up.

Because 99% of the time, when a girl who has been chasing you settles for FB. She is really desperate for you to accept her, when you never do after using them for so long - it messes them up.

nugama said:

Because 99% of the time, when a girl who has been chasing you settles for FB. She is really desperate for you to accept her, when you never do after using them for so long - it messes them up.

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Very true. When things go by the man's rules and not the woman's, especially women who are always used to getting their way and running the show with every man in their travels, and it messes with her head bad. And eventually down the road she will probably start referring to this incident as "abuse" and "he just used me for s3x", even though she was the one who wanted it more than he did.

nugama said:

Knew a girl who use to only "just date". Mainly because she had a guy who kept her as FB. She would flout it as her being a strong woman.
Now she has been with a guy for 3~ years, he tries to treat her well - but she follows his demands even the smallest. You can tell she is sorry for being some guys FB so long and accepting that lifestyle. He just wants her to get over it.

Not the first time I have seen this either, seems to happen with every girl that was a FB at some point in her life. The final man has a docile and miserable wife, who loves that man but can't ever forgive herself.
or she becomes BPD.
or she is just straight yelling all the time, skip the BPD part - there is no up.

Because 99% of the time, when a girl who has been chasing you settles for FB. She is really desperate for you to accept her, when you never do after using them for so long - it messes them up.

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I'm not sure the details in the scenaro you listed, but I'm not advocating manipulating or leading a girl on.

This was the OP's initial question:

How do I start a FB relationship without deceiving her?

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nugama, have you ever had a FB relationship with a woman? Or are you just giving advice about what some past friend's ex girlfriend's former roommate's sister said was the reason she treats her current long term nice guy boyfriend like ****? And it seems you are implying that women never want or can enjoy a FB relationship. Personally, I've had plenty of FB relationships where everyone was happy, and where we were both just fine when we ended up parting ways.

The biggest thing you can do is ESCALATE QUICKLY. You should be going for the lay the first or second time you guys meet.

There is a big difference in a girl's mind between a guy who goes on a half dozen dates, really gets to know her and then starts to become sexual with her gradually....and the guy who is aggressive and fvcks her on the first/second date. The first says "i want to date you". The second very clearly says "i just want to sleep with you".

You should be hooking up with her or at least fooling around every time you guys hang out. Don't be trying to get to know her. Be straightforward with her if she asks. Don't be completely blunt...soften your words a bit, but get across the idea that you're only interested in hooking up with her.

My question is why are you trying to settle for banging low quality girls. Don't let this forum sway you into the mentality that getting laid is paramount and everything should be compromised in order to bang. It's okay as a DJ to have a little patience and not get laid for a couple weeks and avoid sticking your **** in every warm hole.

I understand that sometimes you just need to get off. But next time you feel that way...go jerk off, and then immediately after pull up a picture of the girl in question and think about whether you really wanna get with her. Chances are if she's below your standards then you won't. Not to mention that sex with low quality girls is often more trouble then it's worth. Whenever i get with a chick that is "meh", often the first thought out of my mouth after banging her and getting off is "that was it? I drove 20 minutes, got a haircut and a new shirt and a box of condoms and sexted her all week for THAT?? Should've just jerked off to Dani Daniels instead...would've been more pleasurable"

You're absolutely right. And also I believe there were some pretty good points raised pro/con.

Turns out I met 2 new girls on Sunday alone, and I completely forgot about the other one, not even considering her anymore.

Yeah, I guess I started this thread out of weakness. But I swear last week I was still thinking "she's not that bad now is she". I was bored&lonely so I guess I lead her on a little. She texted me earlier, have to blow her off now.