Red flag?

My gf and I share a computer (we have just moved in together and she is 25 and I'm 28..together a year) and when I was looking for a previous link through my history I saw she has visited her ex's Facebook page and a photo of his.

Should I start planning my exit strategy? Am I over-reacting?

Technics said:

My gf and I share a computer (we have just moved in together and she is 25 and I'm 28..together a year) and when I was looking for a previous link through my history I saw she has visited her ex's Facebook page and a photo of his.

Should I start planning my exit strategy? Am I over-reacting?

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Can you check the message history? If she didn't reach out to him, I wouldn't worry about it. But if she did, I would definitely start planning an exit strategy.

Just test her, like women do with us men. Tell her that you were looking for that URL and then saw her search history. Ask her, jokingly, if she misses her ex. If she jokes about, have a good laugh. If she goes berserk and asks you why you spy on her private stuff, tell her to chill and laugh about it at her. Afterall you were joking. Then let her spin on it. Important to hold back, and not be effected about her outrage(she will try to make you angry somehow). If she starts erasing the web history after this incident, then I think you'll have to worry. Then she's obviously hiding something.

If you however keep this for later use, she'll go ape**** about it and it won't be as useful. You know how women are, logic won't work.

personally I wouldnt say anything. but keep a close eye on the situation. if you find out she's messaging him, then you plan your exit.

Do you go checking out your exes facebook? Didn't think so... mentally check out bro... borderline disrespect is the worst.

If you don't say anything, the relationship will be unhealthy because you'll be suspicious all the time until proven wrong/right. Might aswell be straight forward with it and have it done. She might even crack, and then you've saved yourself quite some time.

Also, she'll know she's caught. If she'd proceed seeking contact with her ex, she'll do it in a way you'd notice. She'll be distanced etc, since she'll have a feeling that you're onto her. It'll be so obvious, and you won't even have to worry about things and can continue to enjoy your life until then.

Bringing this up, will only cause her to get defensive and will make her better at hiding this from you. I wouldn't say anything, but I would be extra attentive.

Big issue here is did she talk to him. My buddy checked out his exes facebook and hes still married. Never met her just looked at the facebook and lull'd cause she was dating a chump who knew nothing her skanky past. Remember...the key is if she is contacting him. If so, eject.

The is no "exit strategy". Just go ghost. Nuclear disappearance, get in the mindset that you're already broken up. Only when she approaches you about your aloof behavior can you confront her, as she'll be looking for the why. Her reaction will tell you a lot. If you bring it up now, it'll come off as beta.

you bring it up, she'll get defensive and spin it around on you with chick logic. she'll just continue to do it anyway behind your back. If you find out she's communicating with him then you have a problem.

Does this give me grounds to check her phone? (I know her passcode) I would feel dirty for snooping but I have to verify right?

I'm definitely NOT going to bring it up. I'm just going to act normal until I find out what's going on although I've prepared myself to walk away if I find out she's been in contact with him.


@MillionBillionaire - I did once check out my ex's profile when a pic of her showing off her new fake tits popped up on my newsfeed lol..

If you go looking for dirt.. you gunna find it. Brace yourself and snoop... good luck op.. Keep an eye on her I.L.

I would mentally check out and see how it goes over the next few weeks

If it's a recurring theme has to end I'm afraid

Her ex is part of her past, and you'll never know why excactly she looked him up. Maybe she needed to confirm he's a douche and you're better. In any case, like you think about your ex's every once in a while, so does she. We're human after all. Looking them up on FB is just a manifestation of this, and I don't think it's harmful unless she does it on a weekly basis.
I would do nothing about this incident, but prevent future hassles. A lack of IT privacy has a huge f-up potential for relationships, and it fosters paranoia that will eventually undermine the common-sense gut feeling.
My advice: Set your browser to strict privacy mode aka pr0n mode. History to zero days, no cookies etc. This will protect both of you from data-skimming companies and unneccessary fights - keep in mind, one night you may look at some instagram bewbs "just for fun", but no way will she believe it ...

looking at her exes FB is one thing. staying in touch by calling/texting/FB messaging is entirely different. You get signs of that, then it's time to pull the plug. Snoop if you want, but be prepared for what you might find.

Don't say anything to her yet. Just keep it on the down low. Bringing it up will only allow her to get defensive. Since you don't have solid hard evidence such as messages between then or anything, she will be able to make up excuses. It might very well be that he tagged her in something and she visited his page just to see it.

It could be anything. Don't do anything yet. Just be on the lookout and mentally prepare yourself for the worst. When you get solid hard evidence then you can checkout without even letting her know.

PairPlusRoyalFlush said:

Ignorance is bliss blue pill logic...scary

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Scary? You're free to disagree with my viewpoint. Europeans and Americans have differing views on many things including IT privacy. The OP will pick whatever advice he deems fit.
Be careful with those Orwell quotes, though. If you use them to foster surveillance, they backfire in your face.

UPDATE:

I went through her phone and found out they were texting and calling eachother about 6 months ago which was about 4 months into our exclusivity. I am unsure if they have been in recent contact.

The conversation is basically general chit chat then it gets into deeper stuff like why they broke up, how he still wants her and how he'll be here for her if I don't treat her right.

One line that caught my eye was him saying ''I get the feeling there's more to your relationship (me and her) than you're letting on''

Then she has sent him a picture of me.

I will paste the rest.. I've blanked out names..

Her: Thanks ****, I understand you'll always be in my heart too I hope you sleep better tonight!

Her: Also was thinking this morning- not sure if I've made this clear this year before- you know there is no chance of a future for us now? Not because of (me) or anyone else I might meet. Between not wanting me when I said I'd come anywhere with you, not coming to see me and dating others when you said you were figuring things out and I was waiting for you (and now seriously dating a hot young thing)- I have zero interest.. I would still really like to stay friends (I really value your friendship ****), but I understand if you need to not be friends with me to give **** your whole heart.. (I'm not trying to be mean btw, just same as you - not able to get the words out on the phone)

Him: Just for the record. Since the breakup in 2012 I have kissed, dated, hooked up or whatever you want to call it with just 2 people. **** and you. No idea why you think I was out 'dating' others. Last year people were telling me that I should try 'dating' someone else so I might forget about you. I'm sure your friends were telling you the same thing. Yes I do regret not coming to visit you in (place) and (place) and I'm still sorry for that. I wish I had known you'd follow me anywhere. Thought it was just (place) and (place). I should've asked but it doesn't matter now. I to value our friendship and I'd like it to continue. It's up to you if you want it to or not. Have a great time in Bali

Her: Good, I would be sad to lose you **** chat when I'm back from Bali!

Him: Also I need you to know that my relationship with **** is serious and I love her.

Her: I know **** x

Him: Hi ******. I don't think it's real fair on ***** and your bloke if we keep talking.

I also am getting the feeling that they may have met up/fvcked whatever since I've been dating her. No real way to prove it but I can feel it in my gut.


What do I do? I'm meant to be meeting her or lunch in a few hours and I'm going away for work tomorrow for two weeks. I'm not really thinking clearly at the moment.

Also she found out a few weeks ago that the reason that I broke up with my ex is because she was in contact with her ex. Now if I ask her ''have you been in contact with your ex since we've been exclusive'' and she lies and says no then....

the good news is that he seems to have lost interest, if he's not lying. the bad news is that she still wants him around.

devilkingx2 said:

the good news is that he seems to have lost interest, if he's not lying. the bad news is that she still wants him around.

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Exactly. Seems that she wants to keep him as an orbiter. But why?