Gambino,
I was in a similar situation when I was your age. Poker was my game too. It became a real problem (more of a time-suck than a lose-my-car type addiction). I was a break even player - which means all those hours, days, months, even years of playing live and online meant that I accomplished nothing. Gained nothing. It was just time I never got back. Gambling isn't exactly something you can look back on and say oh well at least I grew as a person.
Gambino (appropriate name), I can tell you that you are likely using poker as a coping mechanism. It's filling a "hole" in your life. Its an easy comfort. It's an adrenaline rush. It feels like you are ACCOMPLISHING something - which is huge if you are currently struggling with low self-esteem - when, really, unless you're actually making a living while also maintaining your sanity, it's an illusion. You're accomplishing nothing.
Time to take back your time, man. I get it, any time you want to pursue your passion or career or some type of self improvement goal, its easy to just play poker instead. After all, poker gives you results instantly. Pursuing a great passion is usually a long game and can feel daunting.
But remember, the reason those winning poker players are winners is because they see the long game. They're grinders. They don't worry about how much they win or lose on any given day, they just focus in how they played that day. Specifically, they'll just try to play every hand as optimally as they can. Then, whatever the result, they can say they were satisfied with their play or they learned something.
I doubt you are taking that "professional" approach to poker and I also doubt it's something you want to do for the rest of your life. So start shifting your attention over to the things you really want to do. And whenever you feel the pull to play poker/video games/surf the web instead, just remember, this is a long game. You gotta grind it out. Focus on the process, which often means fighting distractions, and the results will come. Chances are, putting the same number of hours into a career or hobby pursuit as you would at a poker table will result in a lot more money and much more happiness long term.
And if you do want to continue to play, make sure you use proper bankroll management. Otherwise the anxiety will kill you. Plus, playing with scared money never works. At least 25 buy ins for cash games (so 1/2 NL would be 5000), 30-50 buy ins for sit and go tournaments, and 75-100 buy ins for multi table tournaments. But seriously, just avoid cards for now and follow these bankroll rules when you're rolling in money.
