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Female best friend give mixed signals. I need advice badly.

Nis786

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Hi,
I recently had a big fight with my best friend. I met her when i had a break up with my ex-girlfriend couple of years back. She really helped me in coming out of that emotional thing.
We became good friends really fast. At the beginning we both used to care for each other a lot. She used to tell me that his colleague proposed him but she can't accept as religion is different. I used to tell her about my girlfriend.

Then i got engaged with my girlfriend. She was so happy for me. But my fiancée & she don't like each other much.

To be honest i always had infatuation towards her because she is one of the most beautiful girl i ever met & she is a nice person.

I continued caring about her & fulfilled all her wishes,doesn't matter how expensive it was. Her family is very conservative. She hardly got permission to do job. they are lower middle class.

To see smile on her face & for her happiness i did everything possible without blink of an eye. I met with her sisters too,they are like my second family.

but here how things started to change. She invited me to her office & said we will leave for lunch from there itself. I went & we had fun. Some of his colleagues misunderstood me as his boyfriend. She didn't liked it. So when i went again some other day, she asked me to leave from office & shouted on me infront of her colleagues. I know i was wrong in going to her office again but to insult me infront of others was very hurtful for me. anyway i let it go.

The thing is when she get angry,she don't have any control over her tongue. She use any word that comes in her mind that moment.

Then she asked me to call in her sister number because she don't want to give me her new number as she thinks i irritate her & possessive. i found out her number but she blocked me. She use Whatsapp but don't add me. She said i interfere too much & my fiancee will not like if we chat or talk much. that was her excuse anyway.

I told her you are my best friend. i get along well with your sister but she is not my friend. I will talk in your number.

I just never took a stand. She knew i will always return to her no matter how bad she treat me.

Her sister told me she care a lot about me but don't show her emotion to anyone. She don't want to cause problem between me & my fiancee.

I said my fiancee know everything & she is fine. She has her own friend circle too. People with gf have also right to have female best friends.

She gives me lot of time when i visit her city,it's my home town too. but I work in other city.

I just told her that you chat whole night with other friends in your number but you have problem doing that with your best friend.

She said you came to my office,i felt bad & insecure that my colleagues made fun that my boyfriend is possessive & came to check on me. She said you will leave,but i will live in same city,so i don't want to compromise with my respect.

anyway i understood. But yesterday we had a fight because i visited her city & asked for her time to meet to discuss about my wedding plan. Her office training was near my home,so i saw her & said HI. She said me to leave & got angry. She didn't met & told in phone that I am not your personal property. My family don't keep check on me like that. Why you came to training?. I said you never care about my happiness. You get time to ask other friends & your colleagues well being but not a single reply to my text or call. From last 1 month, we only talked if i call in her sister mobile or she called from her sister number.

We broke up last night,It happens most times that we fight & shout & end it. She told me not to show my face to her if we ever bump in road. She is very proud of her beauty & has a very big ego. But overall she is nice.

I took lot of crap & i feel after caring so much,do i deserve such treatment? Name any expensive gift which i have not given her. Mobiles, scooty , Expensive dresses,boots,clutches,jackets & Perfumes.

I am just mentioning this to make my point that i did all which will make her happy. I wanted to give her life which she wishes for.

I am very self-centred guy but first time in my life i got emotionally attached with anyone & i am doomed.

Please tell me what she think of me. One thing is sure she know if she call me after few weeks or months,she hope i will return to her like lost puppy. but now i want her to realise that my self respect is also important. She never cared about my happiness.

What i Should do now,because it's tough for me to keep her out of my mind. Should i move on? If she ever call,what i should do? Will she miss me when i am gone? In today's world most ppl will not do this much for their gf,best friend is far thing.

Sorry for long story,but this is my first post here & wanted to explain in detail.
 

christoff522

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You're in a pretty bad situation here. In a long term relationship your fiancee has to take priority, but you're wanting to triangulate the relationship. If you were happy with your fiancee would you be looking for someone else? Why do you spend your time with this girl? Why are you bothered what signals she is sending you?

It's time to grow up sir, either leave your fiancee and pursue this girl, or distance yourself from your friend.

She isn't sending you mixed signals, you're sending her mixed signals.
 

Nis786

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christoff522 said:
You're in a pretty bad situation here. In a long term relationship your fiancee has to take priority, but you're wanting to triangulate the relationship. If you were happy with your fiancee would you be looking for someone else? Why do you spend your time with this girl? Why are you bothered what signals she is sending you?

It's time to grow up sir, either leave your fiancee and pursue this girl, or distance yourself from your friend.

She isn't sending you mixed signals, you're sending her mixed signals.
Thanks for reply.

I agree with you that I am at the wrong end & messed up. I just feel extra protective towards her & like her as best friend only.

I just feel that she never cared me about my happiness & She just used me for living her lifestyle.

And, Yes you are right,my priority should be my fiancee only. But losing a best friend is hard to accept after you do so much caring for her.
 

bcollarmechanic

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when you cut the money flow off, she will come running back with open arms

shes not your friend she only likes you for the things you buy her, buy anybody anything and they will pretend to like you for as long as you keep buying them things
 

Nis786

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bcollarmechanic said:
when you cut the money flow off, she will come running back with open arms

shes not your friend she only likes you for the things you buy her, buy anybody anything and they will pretend to like you for as long as you keep buying them things
I started doing that already. Hopefully for my own sanity, if she ever call back,i know she will,i don't return to her as lost puppy. It will be same cycle again because she believes she has upper hand & my own action is to be blamed for her such believe,i gave her the power.

I will try to focus on my job & fiancee & my other friends. I am going to follow No Contact rule.

Thanks for the advice buddy!
 

VladPatton

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This is why men and women don't make good friends. Avoid it in the future. Someone always wants to have sex with the other.

Stick with your fiancee and forget this psycho. Simply your life, man.
 

hudpes

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You are a mess. I have an impression that you don't have any foundation to stand on firmly, and are easily swayed by external events, you are pursuing an empty bag carried by the wind. My advice, first find out if you really want to marry the woman you intend to, find peace, reinvent yourself, grow, and last but not least, cut off all contact with your "best" friend, for good.

VladPatton, probably, but if you are in control of yourself, it isn't an issue.
 

Nis786

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hudpes said:
You are a mess. I have an impression that you don't have any foundation to stand on firmly, and are easily swayed by external events, you are pursuing an empty bag carried by the wind. My advice, first find out if you really want to marry the woman you intend to, find peace, reinvent yourself, grow, and last but not least, cut off all contact with your "best" friend, for good.

VladPatton, probably, but if you are in control of yourself, it isn't an issue.

Yes i cut off all contact with her. But she makes her elder sister text me & to give message that she reacted in anger because i don't give her space & interfere in her life. I went to her training to see her & She will chat whole night with others but not single reply to me few days before break up i questioned her about this......because of these two things she thinks i interfered in her life.

She thinks she can get me back whenever she call me,but she will never apologise. She & her sisters enjoyed a lavish lifestyle till i was there,hell yes she will miss that if not me. And for that only thing i am not going back in her life. I am keep reminding this myself.

Thank you Hudpes & Vladpatton for reply.
 

Çharismo

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Cut off all contact with your friend.

She's playing the sh!t out of you and using you to get things for her.

This is a lesson for you to learn that no matter what...men and women can't be friends and it's usually the guy who gets jerked around and played for a fool.

I highly suggest you take the time to examine your life, where it's headed and think about why you are even entertaining this woman and most of all your engagement.

You shouldn't be talking to your friend behind your fiancee's back because you in actuality like her and if your fiancee found out it would hurt her deeply.

I highly suggest you cut off all contact with your friend and the family as well while focusing on your engagement and whether or not if that's the right path at this point in time.

Clear your head, get back on track and no matter what don't communicate with her or the family. :rockon:
 

Nis786

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Update

Her sister messaged me several time,so i got annoyed & so i broke my NC & texted her & said you can say on your own if you are sorry.

I was so pissed off that today i lost control & said i will tell your office staff & brother how selfish you are. ( i didn't meant to do that,i will never like to damage any girl's respect in any case.). if you want mobile for your cousin you need me. If you want expensive things you need me & give hint. You need Iphone or trademill you need me. then you say i do this for my happiness.

She got angry by my blame & her elder sister shouted on phone that you all did this for your own happiness,she didn't forced you. She will return all. I feel like beating you & Nobody will attend marriage of a person like me & said i follow her & she is always right & she is bearing me. and said i am not her bf or husband to question or possessive about her.

And, she is breaking up forever. I said i am doing the same thing.

I said i lost my cool & said stuff but it's true she is selfish & i don't need my stuff back.

I just don't want to do anything with you or your family again. I took lot of crap in the name of friendship.

I told to my fiancee too. She also said i acted like fool & if there is self respect then don't ever contact your so call best friend or her family.

I know most of you will say i am biggest fool & i agree. I wasted my time, money, took crap & acted caring & possessive for the person who don't care & put all blame on me.
 

christoff522

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Nis786 said:
Update

Her sister messaged me several time,so i got annoyed & so i broke my NC & texted her & said you can say on your own if you are sorry.

I was so pissed off that today i lost control & said i will tell your office staff & brother how selfish you are. ( i didn't meant to do that,i will never like to damage any girl's respect in any case.). if you want mobile for your cousin you need me. If you want expensive things you need me & give hint. You need Iphone or trademill you need me. then you say i do this for my happiness.

She got angry by my blame & her elder sister shouted on phone that you all did this for your own happiness,she didn't forced you. She will return all. I feel like beating you & Nobody will attend marriage of a person like me & said i follow her & she is always right & she is bearing me. and said i am not her bf or husband to question or possessive about her.

And, she is breaking up forever. I said i am doing the same thing.

I said i lost my cool & said stuff but it's true she is selfish & i don't need my stuff back.

I just don't want to do anything with you or your family again. I took lot of crap in the name of friendship.

I told to my fiancee too. She also said i acted like fool & if there is self respect then don't ever contact your so call best friend or her family.

I know most of you will say i am biggest fool & i agree. I wasted my time, money, took crap & acted caring & possessive for the person who don't care & put all blame on me.

Not at all, yes you lost your cool, but you told your fiancee, she told you some home truths. Accept them, focus on recovering your relationship and stay away from the attention*****. Its one of those times where (easier said than done) you need to ignore your emotions.
 

Nis786

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christoff522 said:
Not at all, yes you lost your cool, but you told your fiancee, she told you some home truths. Accept them, focus on recovering your relationship and stay away from the attention*****. Its one of those times where (easier said than done) you need to ignore your emotions.
You are right! It will be tough to divert my mind. But i know I acted as emotional fool & every single decision i made during our friendship was from heart & not from mind. I compromised with my self respect,hoping she will understand me.

But the way She & her sister put all blame on me (I accept i am wrong at few places) & behaved,it was hurtful & i feel insulted. I gave her friendship more importance than giving time to my fiancee. This was my biggest mistake.

I got reality check. I am going to focus on myself & my relation with my fiancee. I am really thankful that she understood me & told me where i was wrong.

I will cut all ties,deleted her from facebook already. If she ever called back & most certainly she will,bcoz she & her sister are used to live a lavish life on my expense,I am not letting her in my life again.

Thanks for your time & reply bro!
 

Nis786

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christoff522 said:
Not at all, yes you lost your cool, but you told your fiancee, she told you some home truths. Accept them, focus on recovering your relationship and stay away from the attention*****. Its one of those times where (easier said than done) you need to ignore your emotions.

Bro I cut of all ties with her & her family. Following NC,giving time to my relationship with my fiancee & removed my friend from facebook.

but it always comes in my mind that she will not feel bad for a minute to lose our friendship just like that & will be busy chatting & meeting her other friends whom i don't like. I know i have no control over this,she will do what she want to do. And she may or may not call after few weeks or months,thinking if she talk nicely i will be back like before as she has upper hand over me. she was living lavish life on my expense which she always wished for.


But how can i ignore my emotion completely? I don't want to do anything with her or her memory. i need a switch off button. My head will explode.
 

Nis786

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*Update*

I am on Day 2 of NC. I told everything to my fiancee,bcoz i wanted to be completely honest with her. She always knew i had a best friend & she met her before once. But she didn't knew i like her & little possessive.

Anyway She told me i acted as idiot. My friend used me bcoz i let her use me & compromised with my self respect. My best friend realized that she can have me whenever she want,& i will return to her like puppet.

My Fiancee told me that you were not this much soft during our dating days. Never show your weak side or give remote control of your life to any women. Sooner or later they will play with it.

She said that my friend will definitely contact me bcoz she is now used to have a luxury life & none of her male friends or boy friend will spend so much like you did as fool. Her sisters also helped her in playing game with me & using me.

She said i know you didn't wished to hurt me or cheat me,So i am with you & will help you come out of this but you need to cut all ties with her & her family. Just pull a disappearing act on your friend & never response if she contacts. If you ever contact her again,we are done.

Just for information, My fiancee is 9, My best friend is 8.5. I am an idiot seriously.

I am lucky to have such supportive fiancee & will not waste single second of my life thinking abt my friend or hoping my friend will back. I will continue NC for my own now.

Thank you everyone for your reply & taking time to read my story.
 
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