I Need Help! Opinions Pls!

dustmuffin · Jul 21, 2015

Ok Here is my story. I have been having a long distance relationship with a woman for about a year. Everything seemed great until about 6 weeks ago. She changed. She started be surly, rude etc. Until finally I got sat down and told that things weren’t working. They weren’t moving forward to what she wanted which is a blended family. I wasn’t around enough and that I was meeting the romance and emotional aspect of the relationship but not the physical. That she was in love with me but not us. She also said that she thought I was dating multiple women. I’m not. I tried to tell her that I cared about her and loved her, that I would make an effort to be around more.
We both have children and mine are important to me. She said that she thought that that might cause resentment because I couldn’t’ see my kids as much. She said she didn’t want to be in a relationship with resentment. Anyway she said she wants to be good friends. I asked her what a good friend is. She said that a good friend is what a boyfriend is without the romance. So she wants emotional support. She sent me a text a few days ago with this friends answer. I haven’t replied. To me her boyfriend/husband should be her main means of emotional support. Since she is no longer my girl, I don’t want to provide her with that. I don’t want to make her feel good while she is off looking for another guy. She did text that she missed talking to me.
So what to do? I know in my heart that the way things are, it won’t work. I do love her and would like to set down the marriage road. But that is not possible because of the distance, can’t relocate because of jobs etc. Her situation might change in the future because she might take over her mom’s practice which is near where I live. But this is when her mom decides to retire. There is no time frame. If her situation changes, I would definitely like to give it another go.
I don’t want to be her close friend right now. I will not support her while she is out dating etc. Here are some sample texts that I have come up with that I would like opinions. Please feel free to add comments.
#1 I have thought about this long and hard. I can’t be your close friend. Emotional support is the main responsibility of a bf/husband. Since you are no longer my girl, I can’t nurture your emotional needs. It is unfortunate that we couldn’t work things out. Good luck

#2 You are right, at this time I can’t meet your physical needs. Maybe in the future this might be a possibility due to a change in circumstances. I can’t be your close friend. Emotional support is the main responsibility of a bf/husband. Since you are no longer my girl, I can’t nurture your emotional needs. It is unfortunate that we couldn’t work things out. Maybe in the future we can be friends. Good luck.
Anyway after I send this text I will stonewall with no contact. She will be in town in a couple months. I might send her a text then to see if she wants to meet. What do you guys think?

dark god · Jul 21, 2015

I think she met someone else and u got the boot.She wants to keep you around as an emotional tampon to listen to her problems.Cut bait and move on.

Tictac · Jul 21, 2015

You know that this is not working - you said so. So drop her and stop pretending this is going to work.

In addition, you say you are devoted to your kids and that any effort to meet her demands (and that's what they are - demands) will have you seeing less of your kids. Throwing your kids under the bus for some poon is a very bad idea.

LD doesn't work. Chicks making demands doesn't work. A lot of what you are doing doesn't work because it can't work.

Sure, steady poon is a nice thing. The price is way too high.

This is done. Move on.

GS750 · Jul 21, 2015

Okay, I'll take a stab at this one

dustmuffin said:
Ok Here is my story. I have been having a long distance relationship with a woman for about a year. Everything seemed great until about 6 weeks ago. She changed. New guy on the scene most likelyShe started be surly, rude etc. Until finally I got sat down and told that things weren’t working.things aren't working...for her They weren’t moving forward to what she wanted which is a blended family. She wants lifelong commitmentI wasn’t around enough and that I was meeting the romance and emotional aspect of the relationship but not the physical. Long distance...typical That she was in love with me but not us. I love you...but I'm not in love with youShe also said that she thought I was dating multiple women. I’m not. Chick logic. Trying to make it your faultI tried to tell her that I cared about her and loved her, that I would make an effort to be around more. Too late. She's already made up her mind after lengthy consideration
We both have children and mine are important to me. She said that she thought that that might cause resentment because I couldn’t’ see my kids as much. She said she didn’t want to be in a relationship with resentment. Anyway she said she wants to be good friends. Bullsh*t. We've all heard this friends crap beforeI asked her what a good friend is. She said that a good friend is what a boyfriend is without the romance. Emotional tampon is what it isSo she wants emotional support. Ha! She wants to keep you around as a shoulder to lean on She sent me a text a few days ago with this friends answer. I haven’t replied. GoodTo me her boyfriend/husband should be her main means of emotional support. Absolutely 100% correctSince she is no longer my girl, I don’t want to provide her with that. ...and you shouldn't. Good for youI don’t want to make her feel good while she is off looking for another guy. Which she will use you for She did text that she missed talking to me. She misses your attention
So what to do? I know in my heart that the way things are, it won’t work. I do love her and would like to set down the marriage road. But that is not possible because of the distance, can’t relocate because of jobs etc. Then you need to cut her off and move onHer situation might change in the future because she might take over her mom’s practice which is near where I live. If that happens in the future then you consider it thenBut this is when her mom decides to retire. There is no time frame. If her situation changes, I would definitely like to give it another go.by then you'll be over it and moved on
I don’t want to be her close friend right now. Good...then don't do itI will not support her while she is out dating etc. Here are some sample texts that I have come up with that I would like opinions. Please feel free to add comments.
#1 I have thought about this long and hard. I can’t be your close friend. Emotional support is the main responsibility of a bf/husband. Since you are no longer my girl, I can’t nurture your emotional needs. It is unfortunate that we couldn’t work things out. Good luck Cut it down to the two first sentences. Say good luck and go NC

#2 You are right, at this time I can’t meet your physical needs. Maybe in the future this might be a possibility due to a change in circumstances. I can’t be your close friend. Emotional support is the main responsibility of a bf/husband. Since you are no longer my girl, I can’t nurture your emotional needs. It is unfortunate that we couldn’t work things out. Maybe in the future we can be friends. Good luck.
Anyway after I send this text I will stonewall with no contact. Good...she will try and stay in touch, count on itShe will be in town in a couple months. I might send her a text then to see if she wants to meet. What do you guys think? If you send that text, make it final. Making plans to meet in the future will fvck up all of your progress.

Make your intention to move on and not be a friend known and final. Then go NC and stick to it. She will contact you here and there to try and stay on your radar. Count on it. But it will not be good for your progress in moving on. Women are selfish like that. They want to keep you in their rolodex of guys...just in case. She's bored. She's lonely. She needs attention. She becomes single. Best thing is to cut that line and stay NC for your own good. Be different than most ex's and use your head. Do you want to be the guy she goes crawling back to in a year or two after she's dated around and feels like she is out of options? Send the text wish her luck and stick to NC.

dustmuffin · Jul 21, 2015

Thanks to all!

Thanks guys for the good advice. I'[m going to let her stew a little longer and send the text. He birthday is Thursday. I think I will send it then. Should I defriend her on FB? I know I can resist the urge to to contact her. I am leaning towards it because. Are there any good reasons to keep it?

dustmuffin · Jul 21, 2015

She just texted me asking if I would pick up the phone if she called.....Nope...Still waiting to drop the bomb....No I didn't reply.

GS750 · Jul 21, 2015

If you do text, say something like I'm not interested in being friends, I wish you luck and have a happy birthday. But I will not be replying to any contact in the future, at least not for a while. Then NC and stick to your guns.

YawataNoKami · Jul 22, 2015

There is no such thing as a "Long Distance Relationship".
LDR=woman emotional tampon.

Slickster · Jul 22, 2015

Long distance relationships NEVER work. EVER. EVER. EVER.

Repeat that to yourself as many times as you have to so you never attempt a long distance relationship again. They are a complete waste of time.

This woman is trying to let you down easy. The comment about you dating multiple women almost guarantees that she has other guys on the side or in her sights already. She wouldn't be letting you go if she didn't.

Please for the love of everything good in this world DO NOT send her those texts.

The absolute best most courageous and manly thing you can do here is say nothing. Delete her from Facebook. Do not respond to texts, emails, phone calls or anything else. Forget her birthday. She has made her choice. She is gone.

Sending those texts just plays into the drama that women love. Answering her calls will do the same thing. It will prolong the break up and do nothing for you. Everything that needs to be said has been said already. Let it go. You better believe that she would love to have you hanging on the line just hoping to get her back while she is across the country searching for a new man. Don't be that pitiful loser. Be the hero who got knocked down for the count but picked himself off the mat and kept on fighting.

Walk away like a man

Bible_Belt · Jul 22, 2015

I run out of gas after about 4 or 5 non-long distance women. But if they were all long distance, I could handle about 20 or so.

LDR never work, and that is a rule. I always try to find the exceptions to every rule. I think the exception to this one is that you need about 15-20 going at one time. If you can do that, you're not a chump. Otherwise....

Malcontent · Jul 22, 2015

"Ok Here is my story. I have been having a long distance relationship with a woman for about a year."

Couldn't read past this point. LDR is just a fantasy.

Sorry OP.

dustmuffin · Jul 22, 2015

I feel like a new man!

This was so empowering! Not like a graveling wussy trying to reason with a ***** who made up her mind months ago.

I sent this text: I have thought about this long and hard. I can’t be your close friend. Emotional support is the main responsibility of a bf/husband. Since you are no longer my girl, I can’t nurture your emotional needs. It is unfortunate that we couldn’t work things out. Good luck

And then best of all, deleted her Facebook....I was fixating on it which is unhealthy.

Anyway if you guys were here, there would be beer all around! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! :rockon: :rockon: :rockon: :rockon: :rockon:

I Need Help! Opinions Pls!

dustmuffin

Master Don Juan

dark god

Senior Don Juan

Tictac

Banned

GS750

Master Don Juan

dustmuffin

Master Don Juan

dustmuffin

Master Don Juan

GS750

Master Don Juan

YawataNoKami

Master Don Juan

Slickster

Master Don Juan

Bible_Belt

Master Don Juan

Malcontent

Senior Don Juan

dustmuffin

Master Don Juan