Man is haunted by wife's college days casually sexing "handsome", "good catch" men

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/...ollege_sexual_encounters_are_haunting_me.html

Dear Prudence:

My wife and I have been married for 20 years and had a relationship for several years prior to marriage. She is smart, beautiful, and a good person. Our marriage is strong. However, during a recent conversation about our respective college years (we did not meet until she was 25 and working on her MBA), she suddenly volunteered that she had performed oral sex on two different guys at school. She said that were both handsome and real catches like it was a badge of honor for her to do that. I knew about two other past loves but this has thrown me for a loop. Why would she volunteer this information? I am having a difficult time not focusing on this and it makes me see her in a less than wonderful way. Am I way off base and just having trouble seeing a real woman with a past?

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The answer is gold though..lol

"So there you were reminiscing, and out of your wife’s mouth came this revelation about what she’d put in her mouth more than two decades ago"

:crackup:

I'd tell her, she needs to step up the bj's for me..... since she gave it away for free, she needs to do it for me.....

Word to Wifey Poo:

Giving a guy a BJ isn't really an accomplishment.

However, I can see how a girl would give a guy a BJ, get blown off and then reframe it 20 years later as some kind of "accomplishment."

Then there's this:

37 D!CKS!

I'm guessing this guy is beta and his sloot wife is pissed off about something so she said that. I mean let's use our brains for a second. Do you think it's a good idea to tell your wife about the two sloot sisters you smashed back to back in college? No because if you respect her and care about her feelings you wouldn't say some **** like that. Same applies to this married sloot...what the **** good did this botch think would come from saying that to her husband? The problem is she doesn't respect him and he's beta. His response should have been....oh honey I didn't realize I married such a ****sucking slut. Did I ever tell you about the parties I used to go to at this sorority? Etc. **** these *****es man

Taiyuu_otoko,

Too funny. "My GF sucked 37 d1cks" .... "In a row?"

HAHAHAHA!!!

The N count for a lot of women in their late 20's today.... You don't even want to think about it.

-Augustus-

Two *******s more than 25 years ago?

One of the lowest Ns I have ever heard.

And the loser is insomniac over it.

Jeez.

What she fails to understand is that a man doesnt like to know that the mouth he kisses used to suck c0cks but can somehow tolerate it as long as she doesnt talk about it.

When she makes it clear like this, all she does is suggest a stimulus to his mind which is not that great if such stimulus is your wife (the one benefitting from your time and commitment) on her knees sucking an other man's c0ck while he isnt giving back as much as he.

Now lets go to the "accomplishment angle" so she pretty much is bragging to him that at least once in her life she had the change to accomplish something worth by being a sex toy to a winner...guess whats the between the line message for hubby.

Its tragic and funny at the same time, since women can read you bodylanguage and emotions easily but totally fail to understand obvious things like in this case sometime.

Im sure in a matter of weeks he will make a point of banging some other girl to get even while slowly lowering the respect and esteem of his wife worth.

A wife that goes to her husband to say how she sucked some cool guys c0ck in highschool does to her husband the same of a middle class man going to his wife and say that once when he was rich he took a girl to paris and bought her expensive jewels in order to have sex with her without succeeding.

We can bullsh1t each other about how we dont care cause we're alpha, our c0cks are bigger, we make them *** more and so on, yet deep down we dont like to be the sucker which pays full price for a used car which others drove for free when was new.

Who Dares Win said:

When she makes it clear like this, all she does is suggest a stimulus to his mind which is not that great if such stimulus is your wife (the one benefitting from your time and commitment) on her knees sucking an other man's c0ck while he isnt giving back as much as he.

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Possibly her "casual mention" was much more calculated (at least subconsciously), and she was holding those two Aces for a long time.

It's like holding a secret "marriage self destruct" mechanism so you can get out when you want while playing the innocent victim at the same time.

"I was just being honest! I had NO IDEA he'd react that way!"

BINGO!

Get out of jail free card. I had a girlfriend in college that habitually inserted self destruct points in relationships. That's exactly what this is. She wants out and is now undermining the trust in her relationship. We all want a ***** in the bedroom, we know she didn't get that way without practice. We just don't want to know about the practice.
No matter which way he turns this ends badly. Disregard and she'll $hit on the carpet again. Call her on her BS and she'll say he's overreacting.

Unfortunately for this guy the best path is to bail.

Sucks.

KC

Dear MDJ,
Pity was,she thought he was mature enough to handle it...Really what's the big deal?

I feel weakness in your answers guys,you react emotionally butthurt,this is exactly what women expect from you when tell such things, he should blank stare at her face and ask 'mmm thats interesting,what for dinner today?' Or even better he should share true or not stories how he was getting best sex and best bj in collage years (implying after that wasnt best)

JohnyTheArrow said:

I feel weakness in your answers guys,you react emotionally butthurt,this is exactly what women expect from you when tell such things, he should blank stare at her face and ask 'mmm thats interesting,what for dinner today?' Or even better he should share true or not stories how he was getting best sex and best bj in collage years (implying after that wasnt best)

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So she is letting you know that you got for life a degraded good and the best answer is to create fake sex stories to return her the annoyment?

Reminds me when someone ask me me how much I bench only to answer that he can bench a couple of kgs more.

Its obvious that her lines provoked an emotional reaction if he needs to "over alpha" her experiences with his, let alone fake ones too.

There is no right answer here, its no different than going home and find out an apple you bought is rotten, no jokes, happy faces or else, its just a rotten good in your hand.

This guy just got a taste of the red pill shoved down his throat.

If you look at his language, he says: "I knew about two other past loves". That is how he rationalized her banging two other guys. Wrapping that inside of the "love" context let him view her as a "good" girl. And now, 20 years into the marriage, he finds out she blew two "hawt" guys. So his entire image of her as his little special snowflake has been shattered.

That's is why this guy is so freaked out. And that is why it will keep eating at him. Something like that is a game changer in a marriage or LTR.

-Augustus-

Scaramouche said:

Dear MDJ,
Pity was,she thought he was mature enough to handle it...Really what's the big deal?

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You don't think she meant it as a jab?

Dear Malcontent.
You generally get what you anticipate,in your actions you ellicit the anticipated response...So regardless of her motivation,which I think is innocent enough...you just say Ho-Hum...Push her head down and enjoy a blow job...So maybe she is thinking of Clint Eastwood,does it matter?

Women talk.... ALL the F@CKING TIME. Eventually she will let something slip about her past life. Just not sure how the conversation would have led that direction in the first place. Jab or not.... I have a BJ coming right about now

JohnyTheArrow said:

I feel weakness in your answers guys,you react emotionally butthurt,this is exactly what women expect from you when tell such things, he should blank stare at her face and ask 'mmm thats interesting,what for dinner today?' Or even better he should share true or not stories how he was getting best sex and best bj in collage years (implying after that wasnt best)

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That's the thing. That would be an appropriate response EARLY IN THE RELATIONSHIP. She's trying to test you, you respond by acting like it's no big deal.

That she's saying it after 20 years indicates one of three things, IMO:

1) She's ashamed and is finally coming clean, in hopes it's no biggie - in this case, his response was an overreaction.

2) She really thinks it's no biggie and was assuming he'd think it was no biggie - in this case, his response was an overreaction

3) She KNEW telling him about her past would hurt him, and she KEPT IT for TWENTY YEARS. - in this case his spidey sense is accurate

Of course, there's NO WAY to tell based on the little information given. But chances are, since he was butt-hurt enough to write a letter to a blogger, he is BETA.

Which means SHE KNOWS he's beta. She's KNOWN for TWENTY YEARS.

However, that doesn't give us much info on which of the three, since she herself could be a beta land whale female.

This very well could be one of those things old married couples use to jab at each other.

In which case, YOU ARE CORRECT.

However, if she did intend to use this to create enough tension to cause problems in the relationship, out-framing is not such a great idea, since those issues will surface again later.

BUT WE WILL NEVER KNOW.

An interesting discussion, nonetheless.

taiyuu_otoko said:

3) She KNEW telling him about her past would hurt him, and she KEPT IT for TWENTY YEARS. - in this case his spidey sense is accurate

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Most likely this. Women subconsciously understand the ol' double standard and what it means for them. A woman is not going to drop a bomb like this without a reason.