Hey guys, first off, I want to once again say thank you to all those that contribute to this community. I feel like I learn something everytime I come here and it's nice to feel understood. I hope my posts offer the same. I'm sure some of this resembles what has already been said on the forum, but I wanted to contribute a bit.
I've never really told my story and I'm not going to go into it all bc it'd be too long. However, as I continue to introspect, I discover where many things went wrong and shaped my brain into abnormal thought processes. I had a very good/very bad childhood. My father loved me, but would shame me and invalidate me all the time along with abuse. He's a messed up man, but he also had something that happened to him as a child that screwed him up. One of the big things for me moving on in a healthy direction has been forgiveness to him. The bad things that happened to him made him raise me the way he saw proper and he did the best he could with what he had. Through all the messed up s***, I know the love between a father and son is there.
Now, I've always had anxiety and was a nervous kid mostly from those circumstances. On top of that, feminism and all the crap society teaches today keeps us from tapping into our natural instincts as men. I had what I call a nervous breakdown about 1.5 years ago and have been putting the pieces back together since, and the only way has been learning the RIGHT way as to how us men are meant to this world. It's just so hard bc of all the invalidation society presents to us today. That's a huge reason this forum is so awesome. We can validate each other in a positive direction without shaming.
You know the saying "sometimes it takes the stronger person to ask for help"... well, I had to do that after years of bottling it up and sought therapy. I was in a relationship through all of this which kept me from seeing the truth and also pushed me towards it.
Almost everyone is mentally ill. Society brings it upon itself. The first therapist I saw told me I was bipolar even though I'd never had a manic episode. They prescribed me mood stabilizers and all kinds of crap that only made me feel worse and IMO were barriers to me finding the truth. I saw a therapist in the same office and they told me I just had an anxiety disorder. Lol and they prescribed me an antidepressant which by that time I said screw this and found another which I've been seeing for the last year and is like a father/good friend to me now.
I take zoloft at the lowest dose and feel it has been a huge help in slowing down my mind to sort this crap out. I felt bad at first for having to take something but accepting it was this or continue my self-sabotaging ways, i had to. This is my path to healing and once I get into a lifestyle good for me, I hope to come off. I was actually an athelete at a top D1 school in college on a good scholarship so I thought I could always just push through things. However, it eventually got to much and the foundation I had wasn't strong enough to hold.
I'm rebuilding now and it sickens me to see how men are treated today. This has made me question everything and sometimes I think I'm going insane bc I get so deep. I don't hate women and I'm trying not to be bitter towards them but I do hold a lot of resentment towards my ex still.
I just wanted to share a little about myself so maybe it'll help others on this forum if you have something similar going on or can relate. Listen guys, this world is so messed up and it'll only get more difficult. However, there is much beauty left to be found... it's in the simple things and our natural instincts as men. If you have an anxiety, it is probably a product of some negative this world has produced. My advice is that if it is there, fix it now. Ask yourself why you have that anxious feeling bc it's to tell you something important. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help bc trust me, it's a hell of a lot easier than toughing it out on your own all the time.
Best wishes everyone,
gov87
I've never really told my story and I'm not going to go into it all bc it'd be too long. However, as I continue to introspect, I discover where many things went wrong and shaped my brain into abnormal thought processes. I had a very good/very bad childhood. My father loved me, but would shame me and invalidate me all the time along with abuse. He's a messed up man, but he also had something that happened to him as a child that screwed him up. One of the big things for me moving on in a healthy direction has been forgiveness to him. The bad things that happened to him made him raise me the way he saw proper and he did the best he could with what he had. Through all the messed up s***, I know the love between a father and son is there.
Now, I've always had anxiety and was a nervous kid mostly from those circumstances. On top of that, feminism and all the crap society teaches today keeps us from tapping into our natural instincts as men. I had what I call a nervous breakdown about 1.5 years ago and have been putting the pieces back together since, and the only way has been learning the RIGHT way as to how us men are meant to this world. It's just so hard bc of all the invalidation society presents to us today. That's a huge reason this forum is so awesome. We can validate each other in a positive direction without shaming.
You know the saying "sometimes it takes the stronger person to ask for help"... well, I had to do that after years of bottling it up and sought therapy. I was in a relationship through all of this which kept me from seeing the truth and also pushed me towards it.
Almost everyone is mentally ill. Society brings it upon itself. The first therapist I saw told me I was bipolar even though I'd never had a manic episode. They prescribed me mood stabilizers and all kinds of crap that only made me feel worse and IMO were barriers to me finding the truth. I saw a therapist in the same office and they told me I just had an anxiety disorder. Lol and they prescribed me an antidepressant which by that time I said screw this and found another which I've been seeing for the last year and is like a father/good friend to me now.
I take zoloft at the lowest dose and feel it has been a huge help in slowing down my mind to sort this crap out. I felt bad at first for having to take something but accepting it was this or continue my self-sabotaging ways, i had to. This is my path to healing and once I get into a lifestyle good for me, I hope to come off. I was actually an athelete at a top D1 school in college on a good scholarship so I thought I could always just push through things. However, it eventually got to much and the foundation I had wasn't strong enough to hold.
I'm rebuilding now and it sickens me to see how men are treated today. This has made me question everything and sometimes I think I'm going insane bc I get so deep. I don't hate women and I'm trying not to be bitter towards them but I do hold a lot of resentment towards my ex still.
I just wanted to share a little about myself so maybe it'll help others on this forum if you have something similar going on or can relate. Listen guys, this world is so messed up and it'll only get more difficult. However, there is much beauty left to be found... it's in the simple things and our natural instincts as men. If you have an anxiety, it is probably a product of some negative this world has produced. My advice is that if it is there, fix it now. Ask yourself why you have that anxious feeling bc it's to tell you something important. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help bc trust me, it's a hell of a lot easier than toughing it out on your own all the time.
Best wishes everyone,
gov87
