"Independent", but submissive? Contradicting?

Eph said:

I've probably been doing a bit too much mental masturbation lately, but a girl I'm talking to has kind of peaked my interest. A few weeks ago we got into a conversation about our dreams, and when I asked her what her "number one, I've got to accomplish this one" dream was, she told me: "to be a strong, independent woman like my parents want me to be".

I thought it was kind of strange that she wants to do it just because her parents want her to, but I also thought it might be a good thing she wants to live up to her parents expectations.

This girl is something of a rare case. She wants to be independent, but she is so submissive (at least towards me). Even more ironic is the fact that she does not see herself as lady-like, but she is honestly the most feminine woman I've met so far. Can someone really be both? It seems almost contradicting. She generally does whatever I tell her. She's Mexican so there's usually a bit of arguing, but in the end, she does what I say.

I wonder if our views on independence are different, because it seems like by "independent", she really just means she doesn't have to rely on someone else, and nothing (race, gender, etc) and no one, other than herself, defines her.

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MOTU said:

My main plate says that kind of sh!t too, but then can't even decide whether to sit inside or outside when we go out to eat.

I wonder what you would call the old time American frontier women? They were strong, hard working. They could run the homestead while the man was away hunting or at market. But they also knew their roles and their place in the family, and strove to maintain their femininity. Seems like a good combo to me.

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Grewd said:

On further thought I would say having a goal of being strong and independent is good. Think of it like this: if she's dependent she will also be needy, and if she's very needy she will use you because she can't do it herself. In other words they will be high-maintenance, and instead of supporting they will just drag you down.

It's fully possible to be independent (self-supporting) without being bossy and controlling, the latter is what you have to watch out for. A relationship runs smoother if both have self-control, controlling each other is exhausting and there's a billion pitfalls in it leading to drama and conflict.

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