Coworker with BF

I've got it bad for a coworker. She is extremely friendly/flirty, we've already gone out outside work twice (I planned them but it was her idea to do so in the first place), she wants to hang out more, and...she has a BF. She's only mentioned him a few times, and I haven't asked about him, so I don't know a thing about him or their relationship. I haven't kissed her though, so there's a good chance I'm nearing (or already in) the friendzone.

Since she is a coworker who sits directly across from me every weekday and has a BF, my brain is telling me to forget about her. But precisely because I see her and talk with her so much, I'm having a hard time moving on. It is especially hard considering she's brought up BJs and other fun topics at work to me lol.

She's nerdy and hot (just my type), in my league, and already has a great connection with me...so how can I find out if there's any romantic potential here without sh*tting where I eat? For what it's worth, my best male coworker friend is having a wedding in 2 months and I'm invited and allowed a +1...perhaps I should invite her to come to the wedding? There will be other coworkers, none that she knows really well, but I figure it might be a way to make clearer my intentions and have a great time with her.

jcb1772 said:

I've got it bad for a coworker.

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Don't stick your dink in the company ink.

There are hundreds of single women out there. The chances of you finding one you don't work with is 99% in your favour. You're only attracted to this one because you haven't met or developed rapport with hundreds of other women.

Focus your energy on women you don't work with, and if you suck at that, go read the DJ Bible.

hey OP, I have used this line a few times to judge interest from girls with boyfriends.

"You know if you're ever single, I might have to take ya out sometime" with a ****y/lil laugh attitude.

If she is interested at all, she will have a positive response.

then days/weeks later/next time I saw them they would either tell me or text me and be like "so when we going out" or "were you serious about taking me out if i'm single"

MidnightCity said:

i say go for it.

i never cared for the advice of not hooking up with coworkers.

are you an astronaut ready to blast off in a few weeks?
or a power player in a fortune 500 ready to oversee a merger?
running for some kind of office?
an athlete with a promising career?

those are times you should worry about stuff like this. otherwise its just a job. just as easily replaceable as women if it comes to that.

its kinda hard to get yoruself into life altering trouble if you play the game better than them.

so if you really click with the girl go for it. just make sure youre advances are outside of work. (unless you know she wants it at work which is a huge turn on for them)

believe me i know how rare it is to meet women you have great chemistry with. at least for me anyway.

everyone else can continue living their boring predictable highly cautionary lives.

people like us have a million great stories to tell

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Terrible advice. He already has two strikes against him, having her as a co-worker, also the boyfriend. Anything that goes sour will have repercussions at work where he will have to see her everyday. It's easy for guys to give out bad advice when it isn't their job and reputation on the line.

She might be friendly and flirty to you now, but if it turns out sour, you will have a b1tch to deal with at work. Also, she is sneaking behind the boyfriend's back. Don't think she won't do that to you if you become exclusive.

MidnightCity said:

a beta mindset if there ever was one.

a shining example of the matrixs crowning achievement. you might as well advise him to be patient and understanding and that her bf should not take her for granted. that he should wait for her to properly break up with him and be happy for her even if she doesnt.

this shlt would be funny if it werent so pathetic

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It's guys like you who have no clue what a beta is. A beta is a guy who has to go after a co worker when he has no other women in his life. I will be friendly with my female co workers but that's as far as it goes. i'm not hard up to date one when one shows signs of liking me. I value my job, it's not worth it to me to try to date a girl only to have it go sour later on. I've seen plenty of guys get hit with their walking papers or sexual harrassment charges for trying to date co workers when it turned sour. It's funny to see how hard up you are for women having to date a co worker with a boyfriend. Now that is pathetic.

Mauser96 said:

Excellent advice. I have been a supervisor for almost 25 years.
I hire people.

Companies don't hire people who have had sexual harassment claims against them. Period. Maybe to flip burgers, not in a profession.

Let us know how it turns out.

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I've seen co workers of mine get fired just for this reason alone. Other female co workers get jealous of each other
or she gets pissed off, then you open a big can of worms. Not worth it in my opinon. The guys who lost their jobs didn't even come close to getting another high paying job with that on their resume.

Stop hanging out with her. That's the fast track to the friend zone.

Don't date women in the office. You are there to work, not goof around. If the girl is single and you don't care about the job, then go ahead. But she's not, she's taken. If she was single, then you will need to be prepared to leave soon because it's obvious you don't take anything serious.

A guy truly devoted to his profession will focus on the job at hand.

Any woman who drops their man to sleep with a co-worker isn't worth a relationship anyways. She's worth a bang, and that's it. And a bang really isn't worth losing your focus at work for.

Your reputation is also on the line here. You can only imagine what people are saying behind your back as you carry on your office romance...and believe me...it isn't flattering.

Thanks for the feedback guys.

Just to clarify, we're both in the lowest level position of the company, and I'm not letting it get in the way of my work. I understand the concern but I don't see that being an issue at the moment. Perhaps that's because so far it's just innocent playing, nothing serious (between us, that is).

Also, a little update: I decided to ask her to come with me to our coworker's wedding (my good male friend, but not someone she knows well). She accepted. Looks like I'll be dancing with her, thinking I might make a move at the wedding if things are going well?