In between first and second date. Questions!

Hey everyone,

Thanks for reading this....
OK so im 22, this girl ive known for about 5 years (family friend kinda deal) is 5 years younger than me, shes 17. IMO shes model status. broad is incredibly gorgeous and idk why but im just really attracted to her. so shes gonna be a senior in HS this year. (bear with me, and save the jokes please) im thinking okay nows the time to strike-b4 she gets to college and all the guys are like all over her. i have the chance now.
She is very shy kind of. shes shy but like gives off a condescending sort of preoccupied tone when your talking to her because shes insecure. her mom thinks she has probably never kissed a boy and that the first date i took her on was her first date ever. (i have no idea if thats true or not--) ANYWAYS::

I lost a bet over july 4th to her for a few bucks and i was just like well why i dont i just buy you coffeee- which became dessert. :rockon:

This was Sunday---sunday night. I thought it went well I gave off my don juan vibe, let her talk a lot, gave my input here and there but tried to make her smile a bit. i smiled a lot to help that. (no kissing or nothing just went inside to her house watched tv with her mom and left)

Okay fast forward to tuesday--no communication between sunday and tuesday---I called her tuesday night and was like hey i had fun sunday i was wondering if ya wanted to go to the beach this weekend. she says "yeah but i have to work saturday" i said "i was thinking more like friday or sunday" she says "i have to babysit friday.....but ill text you" I says okay yeah that works, sounds good. bye.

I havent texted her or nothing since tuesday (few snapchats of the dog and i but thats it, she doesnt know if its exclusive to her)
ALSO-since family friend im obviously not trying to hit it and quit it. i want this for a relationship.

I made dinner last night for my family and invited her mom over and she came for the last 30 min but i couldnt really talk to her much at all. so she got a taste of my awesome cooking haha but thats about it.

sorry for the long post.
QUESTION: how do i proceed? Wait till she texts me this weekend? she probably wont as i think she is one of those girls who "wants the boy to text first-i think"

Dont want to mess this up-but i want to get her invested like ive seen you guys saying on here and get that second date and plant one on her.

thanks gents-

Yes, wait and see if she texts you this weekend. Make her wonder what you are doing all weekend. Even if she does text this weekend, don't reply. Plan to text her Monday night, either in response to her or initiated by you.

I agree with you in that I think there are still a few girls out there who are old school and expect the guy to initiate everything. Regardless of if this is her or not, the anticipation she builds up until Monday when she hears from you will be all the more worth it for you.

@logical thanks for the response man.
so you think even if she does text and say yeah im free sunday i should just not respond at all?

thanks

bump

Yes Sir, your safest bet would be to wait until Monday (or after). I know that is going to take some really tough will power on your part because you are probably anxious to see her again and that's totally ok. But you just don't want her to know that.

The only exception may be if she texts you and specifically says "Hey do you still want to go to the beach?" Then at that point I think you are safe responding back and making the date.

Wow, so similar case with mine. I am dating freaking 17 yr, I am 23. Sh1t is weird sometimes. Her family are actually also friends with mine, I never seen her until now though as I lived in other country for a very long period of time.. My case is easier though as she had initial interest and I managed to maintain it so far.

@wishyo @logical
Yeah the problem is going to be finding her interest level and keeping her interested. I mean i know im a catch-but i give off the nice guy vibe a little too much. im gonna try teasing her and using kino. kino is the true test.

. thanks guys

Fck guys I am furious. I saw her at a dance thing the city held. I was like fck lads I a want to ask her to dance in front of her 6 friends like her friends will be like wow this guy doesn't give a shizt. My friends told me no no don't do it. So I didn't but then later she was only with one friend and I was like OK. And they were like yes go for it. So I did. She said I was actually just leaving. So I was like oh okay (I blacked out I have no idea what I actually said ) and them I shook her friends hand and was like hey I'm blah blah. Nice to meet you (her friend literally was like OMG this guy is shaking my hand this is amazing). So wtf. Do I text her to see if she wants to go to beach? Do I kill myself. Do I wait till Monday? Thanks. Fml

Also. I helped my uncle do their kitchen floor tiling today. So like idk I mean I helped them out a lot. And then I bought her mom and my uncle drinks tonight. **** haha

Man this may go against some DJ rules but considering everything I've read. (family friend,yall have had a date etc etc)

Wait until you see her again in person and pull her aside --

I'd say something like this

"Hey I wanted to be honest with you and upfront (as i don't play games)

There's another girl I have been going out with but honestly I'm more interested in you and I'd rather take you out this (whatever day is coming up) than her."

How she responds to this should tell you everything. Watch her body language etc. If she is interested AT ALL. SHE WILL FIND TIME for a date that week. If she flakes I'd go ghost for a few weeks to a month and maybe try again.

Rival you are a freaking genius. That is such a smart thing. It shows her hey like there is other girls in the picture but if she wants to be in it the option is there. No pressure. I like it. I'm gonna do it. Sounds like a great plan. I would be interested to hear other opinions but so far this is the one I'm gonna go for. Thoughts guys? Thanks again rival

Dude its only been 2-3 days. You are investing waaaay to much than she is. Relax and go ghost, wait for her to come to you. You can't force attraction. Like I said in the HS forum, she may only see you as a family friend. The only way to find out is to disappear for a while because distance can either reveal or create attraction. And don't give up your hand with that statement. Talk to other girls by the way, you're getting oneitis for this girl.

Governator said:

Rival you are a freaking genius. That is such a smart thing. It shows her hey like there is other girls in the picture but if she wants to be in it the option is there. No pressure. I like it. I'm gonna do it. Sounds like a great plan. I would be interested to hear other opinions but so far this is the one I'm gonna go for. Thoughts guys? Thanks again rival

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You agreed with Rival? Umm...ok.

When I saw his idea,honestly.....I didn't think it was a good idea. You gotta realize who you're dealing with........this is a 17 YEAR OLD girl.


You're gonna give the "I don't play games" line to a 17 year old,who you say is "Model status" and "Incredibly gorgeous".

Hot 17,gorgeous,model-like chicks are the ones who CREATED games. I see the angle "Rival" is trying to get you to play,but pulling her off to the side like that is too direct. That chick probably has more games,more female slyness and more cunningness at her disposal to use than every member here on this forum has experienced combined....and that's at her meager age.


Hell,you YOURSELF said........

shes shy but like gives off a condescending sort of preoccupied tone when your talking to her

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I laughed when you said you want to get at her now before she heads to college cause you want to get a headstart on all the other guys who'll be after her. If she's attractive as you say AND give off that condescending tone when talking to a guy,those things alone let me know she's ALREADY had plenty of experience with guys chasing after her.


You're trying to get ahead of the curve,but you'll probably be the 150th or 200th guy to hit on her since she hit high school. She'll be MORE THAN ready for you if you come at her with weak game.


Personally,I'd go ahead and hit her up. I understand you don't want to come off as being needy,and if you wait a day or two between texts you won't,but you shouldn't just sit back and wait for her to get back to you. For one,you've only had one date so far,that's not enough to cause her to be invested and cause her to pursue you. And if she's as hot as you say,she'll probably have guys trying to get at her left and right while you're sitting back waiting for her to contact you.


You're the guy,you're supposed to pursue. It's not time to stop that yet,just cause you had one date. You continue to lead (WHILE NOT BEING NEEDY)....keep flirting,in essense,keep doing whatever it was that caused her to want to go out with you the first time.


Again....I understand what "Rival" was getting at,but pulling her off to the side and "telling her" about some other girl is too direct. If you two were out and some girl sent you a text while you two were together,that would be cool....or if you two hung out and you happened to have a bit of lipstick on your cheek that she saw and asked you about,that'd be cool as well....it'd let her know WITHOUT YOU OPENING YOUR MOUTH that there are other girls in your life,and SHE'D BETTER STEP UP if she wants you to herself,but don't pull her to the side and "tell her" about other chicks.



It's better is she can "sense" that there are other women on her own.

Igetit! said:

Again....I understand what "Rival" was getting at,but pulling her off to the side and "telling her" about some other girl is too direct. If you two were out and some girl sent you a text while you two were together,that would be cool....or if you two hung out and you happened to have a bit of lipstick on your cheek that she saw and asked you about,that'd be cool as well....it'd let her know WITHOUT YOU OPENING YOUR MOUTH that there are other girls in your life,and SHE'D BETTER STEP UP if she wants you to herself,but don't pull her to the side and "tell her" about other chicks.



It's better is she can "sense" that there are other women on her own.

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Hey man just wanted to comment and give some reason for my suggestion. I see what your saying too. If he could let her know about other girls indirectly that would be golden for sure. My only worry is if she just assumes there friends. He would have to let her know indirectly that the other girls were an actual option and not just have her assume. That's why I suggested him just being up front with her.

While she is 17, he said He was her first date, so she may not have that much "game" yet. Plus they have good rapport at this point, knowing each other/going on a date. My move is kind of an all in win or lose move. It's a risk but if it works you got her. I have had success with it. Jealousy is a strong motive..if she says no..go ghost and get as many of hot women friends to hang with you, blow up your social media with pics of you with them and when you ask her out again in a month..she will say yeah lol.

Governator said:

So wtf. Do I text her to see if she wants to go to beach? Do I kill myself. Do I wait till Monday? Thanks. Fml

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Whoa bro calm down a little bit. This broad hasn't even laid a finger on you and your head is spinning faster than a merry go round.

First, I would be texting to ask for a date. You have it in writing and she has to reply.

Second, when you ask a girl on a date, you have to narrow it down. "This weekend" = I have absolutely nothing to do Friday, Saturday or Sunday. No work, no studying, no nothing. I am available all weekend for you to decide when and if you want to go to the beach with me." Not sexy!

Third, as soon as she says "Ill let you know." that's it. You could do a follow up text saying "Hey, were you able to find out about Friday?" But nothing more.

Point is to let things flow, not say 1 or 2 magical things so she starts ripping off her clothes and begs you for sex.

I'd suggest asking some other girls out. It will help you calm down and work off some anxiety. Plus women can sense when you have multiple options available, it ups your game tremendously.

You should of asked her to dance when she had the six friends around, Ive found that women are more susceptible when they are surrounded by friends, call it peer pressure, them being more relaxed by having backup, or the extra confidence it takes on your part.

You definitely need to relax and not let this chick get you uptight. When you show too much interest in a girl it takes away the thrill of the chase for her. If you stay aloof you'll keep her guessing and hopefully interested. You need to gain control, so far you've allowed her to be in control and that is no bueno.

Special EDy said:

I'd suggest asking some other girls out. It will help you calm down and work off some anxiety. Plus women can sense when you have multiple options available, it ups your game tremendously.

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Part I put in bold? BINGO. That's what you want.....you want women "TO SENSE" other women being in your life. You want then to get that impression,NOT you go and verbalize it to them.

You definitely need to relax and not let this chick get you uptight. When you show too much interest in a girl it takes away the thrill of the chase for her.

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Exactly right. That RIGHT THERE was my concern.

"Rival"....again....I get what you were gunning for,but I think the OP would INADVENTENTLY show too much interest by doing what you suggested.

Think about.....

Pulling a 17 year old to the side and giving her the "I want to be honest and upfront with you cause I don't play games" speech? And after only ONE date???

17 years old wanna have fun,not have serious talks. The OP straight out said......

ALSO-since family friend im obviously not trying to hit it and quit it. i want this for a relationship.

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He said he's not trying to hit it and quit it,he wants a relationship with her......and he's saying this after only ONE DATE.

What do you think is going to happen if she starts to sense he's trying to move things to a relationship so soon?


If they had had maybe 5 or 6 dates by now,I'd be with you Rival....your suggestion would be PERFECT. Well,ALMOST. Even then,the girl should be the one to bring up relationship talk.


Unless I'm mistaken,the OP said they just had their first date a week ago,on Sunday. Now he's talking relationship. Dude needs to pump his brakes. If she gets wind that he's thinking RELATIONSHIP a mere week after their first date,I fear the OP's next post will be in the "(Read this if you just got dumped)" thread.

Eh, it sucks she didnt have time to dance with you. Girls with interest would always postpone whatever they have to do so they can dance with the guy they are interested in, at at least touch, or just be close. Sorry about this one, I think it's pretty straightforward I guess unless it was very urgent and she had to leave ASAP.
As far as for telling you have other girl, lying sucks and women can feel it often, not always obviously. I would just wait few day, maybe even until Wednesday or Friday and text her like "let's go to park or so" If she accepts, it's a very good sign. If not, then you move on.

I get it--thanks man great advice. I agree with everything you said. Rivals approach is a little too direct.-for now. Like you said.

I will talk to other girls it's just hard hah I rarely get "realy into" girls so when i do I'm bit bad. So it's like I feel like I'm faking it with other girls.
I'll do it though.

So I get it. Do you suggest going ghost for a few days and then texting her askif her out to do something--texting her today saying hey do you want to go to the beach today-(like I asked her Tuesday) or what. Thanks man
Trump-- I was kidding man hah. Probably shouldn't joke about suicide like that.....

I know what you mean by "really into" I recently finished college, there have been plenty of hot girls, I went out with some, had some one night party type stands, but never got "really into" any of them.
Now I am back to my homecountry and this one girl got into my head big time, she is getting close to my heart, all happened within a month or so.. Darn chemistry, no other explanation as I couldnt really care less about girls when I was in college and now I am thinking about this one girl every day...
I also reread your first post. As far as I understand, you met once, then u asked her again, but she didnt instantly agree and said that she will text you back=not that much interest; she also didnt stay to dance with you=not a very good sign of interest too.. Wait for like 3-5 days (not sure if you work or busy during regular workweek) more days and go all-in asking her to do something fun (probably try something other than a beach as she didnt show that much interest about that), if she wont accept, it will be just easier to move on.
Check http://www.mts.net/~bpony/djbible/ Anti-Dump Machine guides, really amazing stuff especially if you combine with bradd80's one. Read the whole thing, really worth your time and "effort" to read it