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If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Huffman's FR journal

Huffman

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Hey guys. I've been around for a while, but haven't really been in the game for some time. Now I've returned and found that I've become complacent! So now... I'm returning to the field!

This thread is more for myself, so I can keep track of progress... and come back after some time and analyze. Nevertheless, feel free to comment!
 

Huffman

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Sunday: Pub/Bar (Mon is a bank holiday)

For the first time in a while, I'm going out solo again. Pre-drunk one beer. Feeling kinda nervous, can't really think of a lot of convo topics, openers, "moves", whatever. Having a bit of a mind block, but the bus stops and I'm at my destination. Here goes!

I walk past the bar I originally targeted. Ugh. Have I become that insecure man? Wow. At least I'm a lot better looking than I was back in the day. So I'm taking walk around the block. While I'm walking, I notice an old rock/metal bar I used to frequent. Why not, I think, let's have a warmup beer there. Really love metal anyway!

1. Rock bar
So I walk in, quickly scan the room - ****. The place is half-empty, there are a couple of girls at one table, and some guys here and there. Was hoping to catch some people at the bar so I can warm up for the night. Screw it I say, sit down at the bar and have a quick beer. Scan the room a bit more and yep, no targets at all except for the mixed guy/girl group. I fumble with my cellphone and pretend I'm waiting for someone. They don't even have sports on TV so I can't even watch that. But I'm sitting quite relaxed, smiling contently, happy at the taste of the beer... so guess I didn't look like a real chump.

After a couple of mins I hit the restroom. As I'm peeing, I let out a MASSIVE burp! The guy next to me cracks up and congratulates me :D So I go back to my beer and see the guy is at the girls' table, and they're away (presumably also in the restroom). I go to him, introduce myself, he has a bandshirt, bla bla conversation about metal, he's really chill. Girls return and I'm already in the group. Nice! But the one next to me is not attractive (to me) and has a huge b1tch shield. I feel like I'm not even going to bother with her. Wow. Why spend time and effort when she's not desirable anyway? But everyone's about to leave anyway. It seems like a quiet night. I finish my beer and say goodbye. Shucks, but at least I warmed up! Off to the actual bar!


2. Student bar
I walk in and - dang - not much happening here either! It's about midnight, this place should be buzzing! But it seems I picked the wrong day. Quickly scan the room, only a handful girls, and each seems to be here with her boyfriend/date. Damn it! But I'm not going to stand around stupidly, and I move to get a beer at the bar. As I'm getting the beer, a girl comes in (with presumably her boyfriend). As give her a little space at the bar she smiles at me. Huh. My mind is blanking, I'm convinced the guy is her boyfriend even though I don't know(!!). I take the beer and move to the other end of the bar. As I'm passing, she smiles at me again. DUH! A minute later I'm realizing that she liked me and I didn't open. Crap.

At the other end of the bar there's a guy drinking alone, so I'm joining him for some smalltalk while waiting for an opportunity. He's cool, not really interested but not rude. Another guy joins us, a bit older, we start talking, he tells some cool story. He's out alone too. I comment on how there's no single girls here. He says you don't know that! He's right. Then I notice that next to me, for some time, there had been a girl talking to a guy (whom I AGAIN assumed was the boyfriend). She moves away and it dawns on me that I could have opened her easily. Dang.

I head upstairs, not much here either. Somehow, lots of chumps standing at the walls, looking like zombies. Like in a late-night club when everyone is really f*cked up. But here's a group of 6 girls, they're having fun, dancing lightly. I'm considering! Should I open the set? I know I've done it before. But then I start thinking, it seems like a girls' night out, chances are slim, everybody can see you, yada yada. On top of that, I don't enjoy dancing to pop, and would do it only if I see a chance to get somewhere... I go downstairs again. Back to my drinking buddy, he gives me his card, I leave.


3. Outside

1am, I feel unsatisfied. I'm still in a good mood, looking fresh, smile on my face, this is not a time to go home! There is an Irish Pub nearby, damn it's closed. Don't know where to go from here at this time. There's lots of outdoor cafes, and people are getting up to go home. I briefly consider if I could pick someone up on the street. But it's not something I usually do, I find it a bit lame actually, and have no plan of how to go about it. I pass another place that I know, people are sitting outside, but everone can kinda see what I'm doing so it feels weird to approach a set outside when they're sitting in a cafe-like setting.

I head for the bus home. What can I do? At the bus station, a girl is standing next to me. Then a guy comes her way, I wonder what he's going to try. I overhear how he asks some lame question, she's like blah and he leaves. I actually rooted for the guy LOL. Felt like he was at least approaching when I had been running away from sets today.


Evaluation

Okay I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, didn't have a really good opportunity anywhere. But there were a couple of Maybes. I feel like I could have done more, maybe some suicidal approach, or at least some drunk crazytalk where I would have a t least had fun. MEH. This actually was my first solo night that didn't end up good. Really feel like I've lost my killer instinct. Everytime I see a non-perfect oppurtunity I think "why bother?"
 

Huffman

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Wow, I gotta keep the posts shorter. Who's gonna read that?

Monday (holiday): Meetup beergarden

Felt really bored about sitting around all weekend, so I joined a "having drinks" meetup group. We met in a relaxed beergarden, and a couple of potentially hot girls were on the RSVP list. Wasn't really having high hopes, but hey - better than being bored at home right? I'll be able to expand my social circle, and even if it's just guys, they'll invite me to parties and so on.

It's roughly 30 people on a couple of tables. I join one, say hi, there's only guys and 1 woman at my table (but she's a tad too old). So I chat with the guys, s'allright. I change table with some guys because it's really hot in the sun. Chatting for 20min but not getting anywhere. The guys mention how we need more girls at the table. DUH. You're not making it happen! So I excuse myself and switch tables.

I want to meet as many people as possible while we are in this friendly Meetup atmosphere. There's some dudes from Japan and Iran, and they're actually really intersting. Having awesome convo for some time. On the table behind me I spy a really HOT half-asian(?) girl, but she's encircled by guys and has an engagement ring... I feel like damn, but why bother.

Moving to another table, some cool guys there as well, we have lots of fun! But no girls... huh. One girl comes, she's about to leave, we convince her to stay. She looks okay, not special but I'd do her. She's laughing really hard at everything I say. Good sign. Then again, she laughs really hard at everything anyone is saying. There might be some opportunity there. But she's the center of attention. I can't think of a way to isolate her real quick and she's about to leave. Probably will meet her again though.

Suddenly I spy a HOT black girl on the next table. You have to know, in my country there are almost zero black girls and I've got the hots for everything that is exotic... yeah! Perfect opportunity, the spot next to her is free. I sit down, introduce myself, everybody's nice, although she has a little b!tch shield and pretends to ignore me, continuing to chat with a guy while the whole table introduces themselves to me. I have to ask her loudly and directly so that she'd even give me her name. I notice she has an engagement ring also.

She's chatting away with some grandpa. They might have an interesting convo, but she can't be interested in him! But before I can think of something to break into the convo, another guy chats me up, he seems to be a pickup artist, abit flashy, telling me how he is trying to get at her but she's married, blah. I must admit he does throw a couple of good negs and they work like a charm. He asks me if I'm into pickup and we exchange numbers. She's leaving and asks him to walk her to the station. Don't think he picked her up but at least there's some good flirting going on. He's kinda smooth, I'm abit jealous.

No girls left except for the (taken?) asian who is surrounded by guys like a shield, and I leave.


Evaluation

It went pretty OK, made some new friends, had more than smalltalk with them, we had beers, laughed alot and had a great time! Disappointed by the lack of girls/opportunities. But the guys were cool. Maybe we can go out, they'll be wingmen, or can introduce me to hot girls they know. I loved the easy atmosphere. Maybe try some hiking or other action meetups in the future!

Anyway I'm happy I went. Now it seems stupid, but before I was actually considering not going at all.
 

Don-Kong

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Enjoying the journal.

My observation is that you are still too much in your head in the beginning so you never fully let go. The warm-up is so important. It's like breaking a stack of social barriers and learning to talk and open up again.

You get blown off, use it to enhance your buzz and self amuse. You start talking sh1t to yourself, 'I can't go in' etc etc say it out loud in a funny voice and take the p1ss out of it. That's the BS talking at ya. You should game yourself into a state of absolute idiocy and fun madness where you can talk **** on the fly and it doesn't fvcking matter.

"I'm going in alone, I'm going in alone, I'm going into vagina heaven, yes!"

You are right about which nights and venues to pick. I'm out tonight, alone, to scope some venues for long term gaming arenas. I think Thursday is the start of the weekend, unless you don't mind student nights. I'm looking for 25-35s coz they generally know what they want and some are just blatantly out to get fvcked.

Good effort.
 

Huffman

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You're right man, I used to be more daring than this... I've become way too serious! let's see and get back into it.

I do have a general problem with letting go thoug, for example I really hate dancing in nightclubs. I'm actually a decent dancer, give me salsa any time, but I can't "let go" and have fun with stupid club music. Oh well!

Actually I used to have a great line where I'd tell girls I'm from New Zealand (I'm actually a German local but I can do a mean Kiwi accent, if you're not a native English speaker you won't notice :D) and then just tell random stupid **** about sheep... I always left with a number... but these days it seems a bit stupid :D I try to be more real, but it seems I end up a bit boring.
 

Don-Kong

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Well then that's the first foundation for you: letting go.

If you focus on just going out and doing this first without any intention to approach, then you will build a solid foundation for your game. Then, in time you up the anti and move onto approach. In contrast, if you approach whilst the foundation is shaken, then you are fighting fires in all directions and this will translate.

One of the first stages I am aware of in the club is comfort level. When with friends, this comes easily. But on your own that comfort level is on another level because you are dealing with your own thoughts and not the conversations of friends. The hectic club environment is overwhelming when sober and not warmed up so in quiet bars, get used to just being alone around people, then step it up to gradually busier places where it then should be easier as you won't look like you are alone. This is what I am working on now also. Will post more soon!
 

Huffman

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Thanks for the input.

Went to a poker night on Saturday, so nothing to report this weekend. I'll go for afterwork drinks tomorrow, check some places out.
 

Huffman

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Alot has happened and I really want to keep track of it, so catching up on my diary now :)
I've stopped trying so hard to go out alone, and am focussing on getting some proper date experience. That's kinda my weak point... I can be awesome for the night, but having a bit of trouble having real fun on dates.

So! Saturday some time ago: Meetup Hiking in the mountains

I had chickened out of day hikes before because I was afraid it would be boring and I couldn't just leave. But some girls were on the RSVP list so I just went. Had a GREAT time! When I arrived there, everybody thought I was the organizer! So immediate proof. Also everybody was really open and friendly. Zero b!tch shields, nothing. I can recommend this to everyone. Only downside, there was only one interesting girl there. The others were abit too old, or here with their BF. But everybody was quite sporty and I had a great time.

Now, this girl was from eastern europe, kinda cute and I thought interesting (mostly because she was foreign). We talked a bit, that was all ok. No big flirting happening though. I do manage to get in some kino. I don't have to do much though; all the girls seem to kinda like me because I look like an experienced hiker and it's instant social proof by everyone. We see some rock climbers, I ask her if she'd like to try, she seems interested.

Later in the day I'm a bit disappointed because I can't really think of anything fun to do/talk about except to keep walking. So I mostly talk to the other guys, at least it's not awkward. Thought of asking her out to go bouldering, but didn't do it.

BOTTOM LINE: had lots of fun, met nice people, didn't really have a break-through with that girl. Resolved to read up on Convo in the DJ bible. Establishing more rapport, having more fun in the convo, and turning it sexual if possible.

Meetups are great for daygame and you don't need to deal with that night-time crap.
 

Huffman

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During the next week

Meetup has this function called "nice to see you", where you poke each other, and Eastern European girl (I will call her EEG) used it on me. Seems I didn't do such a bad job after all! Waited 1-2 days and asked her out to try Bouldering. She wants to go, we set up the date for after work next week. Nice! Not playing games is refreshing.

That Friday

As I'm about to go to the gym, I'm walking by some other climbing place and they're having a party, free beer and some of my friends are there! Great! We're having 2 beers, I'm being introduced to all the hot climber girls, everybody is so friendly! Again 0 b1tch shields! Then we go bouldering for like 2 hours. I'm a beginner and am kinda spent after this... all the hot girls way better than me. Still having fun though!

After a quick shower, back to the party. Now I'm suddenly nervous, dunno why. Can't think of any convo. Everybody's having fun and I'm fidgeting around. Don't know what to do, what to say. I do a little small talk with random people but can't get into it. You know those times where every convo you start just runs dry immediately? I don't get it. 2 hours ago I was doing awesome and now I'm sitting around like a huge AFC. I end up talking alot of blah blah to some guy I don't know just so I don't sit alone and look awkward. I leave soon after.

BOTTOM LINE: Had an awesome week but -BAM- back into AFC land. So much is still missing. Yet another party where everybody seemed to have fun except me. These situations happen pretty often for me. Did read up on some DJ bible, but not sure if "techniques" can help me here. I was just completely disinterested in what people hat to say. I wanted to talk to girls but couldn't think of anything interesting, anything FUN. Damn.
 

Huffman

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The following week

Went bouldering after work with EEG. I hug straight away as a hello, she seems a little surprised, I say that's how we do in Germany :D So no awkwardness, we start walking, every now and then I touch her lightly so we are walking in the right direction. All fine so far.

She's a little nervous about the climbing but does well for a beginner. In fact, after only 2 hours she's almost better than me on some routes (because I'm a 90kg athlete and she's a 50k yoga girl). Fun was had, and on a little overhang she's about to fall down and I support her with my hands on her back. She's really light so I shamelessly grab her thighs and push her up all by myself :D But not in a creepy way, she's laughing, nice. This is going well! Then there's a slackline, she tries it, of course I'm standing next to it and offering her my hand. Beginner climbing is really a great date!

After some time we're finished. Had fun even though we barely talked. It's late and walk to a small cafe and have a drink outside. We're exhausted and happy, but convo is already running dry again. Not a good sign, it's very tedious. Hum. So we don't stay long and I walk her to the station. At least I was playing the dominant part all the time, so she can think that the awkward breaks are her fault. I don't kiss her goodbye, just hug, as just towards the end I was feeling a bit awkward. See my other thread.

BOTTOM LINE: rock climbing is great, especially if she's a beginner. Still wondering about the convo thing though! It might be a bit of her fault as well...
 

Huffman

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Friday
It's football (soccer for you US dudes) world cup and I'm watching at a friend's house. Barbecue and everything. I'm not into football but drinking beer and meeting chicks is good! Some of the climbing girl from the other party are there. We chat a bit but again it's one of these days. Not really achieving anything. Having some great banter with one of the girls, too bad her BF is standing next to her. Haha. As usual, after 2 hours I'm kinda bored and can't think of anything to say. Everyone else's fun seems to increase as mine is going down. So for the rest of the evening I just stick to my friends.

BOTTOM LINE: was OK, made some acquaintances which is good as we will run into each other at the climbing place in the future. Didn't really achieve anything with the girls though. Convo problem still not solved


Saturday
Oh man. I spend the whole day fussing around. Trying to come up with a date idea. Where could I take EEG? Talking is already kinda tedious. Oh man. This is a HUGE problem for me, I can never think of cool dates. Don't want to do dinner or coffee. It's only talking and that was already bad right?

I'm actually having trouble imagining anything that would be FUN FOR ME, and that's also one of my bigger problems for my life in general. I can look at a list of "50 date ideas" and quickly decide that all of those are crap. Don't know what to do. I guess I will just have to try out all of them and rediscover what is actually fun (and practicable). But climbing and hiking was already pretty good, so that's a start.
 

No.Danny

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What is wrong with you? You do well with impressions and opening but can't keep a convo. Once a convo starts you go AFC mode and you can't close for crap. What's the point of kino if you're not going to close.
 

Huffman

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Danny: I agree but in the case of EEG, as it would later turn out, she is just a horrible bore. More next update. But there is a basic problem - I'm writing everything down here so I will remember what I did and how to improve on it.


Sunday
Texting EEG and asking her out to a summer festival in the city (which offers a free dancing class)! Fussed around a long time and decided that if we are going to get anywhere, we have to become physical as fast as possible. I'm making no secret of my intentions, let's go salsa dancing!

But the real event of this day: Meetup sports festival
Went there in the afternoon, again there's a group of friendly, international people. I love it! There are some girls, two of them interesting to me. We just walk around, there's alot of sports to try out, everybody is having fun! Was talking to this one Italian girl, she laughs when I say something funny but we're not really establishing a connection. At this time EEG texts me how she'd love to go to the date I set up earlier, so I'm feeling like a stud :)

Then I'm talking to this other girl, she is from an Arabic country (but not religious, seems to be perfectly normal), I will call her AG. She's actually really nice and when I ask her about herself she tells some cool stories! I'm getting really interested and it feels like we're immediately bonding! Wow! She seems to be really bubbly and happy, but at the same time a bit passive and feminine... it's great! She's not a supermodel but cute anyway. Dark skin...

So our group is at the festival for some hours, we try all kinds of sports, have some food and drink, it's great! Now the other girls are notice that there's some flirting going on and suddenly they're interested in me as well. Haha! I'm not really into them but I love flirting so there's no shame in that :) The place has a slackline and everyone wants to try. Of course they are struggling and I'm magically there to take their hand! It's best with AG though, as she's almost falling I clasp her hand even harder, which she seems to appreciate. Sometimes girls just want to be held hard and feel secure.

So it's going really great! We're at some archery stand, but the line is really long. She's looking at some mountainbiking thing so I say "you want to go?", she's hesitant so I say "let's go together", which she likes and we leave the group! Rest of the day is great, you know, doing fun activities, she's standing a bit closer, our legs are touching sometimes.

Actually, now that I'm writing this, it occurs to me that I could MAYBE have isolated even more and kissed her already. But I felt it was going so great and she seemed abit conservative so I didn't want to move too fast. Definitely going to ask her out and then kiss her. Back in the group we do some more activities, most of which seem to involve touching, laughing and eye contact. But we've been here for like 6 hours and I realize that I've got a girl here who's very attracted to me, we've already talked way more than anyone should on a first date, and staying even longer won't do anything.

So I leave while it's still fun. Let the others cool down and have a tired evening, my task is done! I'm saying goodbye, first to the organizer girl (not into her). I space out and only take her hand but she won't have it and hugs me tight. Then of course I turn to AG and hug her, which is great because she's already prepared and there's no awkwardness involved. Later at night, I get the "nice to see you" Meetup message. It's great to know a girl is thinking of you...

BOTTOM LINE: Incredible! Would never have expected that. I'm into her, which doesn't happen often. Usually I'm uninterested and bored with most people. Only strange thing is that she's looking for an internship and wants me to ask my company about it, she said it several times. Not sure what to think of this, but maybe it's just her way of saying "call me".

EDIT: Did not have convo awkwardness at all. A little bit at first, but just had a great and relaxed time with AG later. She made it easy for me as well.
 

Huffman

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QUICK update since alot happened:

Went out with EEG to that festival. Was boring as f*ck. She was so untalkative, yet she kept following me and agreeing to everything I suggested. What the hell, I get the feeling she's not shy but super AFC. Ugh.

So the try out dance class started, but she did REALLY BAD. I mean it was just basic Salsa steps, it doesn't get any simpler, but she had problems moving side to side. She was untalented, stuck inside her head, couldn't let go. I was leading harder and harder but she didn't really follow, maybe it's a trust issue?

Anyway, convo was bad, and the dance was also bad! If she's a bad dancer, then at least have fun! But not even that! We left soon, I didn't even offer a drink.
 

Huffman

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Another flash update:

Asked out Arabic Girl to pretty much the same festival. They really do have a different free dance class every evening. So awesome!

In sharp contrast to EEG, we had a great time! Actually now that I think back I was a bit nervous and fidgeting. Bad. But she was OK, light conversation, I felt more relaxed already. I had reserved 45min to walk around the festival grounds before the dance class started, which was too long. There was nothing to see except food stalls, and we weren't hungry.

But then the dance class! It was Argentinian Tango, which is alot more classical and serious than I thought! She too was not that good at it (though better than EEG), and didn't follow well. At random times she would just randomly break away into a different direction when it's clearly her job to wait for my move... again it seems to be a trust thing... don't think it's my fault because I usually do OK at leading the dance.

So, we were bad but we had lots of fun! She was laughing all the time, so much that the other dancers almost got annoyed :D Then the teacher showed us a really close dancing position, you almost squash your upper bodies together, which she promptly did! So that was great.

Afterwards, we had a drink, convo was ok, we're both in good spirits. Then we're walking on top of a nearby hill, it's sunset time. Great timing. Kino is up, teasing her, taking her by the hand which she doesn't mind. We're taking the subway back. Standing close. The train accelerates, and she magically falls into my arms. (so smooth, what a setup :eek:). Our faces are close already, and I kiss her on the lips. She turns her face a little, says it's too early, I say something (don't remember). She doesn't leave my arms so I wait a bit and try again, ok then no kiss today. I act as if nothing happened and there's no awkwardness at all. We leave, hug goodbye (very tight), she says "see you very soon!"

BOTTOM LINE: started nervous, but we ended up having a good time, she even said "thank you for the date, it was so much fun" (which I find classy). No kiss but not a big deal. Next date for sure. Hope I can think of something good.
 

Huffman

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Saturday - Aunt's Wedding

My aunt is getting married again. So I went, and my future uncle brought loads of people, etc... as it happens there were some nice girls there! I wasn't expecting anything but it's pleasant. Most were here with their boyfriends/husbands, but some girls wore local traditional attire, and basically wearing it in a certain way indicates you're available. Yay for tradition - the hottest girl in the place is single!

After the ceremony, there's a long&boring afternoon in a nice outdoor restaurant in the countryside. It's hot as hell, so people just start wandering around the gardens etc. After some time I see her sitting in the sun by herself. Perfect, so I join her. She's receptive and I immediately notice she loves talking. Less work for me! She's all giggling and laughing and after like 5 minutes brings up (jokingly!?) how she wants to start an escort business and rent out all the wh0res, lol. This is pretty fun, and we're already talking about sex. Best transition ever!

We spend quite some time, she's really chill. We're talking about random crap, we both keep teasing back and forth. It's going so well that I'm actually cutting down on the kino because the attraction is already sky high. Which makes her start touching me more. Then there's food, I spend some time with other people. Then I come back and take her outside for a walk. There's a bench... we're having fun... sitting close. Everything's going so smooth that I actually consider kissing her even though our families were around... and indeed her sister&bf come to watch! Oh well. But they're really chill and somehow we're already talking about boobies again. Haha, what!

Back to the place. It's plain to everyone that we're flirting like hell. I'm talking to her family, everybody likes me and I'm the king of the place. Of course I'm dressed sharper than usual and am massively social proofed by both our families. She's asking my age - OH **** she's 18! She doesn't seem to mind however, and I don't want to think any serious thoughts right now either! She's asking for my number.

My parents are getting tired and I have to leave with them. Really tight hug, I don't kiss as everyone is watching. Maybe I should have been more bold. I was THIS close to putting my hand on her ass while hugging, but her mom was watching :D

BOTTOM LINE: incredible attraction, and so far she's easily the hottest girl of this year. Apart from the sexual tension, we also had that amazing connection... really haven't felt like that for a long time. I wasn't feeling nervous, fidgeting or anything at all for the whole day, which I usually do. Was it because she's so much younger? Or the relaxed, familiar atmosphere?

The age difference and family thing might be a problem, but hell. I'll worry about that later. She just seemed really attracted and genuinely impressed - every man should feel like that. And I didn't have to do all the work. How can I make every date as perfect as this one?
 

Bingo-Player

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So how old are you ?

Reading through your journal and i don’t mean any disrespect but apart from the last chick it sounds like your just dating these girls for the sake of it

Your never gonna get the same sort of flow with a chick your not really bothered about as opposed to one you find really attractive

The lack of actual pussvy your having is slightly worrying aswell , why do you keep ending dates by sending the girls home ? why not invited them over to yours to chill out ?

but well done on coming up with some original ideas for dates
 
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