Help! I would like to get my Ex back.

Hi everyone,

I am 27 and my Ex is 22. We were in a relationship for two and a half years. It wasn´t always easy because we argued a little too much. The biggest issue was trust: there were a few small lies and misunderstandings about things. But anyway we loved each other so much and most of the time was really great.

Two months ago everything went downside. She lied to me about a small thing and we were arguing a lot. At this time also she got pregnant and got an abortion. It was the desicion of us both. But she had emotional issues after that, was feeling guilty and got a little depressed. Our fights got bigger and escalated more and more. Two and a half months ago she told me that she can´t take it anymore and wants to break up. I was hurt so much that I verbally abused her out of anger.. Wrong, I know.

We stayed in contact and I was begging her to give us another chance. I apologized for my mistakes and promised that I will work on getting my anger under controll. She didn´t apologized for her lying at all.. I told her that we can make it, if we both work on ourselves. I sent her gifts and was always messaging her. At the beginning we even met up a few times but she was really cold and distant. I wanted to touch her and hold her hand but she rejected me and told me everything is going too fast. She needs time... And she lost her feelings for me. The more I did the colder she got. She didn´t even want to meet up anymore and her replies to my messages got colder and colder.

So after running after her for two weeks, I went NC. I was tired of begging her and getting cold hearted replies. After one week of no contact my Ex saw me with another woman in town. I guess we were holding hands (don´t really know, was drunk). So I just walked by and didn´t even say Hi to my ex. I didn´t want to cause I was so tired of running after her and I thought I would again get a cold reaction if I walk up to her and say hi.

Few days later she sent me a message: You are moving so fast to another girl and act like u don´t know me.. Ok, have fun with her and treat her right.

So what does that mean? Maybe she was confused that I feel so happy and that I hang out with other girls one week after I was begging her. I don´t care about the other girl and hold her hand just for fun. I still love my Ex and want her back. But I feel confused and can´t think straight... How should I behave now? I didn´t replied to her message and now 3 days passed by and I didn´t hear from her anymore.

So what do you think about the whole situation? Is there still a chance of getting her back? I love her like crazy but I don´t know what to do and how to behave. Also don´t know what the message means and to respond or not.

Please help me out, I would be happy about hearing your opinions!

Regards!

On the bottom of the page, there is a link called "The DJ Bible".

Click that, read everything, perhaps even do the "DJ Boot Camp".

Otherwise, you're on the wrong website.

Regards!

Do you? Do you REALLY love her. Or are you not loving yourself and the situation. Are you bargaining for another chance with yourself out of feelings of guilt and shame. I would go with the latter imo. Bro, realize the biology and psychology behind your feelings: desperation, longing, anger, guilt...these are reactions to provocation, be that lack of reciprocation from her, not meeting your needs, or by the imagined distance between where things are now and where you want them to be. You are trying to mend a shirt in the middle of its unwravelling; like trying to fit pieces of a puzzle together out in the wind.

summersky said:

So after running after her for two weeks, I went NC. I was tired of begging her and getting cold hearted replies.

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At the moment, she doesn't care about you.

summersky said:

Few days later she sent me a message: You are moving so fast to another girl and act like u don´t know me.. Ok, have fun with her and treat her right.

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Did she send this message to you, unprovoked? Or did you send her something first and she wrote back?

summersky said:

I still love my Ex and want her back. But I feel confused and can´t think straight... How should I behave now?

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What you are going to do from this day forward is ignore her. No contact, no facebook stalking, no instagram following, no twitter, no google searching. You will vanish as well. Lock down your Facebook so she can't see what you are up to. Delete her number. Start working out like an animal, get new hobbies, make new friends. You are going to re-invent yourself to someone people admire.

What might happen is that she'll come back. She'll wonder what happened to you. Her curiosity will eventually get the best of her. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder".

If she doesn't come back, then you've just become a new man, a better person for the next person that walks into your life.

summersky said:

So what do you think about the whole situation? Is there still a chance of getting her back? I love her like crazy but I don´t know what to do and how to behave. Also don´t know what the message means and to respond or not.

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Read above. Let go for now. If you continue to talk or text her, you'll continue to push her away and I guarantee she'll run the other way and you'll never get her back. Don't respond to her message either.

I speak from experience. Every time I got a woman back it was because I disappeared.

expos said:

I speak from experience. Every time I got a woman back it was because I disappeared.

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This is truth, every time I've thought all was lost with my ex's I disappeared. It works every time. My last gf broke it off with me over a year ago. She has crawled back, banged me and disappeared soon after (be prepared for that if you go through with it) 5-6 times and I expect she'll try to tempt me with sex again.. she's already contacted me but I've got new girls so I can hold onto my dignity this time and NOT give in. You really should do the same my friend.

I agree with Mauser. I went through a situation like this recently. I never begged or pleaded, but I did make the mistake of expressing how much I cared for her. Mistake. But I've found in the past several weeks that the less I've cared and the more aloof I've been, the more she's made an attempt to reconnect. So like he said you do nothing. Don't initiate contact. Delete the number from your phone so you're not tempted to text or call. If she contacts you (and she will) keep it simple and friendly but short. Flat out ignore some texts here and there and if you reply take your time with a curt response. You could also go completely no contact as suggested above, it's up to you. But do not initiate. If you get a "hope you're doing well" text just say "I'm doing great, thanks". That's breadcrumbs just to see if you'll reply. Show her you've moved on to get that hamster in her brain spinning into overdrive. Oh and if she asks if you're seeing anyone, pull a Roissy and say "its complicated" or "nothing serious". I read a good quote on another forum and it goes like this: People want what they can't have. People are really attracted to what they once had, and lost. Good luck.

In The Rational Male, Rollo spends a lot of time explaining why your energies are better invested in finding and building a new relationship rather than trying to rebuild an old one. Might be worth a read for you.

Dude. If you try to get back w/her you are metaphorically giving her a big ass bullet to put into her now empty gun. She is going to load that sucker up and shoot you in the head by dissing you so hard making you feel like a tiny balled schmuck for leaving other chicks to run back to her. This will be her ultimate validation and way to get even. Either that or she'll get bqck with you out of temporary feeling of loss till the bull**** starts again....or cheat on you and let you find out to crush your tiny balls before she leaves you for good.

Let her be. Carry on like a big balled man.

You don't want your ex back man, trust me. What you want back is the feelings she evoked in you during the honeymoon stage of your relationship. You really want that b!tchy a$$ nagging gf of the last 2 months of your relationship? Hello no.

Go out and find a new girl. The first, second, third, etc will probably not be your next GF but they will still give you confidence and be learning experiences. Your next GF will not only be better than your ex, but be thankful that you decided to cut your ex off and not pursue her.

Thanks everyone for the comments. I would like to give u an update..

I stayed in NC and few days ago, she told me we had to talk. I went to her place and she told me that she didn´t expect that I move on only a week after I told her that I wanted to be with her. I said, I would never beg again and I won´t wait for any woman till she made up her mind, so now I am living my life and I am in contact with other women (I really am). Then she said, she was thinking about reconcilation and was about to give it another try. I said it is too late, but she was pushing it and we ended up in bed. So the last days we were meeting up and had a little fun, I slept at her place.. But I guess I was moving too fast and gave her too much attention.

The first day she was really affectionate. The last two days it seems that her interest level dropped again. She was initiating contact but I had to initiate the dates. She was behaving really strange... Lightly disrespected me, like writing on her phone immediately after we met. She had an arrogant attitude and her talking really pissed me off. It seemed like she is still angry and wants to hurt me somehow.

Maybe it was too early but yesterday I talked to her about the relationship. I told her that if she wants to be with me, we must to speak about a few things. I told her that I won´t tolerate any male friends and I will be the only man who is giving her attention. And after there were lies about chatting on social media websites with "male friends" on her side, I told her that our cell phones will be a free zone. It means I can take hers, she can take mine. I said this would help to build trust again. (But it was always like this in our relationship and in my opinion this is the right way, no secrets, nothing to hide) We just fought everytime when I saw her writing with male friends, who want more than friendship (every male friend wants more than friendship)

She was not happy about this and told me I am controlling and that I don´t trust her. She told me that I have to trust her and that she is just chatting with her male friends for fun. (they all live in another country). So we didn´t find a solution and stopped to talk about it. Then I told her that I am expecting an apology for lying to me and insulting me (yes she was verbally abusing me back, when I verbally abused her). She said she won´t apologized and that it was my fault. We were taking a walk... I had enough, turned around and walked away. One day she didn´t hear from me and she also doesn´t contact me.

So what do you think about that?? Can I get the power and respect back in this situation and if yes, what would be the best way to go? I think I will not contact her till she contacts me and apologizes. If she won´t do that, than yeah it´s over.

I would be happy about every comment.

Regards

Sucker.

She is running YOUR frame.

You won the game by getting her to re-engage but then fvcked up by being to eager to get back together.
You should've fvcked her casually for a while and maintained a bit of distance until you were sure she was genuine and also to build her desire.
Instead, she gave you a sob story and you came running back like the good little boy she knew you were.
You lost all your mystery and status and reverted to the man she despises.
Cut her loose and love your life.
If she reaches out again, you have to make her earn your time, attention and commitment.

Beyond fantastic advice in this thread, and you took none of it. Damn, man.

Please, can I get more opinions?

Yeah you´re right that I went back to her too fast. I should have been more of a challenge and make her chase me. Instead, I came up with the relationship and commitment too fast. I should have let her do the work so that her interest level grows higher and higher.

What about setting my rules? No male friends, no secrets, what means that she can take my cell phone, I can take hers whenever we want to. Was it too early to set rules? I just wanted her to know what I am expecting if she wants a relationship but I guess her interest level is so low that she is not about letting me lead and take my frame? Her response was that I am controlling and her cell phone is a private thing, stupid Bullsh*t. I told her we have to build trust cause there was much lying and that´s why we should be hundert percent transparent.

So I am not sure how I should behave now. I am in NC and I think I will wait till she apologizes for HER mistakes cause I did for mine.. But I guess I let her get away with so much sh*t that she didn´t even think about apologizing. (Cause I was begging and running after her and forgot what she did wrong). Or should I talk to her one last time and tell her my rules? If she is accepting it, we can be together, if not, then not? But maybe it doesn´t make sense till she realizes that she made mistakes.

Would be glad to hear from you!

Dear Summer Sky,
I recognize your style LOL.

I can't tell if this guy is a troll or not, it's getting too complicated these days.

summersky, if you are for real, it's over. Move on.

Back the fvck off...again. This time don't try and rush anything. Relax. You may be able to salvage this if you stop chasing after her. better yet, act like you don't give a flying fvck anymore. Re-read what Mauser said above "The less you care, the more she will". That's perfect advice, which you must have ignored.

Wow first off she going be lil emotional killing her unborn child it was inside her. Also you broke up because you guys didn't have trust without TRUST there is no relationship. So this is pretty much done nothing gonna change. If you get back together you gonna revert back to yall bad habits to anyway and then you back to square one.

Again begging a woman is always bad it make you look weak. Text she sent was just mess with you and get you emotionally riled up. Basically trying to keeping you miserable and back to begging to her again.

To put simple not trust no relationship. move on

She{and MOST women} thinks her vergina is made of gold and you will climb mountains to get it..... Unfortunately, you've done just that. IF she doesn't do what you want..... find a NEW one and train THIS one right from the beginning....