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first time hooking up w a divorced chick and now she flakes

ne0phyte

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Hey guys, so i had my first hookup w someone in my extended social circle who was recently divorced. She was dtf on the first night after we went clubbing, but i broke my condom and didnt have a spare.

after that night tho, she seemed really interested, txted me how she can't wait to see me and wanted to make all these plans to go party. We did the deed the 2nd night we hung out. Interest remained high, verbally at least. Asked me to go travel w her and stuff.

Anyway, i was out of town for about a week and when i got back she became all flakey. Tried to get her to come over but she said she had to console a friend who had consoled her about her divorce. She did counter offer the bext day, but i didnt want to seem too available since she told me last minute so i declined.

I asked her to hang out again, she agreed but cancelled last minute. I sent her a txt "gay, you owe me drinks next time we hang out haha ", and was about to leave it at that.

I was surprised when she called me later that night and actually apologized for being flakey lately. She said she just finalized her divorce that day and she could come over, but wasn't in a good place. I told her i get it and left it at that.

I haven't contacted her in about 3 days since she flaked. My question should i be treating this girl any different bc of her recent divorce? If she hadn't called me, i would have just nexted her. Still planning on it, although im not sure i should so quickly.

Thoughts appreciated. Oh and we are both 28. Her divorce ended w no kids, husband supposedly cheated on her according to friends
 

Willard

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I wouldn't treat her any different, wait until she contacts you.
 

Tiguere

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Make this a sticky thread. And title it " symptoms of not spinning plates
 

Jules_Winfield

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"I'm not in a good place." Hahahaha, good one. There is someone else or she's using you to get past her lonely feelings. She will eventually move on or "settle" with you.
 

MikeOck

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1. When a woman's words and actions contrast, it is always her actions that speak the truth.

2. Never, ever, take a recently divorced woman seriously.


Tiguere said:
Make this a sticky thread. And title it " symptoms of not spinning plates
Exactly.

If you had other options, you'd see what a terrible prospect this one is and you would not assign such a high value to her.
 

nismo-4

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Your princess is in another castle! Go spin more plates. She is!

Case closed. Exit the courtroom.
 

Scormus

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hmmm

Yes of course he should spin plates, but sounds to me like he can get a few more bangs out of this chick.
 

ne0phyte

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appreciate the input as always fellas. i was just curious because she is divorced and i was more willing to give the benefit of the doubt. and it's not like i want to make this girl my wife. i just wanted my turn to bone her. but like scormus said, i was thinking i would get a few more bangs than this sudden shut out.

when we first met up, interest was sky high. she literally said she wanted to **** me that night, and if i hadn't broken my condom i would've. the second night we did the deed, and that's when she was all about wanting to schedule all these plans with me, saying how much fun we'd have together, etc.

when she started blowing me off, i figured something was off but i was surprised by her apology. my other friends told me the guy she is divorcing was her high school sweetheart. that's why i was a little thrown off.

either way, i'm pretty sure it's done now, haven't heard back in almost a week. i definitely won't be contacting her.

i have been noticing i'm great at initial attraction, but keeping it goin seems to be where my difficulty is. i don't text often, or call, and i keep my dates simple (action stuff w drinks, followed by coming back to my place) so I wonder where I'm going wrong.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Neophyte,
After a gut wrencing traumatic experience,the last thing she would be thinking about,would be Svex...very doubtful that she is spinning her own plates...just be there for her!
 

Sik

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Ne0phyte,

It sounds to me like she is genuinely having a tough time with the divorce. I work in a field that often has me involved with these types of things, and they can be brutal, traumatic experiences. Sex and dating is often the last thing on a anyone's mind after they have been to court and had their dirty laundry aired out.

In fact, I would recommend contacting her soon to "see how you're doing" and give some moral support. Now, don't be a goddamned emotional tampon, but taking her out for some fun and drinks again will certainly have you drilling her out in short order.

Let us know how it works out!
 

ne0phyte

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so here's another strange thing. I was hanging out with some friends last night and one of my female friends there started teasing me about the divorced girl "so you and ____ huh?". apparently she had met up with the divorced girl for drinks earlier in the week where the divorced girl told her that we were hanging out. this was after she had flaked and called to apologize too. apparently divorced girl has told a few others as well, as I found out last night.

this is strange to me, because she still hasn't contacted me at all. yet she goes around telling our mutual friends we're dating/hooking up? strange thing for her to tell ppl that if she's lost interest. but then again, if she's interested why the mixed signals?

i was just gonna ignore her and move on, but i think i'll shoot her a text tomorrow and see how's she doing and ask about some of the plans we had made earlier. if she's still all hesitant and flakey then i've wasted enough time.

and yes, i know to spin more plates. this one is already back burner, and about to be dropped if she still plays games.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Neophyte,
Tell us seriously,do you ever think of anything except the immediacy of having your desires satisfied?...Life is not one continuous Ice Cream Cake for many!
 

speed dawg

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ne0phyte said:
Hey guys, so i had my first hookup w someone in my extended social circle who was recently divorced. She was dtf on the first night after we went clubbing, but i broke my condom and didnt have a spare.

after that night tho, she seemed really interested, txted me how she can't wait to see me and wanted to make all these plans to go party. We did the deed the 2nd night we hung out. Interest remained high, verbally at least. Asked me to go travel w her and stuff.

Anyway, i was out of town for about a week and when i got back she became all flakey. Tried to get her to come over but she said she had to console a friend who had consoled her about her divorce. She did counter offer the bext day, but i didnt want to seem too available since she told me last minute so i declined.

I asked her to hang out again, she agreed but cancelled last minute. I sent her a txt "gay, you owe me drinks next time we hang out haha ", and was about to leave it at that.

I was surprised when she called me later that night and actually apologized for being flakey lately. She said she just finalized her divorce that day and she could come over, but wasn't in a good place. I told her i get it and left it at that.

I haven't contacted her in about 3 days since she flaked. My question should i be treating this girl any different bc of her recent divorce? If she hadn't called me, i would have just nexted her. Still planning on it, although im not sure i should so quickly.

Thoughts appreciated. Oh and we are both 28. Her divorce ended w no kids, husband supposedly cheated on her according to friends
I was going to say you lost the frame, but you really never even had it. You went straight into her frame. You succeeded at first, because you were a new face and probably physically attractive to her, but once she found out that she was your life after one round of sex, her attraction for you dropped. Just forget about her, unless she calls you. Get busy doing other stuff, you really can't fake it now that she's seen your weak side.

Scaramouche said:
Dear Neophyte,
After a gut wrencing traumatic experience,the last thing she would be thinking about,would be Svex...very doubtful that she is spinning her own plates...just be there for her!
What the? Are you serious? When's the last time this sh*t actually rang true? 1965? If she was depressed after a traumatic experience, she wouldn't be out telling guys she wants to f*ck them. Keep in mind that this woman isn't NEARLY as hung up on her divorce as neophyte THINKS she is, or at least what she's led him to believe. Women use that crap all the time. Sl*t defense, or whatever they call it. Ha, she may have realized how much of a wussy he was when she saw that he actually bought that line of garbage.
 

ne0phyte

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i'm all for learning, so please tell me how I gave off the "she became my life after one round of sex" vibe?

this is the order of events: i went clubbing w her on a thurs. had her in bed w her wanting to f*ck me. we made out and grinded on each other hard. since i broke my condom, i told her i should go, and she was begging me to stay. i figure'd this would increase the sexual tension and make her want me more.

i txt'd her saturday to meet up for drinks sunday. no chit-chat or long txt convo, just that. she agreed. we met up sunday night for drinks and i closed the deal.

i go out of town for business for the week. i send one text mid week saying i enjoyed her. i come back to town sunday, and try to meet up with her but she says she's busy and counteroffers for the middle of the week.

day of supposed hangout she flakes but calls me and gives me her "i just finalized my divorce" talk. counteroffers for tomorrow, but I told her I'm busy.

i've been no contact since then. she hasn't contacted me either. if anything, i think this just is a divorced girl enjoying her time on the **** carousel. nothing wrong with that. i just thought my turn would've lasted longer.

i don't think i was giving off any clingy AFC vibes, but tell me if I'm wrong
 

ne0phyte

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Scaramouche said:
Dear Neophyte,
Tell us seriously,do you ever think of anything except the immediacy of having your desires satisfied?...Life is not one continuous Ice Cream Cake for many!
and scaramouche, i appreciate what you're saying, i do, but why wouldn't she want to talk or stay in touch? again this is my first experience w a divorced girl, but i still believe that a girl who is interested "will move mountains to see you" as others have said here. For her to be this cold, I'm pretty sure she's not interested at all at this point, and using her divorce as a cover.
 

speed dawg

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ne0phyte said:
i'm all for learning, so please tell me how I gave off the "she became my life after one round of sex" vibe?.........i don't think i was giving off any clingy AFC vibes, but tell me if I'm wrong
Hey, you were there, not me. I'm just going off your posts.

ne0phyte said:
i txt'd her saturday to meet up for drinks sunday. no chit-chat or long txt convo, just that. she agreed. we met up sunday night for drinks and i closed the deal.

SOMEWHERE IN HERE THINGS WENT BAD

i go out of town for business for the week. i send one text mid week saying i enjoyed her. i come back to town sunday, and try to meet up with her but she says she's busy and counteroffers for the middle of the week.
So, between the sex and the business trip (or during the business trip), things went dead. I would have never sent that text message. I take it from this:

ne0phyte said:
after that night tho, she seemed really interested, txted me how she can't wait to see me and wanted to make all these plans to go party. We did the deed the 2nd night we hung out. Interest remained high, verbally at least. Asked me to go travel w her and stuff.
....that you two were in constant communication via text, and it's very likely that you all were texting a lot more than you let on. That's a no-no. If she's going to be the typical text message bar fly, you HAVE to make her contact you at all times. And allow space between texts (google text game, lots of articles on it). You have to have other sh*t to do besides text her. She picked up on your lack of options somehow. It's up to you to figure out where it went wrong and not to do it again.

Either way, you got the right idea moving forward. You're ahead of the curve by realizing you made a mistake and knowing you must spin plates. Your turn at riding her happened because of whatever mistake you made that turned her off. Figure that out and learn from it.
 

ne0phyte

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speed dawg, thanks for the breakdown. I can see why you thought we were texting a lot more. all the planning stuff I mentioned was not through text, but during pillow talk mostly that 2nd night. the text part was her saving she wanted to see me after the first night. I mentioned it bc I though it was showing how high her interest was.

but txt or in person, in hindsight I think just agreeing to her plans did show I was too available. she basically rattled off a list of things she wanted to do. at the time I didn't it would be that bad to just say, "sure that sounds fun". but either way, you're right about something bad happening after we hooked up. me showing too much availability, her finding a new dude or a little of column a and a little of column b.
 

speed dawg

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ne0phyte said:
but txt or in person, in hindsight I think just agreeing to her plans did show I was too available. she basically rattled off a list of things she wanted to do. at the time I didn't it would be that bad to just say, "sure that sounds fun". but either way, you're right about something bad happening after we hooked up. me showing too much availability, her finding a new dude or a little of column a and a little of column b.
Agreed, no matter how it happened, it happened. In my experience, these newly single women who choose to go out and ride the c*ck carousel seem to just want fun all the time, and their self esteem is lower due to the divorce (naturally). Funny enough the ratio of 'Jerk Game' needed is directly opposite to the self esteem of the girl. Sounds like this girl wanted a harley riding bad boy to put it in her ass and make her like it, not a boyfriend to travel with her. Sure, they'll say that sh*t but that's just because she's being a woman. That "pillow talk" may have been where you went wrong, who knows.

Remember that porn star Janine Lindemulder who used to be with Jesse James? She had never done a guy/girl scene in porn. But then they divorced because he was cheating, then she went f*cking nuts and started doing gang bang, interracial and real dirty, controversial scenes, acting like a straight up sl*t. That's probably what this divorcee wanted. Not sure if it's the adrenaline or the need to catch up to the sexual prominence of the person who dumped them, but something is lighting a sex fire up inside of them.
 

CrimsonPanther

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She is divorced for a reason never forget this. very rarely do divorced women and single mothers make good LTR. be careful, and never invest too soon thinking they are the exception. all of them say they are the exceptions. very few of them is right. logic.
 

zekko

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ne0phyte said:
She did counter offer the bext day, but i didnt want to seem too available since she told me last minute so i declined.
I'm never going to understand the average DJ's fear of looking available. Everyone wants to pretend that their lives are just packed to the gills with so many exciting activites that they barely have time to kiss a girl that they meet. First off, is leading that busy a life even desireable? How about taking some time to smell the roses? If I met a girl who was too busy to see me I would forget about her and look elsewhere.

Secondly, who cares what some chick thinks about how busy you are? If you've got the time and she wants to bang, why not? Seems to me that half the guys around here live in fear of what some girl is going to think about him, so they put up this front of lies to cover their tracks. It's like cutting off your nose to spite your face, if you ask me.

/Rant off.
 
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