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Need some advice on working with family please.

fuko2007

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So this is a rant/ situation i need some advice on. Im 25 and am learning the family business. My father runs it and he is a retierd Colonel from the Army. I also have a long military background so we are both very stuborn and set in our ways and it often leads to us butting heads.

Well one of the things i have to do is get my CDL wich is a commercial drivers licence. Due to being so busy i have not had time lately but have tried in the past but never passed. It is a tough test but not impossible. Anyway lately my sister and mother have been making him mad and its coming down on me.

Given I know im not perfect and do make misteaks every now and then but not big ones that warrent the way he is treating me. Every morning he comes in with his ass on his shoulders and ands starts *****ing at me about stuff outside of work and with work that he as messed up or someone else has messed up.

Today he is out of town but he lost some keys to a building and keeps saying it was me that lost them. I pulled oup the camera footage from the day they got lost and he walks out and leaves with the keys. I have not told him yet but our convo ended with him yelling and saying i have a combative attitude etc and he hung up.

But its like anything that go's wrong be it my misteak or someone elses is my fault and i catch the heat for it then comes the *****ing out about the stuff outside of work. The other day i had to leave before i hit him, and its not getting any better each day. Im at the point to where i cant do anything outside of here fun or he will hold it aginst me and say i need to focus on work. And when i am at work he brings things my mom has done or my sister has done and uses them as a reason the give me hell. Any advice guys? maybe some of you have worked for family and have been here before.
 

Alvafe

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2 choices, tell your dad "look, it won't work so I quit", or you tell him to stop the whole all might army dude who is never wrong, thing is he want to order you around and you just comply if you have a problem with it.
 

MOTU

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I worked in a family business too. My dad was tough but not as excitable as yours. My suggestion is treat him like any other boss. Don't argue, get the work done, let the sh!t roll off your back. Add value to the business and things will either get better Or they won't. If the don't get better, find a new gig.

Also, with these strong authority types, don't worry about being "right", worry about being EFFECTIVE. Focus on the outcome.
 

Bible_Belt

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Didn't you work with any other colonels while you were in the military? They all have superiority complexes. They only statements they ever want to hear begin with "yes" and end with "sir."
 

fuko2007

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Any officer has a complex if you ask me. But i guess bible belt since he is my dad that professional factor is broken down sometimes. I will give you an example. A few months back we got into a verbal fight, it ended whit him saying im your employer and thats how you need to treat me. So i treated him like my employer. Well that weekend i went on the river and had a few beers and someone posted a photo with me in it. Monday when he came in he looked at me in his stern look and and said " you look a little weak. Hungover are we?" And truth is i did not drink sunday i drank saturday and was in bed by 9 sunday night.

But thats just one case where he says one thing then does another. Its really hard man. Or when i see him at their house and he has had a few beers. Totally diffrent guy, he will talk about work but is as nice as he can be. Then monday BAM the ******* is back in full effect.
 

Bible_Belt

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Did you know your grandfather, his father? Do you think he was treated the same way?

I think my martial arts trainer is the least sympathetic, most disapproving person I've ever met. One day I heard him mention in passing that his father was "the most disapproving sob in the goddamn universe." I also learned years later that his father was in WWII and was awarded the congressional medal of honor. He took out a German platoon by himself and saved everyone; it was action movie stuff, except real. And then after the war, he hid the medal in the attic and never talked about it again.

My trainer said he was working full time at a factory at age 16 and giving all the money to his mom and dad, while still going to high school. And he remembers his dad saying things like "don't you think you ought to get another job? When I was your age I had three jobs. Why do you only have one?"

So then thirty years later, he becomes the gruffest fight trainer around. He can consistently produce fighters who are tough and not pvssies. But it's not good for business to tell everyone who walks in the door that they stink at fighting, even when it's true. On the other hand, he sees it as genuinely endangering someone's life to take their money to sell them belts under the pretense of thinking they know something that would work in a real fight.

Disapproval really can be benevolent, at least in intent. The message you need to try to hear is "life is hard, so I have to be hard on you to prepare you for life." That's what your dad is trying to say.
 

Huffman

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F*ck that. Save some money, be ready to pack your stuff and leave. Only then can you confront him! You want better treatment? It's going to be a fight, and a negotiation. If you're not (theoretically) prepared to leave, you can't put any demands.

For me, I can't follow anyone's orders if I don't truly respect him and what he's doing. Same as BB, I always follow orders from my fighting instructor, but that's about it.
 

zekko

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What is it about former military men and tempers? It seems like most of the guys I've known who have been in the military have very short fuses - especially if they've been in a position of some authority.

I don't know if they're not used to being questioned or what, but there are a lot of them who seem quick to pop a gasket. Maybe that's just their way of dealing with disagreements - they get louder and try to intimidate people into getting them to do what they want.
 

VladPatton

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Yep, I know all about the father-son headbutt. It'll never get easier until he gets too old too care. It may seem bleak, but that was my experience. Just don't let it get to you, make sure you do your job well with solid money pull and grind away. If it really gets to you and you cannot function in life anymore, then you have to pull away and do you own thing, which in turn will cause waves in the family as well.
 
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