What did I do wrong during this date?

[TonyBaloney]

Come on Grue, for fooks sake, havent you learnt yet at your rip old age about rejection? God, that i would say is THE FIRST RULE a dj has to learn!!!! It is always the ones where a strong impression has been made - its strange really.....

If you can learn to take a knock back and let go of your pride, you'll be a happier man for it!

[Serg897]

Originally Posted by backbreaker

why do so many people try so hard on the first date? i don't even attempt to kiss a girl on the first date. i dont' know if i WANT to kiss her on the first date is my point. **** just go out talk laugh have s ome drinks go home.

so many guys put so much pressure on a woman and themselves to get at some mythicial step in the relationship.

the first date IMHO is about setting the hook. i'm not even trying to reel it in on the first date.

I'll apply this in the future. Advice is always conflicting on this, some say you should escalate fast, others say you should wait.

By escalating fast and going for the kiss and possibly more, I've gotten girls into bed on the first or second date - but I've also turned off others. Both approaches work but it depends on what you are looking for and what type of girl she is. Might be time to change my approach.

[typical]

Okay first off who in their right mind ever gives up a chance to go chill at a cool jazz or blues bar ? I myself LOVE jazz music and it is one of my first or second dates with any woman.

I mean sh!t you don't like jazz music then me and you are just not going to get along period.

No as I've got that off my chest IMO you went wrong by not leading the interaction from the get go. She declined your offer to go to a jazz bar (wtf why would you woman ?).

Then you agreed to dinner as the first date, that is just too boring really and it sounds like it wasn't your idea it was hers as it is a safe date at a safe location where she can sit back and let you talk away while working out if she's going to sleep with you or not. You should of had a backup day ready incase she blew you off on the jazz idea.

Then she doesn't like your restaurant as its "too far away" which is complete BS as you're the one picking her up and dropping her off, she should be happy that you actually went the extra mile to go pick her up for a first date.

Then your offered to take her to a bar after dinner, mate if she was giving you trouble during dinner why waste another few hours trying again at a bar ?

Okay yea you managed to get a few kisses but really you won the battle but lost the war. Next time lead from the get go and have at least another 1 or 2 ideas of places to go things to do before asking any woman out. Like you said a woman has to let a man lead otherwise things just won't work out.

learn from your mistakes and move on bro she doesn't sound like she was worth it. Again WTF who declines a date at a jazz bar !!!

[Danger]

I think your main problem was not rejecting her based on her lack of ability to be led.

Your second mistake, and I may get disagreement on this, is that you "went for the date".

I *never* go on a date with a girl I have not yet fuked or had serious IOI's from. It just doesn't work like that anymore.



This is why I am a big advocate of hanging with friends instead .....

• It takes off pressure.
• It's a good fun time to be had by all .
• Her showing up (or lack of) gives a clear indication of her interest in you.
• It's an opportunity to show you are the alpha/leader.
• Instant social proof.

Once you are doing the above on a regular basis, you invite other people to hang out in your group. The interested girls will take you up on it. Eventually, as all interested women do, they will put you both in a situation where you are alone, and THEN you go for it.

No pressure on her other than the growing desire in her to secure you before some other girl gets your attention. That method worked for me for years and years. I can't count how many girls I have laid pipe on through that method.

[blueeyedgent]

Originally Posted by typical

Okay first off who in their right mind ever gives up a chance to go chill at a cool jazz or blues bar ? I myself LOVE jazz music and it is one of my first or second dates with any woman.

I mean sh!t you don't like jazz music then me and you are just not going to get along period.

Right on man - I play guitar and have been taking lessons in jazz and I'm loving it

[backbreaker]

Originally Posted by Serg897

I'll apply this in the future. Advice is always conflicting on this, some say you should escalate fast, others say you should wait.

By escalating fast and going for the kiss and possibly more, I've gotten girls into bed on the first or second date - but I've also turned off others. Both approaches work but it depends on what you are looking for and what type of girl she is. Might be time to change my approach.

there are different more than one way to skin a cat lol no pun intended.

you have to let her know that she has not won you over just yet, while at the same time, letting her know that the way i see you is in a sexual manner not in a friend manner.

it's like swimming. when you firstr learn to not drown lol, get your ass in the 3 foot and go to one end and get back to the other. the more comfortable you get in the water the more you can go to the deep end.

you have to keep in mind, i've been on hundreds of dates. i can pretty much make any situtation work for me just about, and i don't get off on the sex as much as i get off on her going ape**** that she can't have me, so i will play with my food so to speak, kinda like a killer whale will toss his food in the air for an hour before he eats it. but if you have any questions at all about what to do, favor the bold. Be bold but at the same, don't commit to her. show her you find her sexually attractive, treat her like you want to sleep with her, but dont' treat her like she's the only girl you want to sleep with. that's where you messed up. you can flirt with a chick, fill her up but let her know she still has to play her cards right to get with you.

Okay first off who in their right mind ever gives up a chance to go chill at a cool jazz or blues bar ? I myself LOVE jazz music and it is one of my first or second dates with any woman.

being a true jazz head myself I have learned, that the worst first date, well besides a 100 dollar a plate resturant, to take a woman is to a jazz bar.

beucase see lol, jazz is what every sophisticated cultured woman is supposed to like but none of them really do. i have never in my life met a girl that did not say "oh yeah I listen to jazz" and you are listening to some standard **** like round midnight or something and she's like "oh that's nice what is that" lol. a true jazz fan knows round midnight before they get out of the intro.

you will take a chick to some jazz spost and she will pretend to want to go becuase that's what cultured chicks are supposed to be into and she will go and then she will pretend to have a good time and then you try to get with her the next day and she isn't answering your calls and you don't know why. the reason is you really aren't her type even though she is pretending to be yoru type, she's pretending to be the type of girl she is suppose dto be not what she really is. probably couldn't wait to get in her car and throw on some garbage hipster indie ****.

over the years my wife and i have come to a gentlemens agreement of sorts. she will listen to jazz beucasex i listen to it but she doesn't really like it like i do, but she loves the saxophone, so i end up listening to a lot of sonny rollins zoot sims and stuff like that when i'm in the car wioth her even though I prefer piano like bill evans and oscar peterson and stuff. but she isn't going to go otu of her way to go to a jazz spot with me lol unless she thinks another girl is going to be there.

[iqqi]

I think a lot of guys get hung up on "taking the lead" and "being in charge" and "being sexual" and all that sosuave crap. You were way too pushy with her, even when she made it clear she wasn't into immediate affection. Her asking you "what do you even see in me" wasn't insecurity, it was her way of saying that you don't know anything about her yet, so why are you so attracted to her? There was no right answer to the question, it was a verbal signal to slow down and get to know her first. Some women are turned off by men who seem like they could F anyone.

[typical]

It's not "sosuave crap" its basic dating guidelines that you follow and judge her on her reaction to certain things you do, which tell you right away if she is worth keeping around or just setting up as a fu(k buddy or plain cutting loose and walking away.

Attraction is attraction, you feel it, its a animal thing, you can't sit down and describe it like a science (well you could but I'm not into writing massive theories yet). You either feel it or you don't, obviously our friend felt this even though she gave out clear red flags that she wasn't interested. Also after having read about said girl its clear she isn't a person I'd waste any time talking to.

And yea your right it does annoy people when you walk around acting like you can nail any girl BUT there is a way to assert the same aura about yourself in a way that makes women melt in your arms. Trust me (nearly) every woman loves a man thats slightly dangerous with a hint of mystery behind him and has the swagger that he could get any girl he wanted but is choosing her.


BTW BB it's funny you mention your point about jazz as after sitting here and thinking about the last few girls that I've dated or had an LTR with they were all putting up an act to like certain aspects of myself just so that I would actually date them. It's lead me to believe that I'm turning into a high maintenance guy I might have to get off my high horse and just enjoy the company of the woman for what it is .......... just company ........... with some sex obviously LOL.

[backbreaker]

Originally Posted by typical

It's not "sosuave crap" its basic dating guidelines that you follow and judge her on her reaction to certain things you do, which tell you right away if she is worth keeping around or just setting up as a fu(k buddy or plain cutting loose and walking away.

Attraction is attraction, you feel it, its a animal thing, you can't sit down and describe it like a science (well you could but I'm not into writing massive theories yet). You either feel it or you don't, obviously our friend felt this even though she gave out clear red flags that she wasn't interested. Also after having read about said girl its clear she isn't a person I'd waste any time talking to.

And yea your right it does annoy people when you walk around acting like you can nail any girl BUT there is a way to assert the same aura about yourself in a way that makes women melt in your arms. Trust me (nearly) every woman loves a man thats slightly dangerous with a hint of mystery behind him and has the swagger that he could get any girl he wanted but is choosing her.

\.

exactly. iqqi that' some hall mark bull**** if i ever saw it. lol what do you see in me? you dont' know anything about me? lol when has me not knowing what a woman's fav movie is ever stopped me from getting an erejection? i want to fvck you that';s what i see in you. you are pretty cute and I am attracted to you.

I mean, granted, he could have used more tact, but do not listen to iqqi here this is out of the feminist playbook. man not 30 mintues after me picking up my now wife on our first date we were all over each other. i did not have sex with her for almost a month, which was more my choice than hers, but i made no bones about the fact that i found her quite hot and she reciprocated.

the bottom line of any relationship, there has to be a physical attraction. there HAS to be. it comes first. if she is not attracted to you, that's when you start going down the road to nowhere and start concocting up ideas and schemes and **** and over analyzing stuff.

she just was not into you brah. never was. a woman who is into you even if she has standards and morals, will not necessarily brush you off.