How to be less of an open book?

Tomo · Apr 23, 2014

I talk ****. Alot of it. As such sometimes I give too much information. Here is your typical scenario - I was chatting to a good acquaintance and for some reason we were talking about relationships - bloke talk. Low and behold I started talking about how I had a girl I was seeing hooking up with another guy etc but here is the kicker - I accidentally let slip how I ALMOST hooked up with a few other girls that night: emphasizing ALMOST. Regardless I let something slip I'd not want someone to know.

Now the problem is a prospective plate was hovering around and now I am worried that her perceptions of me may change. This is basically the scenario that I'd want to avoid.

So anyone have tips on how to change myself?

sylvester the cat · Apr 23, 2014

Talk less. I try not to say anything if I can help it.

Loose lips sink ships.

Tomo · Apr 23, 2014

Yeah mate, thats what I want to try and do but I find it pretty hard as my personality is that of a pretty open person and it's how I've formed a large network in all aspects of my life.

sylvester the cat · Apr 23, 2014

Tomo said:
Yeah mate, thats what I want to try and do but I find it pretty hard as my personality is that of a pretty open person and it's how I've formed a large network in all aspects of my life.

Takes practise and self-awareness. Just be aware when those lips start flapping. everyone loves talking about themselves and so few love listening.

sph21 · Apr 23, 2014

Learn how to talk less about yourself and learn to make a high interest about others. Let them talk more than you. This is the key of listening.

People love to talk about themselves. When they find someone who will listen, they find him/ her as an attractive person.

Mike32ct · Apr 23, 2014

Stop and think before you speak. Quickly ask yourself if you NEED to say xyz. Many times you don't.

Yes, I get where you are coming from. It can be fun to be totally open and say everything you did you or are thinking about.

But it's a really, really bad thing to do. Your reputation depends on it.

I'm an open book on here, but in person, I try not to tell people jack shyte about myself.

Dan08 · Apr 23, 2014

Actively start to listen to people instead of talking. As already said on here, so many talk and yet so few listen.

Listen. People will appreciate you so much more, they'll value your friendship so much more and when you have **** in your life that you gotta talk about you'll have a whole group of friends ready to listen and support you.

You can't beat it

Tomo · Apr 23, 2014

I am starting to slowly see it. Cheers guys. Going to start writing up a note book of how to carry conversation and questions to ask so that the other person keeps talking - hopefully that will teach me more to keep the yab shut!

Anteros · Apr 23, 2014

You guys don't see the OP's problem. He knows he needs to listen instead, but doesn't know exactly how to keep the conversation going, or the "ball rolling" when it comes to new women or asking out, texting, chatting, whatever.

I sympathize with you Tomo, since I struggle a lot on the initial stages of dating, relationships, etc. Specially when now a days woman have this attitude of "win me over first to even date and then win me over again to actually go somewhere". Also it's annoying when most seem like you need to take their words out with a plunger.

skinnyguy · Apr 23, 2014

Anteros said:
You guys don't see the OP's problem. He knows he needs to listen instead, but doesn't know exactly how to keep the conversation going, or the "ball rolling" when it comes to new women or asking out, texting, chatting, whatever.

I sympathize with you Tomo, since I struggle a lot on the initial stages of dating, relationships, etc. Specially when now a days woman have this attitude of "win me over first to even date and then win me over again to actually go somewhere". Also it's annoying when most seem like you need to take their words out with a plunger.

Totally. This turns me off from dating cause it feels like so much work and a lot of the time the girl isn't even worth it. It's exceptionally hard to find a girl with a good personality.

Anteros · Apr 23, 2014

skinnyguy said:
Totally. This turns me off from dating cause it feels like so much work and a lot of the time the girl isn't even worth it. It's exceptionally hard to find a girl with a good personality.

Yeah, tell me about it!

Even though I never suck up to a girl, the fact that I'm on a relationship very so often, people think that my value decreases due to that "lack of social proof".

Such idiocy.

VladPatton · Apr 23, 2014

After years of being honest, open and transparent with people, I can truly say it will get you nowhere. Keep conversation away from yourself and avoid too many expressions of opinions. And for good measure, don't repeat jack shıt you read on this website! This shıt is for your eyes only.

sylvester the cat · Apr 24, 2014

Ask questions.

Gunner26 · Apr 24, 2014

I'm the open type myself, so far no great results. It's great for making friends and meeting new people, but it doesn't get me laid.

I'm the funny guy, I'm always cheerful and up for a laugh, and I get on with most people, but few girls LIKE me, really only the ones who are a little insecure about themselves or shy, I give them more attention then other people do, simply because I like talking to people.

I doubt that people take me that seriously, if I were to start saying less and not just talking, I'd be more intriguing and appear more serious, but at the moment I'm not that fussed whether people take me seriously or not.

I can see a direct correlation between the girls I attract and how much I talk. The ones that dig me, I always seem to be more aloof and quiet around, besides those shy ones I mentioned earlier, who I just give more attention than other people do.

Gunner

How to be less of an open book?

Tomo

Senior Don Juan

sylvester the cat

Master Don Juan

Tomo

Senior Don Juan

sylvester the cat

Master Don Juan

sph21

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Mike32ct

Master Don Juan

Dan08

Senior Don Juan

Tomo

Senior Don Juan

Anteros

Don Juan

skinnyguy

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Anteros

Don Juan

VladPatton

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sylvester the cat

Master Don Juan

Gunner26

Senior Don Juan