Catfished and how to get over it

Hey guys,

I haven't posted in a while but I've been busy improving myself. I'm in my late 20's now, I've been hitting the gym several times a week. Have a good job. I have a lot of good things going for me. I even lost my virginity in the beginning of the year which was a major relief for me. The chick turned out to be crazy but that's another story.

I still have AFC's tendencies with desperation and neediness but I'm trying to improve upon that.

To this point, I still haven't had a girlfriend/relationship Ultimately that's what I want. Now on to the cat fishing story.

I met this woman online a couple months ago. She is 30 and is from another state but moved to my area for grad school. She told me upfront that she was going back to her home state for 2 months but that we could chat and get to know each other through Skype and texting.


That sounded okay to me at first which was my first huge mistake. I should never have agreed to speak to her before she came back.

We start skyping for over an hour on a weekly basis. She also starting texting me and we would basically text every day sometimes for hours. I was being flirty and sexual and she was going along with it. She kept telling me everything I wanted to hear.

One day, she would message me first, another day, I would message her first and we would go on for a while. She kept saying that we could go on vacation together and work out together. Also, that she had all these dresses to wear when we went out. I fell for this. I was getting emotionally attached through her manipulative ways.

There were red flags along the way. She told me about all the baggage she has with some of her family and she would complain a lot. I let my desperation get the better of me.

After two months of skyping and texting, we finally went out last weekend. I took her out to dinner and a movie (paid for both). She was holding my hand and cuddling with me throughout the date and giving me all the signals. I thought she was genuinely into me.

At the end of the night, she gave me a pretty passionate kiss and I thought we were set for another date. She told me she was hanging out with friends the next day so I sent her a text saying had a fun time and I'll text you tomorrow. The following day, I sent her a message and no reply. I waited one more day and sent her a text. About 8 hours later, she replied with some BS, "hey, I think you're a really great guy, but we want different things." I asked her if she could have courtesy to speak to me after I invested two months of my time with her and I wanted some closure.


She ignored me and I told her off. I was extremely pissed because I fell for her. She turned out to be a rotten person and a liar. I felt that she led me on and blew me off for no good reason after one date. I wasted 2 months of my time with this piece of garbage.

What's worse is the fact that part of me wants to message her again but the other part knows that I should never message her again because she is a worthless trash bag.

Just want some advice on how to handle this and get over it.

You've been had.

Get over it and yourself. Learn the lesson and move on.

It takes time, and action.

Well, learn from your mistakes. Doing it right next time will give you satisfaction. It took you 2 months to get a date? Never again bro.

Put yourself out there in the real world where there's no such thing as 'catfishing'. Big ups on your gym routine. You lost your virginity, even better. Unfortunately, you will not attract the women you really want until you kill your desperation. Have you read the Book of Pook?

Find happiness somewhere else, and let the women follow. Be socially open, if you see a good approach opportunity, DO IT. Get numbers in the field. Turn them into dates. Once you get the hang of this process, you can tweak your behaviors and experiment with different women to get different results.

I would feel pretty crappy if that happened to me too, dude. It will get better with time. Just go hard. In everything you do. Use it as motivation.

If you live a positive lifestyle, pretty soon, you're gonna have the things you want. It's called the law of attraction.

Good luck homie. :yes:

The longer you wait to schedule a date, the more you’re going to either be wasting your time on a woman who isn’t interested, or killing the attraction of a woman who is interested. For OLD, I usually give them two messages, then a short 5 minute phone call to schedule a date. If they want to keep talking/texting over the phone because they say they “aren’t comfortable yet” I say something playful like “well I’m not completely convinced you’re not an axe murder either, but life involves taking some risks”. If they continue to object I’ll be more direct and simply tell them that phonecalls are for their girl friends, and that when they’re with me were going out together to have some fun. had multiple women tell me how much they appreciate me taking the lead and telling them how things are going to be.

Knowing what you want and being direct and confident will build a woman’s attraction for you. If she’s going to be out of state for several months, simply tell her what you want. Say “Hey Suzie, I’m excited to meet you too but the whole long distance thing just doesn’t work for me. Give me a call when you’re back in town and we’ll find out if you’re as fun as you are cute .” A sweet but direct response like that will always work assuming the woman has attraction for you in the first place, though there’s always the possibility that she means another guy she really likes while she’s out of town. Not really much you can do about that.

I've had something similar happen. Unfortunately this scenario is played out countless times thanks to online dating, which had it's heyday (2000-2006) and now it's pretty much a cesspool. keep on truckin' and forget about her. She's a time waster like most OLD chicks.

You've been on this site since 2002 and you need advice on how to handle this? Wow. Just wow.

Can't tell ya how many times I've had chicks all over me on a date, only to never hear from them again. It's definitely a head scratcher but that's dating in the 21st century.

You got way too invested before you even met this chick. No matter how much chemistry or attraction you have online, it all gets thrown out the window once you meet in real life. Skype, text, facebook, etc, are no guarantee she's going to like you in real life; you're starting the rapport building process all over at the initial greeting. That's why it's important to try to meet ASAP to limit wasted time.

For future reference, it's fine to reach out with one text after the first date, but if she doesn't reply, you're just making yourself look like a fool trying to "tell her off" and "ask for closure". That's pretty creepy. I've found girls with high IL levels will nearly always text me within an hour of the date ending, or very early the next day. If you're left to wonder whether or not she liked you.. she probably didn't.

Not her fault. Attraction is not a choice. You would have done the same if you were not attracted to her.

Toughen up. Not every girl will be attracted to you, not even the most seasoned, best-looking DJs. The sooner you accept this, the sooner your game will evolve.

Never invest more than 15 minutes into a girl that you have never met. Lesson learned.

I realize that I was duped and she was a time waster. I know I'm a great guy and it's her loss.

I just felt that she led me on during the date. I acted the same way when we had video chats. I got in a lot of kino and she responded well to it. She didn't pull away at all. We were holding hands a lot and cuddling during the movie. And the kiss at the end. Oh well.

She was just a weird chick. End of story.

Good news, I just had another date with a new chick today and I have another potential date with another chick. I need to spin more plates.

I'm never going to invest all my time with one chick unless we've been going out for a long time. Lesson learned and I'll get over this weirdo chick soon enough. Too many weirdo skanks on the internet that's for sure.

WrEcKLeSS2000 said:

She told me she was hanging out with friends the next day so I sent her a text saying had a fun time and I'll text you tomorrow.

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:nono:

I asked her if she could have courtesy to speak to me after I invested two months of my time with her and I wanted some closure.

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:nono:

She ignored me and I told her off.

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:nono:

I was extremely pissed because I fell for her.

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You fell for her after 2 months of talking and a one passionate kiss? What would you do if you had wild crazy sex and then she ignored you?

Just want some advice on how to handle this and get over it.

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Spin more plates.

WrEcKLeSS2000 said:

The following day, I sent her a message and no reply. I waited one more day and sent her a text. About 8 hours later, she replied with some BS, "hey, I think you're a really great guy, but we want different things." I asked her if she could have courtesy to speak to me after I invested two months of my time with her and I wanted some closure.

Click to expand...

First of all, "closure" is for women. Women need "closure" to soothe their crazy, out of control emotions. They need to be sure they made the right choice by getting their emotions to settle into one specific zone, whether it be happy, angry, or whatever. When their emotions are settled and are no longer fluctuating, then they have "closure".

As a side note, I don't like giving women "closure". I want to leave them with their emotions all fvcked up so they continue to doubt their decision to leave me.

Anyway, back to your situation... When you get the message loud and clear that she no longer wants to see you, that's when you just cut her off. There's no point in wasting time and emotions by dragging things out when there's no hope in hell of fixing it. When I get a message like that, I'll either respond with "Ok, bye!" or not respond at all.

When the horse is dead, there's no point in beating the 5hit out of it hoping it will wake up.