Hey .. if your a married guy like me and your banging your head against the wall trying to figure out WTFs wrong with your marriage. You have tried everything you can think of including marriage counselling (a waste of time BTW). Your wifes cold... you fight all the time, your kids are acting out because mommy and daddy are mad all the time ... your not making love like you used to, stress is through the roof and nothing ever gets resolved and your thinking of having an affair. Before you jump to an affair, I have your answer. But its not an EASY fix but nothing worth keeping is ever easy. It will be a challenge. So here it goes ...
www.marriagebuilders.com
Yes .. there is some great stuff here on this site to help decifer women in some things .. but its a cookie cutter strategy and it doesnt always work in your favor as a married guy. This place is not the end all be all of how to be married. In fact some of it is counter productive and will likely get you into trouble if you seek outside sources to meet your needs as some people and strategies suggest. Not worth it. Pick and chose what this place offers .. but becareful.
OK .. so now what? Well .. You should know of a concept called the LOVE BANK. Its real ... it works. I know .. i do it. You can read about it here and how it works in better detail. This does not just apply to your love life . .. but everyone in general.
Love Bank Concept - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html
Once ya got that grasped you need to figure out what YOUR needs are. Everyone is different ... and everyone hates the guessing game. Know who you are .. and what makes you feel loved the most. There is 10 emotional needs that cover pretty much everything you can think of, do the questions and get your ranking of important emotional needs.
Emotional needs Here - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4501_enq.html
Then ... once you figure out who YOU are and what makes you feel loved you can relay that to your signifigant other and they can do the same. Meeting needs causes you to fall in love! But .. what goes up (love bank balance towards the romantic love threshold) often goes down if not maintained properly! You can meet needs all day long but if in between meeting needs your doing things that cause the other person to get upset or angry .. your making love bank withdrawls! This can happen faster than you realize and before ya know it .. your back to hating .. ignoring ... fighting etc. Your love bank moves from romantic threshold (being in love and irresistable to each other) to like ... then to dislike ... and often to absolute hate where you can not stand even the sight of each other.. You MUST avoid those things that cause your spouse/signifigant other to get upset (BOTH OF YOU!) To learn these things .. there is another set of questions.
Love Busters HERE - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4502_lbq.html
Once you figure out what these are (careful .. this set of questions after filled out and exchanged can often lead to heated discussions, blaming, and arguing ... DONT ... instead just agree before you exchange them that you will NOT get angry with each other, but if needed you will take a break and come back to it.) You can learn to avoid the "lovebusters" and this will be like plugging the holes in your bucket so it stops draining all the water your trying to hold in it.
You will find that if your marriage is in bad shape you have a hard time meeting each others needs .. that is becasue your either in the state of conflict or withdrawl. BTW .. conflict is better than withdrawl. You can learn of the states of mind in marriage..
States of mind Here - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3250_habits.html
Once ya got all that figured out ... you then need to figure out the things you like to do together for recreation. A great way to do that is this set of questions.
Recreation HERE - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4505_rei.html
OK .. so now that you have all this info. What do you do with it? Well .. you put it to good use. You can NOT be in love without spending time together. You didnt ignore each other when you were courting.. so you have to make time in your busy lives to put your marriage FIRST! You probably notice that when your marriage is going good ... everything else around you feels like it is too .. needs are met .... everyones affectionate .. smiling ... and just general good energy. That all took time and effort. If you have kids .. its even harder. You NEED to make time ... its imperative to your marriage.
Make time HERE - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_attn.html
I see alot of people put their kids first in their marriages... as if the kid is more important than anything else in their lives. However ... kids NEED happy parents. If the parents are not happy .. how do you think the kids feel? Sure they may have the attention of the parents .. but how happy are the kids going to be when their parents divorce or fight all the time becasue they are not meeting each others intimate needs? Not very ... infact many kids will lash out and act as they see towards others! Here is a great article on how and why children need happy parents. Make your marriage TOP priority .. once the kids are gone .. then all you have is each other. So why not build a lifestyle that prepares for that.
Caring for kids means caring for each other HERE - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8112_care.html
You must also understand that you can not just GIVE And GIVE and GIVE in your relationship. Its bound to ruin you and create frustration. Also .. you can not just TAKE and TAKE and TAKE either. There must be a balance of both between you.
Learn Give and Take here - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html
There is SOOO Much to read and go over for a married guy and woman on that site its hard to put it all in one post. So here is a basic summary of ALL the concepts that make a happy marriage as well as a few other links to some articles that may be of great value to some in the future or even now.
Summary HERE - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_summary.html
Living together before marriage - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8110_cohabitation.html
Are Friends a threat to your marriage? - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8119_friends.html
Fear of marriage - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8114_fear.html
Why women leave men - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_leave.html
How can a husband get the sex he needs in marriage? http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8120_sex.html
Hope this helps someone ... it saved my marriage. I hope it saves yours.
www.marriagebuilders.com
Yes .. there is some great stuff here on this site to help decifer women in some things .. but its a cookie cutter strategy and it doesnt always work in your favor as a married guy. This place is not the end all be all of how to be married. In fact some of it is counter productive and will likely get you into trouble if you seek outside sources to meet your needs as some people and strategies suggest. Not worth it. Pick and chose what this place offers .. but becareful.
OK .. so now what? Well .. You should know of a concept called the LOVE BANK. Its real ... it works. I know .. i do it. You can read about it here and how it works in better detail. This does not just apply to your love life . .. but everyone in general.
Love Bank Concept - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html
Once ya got that grasped you need to figure out what YOUR needs are. Everyone is different ... and everyone hates the guessing game. Know who you are .. and what makes you feel loved the most. There is 10 emotional needs that cover pretty much everything you can think of, do the questions and get your ranking of important emotional needs.
Emotional needs Here - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4501_enq.html
Then ... once you figure out who YOU are and what makes you feel loved you can relay that to your signifigant other and they can do the same. Meeting needs causes you to fall in love! But .. what goes up (love bank balance towards the romantic love threshold) often goes down if not maintained properly! You can meet needs all day long but if in between meeting needs your doing things that cause the other person to get upset or angry .. your making love bank withdrawls! This can happen faster than you realize and before ya know it .. your back to hating .. ignoring ... fighting etc. Your love bank moves from romantic threshold (being in love and irresistable to each other) to like ... then to dislike ... and often to absolute hate where you can not stand even the sight of each other.. You MUST avoid those things that cause your spouse/signifigant other to get upset (BOTH OF YOU!) To learn these things .. there is another set of questions.
Love Busters HERE - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4502_lbq.html
Once you figure out what these are (careful .. this set of questions after filled out and exchanged can often lead to heated discussions, blaming, and arguing ... DONT ... instead just agree before you exchange them that you will NOT get angry with each other, but if needed you will take a break and come back to it.) You can learn to avoid the "lovebusters" and this will be like plugging the holes in your bucket so it stops draining all the water your trying to hold in it.
You will find that if your marriage is in bad shape you have a hard time meeting each others needs .. that is becasue your either in the state of conflict or withdrawl. BTW .. conflict is better than withdrawl. You can learn of the states of mind in marriage..
States of mind Here - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3250_habits.html
Once ya got all that figured out ... you then need to figure out the things you like to do together for recreation. A great way to do that is this set of questions.
Recreation HERE - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4505_rei.html
OK .. so now that you have all this info. What do you do with it? Well .. you put it to good use. You can NOT be in love without spending time together. You didnt ignore each other when you were courting.. so you have to make time in your busy lives to put your marriage FIRST! You probably notice that when your marriage is going good ... everything else around you feels like it is too .. needs are met .... everyones affectionate .. smiling ... and just general good energy. That all took time and effort. If you have kids .. its even harder. You NEED to make time ... its imperative to your marriage.
Make time HERE - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_attn.html
I see alot of people put their kids first in their marriages... as if the kid is more important than anything else in their lives. However ... kids NEED happy parents. If the parents are not happy .. how do you think the kids feel? Sure they may have the attention of the parents .. but how happy are the kids going to be when their parents divorce or fight all the time becasue they are not meeting each others intimate needs? Not very ... infact many kids will lash out and act as they see towards others! Here is a great article on how and why children need happy parents. Make your marriage TOP priority .. once the kids are gone .. then all you have is each other. So why not build a lifestyle that prepares for that.
Caring for kids means caring for each other HERE - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8112_care.html
You must also understand that you can not just GIVE And GIVE and GIVE in your relationship. Its bound to ruin you and create frustration. Also .. you can not just TAKE and TAKE and TAKE either. There must be a balance of both between you.
Learn Give and Take here - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html
There is SOOO Much to read and go over for a married guy and woman on that site its hard to put it all in one post. So here is a basic summary of ALL the concepts that make a happy marriage as well as a few other links to some articles that may be of great value to some in the future or even now.
Summary HERE - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_summary.html
Living together before marriage - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8110_cohabitation.html
Are Friends a threat to your marriage? - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8119_friends.html
Fear of marriage - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8114_fear.html
Why women leave men - http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_leave.html
How can a husband get the sex he needs in marriage? http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8120_sex.html
Hope this helps someone ... it saved my marriage. I hope it saves yours.