Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Securities vs Mistakes

Pook

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There I am, minding my own business on my computer, when a message pops up to scream,

"W00t! Eh git da Pook! Tale me, Puke, whut cun eh dew ta git da woa-men?"

And then appears one of the following lines:

"How do I approach?"
"What do I say?"
"How do you call her?"
"How do I get laid easier?"
"Where do I meet the girls?"
"How do I increase my testosterone?"
"Tell me how to be a Man."
"What cologne should I put on?"
"Which are the clothes that women like?"
"Should I walk with swagger or not?"
"Facial hair or not?"
"Should I use more action verbs in my speech?"
"What sexual position should I use?"
"What date should I do?"
"Should I be ambitious, artistic, or just domineering?"

Gentlemen, if I attempt to answer your every request, I shall be here until Doomsday. You come onto the forum and think, "If I obtain this information, my future with women shall be changed."

This is a bald-faced lie.

Your future is the same. It is only your past that keeps changing.

Nice Guy, Seducer, ****y Guy- what does it matter? You’re looking for guarantees. Then you change your past (“I lost to the women because I was sheepish and not ****y enough”). Maybe you have different results. But then it goes back to the way it was. And you search for more information. And then you change your past again (“oh, I lost to the women because I lacked testosterone within me”). Maybe you have different results. But then it goes back to the way it was. And you search for something else...

On and on it goes. So excuse me for not giving you a traditional answer. Let me answer you in another way.

It is to know the difference between a security and a mistake.

'Securities'

What is a 'security'? It is a calculus of action. It is a planned way of thought, of movement, of talk, and of love. For example, anchoring conversation with "notice something about her” is a 'security'. It implies that if you talk about a necklace or something she is wearing, your odds for 'winning' are better. Here is another 'security'. "A cool fast car!" Since it is observed that women like the cool fast cars, guys will get them because they believe it boosts their chances of getting the girl.

All seduction techniques are 'securities'. All NLP is a 'security'. The entire idea is to boost your chances of getting the girl.

Self-improvement is readily a good thing. But a very big problem (or should I say cancer?) occurs when self-improvement becomes a 'security'. The idea that improving yourself, in this or that way, will boost your chances. But the problem is that it never stops. Go into a gym and you will find many single guys working out. They will remain there because they always think they have to be perfect to get the ladies! Watch television and you will see ads implying that if you wear this shampoo, you will have this social life, eat this brand of rice, and your romantic life will look like this, on and on and on. Use this product and you will be "perfect" it implies. Well, perfect is boring.

Take a young man asking some guy on the internet where should he go for the date? What should he eat? What should he wear? Which restaurant should he go to? What should he talk about? (And yes, he even asks) What sexual position should I use? Should I kiss her here or there?

He thinks, Eh em ubtaining all dis infoormadion! W00t! Luk dat mee!

But I'm shaking my head thinking, My goodness! This guy is letting a stranger from the internet define his love life! He doesn't know where he wants to go, what he wants to eat, what to talk about, or what to wear.

Women will look at such a guy with the same attitude.

A 'security' is an act or thought that makes you eliminate mistakes. It is one thing to foresee mistakes (after all, you can't just marry any girl), but it is disaster to life to deny them. You want misery in your life? Keep sucking up 'securities' to mold and sculpt your life.

Mistakes

I cannot speak for others, but I will tell you the BIG reason why I became successful with women. I was willing to lose girls when I had no girls, and I was willing to spend the time when I had no time.

What does this mean Willing to lose girls when I had no girls?

Let me use a money analogy. Let us say you were born poor. Most people remain poor because they cling so tightly to the pennies they have that they won’t risk losing it in any investment. So they not only lose out with the big money, they remain with pennies their entire life.

Now look at many men. Many guys remain single or in an LTR with a mediocre girl because they cling so tightly to the one girl in their worlds that they won’t risk or go back to singledom. (Most girls stay with a mediocre male precisely because of this reason). It is like an ant saying to another, “Don’t eat that leaf else we starve!” forgetting that they are in a bountiful forest.

When one love dies, another is reborn. Nature will not tolerate a vacuum. Single guys will have women thrown at them, provided they aren’t living life in securities. If you tiptoe with women, you cannot stand! You flop and fall over if you get out of balance. And that is what it is like living a life of securities… I know, I did it far too long. It is like walking a tight beam and ‘balancing’ against every gust and breeze. It is exhausting. This is why many following this path want to give up on women because it seems like ‘so much work’.

If you don’t have money, how can you be scared of losing money? And if you don’t have women, how can you be scared of losing them? It is like you’re fighting for the scraps, literally SCRAPS, of joy while your dreams sit on the table, rotting and growing cold with time.

And what does it mean to spend time when I had no time?

Most people don’t live in the present. They live in the ‘future’. They say, “Tomorrow! All my dreams will occur tomorrow!” Never does the person say, “Today!” So time passes and passes.

I will bet that most guys here, who are sincerely interested in getting better with women, were late bloomers in life. Let’s face it. If you have not dated or did anything with girls, you are certainly going to be a bit uncertain about it!

“My problem is that I need more experience.” I don’t think so. I think the big problem (of which I, too, am very much guilty of) is not embracing my dreams for today and waiting for tomorrow. I would see a pretty girl and go, “No! Can’t ask her out! Got too much stuff to do this week!” This occurred throughout years. But as time passed, melancholy increased and increased until you hated being single. It was as if an internal pressure came. You go after women because the pain of being single is now greater than ‘ceding your desires for tomorrow’.

Is that what it has come to? The choice between lesser of two pains? Is this life? You didn’t live like that when you were a child. You used to explore, play, and try out new things! Why has life become harder and more unbearable?

Again, it comes to your context on ‘securities’ vs. ‘mistakes’. I ask, “What mistakes does a child make?” I’m sure you can think of something like forgetting to turn off the light, leaving the oven on, or something of the sort. This is from the adult’s point of view. From the child’s point of view, he wasn’t making any mistakes. Cut his finger? Hurt his leg? Tired out? No mistakes here! Why, he was exploring! Every child loves to explore. There is so much in life to see! A child, instinctively, knows this.

But we somehow overpower this when we grow older. When you say something *wrong* with a woman and she leaves, you think you made a ‘mistake’ and feel bad. Well, why do you have to feel bad? Everyone’s made mistakes before. So what?

Get that child’s perspective once again of feeling that the world was new when you were young. You are exploring with love and life, not making ‘mistakes’. And even the worst mistake is preferable to a lifetime embracing the greatest of ‘securities’. The zest of life is in the roll of the dice.

So look at your love life. Is it a life of ‘securities’ or is it a life of ‘mistakes’? Is it a ‘calculus of action’ or spontaneous?

Look at your financial life, social life, and even intellectual life. Are they leashed to ‘securities’ or are they free, wild, and allowed to explore?

“But Pook, my perspective uses the word ‘strategies’. Your perspective uses the word ‘securities’. We are saying the same thing but using different contexts. But we are both using the word ‘mistake’ in my perspective! Tell me, goodly Pook, what word do you use, in your perspective, for my label of ‘mistake’?”

Freedom.
 

Matt Rogers

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Hi Pook. Good post. A clarifying question. Your point on working towards your dreams today rather than just waiting for the future in the hope that your dreams will suddenly come true.

You then go on to say that often we give up women to pursue our dreams (and I am sure a lot of over-achievers are late bloomers with women: I was always too busy getting straight As to learn how to get good with women, and now that I am getting closer to my dream job, my dream body, my dream destinations, I feel an aching void that can only be filled by a dream woman-or so it seems to me.

Is your point that for us inexperienced DJs we should launch into the world of women expecting to make mistakes, to lose women, to get burnt, to risk rejection by trusting our instincts and doing what feels right? But know that this is far better than having all our women problems solved by a magic formula or incantation.
 

LikRetsam

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I feel like doing what I want to do. Yes... no more what's best for me. Oh no. I feel like doing what I want to do.
 

Sato21m

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GReat tip specially the part when you said "some guys stay with the mediocre girl because they cling so tightly to the one girl in their worlds that they won’t risk or go back to singledom."

Is hard to admit it but is so true
 

Don_Marko

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Originally posted by Pook
All seduction techniques are 'securities'. All NLP is a 'security'. The entire idea is to boost your chances of getting the girl.

Self-improvement is readily a good thing. But a very big problem (or should I say cancer?) occurs when self-improvement becomes a 'security'. The idea that improving yourself, in this or that way, will boost your chances. But the problem is that it never stops. Go into a gym and you will find many single guys working out.
If you want to get that perfect girl, don't you want to take control of situation and use tested methods or just put it to chance and hope she has a same dream? Maybe you need security in order to offset risks of life.

Not everybody goes to gym and gets a car just for chicks... but I see your point as well.
 

Best friends? NAY

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Don_Marko,

You will NEVER find "the perfect girl", and if you did do you think you could get her by not taking risks?
 

chicksrock

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Excellent stuff pook...and I quote from another source..

"Mistakes are the portals of discovery"
 

HB_Hunter

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Bump First since this is one of the best tips you would ever hear guys .

I've found that , the best thing to be done is relax , have fun , enjoy the moment and let things come without any pressure , forcing etc... no tips , no techniques , strategy , worrying , stuttering just a simple type of attitudinal adjustment , A Right Mind-set .

But what i want to discuss here and actually bumped an old tip for is the type of mistake and experience . I mean I sometimes have this fear that I ll do a foolish mistake and the girl will leave me since she will think that im inexperienced .

I don't like to live my life eliminating mistakes since it's unhuman to do so (unnatural ) In other words : I m willing to do mistakes and fail alot ..this is life and i will always learn but I don't want to be thought of as inexperienced or clueless ( as i haven't had many relationships before)or when i want to make my intentions clear early (i always feel that im bold and being a man when i express my emotions and be honest) but think later on that i shouldn't have done this or it shows that i trust the person too much . alot of these examples . Shall i always go with the Gut ? Not fear anything or anyone thinking of me as this or that ??

To give a simple analogy : It's ok for a basketball player to fail and miss alot of shots on target but it's forbidden or silly to see him not dribble right or not hold the ball right ( a very simple basic rule) .

This isn't to say that im inexpereinced or don't know how to treat girls ...thank god i've got passed this but it's the self-doubt , the inner demons that sometimes confuse things .

In another example : Im at times flooded with feelings and tough moments or facing some trouble that should be communicated correctly or come out . In the same time i don't want to tell or talk about it even to close friends (though i feel that i should do ) to not being thought of as inexperienced , immature or facing problems that alot of ppl have already faced and gone through .
 
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crowes22

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Perhaps, you are seeking the wrong thing FIRST gentlemen. Seek the Lord.
 

jiza101

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This hit me hard, because i am exactly what you described, i live live from securitites, not mistakes. This is why i have no success with women, im not willing to make a mistake because its been hammered in my mind that mistakes are BAD. I need to think about this and read it every morning. :cool:
 

HB_Hunter

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C'mon Guys ...where are all the experienced ppl with the similar mindset ?? (Mr. mystery ii , royal elite , deep dish , icepick , wyldfire , a-unit , lifeforce ) Gimme your insights ..
 

FM 3321

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Pooks posts are awesome, they almost make a tear come to my eye.


Bump.
 

nonstop

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This forum is pure gold!

I'm going to think like a child from now on, no fear!
 

Lifeforce

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I never visit this forum. Your PM inbox is full hb_hunter

I'm a firm believer off Maslows pyramid of needs. It start with the basic needs we require. Air, food, water... and suprisingly you will find sex there too. And then it goes higher and higher until you find self realizations where you try to become the best you.

I don't see the reason why you shouldn't be with mediocre women just when things are going against you. It will help you fulfill some of your needs and you can work more on yourself. Lets not kid ourself here, if we aint getting any then you can bet your ass you are doing that improvement to get some. If you already have sex then you will either find you have no motivation to improve (you were only looking for sex with your improvement) or you still have it and can improve to be what you want to be. This is the big fault in pooks thinking IMO, you abstain alot off the basic freakin needs when it's completly unnecessary.

To get women you have to realize that women are worthless to you. Just as partners, not as human beings. If they don't mean anything to you, then you won't care if you make mistakes. Too many guys place too much value on the girl so they end up getting nowhere. When you actually know that women find you good and attractive then you can afford to be more picky, you can afford not getting emotionally involved too quick. You suddenly enter a realm where women will have to prove themselves to you. And it's true, if you don't TRULY care about making mistakes then you'll have alot off women thrown at you. You improve yourself to become better, not to get women because you already got alot off them being interested in you and you can pick and choose.

When it comes to NLP, SS and stuff like that, it has its functions, but if you don't care about making mistakes you will also improve socially and have no fear of displaying the real you and being that child that explores the world.
 

Djbynature

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Bump this post for the wild ride I have in life. Bump this post for the a "very light" approach on life (it is Tao). Bump it for the care I give but no longer care about mistake (because it is part of life).

Finally, It is a life that I want to live not anyone else so I start to embrace my dream, work with the challenges in everyday life rather than worrying and analysing stuff and planning them, and never lose the passion of being who I am. It is a man that I define myself. I, no longer, stop and think and delay the dream of mine... Let me get on the life I have and enjoy it!

Peace!
 

HB_Hunter

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Originally posted by Lifeforce
I never visit this forum. Your PM inbox is full hb_hunter


To get women you have to realize that women are worthless to you. Just as partners, not as human beings. If they don't mean anything to you, then you won't care if you make mistakes. Too many guys place too much value on the girl so they end up getting nowhere. When you actually know that women find you good and attractive then you can afford to be more picky, you can afford not getting emotionally involved too quick. You suddenly enter a realm where women will have to prove themselves to you. And it's true, if you don't TRULY care about making mistakes then you'll have alot off women thrown at you. You improve yourself to become better, not to get women because you already got alot off them being interested in you and you can pick and choose.

When it comes to NLP, SS and stuff like that, it has its functions, but if you don't care about making mistakes you will also improve socially and have no fear of displaying the real you and being that child that explores the world.
Thanx Lf for replying and sorry about the pm ...afterall i don't log on here alot ...i just check some old posts and the heatlh and fitness forum .

I agree with what you are saying . That one should be willing to make mistakes and fail . That one should focus on himself , his life , passion and look at the big picture . This is where im sometimes stuck , you know when things aren't going your way , when you haven't dated , busy in studying , not getting the right results of working out , pressurizing yourself to have fun and enjoy .

In other words when I lose sight of the big picture . the order of live , laugh and then love . When you know that you have to focus on the inner side , desires , dreams not on the external parts . I sometimes see this focus on myself , my world , being a man as 'hazy' . This is when i check out old posts focusing on the mindset , sexuality , you know , to learn how to focus on the inner realm becuase this is the right path and i want to flow with nature . I should learn however how i shall focus on this path consistently without coming to this site becuase as this site provides clarity and improvment for me , it also makes me over-think , over-analyze to the result that gets me depressed .

I know that i asked you this before but i repeat How do return back to the right mindset , focusing on yourself not on girls to make you happy when the going gets tough or you are facing a dry spell ? How do you avoid youself from reading any tips or techniques and making seduction like a rocket science when your confidence is slipping ? This is not for you only Lf ..this is for all who are going through the natural , focusing on how you feel , self-improvment, world etc..

What motivates you guys to keep on moving in this path ? on the journey not the destination ??

Im not saying that I haven't felt before that women are worthless as partners or not that important for happiness or that i have't gone thru women trying to prove their worthiness to me , Im actually so picky . It's like i want to get back on track . An Attitudinal adjustment not start from scratch .
 

Ricky

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This post by Pook sums up so many things I was struggling with.

No more walking on egg shells!
 

Lifeforce

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I don't mean women are worthless for relationship, I mean they are worthless at the moment you meet them because you know nothing about them. If you get along well her value rises.

""I agree with what you are saying . That one should be willing to make mistakes and fail . That one should focus on himself , his life , passion and look at the big picture . This is where im sometimes stuck , you know when things aren't going your way , when you haven't dated , busy in studying , not getting the right results of working out , pressurizing yourself to have fun and enjoy . ""

Actually, that was pook talking, not me. It's so easy the search for the passion becomes "Hmm, what is my passion? I like to ski... haha, now I am skiing, this means I focus on my passion and is on my way to become a man."... You cannot pressure yourself to have fun, you either have fun or you don't. Passion you experience with your heart not your mind. In fact, passion IMO is the abscence off the mind. Wheter it's skiing, painting, playing music. It's that feeling you get when you enjoy something so much you get a really strong feeling of satisfaction doing it, even if other people find it to be too much work.

If you try to force yourself to have fun, your mind will be present and you will NEVER experience the passion. An example:

Lets take a look at the gym as you work out also. You see the guys who come in there and work their asses off and makes gains. Those who will never miss a workout for anything. They have passion, they enjoy the work off improving themselves. Even if they got the choice of getting a magic pill to make them feel this way they would never accept it, they would choose going to the gym because it's their passion.

You know these other people who work their biceps, train in machines and talk alot and who skips workout now and then. They don't have the passion, but they force themselves their because it makes them feel better, it fools them to think they live a good lifestyle and are better, even if they don't get any results. They hate the work, and if they didn't have to go to the gym to feel this way they wouldn't.




I really like a song by death that's called empty words that fit perfectly into this post:

//
Through the winds of change
Words are blown away
When visions that should be
Are tattooed in your mind
The power to let go
Is sometimes hard to find

The answer cannot be found
In the writing of others
Or the words of a trained mind
//

The first two lines: You can read all the stuff you want but when you experience the thing it talks about all your thoughts on how it should be will be changed and your understanding.

Next four lines: When you want yourself to be something it's so hard to stop thinking and just living. That's a big problem, it's a big difference on thinking about living a good life and actually living. The first one is faking, the other one is actually doign it. Stuff like making the women prove themselves and not feeling you need to be with someone all the time will come automaticly when you are ready for it. I was desperate for women all the time before now I am not because there are more women who want me and I can no longer be with everyone so I choose the ones I like and the more women who get interested more women will have to prove themselves. All this boils down to me being worth more.

What will not work is thinking "I have to be picky", "I have to be a man"... you haven't really changed at all then, you just cover up the thing you see as a problem.

Lást three lines: You cannot find an answer on how you want to be in any post, you have to discover this yourself and go for something that you really want with your heart, not your mind. It's scary to discover you do something for a completly different reason than you think, but you have to accept it. There will be no one judging you if you don't follow what is said here, do whatever you feel like doing with no bad concience. Because everyone is not alike and everyone cannot go for the same goal.


For me women are pretty important to happiness. Well I can live without them for a while, but it feels really great to be with someone you really enjoy being with.

What motivates me is that I have more stuff that hold me up than just being good with women. If stuff are going bad with the girls things most likely will be going good somewhere else, because my goal is not to be good with women anymore, it's to be happy and that's just one part of my happiness. If I would base all my life around getting women and I got into a dry spell that would really suck. Sometimes alot goes wrong though and I start to doubt myself, I look at the alternatives. If I give up, I'll can see where that will lead, if I don't I can see where that lead. Most likely I suck it up and move on, then suddenly everything seems to start moving again.
 
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