Kinda got dropped last night by my girl.

First time poster, new member but yearly creeper of the forums. That being said..So I've been dating a girl who's 26 for a little over 3 months now. I'm 30. I was out of the dating game for a while I had one 7 year relationship but have been casually dating girls the last two years. So this girl we hit it off pretty good. Dinner date to begin with then she invited me out with her and her friends days later and came over a few days after that. We had sex and have been seeing each other regularly since. Sometimes she would stay whole weekends at my house and we always had certain days we'd hang out cook dinner, drink wine or go out and do things. She always wanted to include me in the events her and her roommates would do and get me into her social circle. Everything was going great and she loved cooking for me, cleaning up around my house and I think we were both getting very comfortable with each other. We even had a vacation planned out a few months from now. It wasn't always perfect we had a few minor arguments but nothing major. So this past weekend we went out of town with her friends to have a party. I worked all day was a little tired but drove there and meet up with them that night. Everything was great at the restaurant she was super affectionate like normal and we were both in great moods. Later that night at the house I made a comment about something telling a story and she didn't like it and confronted me about it and I kinda got defensive and brushed it off so she acted standoffish later on around the fire. I had my chair back behind her and her friends and was just chilling and enjoying the fire. She told me twice to move up and sit by them and I didn't. I was fine where I was at. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Later on that night we had another little argument about what I said and she said I was not being social and acting like I didn't want to be there and to talk to her friends which I was but not constantly. In all honestly I'm kinda another quiet guy till I'm comfortable around new people then I'm very social. So I told her I would just leave and she said I was acting like a kid etc. I probably was but I didn't like how the night was going. I ended up going to sleep around 130am. She came back to bed around 3 or so and we didn't talk much. Said we'd talk about what happen tomorrow (sunday) well we never did. We all cooked breakfast as a group and ate together stuff seemed okay. I had to leave to go feed my dog and I told her that and she said she was staying there to help clean up. I said okay. Told everyone bye and hugged her and told her bye. She said okay I'll see you later (because we made plans to hang out Sunday and maybe Monday night before we started arguing) so I text her hours later. Maybe around 6 and asked what time she would be over and she said she was exhausted and staying home to do laundry and I said oh I thought we were hanging out and she said I don't remember making those plans. I ended up calling her and she said how she wasn't feeling something in this relationship and how I acted that weekend was the nail in the coffin. That she didn't have fun because of me and that we're totally different in values and not compatible and that she needs time and doesn't want to date anymore and it's like how can everything be great one day and for the past months and one bad night yields this? I just don't get it. I told her I understand and that I'd preferably like to try to work this out. She said she doesn't know and that she'll call me in a day or two. I text her after the phone call and apologized for how I acted. I told her I would like to stay together and I'd work on those things and be a better person for her and myself. That I really like her and wasn't interested in seeing anyone else. That I'd learn from this experience and really try to do better. I probably shouldn't have text her I know the rules on here but I think I was just starting to get feelings for her and it makes you get out of the rulebook at times. She text me back and said she was about to cook dinner and to have a good night. So I'm just looking for advice here guys. I kinda left it up to her and I won't call or text her again without her communicating first. Any advice would be great. Thanks in advance guys.

Also, for the first 4 or 5 weeks I really followed the rules. Not a lot of talking or texting. I just remember how after 2 months you're supposed to ease out of some of the rules. I never bought gifts or anything during that time. But the last month we'd talk on the phone at least once a day and text daily. I'm just really struggling with not contacting her when it's been so routine the past months and I couldn't sleep last night for sh!t, and have no appetite. I've been here before it just seems like it never gets easier..I had girls who I dated before her messaging to meet up with me even this month while I was with her but I blew it off. Wasn't interested and sadly I know they are an option now which would result in hooking up but I'm not even interested in it. Too hung up on what happen and it's mind ****!ng me. Ughh

Do you track her cycle? If not you should.. So you can mentally prepare for her out of wack hormones.

The week before she bleeds a monster climbs onto a womans back and fvcks up her thought process... Its never the bleeding week (that's usually when the appoogies start flyin at you from her shytty attitude from the week before).

Don't sink into her frame... Stay positive. You can not have a positive outcome with negative energy.. So do what it takes to get your positive energy and lead her back into your positive frame.

Epi

When you and her look like you're fighting, it embarrasses her in front of her friends. It's the kiss of death.

Lesson learned, move on.

Yeah I keep up with the cycle and it's not for another 2 weeks or so and yeah that makes sense about the public fighting even though it wasn't making a scene it was still there. It just seems messed up that instead of trying to work it out and not let this happen again that she wants to just call it off after I know her interest hours prior was very high like normal. Still haven't contacted her and won't. Thanks for the input.

Paragraphs are your friends.

I probably shouldn't have text her I know the rules on here but I think I was just starting to get feelings for her and it makes you get out of the rulebook at times.

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Very true, I know what you mean.


Now, just Imagine she was already comparing you with another option and eventually she concluded that the other guy is better(that last nail on the coffin, which seemed a weak excuse to me tbh), and they are already having sex besides the fire right now.

Turn off your phone for 3 weeks at least, get out and find hotter ones. No hook ups with EX GFs or FBs, as it will worsen your self image, you don't need to cry on their shoulders either. Get out and find a better one, and make sure all forms of communications are blocked.

Simply put, she treated you like sh!t, and you know you deserve better. And she will keep treating you like that even if you to 2 manage to get back to the good old days (wtf), since she lost respect for you when you said: "That I really like her and wasn't interested in seeing anyone else. That I'd learn from this experience and really try to do better."

Begging and love ltters are understandable when you have oneitis for a girl you have never touched, however you've fvcked this one multiple times already. Time for new goodies.:flowers: :rockon:

Yeah I'm pretty sure this one is done. It'll get easier each day. I actually made plans this weekend to hang out with a new girl who's number I got at a party two months back and it's a go for Friday. Lesson learned here. I appreciate the comments guys.

I trashed her phone charger she kept beside bed, cleaned her hair off the body pillow (haha) and tossed her contact solution and case with her tooth brush in the trash. I believe with all her stuff gone I'll be over this quicker then if it was still here. I just have to man up and no contact her. Stay the course and the light at the end of the tunnel will come.

It sucks man. I just dumped a hoe a too, but we will make it lol.

Just as a side note for future reference: anytime a girl dumps you, it's the result of built-up resentment. So, while it may appear to you that things were fine and then you suddenly messed up one day and *poof* she wanted out, the reality is all those "little" arguments you two were having that you thought were no big deal... were actually lowering her interest in you. You may have thought the arguments were resolved, but they weren't - she just wasn't saying anything and hoping that no more arguments would come up. But they did, and that only piled on the resentment she started to feel. Always try to make sure when these little arguments pop up that they actually get resolved FULLY, and - more importantly - that she feels like you actually LISTENED to her and understood where she was coming from. This is not to say that arguments can be fully avoided - they can't - but how you resolve the arguments can be the difference between her sticking around and her skipping town. Good luck!

Relating to what Harry said. This is how it happens. It appears suddenly. One day it's fine but the next every thing comes crashing down. But it's really not so sudden when you stop to think about it.

She had decided to be through with you. It's been building up for weeks, you just ignored the signs. This is what happened with my ex. Everything was fine. And then she came to visit one weekend, and everything I did was the wrong thing. She WILL find an excuse to fight, and if she can't find one, she will make one. That way she can rationalize what she's been feeling and get rid of you. Small disagreements that you would've NEVER fought about before suddenly become the basis for a destroyed relationship.

Not to put this ENTIRELY on you, but you need to realize that you likely had a large part in killing the relationship. It happens. You get complacent. Start seeing each other too often. Fall into a routine. Standard missionary->girl on top-> finish in doggystyle sex. A relationship is constant fvcking maintenance.

It's over now though. It's going to suck. You need to realize this thing is dead. There are RARE cases where things like this can be revitalized (no. Not in your case. You are not a unique snowflake. Stop rationalizing because you want her back), however I will tell you that once there are bad vibes and serious fights, those scars will always be there and the happy, carefree relationship you guys had will always have those tender spots that can be brought up at any time. In the long run you're better off moving on. However, you're 30 and I'm 23, so you probably know this...hopefully better than I do.

You did the best thing you could've done by coming to us. And by admitting that this thing is done. That's 70% of the battle. The other 30% is staying strong and cutting her out of your life. Im not going to rehash "No Contact", as there is a great post about it already. Follow that.

The rest is standard DJ stuff. 101. You know what to do since you've been lurking long enough. Spin plates. Build your body and mind. Fvck 10 other women. Go out and work on your game. Work on your career.

You got this. You need any more support or someone to rant to or some good links to material, i've got you brother.

Btw, somehow I have a feeling that you fvcked up in front of her friends. Maybe awkward reaction or something, who gives a damn anyway

And if she attempted to contact you again, this is what you send her:

Sup honey. After a quick evaluation, I have to say I agree with your previous statement, this won't go anywhere.

You are one cute girl though, I'm sure you could find another FvckBuddy.

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Throwing her hair in the trash won't be enough, ignore further communication completely .


EDIT: Actually just ignore her. That text sounds butthurt, so forget it.

Harry, gravity. Very good call on this. Hell you all have great points and different looks on this then what I see for myself and your points make sense. I'll keep everyone updated if anything happens, doubt it will. That text was horrible and totally not the guy I was at the beginning of the relationship. The confident just ****y enough personality I have. It was more like a guy in panic and I screwed myself. Lesson learned. Once again, I appreciate all the comments.

Can you post the exact text here?

MattR1984 said:

In all honestly I'm kinda another quiet guy till I'm comfortable around new people then I'm very social.

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LOL. Come on bro, you got to adapt. Thats like saying "In all honesty, I can only throw the football to a receiver who is WIDE open, then I'm very good quarterback."

I ended up calling her and she said how she wasn't feeling something in this relationship and how I acted that weekend was the nail in the coffin. That she didn't have fun because of me and that we're totally different in values and not compatible and that she needs time and doesn't want to date anymore and it's like how can everything be great one day and for the past months and one bad night yields this? I just don't get it.

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Come on bro, you have to get it. Everything wasn't great and then a sudden roller coaster drop. Things built up, interest level decreased, you got lazy, you got boring, you took her for granted, you didn't work on her, she got bored and she made up her mind.

I told her I understand and that I'd preferably like to try to work this out. She said she doesn't know and that she'll call me in a day or two. I text her after the phone call and apologized for how I acted. I told her I would like to stay together and I'd work on those things and be a better person for her and myself.

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When a girls says "its over" and you say "no, lets work it out." you immediately hand the power over to her. The problem isn't you really like her, the problem is you got no one on the horizon. If you had supermodel in your back packet, you wouldn't be so focused on this girl. It's all about options. :wave:

It's one thing to act kinda ****ish and get in a fight when you are alone with your gf, but when you do it in front of her and her friends? That is the kiss of death. People are very influenced by people they care about and their opinions, so I am sure after you left that morning she heard it from her friends.

My advice?

Start using paragraphs.

100% no contact.

Texting/calling/emailing at this point will only hurt your cause. Your only real hope is to disappear and hope that time soothes over whatever it is she is upset about.

Gravity nailed it. She was likely looking for an excuse to end it and so harped on - quite rightly to a reasonable person such as you seem to be - a very minor infraction.
The fact she went so far as to end it is all the proof you need. Good job on throwing her shyt out.

Game is a constant work in progress and it doesn't stop when you embark on a relationship. They will constantly test you disguised as arguments and invitations with friends. Game is a full time job in itself.

Rule of thumb: if everything/anything you do is wrong....its over....cut her loose.

You face a dark road in which no one can help you. Many nights of depression and sadness but once you are though it you will be stronger. good luck.