How do YOU open at the Bars/Lounge/Clubs

Im in my 30s and my opening now is significantly different from when I was in my 20s. In my 20s I would be sloppy drunk and just do ****y/funny approaches to get girls attention. It was quite an immature approach but not good for the 30s crowd.

Now, in my 30s I usually open with the "Hi, whats up ladies, whats the occasion.." or something boring like that. Im wondering what do you guys do to open? The city I live in has the horrible 8 guy to 1 girl ratio, so alot of the girls are stuck up here because theyre constantly getting hit on.

Lets hear how you open a girl or a set.

Opener is fine, would leave the "what's the occasion" until after their first reply. Anything more planned or clever is tryhard.

Yeah, I was really more curios what others do? What did you do or open with your last pickup Dasein?

I personally employ the world's most effective pick up line. Seriously brace yourself because this one will knock your socks off. Are you ready?! Here goes:

"How are you doing?" (said with a friendly smile)

BAM! I can't believe I just dropped that sh*t with no regard!

All lame jokes aside that's all I do. I use it everytime. I'm from the school of thought that believes it's not necessarily what you say but how you say it meaning it's all about the approach. Dressed nicely, freshly showered, smelling good, a drink or two to get the juices flowly and I just make the move to go in. We over complicate things, it's really simple.

apprenticedj said:

I personally employ the world's most effective pick up line. Seriously brace yourself because this one will knock your socks off. Are you ready?! Here goes:

"How are you doing?" (said with a friendly smile)

BAM! I can't believe I just dropped that sh*t with no regard!

All lame jokes aside that's all I do. I use it everytime. I'm from the school of thought that believes it's not necessarily what you say but how you say it meaning it's all about the approach. Dressed nicely, freshly showered, smelling good, a drink or two to get the juices flowly and I just make the move to go in. We over complicate things, it's really simple.

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Yeah, I get that. Thats kind of what I meant by what Im doing now. I guess I was looking for more of from there where do you go? Do you have topics you generally talk about to keep the conversation going? Do you do the "ask her opinion" type of conversations?

Beyond the intro line, if you could even call that a line, I just wing it. This scenario worked out last weekend.

I was celebrating a friends birthday at a watering hole that we frequent when I saw a young lady who was by FAR the hottest chick I'd ever seen there. She was sitting there watching the band play, dancing mildly in her seat. I knew what I had to do so I readied myself and I just went in. I asked her how she was doing and we just started talking. I ask for the name quickly, introduce myself, shake hands. I asked her why she wasn't dancing and we basically just went back and forth. In under 5 mins I knew her first and last name, ethnicity, where she was from, where she lives now, what she does. After that brief conversation her comfort level with me was high enough that had her ****blocking friends not dragged her out of there I could've had AT LEAST a steamy hot dancefloor bump and grind make out session.

But really it's nothing major and I think that's where a lot of guys get hung up. They feel like they have to have something ready to go, various topics on deck to talk about but that can seem rehearsed and if she goes off script, you may find yourself stuggling. I greatly prefer situational topics such as look at the crazy old guy dancing or that chick is so drunk. Then I tease the target a little, always make them laugh.

I guess my point is that it must be casual. Don't worry about the next step or next minute of conversation, just be present in the moment. It's like in football, how many times have you seen a receiver almost make an amazing catch but they start worrying about the run after the catch so they never secure the ball??!?!?! Incomplete pass! Just smile, crack a few jokes. It's all steps, don't stress. (Easier said than done of course)

everyone has their own style on how to approach and in what way they feel comfortable with. I have a friend that opens up with "Hey, whats your name" with a smile. Another friend of mine opens up with an indirect line like "I like your shirt/scarf/hat/necklace..etc" and keeps the convo going. I like to stand at the bar and wait to see what girls hang around me or... ill chill sipping on my drink and then if i see a girl i like... I will go up to her and tell her straight out "Hey, i dont mean to bother you but i saw you walking by and I thought you were beautiful/hot/sexy etc" depending on the girl. It also depends on the setting... Clubs are loud.... bars/lounges... could be conservative or loud/rowdy etc.

Romjuan said:

Im in my 30s and my opening now is significantly different from when I was in my 20s. In my 20s I would be sloppy drunk and just do ****y/funny approaches to get girls attention. It was quite an immature approach but not good for the 30s crowd.

Now, in my 30s I usually open with the "Hi, whats up ladies, whats the occasion.." or something boring like that. Im wondering what do you guys do to open? The city I live in has the horrible 8 guy to 1 girl ratio, so alot of the girls are stuck up here because theyre constantly getting hit on.

Lets hear how you open a girl or a set.

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Happy hour just ask if she's here after work with co-workers, what they do etc.

A game is on. Ask what team she likes etc. If she's out to watch the game.

Holiday time. Open with wishing them Happy Thanksgiving, Christmas etc. then asking if she's out with friends/co-workers for the holidays. Is she ready for the holiday what her plans are for it, family friends visiting etc.

Compliment the chicks style, clothes, shoes, piece of jewelry then move on to another topic. Like school, work.

If they serve food ask how the food is at the place, if she's ever tried it and go on to another topic.

Or just tell her you thought she was really attractive, introduce yourself and tell her you wanted to meet her, what brought her out that night.

If there's a dart board, pool table, or any type of game ask if she'd like to be your partner.

Use your surroundings. Ask for reasons people may be out at the bar or lounge, where they're from, what they do, what they might be drinking.

You could pretty much start normal conversation by either going with a direct compliment then moving on to anything. Or simply starting to talk about any reason they might be there. A big game, after work, school, holidays, just out with friends etc.

Find the girl with the giant t!ts hanging out of her dress that every guy is drooling over. Then have a casual conversation with her, without looking at her chest for even a single glance. That's why women with big boobs let them hang out - they're screening for the guy who doesn't seem to notice, at least right away. It's a sh!t test that 99% of guys fail immediately.

It's the same however you conceive beauty - if you want it to be yours, then you have to be able to act like it doesn't exist. If you make too big of a deal of it, then you obviously don't deserve it.

One thing that always helped me with pick-up was having an ulterior motive in the general area. If she was at the bar, I always went up there needing another one. If she's out on a balcony, I'm going out there to smoke a cigarette. That gives you an almost indifferent frame right then. Then let the conversation go from there.

Best pick-ups are ones that aren't planned. I never had good luck with that. When I was younger, it was when I was about 3 drinks in, because I get chatty. Once the conversation has opened (just a few lines), introduce yourself. Then just ask open-ended questions, get them talking about themselves.

Romjuan said:

Yeah, I was really more curios what others do? What did you do or open with your last pickup Dasein?

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My last pickup opened me after working together at a charity thing. She came up and gave me her number at the end. That was back in May though. I am not focused on pickup or women atm, but other personal matters, and may crank back up in the Spring or Summer of 2015.

With respect to groups of women, IME the line itself to open a group of women can be ordinary. What you are looking for is the queen bee, and to flirt directly with her for awhile, then branch out to others once she "accepts" you. This is all done playfully. She will often be married, and if you make a good impression on her, you can then branch out to the others. Make a good enough impression on her, and she will do lots of work for you introducing you to specific women in the group. These types of women are worth knowing because they also tend to be the types who have social things in their home or control other social things in the future. The main sh-t test you will encounter is being steered towards the fat girl. Be gracious and patient if this happens and you will end up having opportunities with others, or not, and then go open elsewhere.

Another derivative goal is to be included into a group of hot women, married or not, for a time or between places. Dancing with them, being seen with them, going to the next place, is powerful social proof to other women in the area. Have experienced this many times over the years, and makes opening single women who saw you accepted by the group much easier.

"Some guy on the internet said that just like every group of men has a leader, every group of women has a queen bee. So ladies, who is the queen of this gathering? Or was the guy on the internet wrong?"

"I see, so your majesty, what makes you the queen bee tonight?"

And then you will find out useful information about the women in a playful way. Good luck.

All this is good stuff guys. Hopefully it helped others too. Its cool hearing about other guys pick ups and sucess.

I don't believe what you say as an opener has any weight whatsoever. You just need to say something to get the girl talking. I've said the most random crap over the course of my life to get girls started with conversation.

I'm a little against opinion openers - although it depends on your style. I used to do them when I was younger, but it's always a little strange and it smells like you're trying hard to pick someone up. It can work if you're just having LOTS of fun with it and you're just sweeping her off her feet, but you need a vibrant personality and keep it up all evening.

These days I'm just a bit more laid back, those mentioned before are good. Any one random smalltalk sentence, start a normal convo, find common interests, spark a little tension. If she digs that then I won't need to think of another "technique" for the rest of the night. I find I meet more quality girls like that.

P.S. I'm not from USA though, where people like to be a bit more loud and flamboyant.

SteR said:

I don't believe what you say as an opener has any weight whatsoever. You just need to say something to get the girl talking. I've said the most random crap over the course of my life to get girls started with conversation.

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This.

The opener represents 1% of the interaction. Don't put too much thought into it

lol i ask them do you have a gag reflex lol. no im just playing what your name lol. the reaction is perfect.

bradd80 said:

OP, a big part of picking up in nightclub game that isn’t often discussed is picking the right targets.
...
I've gamed hard for a long time, but now I game smart.

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Very well done!

Having observed countless approaches while tending bar, and having made plenty of my own, it's very tough to articulate "how you just know" which chicks need you to hit on them.

Paying attention is probably the biggest hurdle for most guys. In AFC mode, one isn't used to being in such a "hunting" state, and only at a bar for the "party". Maintaining focus enough to remain observant, actually observing, and applying those observations is a tough juggling act considering booze and the rest of the ambiance like titties, blinky lights, and loud music.

With enough practice and experience, one comes to "just know", or have a "gut feeling" about targeting. That "compulsion" is the sum of your assessments; most of which are made virtually automatically due to experience... it's why we scan a crowd. We aren't just looking around, we're assessing the potential, and that directed effort is the difference between taking home wet vagina or taking home dry hand.

You can direct your effort at lines and games all you please, if you are spamming, it shows. If you are discerning, that also shows. Your value is mirrored in your selections, or your inability to select.

Thanks for taking the time to emphasize selection!

Anti-Dump posted about this philosophy, too, if anyone wanted more on the subject.

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To the OP...

Read some FR's to get ideas regarding situational openers. I've never memorized lines, I just go with the flow. I've can't even begin to offer a canned line or even generalize an offering. Anything from accidentally getting into someone's way in a hallway, coming out of the bathroom at the same time as a gal, bumping into them in a line, crazy, random stuff has "worked".

Read Field Reports, and observe. There is a lot of good reference that may be what you aren't reading in those reports, so you have to really read them to get completely "into" the settings. "What would I do in that situation?" Enjoy, some of them are fun reads.

bradd80 said:

5. Does it appear that she doesn’t care for being with her friends? If that’s the case she will often break eye contact with them to look at the crowd. Single women who are interested in meeting men look around as much as you do.

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Wow, I never thought about that. You're right of course!

Also, I hate clubs for approaches because I literally cannot understand what people are saying. I'm not impaired but I feel I understand a bit less than other people in a loud, chaotic environment. Best place might be a pub/bar at first, with a small dancing area where everyone moves by 1am or so

GettinMyMindRight said:

Long and thorough.

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.... that's what she said.