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Is jealousy always a bad thing ?!

yoyoing

Don Juan
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Hey guys !
Have a situation with my girlfriend and would like some input ... it is the second post about that particular situation now that I have a bit more data.


to make a long story short my young gf who I have been dating for 6 months left travelling with her boss a third time ( this time oversea ) for a little more then a week. the first 2 trips where only for 2 days and 1 was with another colleague of her...

Everything seemed fine until on the second trip she went alone with him and 1 learn while she was on the trip that the guy rented a airbnb (small appartement) with separate room. I tough this was highly unprofessional thing to do.
I also learned that the trip oversea was also going to be just the 2 of them travelling together and meeting a bunch of colleague over there (they have an office on that location ).

I asked a bit of question telling her it seem inappropriate to be renting an appartement and that I had a feeling this whole thing looked a bit sketchy from my perspective. She said she had not tough about it and that they were just friends. She also agreed it might have look a bit suspicious but that there was not much to say (did not seem overly defensive and listen to my concerned and understood them). She also told me she was going to stay with a friend while there...

We have a really good thing going sexwise and she is the good girl type ... only had one bf for a long time ... she is very serious with her job and is looking into someone to settle down. I am natural alpha and she responds very well too me I have a feeling she might be more in love then what she is letting me know.

I never really was a jealous guy but this situation has me a little and not sure on what is the proper way to move forward. Since things have been going really well and her interest level in me is very high I decided to bite the bullet trust her and not display any jealousy insecurity appart from the one time I questioned her a bit. Since arriving there she has been contacting me everyday and I make sure she initiate most of the texting etc ...

But a few things have me a bit worried. She told me she would no longer be staying at her friend and they found them (probably talking about her and the boss ) a nice hotel. From what I understood she has a room with her bed and its a possibility another room connect to hers with 2 beds for her boss. ( not sure about that they might be in totally different room she did not say and did not further question ). On the weekend they also travelled and went to the beach and other travel location with 1 gf and the boss.

Anyways I never was the jealous type in my life because I never really needed too be and I always have a policy of trusting the girl I am with. I also was never faced with a similar situation before.

I have to admit tought that I am a little indisposed with the situation. I am about 50/50 on this one. 1 scenario is that my girlfriend is enjoying the travel and free food but feels nothing for the boss etc...
and the other would be I am getting badly played. I am slo thinking this might be a huge **** test ... who knows... everybody that know me and her told me she was not the type etc but they would also be unpleased with the whole thing ...

Some further info about this that might be useful.

-she wanted me to come with her and asked me a couple of time when the trip was first planned. also says she misses me a lot and that she did not want to go.

-The day before she left was amazing we had some of the best sex.

-She says she won't be travelling for a while after that.

-I am naturally of a dominant caracter in and outside the bedroom and she is very pleased with it. She also knows I am not afraid to walk away and stand my ground because I did it with earlier **** test.

-her boss is married w/kids and in my eye not physically attractive... he might be charming tough never met him yet.

Let me aslo had that she has been nb 1 ever since I started dating her she removed herself from the dating site right away and she told me recently about kissing another guy when we just started dating witch i tough was very honest.

How would you guys react to this type of situation ?!

Is questioning her some more about where she is staying too insecure ?!

I know jealousy and insecurity is one of the biggest panty dropper out there but are they situations where jealousy is warranted and a good thing ( ex to show you care and have backbone etc ). I feel just blindly trusting can sometimes be
I am a little lost on this one. My initial plan was to question her once she get back and asked her flat out if anything happened and that she putted me in a weird situation and moved from there...

She knows I am not super kool with the situation altough I did not act over the top jealous and concern and it creates a bit of tension.

I like a lot her and see potential LTR material within her but I am also ready too walk away if needed... I just really started to become more involve emotionally in the last few weeks.

thx in advance for any positive input !!
 

penkitten

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Sometimes we realize a bad characteristic within ourselves such as jealousy and the only positive thing we can do is let it be our own personal motivation to become a better stronger person. That being said, you have to use it as a tool. Maybe one person hits the gym and uses it as a get fit motivation. Maybe another guy uses his jealousy as a radar to back up off a girl and let everyone have some space. Someone might use it as a determinator for deciding if a current relationship is worth more effort. Personally I like to scrub my house and after I'm exhausted sleep on it and make decisions tomorrow.
 

Malcontent

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If your gut tells you something is bad, keep an eye on it. Don't make a decision yet, just be subtly vigilant.
 

yoyoing

Don Juan
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Let me be more specific with my question....

I like this girl a lot and she does too. I trust her.

BUT

She put me in a really bad situation where it looks bad from the outside. (travelling with boss in close quarter on different occasions to nice location)

Assuming nothing happened on that trip. Do I tell her not too put me in this situation again (set boundaries etc ) and that it look suspicious from the outside and if I was to do the same thing she would not like it ... so this will be the last time a situation like this happen etc.

Or do I simply let it fly over my head and show her a good time ...

I am not really the type of guys who cares if she get hit on by other guy or anything but this was a little over the line for me. I dont want to go spy on her or anything but I feel a girl I share life with should not put me in akward situations like this where it could look like she is having an affair.

thx in advance
 

Bible_Belt

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Yes, the boss is trying to fvck her. But so is every other guy who ever talks to her. He just happens to have more control over her life.

You can't hold it against her for being attractive. It's not her fault. All you can do is be as attractive as possible yourself. Jealousy, at least pushed any farther than you already have with all your questions, will destroy that attraction. She noticed your concern already. There's no need to press further. Let it go.

If these issues present themselves again, just tell her, in kind of a joking, not pissed off kind of way that her boss is desperately trying to fvck her. Then make a joke out of the guy.
 

yoyoing

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Thx bible belt !
To be clear I Have not really press the issue that much with her i talked about it once 2 weeks before she left and then we had great time after great time. Attraction has not been a problem so far and don't think it will be.

So if I undertand you clearly you would let her do what she want in the future and just focus on being the best I can be ?!

Where and how does a man draw the line in those kinds of situations ?!?
 

Bible_Belt

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I deal with competition from other guys by immediately urging the woman to have sex with the other guy. No girl has taken me up on the offer yet.

In your case, at some point after she gets back, I'd tell her I read about sexual harassment cases, and that if the boss pulls the "oops we accidentally have the same hotel room together" trick again, she should let him do her, then cry rape the next morning. I'm thinking a $50k settlement would be in order, maybe $100k if you're lucky. Lawyer gets a third.

She'll reply, "omg ur horrible, I would never do that." And she won't. Because her boss is now a pathetic, desperate old man in her eyes.

Plus, speaking of being alpha, it tells her that you could wh0re her out for money with no emotion whatsoever. Obviously, I'm not urging you to actually do that, but it is a good dynamic to have with a woman.

Taking competition seriously is beta. Making a joke out of the competition is alpha.
 

glass half full

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After my ex, I will not deal with jealousy bull**** anymore. I'll just move on. It's a terrible waste of emotional instability on both people, and unnecessary.
Seriously, next...

Whether its justified or not, an emotional reaction or not. It can put us out of frame and it's just no f'n good.
 

yoyoing

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Bible_Belt said:
I deal with competition from other guys by immediately urging the woman to have sex with the other guy. No girl has taken me up on the offer yet.

In your case, at some point after she gets back, I'd tell her I read about sexual harassment cases, and that if the boss pulls the "oops we accidentally have the same hotel room together" trick again, she should let him do her, then cry rape the next morning. I'm thinking a $50k settlement would be in order, maybe $100k if you're lucky. Lawyer gets a third.

She'll reply, "omg ur horrible, I would never do that." And she won't. Because her boss is now a pathetic, desperate old man in her eyes.

Plus, speaking of being alpha, it tells her that you could wh0re her out for money with no emotion whatsoever. Obviously, I'm not urging you to actually do that, but it is a good dynamic to have with a woman.

Taking competition seriously is beta. Making a joke out of the competition is alpha.

Loll good one . I might actually use it . Have you ever delt with cheating from a partner ?! Set boundaries on that ?
 

yoyoing

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glass half full said:
After my ex, I will not deal with jealousy bull**** anymore. I'll just move on. It's a terrible waste of emotional instability on both people, and unnecessary.
Seriously, next...

Whether its justified or not, an emotional reaction or not. It can put us out of frame and it's just no f'n good.
I get where you are coming from and I have a similar mentality but this girl has been very good and drama free so far apart from those event witch are tight up with ''work'' so we will see in the future but you always got to be ready to exit anytime.


I have to admit I am kind of a libertarian when it comes to cheating and sleeping around I would not mind open relationship the only problem is that if you are making effort to stay faithful and the other person is screwing behind your back then you are getting double ****ed ...
 

Rainman4707

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I'll make one thing clear. I have a GF. She is mine & there is NO CHANCE that I would allow her to stay in the same room as her boss. Period.

You aren't in a LTR with this girl though so......
 

yoyoing

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Rainman4707 said:
I'll make one thing clear. I have a GF. She is mine & there is NO CHANCE that I would allow her to stay in the same room as her boss. Period.

You aren't in a LTR with this girl though so......

They never stayed in the same room but in their first trip he rented a apartment / house instead of hotel ... I learned about it when she arrived. It was a 2 day trip . On this one she had her own space .

The deed was already done but like a lot of people say you can't really keep anyone from doing what they want.

We are dating and approaching ltr status ...
 

Rainman4707

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Has she asked you to enter a LTR with her yet?
 

yoyoing

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A little update for you guys !

Gf came back from vacation ... Happy to see eachother and everything. I did ask in the car if the boss rented appartement for the 2 of them and made a joke or 2 . She got a bit annoyed and defensive telling me that even if she would have had an occasion she would not have done anything because I am the one she liked .
Anyways case closed for me I vowed never to talk about it anymore and never be a jealous prick ever ever again ...

I woke up by surprise this morning like 4-5 in the morning and she tossed her phone away really quickly like she did not wanted me to see what she was doing ( she probably tought I was still half asleep)
I tought this was very strange and even if highly contrary to my belief and value I checked her computer while she was away at work and especially messages with her boss l:

Well found out I was pretty much right in my assessment. The guy is ''in love'' a lot of messages. Some compliments about how she dress etc ( telling her that her coat was not ugly because she was in it etc )
90 % is work related but you can see they have a little flirt here and there and some in appropriate texting outside office hour. Ex the guy telling my gf he is going on a run and posting a picture and asking her to go run at the same time.

He also send her couple of songs.... So yeah the guy is highly interested. They talk a lot mostly about work but you can feel they are really close with eachother. Nothing incriminating or that would prove any affair or anything but it's not a comfortable thing to read.

My gf is a very good and quiet girl so I am almost positive she did not cheat but I am still a little pissed off that she let herself travel with this guy and put me in a weird position and let the relationship go beyond what a professional relationship should be.

We will see in the future.
It's true what they say ''the gut never lie''
Funny how we all have a sixth sense for those kinds of thing...
I Know the real sens of the word ''orbiter'' now : )
 

Rainman4707

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Late reply because I've been on holiday.

I know that if one is insecure & over possesive then it will kill attraction. but
I i were you, I would of told her before she went away with her boss that I wasn't happy about it. Of course she would of pi**ed & moaned about it.
I appreciate & fully understand that her work is basically her life, but if she wants to be my girl then I wont have her going away with other guys. Period
 
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