Dark side of seduction

Once you get successful enough with women you start to notice a dark side of game. I have been moderately "successful" this year but i am starting to notice that the game is changing my psyche for the worse. Here are some reasons why:

1.) Most plates we acquire will eventually have to be dropped. A guy cannot juggle a rotation of females indefinitely. Someone is going to push for a LTR. The plates that you don't settle down with are going to be very hurt. At this point you have emotionally bonded with each other and cutting them out of your life is psychologically difficult for both parties involved.

2.) The STI/ STD risk. As a guy with decent number you will acquire STDs. I got a couple that thankfully ended up being minor. I was fortunate that they didn’t affect my health to a significant degree. Even if you use a condom you roll the dice every time you sleep with a new girl. Even minor STDs have a way of making you rethink your lifestyle.

3.) You become a sociopath. You have to be slightly sociopathic in order to be able to not take all of the mind games of modern women personally. A certain part of your emotions must be numb to rejection and mind games.

4.) In order to get laid a lot you have to de-pedestalize women. It is this de-pedestalization that you lose the romantic naivety that is required for long term pair bonding like marriage. No girl is really that special anymore. Listening to sappy love songs even on your wedding day will seem like a chore. You no longer believe the lie of romantic "love". Everyone needs that disillusion in order to operate in a relationship.

5.) Cheating becomes easier. With power comes responsibility. It is very difficult to not cheat on a physically mediocre girl if you have the seduction tools to cheat. Guys are only as loyal as their options. I really commend guys that can cheat but don’t. Most guys that are good with women struggle with this one.

6.) Guys will either respect you or envy you. I found myself being the object of moral indignation from my friends who did not have such a robust sex life. I started to gravitate towards my friends that were even bigger womanizers than I am. It created an echo chamber. We all related to each other.

7.) You start to get emotionally manipulative. I became so good at manipulating girls emotions that I began to cause drama in order stir up an emotional response. I had internalized the idea that without an emotional rollercoaster many American women will get bored. I started to unconsciously create drama in the relationships I had. It was like I was becoming a woman lol.

8.) Spinning plates becomes hard. You feel like a fraud. If you are dating multiple women you become an actor. You are acting like each one is special. Pretty soon you look in the mirror and you don’t like the fraud that you have become. Being emotionally intimate simultaneously with multiple women eventually take its toll on your psyche. It takes enormous cognitive dissonance to say that special line to one girl and mean it, then the next day to say the same line to another girl. It’s not cool. You feel fake.

9.) Society ultimately does not respect players. Many people will look at you sexual prowess with disgust. They will urge you to settle down. You will gain a reputation for being a "man *****". Society rewards the family man. It abhors the lone wolf.

Duct tape is like 'the force' from Star Wars. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Anything you can use for a dark purpose can also be used for the opposite. There's always two sides to everything. If it's just one woman you want, no doubt considering where you are by now, she will certainly respect that you have options and hopefully treat you well because of that respect.

If you want commitment and new pvssy at the same time, commit to a woman who also like new pvssy and is happy to share a girl with you from time to time. A lot of couples do that.

If you don't like hurting girls, then just stop doing it. You don't need fake lines or false pretenses to get laid. You'd be surprised how if you tell a girl before sex, "Look, this is just sex. No hurt feelings, ok?" she will probably be fine with that. Hell, usually they seem more attracted to me for saying that. They have some naive romantic notion that they will be the one to change you, which will inevitably fail, but they will be a lot less upset, because they remember you telling them up front.

Bible_Belt said:

If you don't like hurting girls, then just stop doing it. You don't need fake lines or false pretenses to get laid. You'd be surprised how if you tell a girl before sex, "Look, this is just sex. No hurt feelings, ok?" she will probably be fine with that. Hell, usually they seem more attracted to me for saying that. They have some naive romantic notion that they will be the one to change you, which will inevitably fail, but they will be a lot less upset, because they remember you telling them up front.

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It doesn't always work out this smoothly though does it? How many times have you said/done this and out of curiosity, what were some of the responses you got?

I've never had a problem, but I tend to avoid girls who are adamant about wanting a long-term commitment, because that's not what I want. Even those women, a lot of them will still have sex with you, hell sometimes maybe even faster than if they thought they were grooming you to be husband material. Tell them you're not "Mr Right," you're Mister Right Now.

I would recommend filtering a lot more strongly. Disqualify a lot earlier. Figure out a way to discern if they're going to be a problem BEFORE you start sleeping with them.

You'll get a lot less puzzy (maybe) but you'll also have LOT less hassle.

Bible_Belt said:

I've never had a problem, but I tend to avoid girls who are adamant about wanting a long-term commitment, because that's not what I want. Even those women, a lot of them will still have sex with you, hell sometimes maybe even faster than if they thought they were grooming you to be husband material. Tell them you're not "Mr Right," you're Mister Right Now.

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I will try this bro. I am just tired of hurting chicks. I didnt get into the Seduction community to become a person that disregards other peoples feelings. Its interesting that your girls are ok with you basically telling them that they are just being used for sex. I would think that would hurt their feelings. Even if they say they are ok with FB status wouldnt they eventually catch feelings?

Spinning plates is good and all but it should also be called giving false hope lol. Spinning plates is still a necessary evil.

taiyuu_otoko said:

I would recommend filtering a lot more strongly. Disqualify a lot earlier. Figure out a way to discern if they're going to be a problem BEFORE you start sleeping with them.

You'll get a lot less puzzy (maybe) but you'll also have LOT less hassle.

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hahah my friend i would get hardly any action if i did that. I wish i could be that selective. See any girl that is ok with just FB status with no hint at commitment down the road is usually promiscuous.

I have noticed that the hot girls that do well with casual no strings attached sex are kinda low quality ( and even they eventually want commitment). This is the stage im stuck at bro. Its a Catch 22. The hot girls that are ok with being a plate indefinitely are low quality. I am in the low quality hot girl trap.

Anytime you drop a plate its tears and heartache for both parties. Then you rinse and repeat.

Hate to say it but the problem with society is monogamy - men of value through the ages have always had the capacity to have multiple women devoted exclusively to them through marriage or concubinage or other arrangements.

The push towards "equality" with women being masculinized is what has screwed everything up. Men were meant to have multiple partners in the full meaning of the word, not just screwing them but ultimately also being responsible for them, if they had the means to provide for them. Women, on the other hand, were supposed to serve as companions to their man. Nowadays, women, instead of serving their natural role of being nurturers, are now our competition.

In some respect, this is the golden age for "players" of both genders. The disposable age. I cannot wait until it ends.

Dear Pandora,
Well you cannot philander on one hand and maintain moral purity on the other.....Donking,cannot wait for this age to finish,well I am sad to say he will become old and grey in his vigil,things will change for sure,but go back to the supposedly halcyon days of Old?...No,these changes have been made possible by technology and as that relentlessly progresses,it will create the next as yet unknown but doubtless to be condemned manner in which the Svexes relate.

Pandora said:

hahah my friend i would get hardly any action if i did that.

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The trick is to introduce the idea of "no strings sex" to girls that would otherwise not consider it. If you bring it up consciously, and obviously, even girls that are dong hounds wouldn't really admit to it.

But believe it or not, MANY girls would "be open" to some fun without any EXPLICIT expectation of any kind of relationship.

Girls are MORE THAN WILLING to let their wild side of they are "given permission."

The trick is to drop enough "hints" early on so that in retrospect it was clear you NEVER had any intentions of anything long term. Not too obvious, but not too subtle. Not easy to do to be sure.

Think of the movie Sixth Sense, in retrospect, all the "signs" were obvious. But going through the first time, nobody saw them. But at the end, everybody said, "Wow, that makes sense..."

This is one of the best ways EVER to sort early: When you're first talking, mention a "friend" who dates multiple girls, and he's totally upfront about NEVER settling down. Mention that he's happy, and the girls he dates are happy, and you think that's cool since nobody's getting hurt.

HOW she responds to that will tell you if she's going to have expectations (despite anything you say or do) later on down the line.

To be sure, this is a very difficult balancing act, but on one side, as you said, there's little puzzy, and on the other side, there's puzzy that comes pre built with emotional pain at the end.

Sonic1 said:

It doesn't always work out this smoothly though does it? How many times have you said/done this and out of curiosity, what were some of the responses you got?

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My personal experience this worked out for me:

I have a massive conscience, it's horrible especially when I'm out trying to meet/date multiple girls. I had been texting a couple that looked to be going towards dates or having sex. Anyway, I met this girl (who is currently my LTR) at a concert. She just struck me you know? So I took her out on a date, and we had fun. At this point in my life I was enjoying talking to multiple women, I was having fun etc. But I also wanted to get laid. So when she came over the first time after our first date, I made a move. Right before we were about to fvck I stopped. This girl was different, she was fun, honest, gorgeous, and I was just into this girl in a different way. I stopped and said "hey, I don't know where this is going, and I'd hate to give you the wrong idea. I'm into you, and I'm definitely down for sleeping together. I just don't want to go ahead with this and have you hurt down the line if we don't end up dating"
And she agreed, she said she was having fun and there was absolutely no strings and whatever happens happens. We had sex for a few months and about 6 months later we ended up dating.

Couple things to be aware of though - I had said if either of us starts to gain feelings to be upfront. She had them, but never told me. I had cut off the sex for a few months and went on vacation and slept with a couple girls while on vacation. Later in our relationship when I found out how she had felt about me back then, I felt awful and guilty for sleeping with those girls. Even though I was upfront, I still felt horrible. I actually told her that happened, and even though she was upset she agreed I hadn't done anything wrong. This is my own issue with my conscience maybe you won't feel this too haha.
Also, this girl is extremely different than any girl I've ever met. I can't say that I believe most girls would react in this way, but this is my personal experience any way. I felt better personally that I was honest about everything

LimeSlush said:

My personal experience this worked out for me:

I have a massive conscience, it's horrible especially when I'm out trying to meet/date multiple girls. I had been texting a couple that looked to be going towards dates or having sex. Anyway, I met this girl (who is currently my LTR) at a concert. She just struck me you know? So I took her out on a date, and we had fun. At this point in my life I was enjoying talking to multiple women, I was having fun etc. But I also wanted to get laid. So when she came over the first time after our first date, I made a move. Right before we were about to fvck I stopped. This girl was different, she was fun, honest, gorgeous, and I was just into this girl in a different way. I stopped and said "hey, I don't know where this is going, and I'd hate to give you the wrong idea. I'm into you, and I'm definitely down for sleeping together. I just don't want to go ahead with this and have you hurt down the line if we don't end up dating"
And she agreed, she said she was having fun and there was absolutely no strings and whatever happens happens. We had sex for a few months and about 6 months later we ended up dating.

Couple things to be aware of though - I had said if either of us starts to gain feelings to be upfront. She had them, but never told me. I had cut off the sex for a few months and went on vacation and slept with a couple girls while on vacation. Later in our relationship when I found out how she had felt about me back then, I felt awful and guilty for sleeping with those girls. Even though I was upfront, I still felt horrible. I actually told her that happened, and even though she was upset she agreed I hadn't done anything wrong. This is my own issue with my conscience maybe you won't feel this too haha.
Also, this girl is extremely different than any girl I've ever met. I can't say that I believe most girls would react in this way, but this is my personal experience any way. I felt better personally that I was honest about everything

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My take is that you shouldn't have told her that you slept with other women. You didn't owe her an explanation! You weren't together! No reason for you to feel horrible...

It's too late now and I know you feel better but it will probably be brought up later in your relationship. If not, I'd be surprised and she would be the exception in my opinion.

Did you ask her if she slept with other men? According to you, she slept with you pretty fast, yes? How do you know that she didn't? Don't ask her now! If she did, do you really think she would tell you? If she has feelings for you, as you say, it will do nothing for the relationship because you'll probably constantly be thinking about it. There is no gain in telling you about it as there was no gain in you telling her.

Be careful what you divulge in the future. If you feel the need to confess something, tell your dog, a houseplant, or post on this site. Sigh, I really hope this does not come back to kill your relationship. If it does, my opinion only, you need to be prepared to walk away. Good luck!

Sonic1 said:

My take is that you shouldn't have told her that you slept with other women. You didn't owe her an explanation! You weren't together! No reason for you to feel horrible...

It's too late now and I know you feel better but it will probably be brought up later in your relationship. If not, I'd be surprised and she would be the exception in my opinion.

Did you ask her if she slept with other men? According to you, she slept with you pretty fast, yes? How do you know that she didn't? Don't ask her now! If she did, do you really think she would tell you? If she has feelings for you, as you say, it will do nothing for the relationship because you'll probably constantly be thinking about it. There is no gain in telling you about it as there was no gain in you telling her.

Be careful what you divulge in the future. If you feel the need to confess something, tell your dog, a houseplant, or post on this site. Sigh, I really hope this does not come back to kill your relationship. If it does, my opinion only, you need to be prepared to walk away. Good luck!

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I know she didn't sleep with anyone else because her initial reaction was hurt. She was hurt because she said she was in love with me when we were just fvck buddies. She said she never even went on dates with anyone because she had feelings for me. When I asked her why she hadn't told me about her feelings she said that she knew she probably would of scared me off by confessing since I had apparently mentioned alot that I didn't want a relationship, and she is probably right. All of that was part of the reason that I felt so awful that I had slept with other women. I know I didn't do anything wrong, and I knew I wouldn't gain anything by telling her. It was just my conscience that I really wish I could of ignored but I didn't.

It has never been brought up in our relationship and this was almost a year and a half ago that I told her this. She has never brought it up and I believe that she doesn't hold it against me. This is probably the exception I know and I'm hoping it doesn't end up biting me in the ass

Also, I wish I had found this site years ago. It's unfortunate that I found this so late but I'm happy to be here!

LimeSlush said:

I know she didn't sleep with anyone else because her initial reaction was hurt. She was hurt because she said she was in love with me when we were just fvck buddies. She said she never even went on dates with anyone because she had feelings for me. When I asked her why she hadn't told me about her feelings she said that she knew she probably would of scared me off by confessing since I had apparently mentioned alot that I didn't want a relationship, and she is probably right. All of that was part of the reason that I felt so awful that I had slept with other women. I know I didn't do anything wrong, and I knew I wouldn't gain anything by telling her. It was just my conscience that I really wish I could of ignored but I didn't.

It has never been brought up in our relationship and this was almost a year and a half ago that I told her this. She has never brought it up and I believe that she doesn't hold it against me. This is probably the exception I know and I'm hoping it doesn't end up biting me in the ass

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I'm happy for you! Now don't ever do that again! My ex wife brought up crap from when we dated 10, 12, 15 years after the fact. Don't ever give them ammunition. Good luck to you! I really hope you found a unicorn.