A loser's chronicle

Hey guys!!! I came to this forum when I was 20. Now I am 30, and I have come back again to this forum. When I was 20, I was a beta, loser, afc and all synonyms that go with it. In the last 10 years, I thought I learnt it all.. :crackup: I thought I got a great girlfriend, then married her. We were about to have a baby. Then we had marriage issues, we went for couples counseling.. The love was slowly fading away.

An then one fine day, boom!!!. I saw her very intimate with another guy. I called off the marriage. My wife is a migrant, so for her to get her permanent visa, she is going to accuse me of domestic violence. That opens a whole legal paradigm for me to deal with.

But I have lost all hope in life. My "friends" are not checking up on me.. Looks like the whole world is moving on without me. I do not have a single email, message, phone call, facebook post, nothing that has a remote message of love, compassion, companionship or empathy.

I have a little baby sister, she does not have much family support either. I want to live for her. I do not want her to suffer the loneliness I am going through. I will fight. :box:

And while I try to rebuild my life, I want to document what I am going through in my life daily. Hopefully this will enable other guys to learn lessons from my experiences and failures.

About me: About to be divorced, Staying in a western country, Indian ethnicity, strong Indian accent, very dark skin, large flat nose, losing hair. So, for me to rebuild a life with richness and love is next to impossible.

My goal: An interesting life, a super hot and loving wife and wonderful kids.

Having thought about the baby steps I need to take to achieve my goal, I have decided to work on my fitness as a start. I became a member in a gym today and did my first workout after many years.

So... let the journey begin...

feel free to comment, advise, abuse, laugh at, while I go through this. I have already hit rock bottom and I don't think it can get any worse.

If my experiences help atleast a few people, I think I have won!!!.

[deleted]

Welcome back my friend. You sound similar to me between the ages of 30 and 40 instead of 20 and 30 like you. Glad you are ahead.

Regarding this statement of yours:

My goal: An interesting life, a super hot and loving wife and wonderful kids.


Not trying to shoot down your dreams and goals but I encourage you to read heavily on this site and in particular our discussions about marriage. We have had some excellent talks in the past few weeks on that very topic. Be sure you are well educated on marriage before you ever consider doing it again.

So what happened with the domestic violence charge on you? Did they get dropped.

Welcome and I hope you sick around a while this time.

Pursue more of your interests and hobbies. Along the way, you will meet some new people you like. I used to have a dart board of the world on my bedroom door and I would decide where to go next by wherever the darts fell. Get on Google Earth and figure out somewhere interesting to go. Girls and a new life will be waiting for you there. My uncle started over from his SECOND MARRIAGE at 45... he's been married a third time now after traveling all over Spain, Europe and finally China (with no money). Met some Chinese woman on a chat forum, went to see her and they were married shortly after... their marriage has been going on for 17 years. Re-invent yourself.

Also I think hitting the gym is a great idea.

Things can ALWAYS be worse

Dear Superloser,
What you describe is par for the Course....My own Wife without any provocation assaulted me in front of my Children,kicked me in the face,was removed to cool off in the slammer by the Gendarmes,subsequently moved in with a pair of Lesbians....Notwithstanding,she went to every house in the Street and told people what a Swine I was...even wrote to my relatives in Scotland...12 years later,and still no one in the Street talks to me...Ho-Hum....I took up Ballroom and Argentine Tango,never had a cold bed since!

logicallefty said:

Welcome back my friend. You sound similar to me between the ages of 30 and 40 instead of 20 and 30 like you. Glad you are ahead.

Regarding this statement of yours:

My goal: An interesting life, a super hot and loving wife and wonderful kids.


Not trying to shoot down your dreams and goals but I encourage you to read heavily on this site and in particular our discussions about marriage. We have had some excellent talks in the past few weeks on that very topic. Be sure you are well educated on marriage before you ever consider doing it again.

So what happened with the domestic violence charge on you? Did they get dropped.

Welcome and I hope you sick around a while this time.

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Thanks a lot logicallefty. I hear you re Marriage. No, I am not in a rush. I am not blaming everything on the girl. Even though going beyond the marriage to get her needs satisfied was her choice, I am sure there are things I can improve within me. That is what I am looking at.

I sure will stick along and document my journey. Hopefully someone will take something out of it.

Thanks a lot guys. Hearing your stories and comments has given me so much comfort. Words are not enough to express how good I feel.

Scaramouche, I am going through exactly what you mentioned. The collateral from the breakdown is taking its toll. Our common "friends" did not reply or offer a word of comfort to a message I sent informing them of the separation. I only got this

"Thanks for letting us know. We respect your decision BUT just making sure that you are sending her off your life with the same dignity that you showed on your wedding day. May be by accompanying her to her way back to home or by talking to her parents."

Reading that brings up very mixed emotions. On one hand, women argue for equality and to be treated the same as men. But when it is suitable for them, they expect the old fashioned masculinity and chivalry. When I am ****ting myself here whether I would end up in jail and lose my job because of some trumped up domestic violence charges, how the hell would I be able to send her off with "dignity". Why can't women do the same to men?

After I saw my wife with another guy, I moved out of the house. I did not take anything else except some clothes. The real estate agency gave me a month to move out and I gave her 3 weeks. I said she can take whatever she wants from the house. What else should I do to uphold my wife's dignity? And everytime I think about this, I cannot stop thinking the intimate moment I saw between my wife and another guy.

Anyway, things are officially over now. I think I should stop wasting brain cells on this anymore.

Hit the gym the second day. Thankfully I am not a novice in the gym, just out of touch. I downloaded Kris Gethin's "12 week trainer" app and started working out. The program requires cardio before and after the workout. I thought I might do a cardio class instead of just sitting on a stationary bike. So, after my weights I entered a group classroom.

For a brief moment, I became alive. The room was full of beautiful women in interesting clothes. My energy levels just shot up, I had a pretty intense workout after years.

I know that gym is probably not the best place to pick up. And my average/ugly looks and Indian accent do not increase my odds either. However, I want to do an experiment. I want to push myself and see whether I would be able to break my barriers. Gonna try the following.

Goal: A hot gym girl must ask me out.

Method: I have read a lot of pook, David Deida stuff and I am going to put this to the test. I am going to be completely focussed on my workout. I will be a regular in the mornings, do my weights and then attend those group classes everyday based on the program. I will not seek attention or peacock in the gym, but will be intensely focused like I am on a mission. Like Deida says, I will be on my "edge" everyday.

Intended outcome: Let's see whether my discipline, focus and energy breaks race and language barriers. Let's see whether someone is attracted to these traits and is willing to take the risk and "ask me out". Looking myself in the mirror, now I would say that this is impossible. But I want to test this hypothesis.

I have enrolled in postgraduate studies and haven't done a lot on that because of these issues. I will just concentrate on work, workout, studies and making new friends. I will update frequently on my progress.

Scaramouche said:

Dear Superloser,
What you describe is par for the Course....My own Wife without any provocation assaulted me in front of my Children,kicked me in the face,was removed to cool off in the slammer by the Gendarmes,subsequently moved in with a pair of Lesbians....Notwithstanding,she went to every house in the Street and told people what a Swine I was...even wrote to my relatives in Scotland...12 years later,and still no one in the Street talks to me...Ho-Hum....I took up Ballroom and Argentine Tango,never had a cold bed since!

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Scaramouche, I was thinking of learning salsa. I am one of those uncoordinated guys. I grew up in a poor family and earning money and food took precedence over clubbing and dancing. But I want to break it. I looked up Argentine Tango in my city and there are a couple of places. Thanks for the idea.

Words of wisdom from the great Jobs. Felt very positive after watching them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYfNvmF0Bqw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkTf0LmDqKI&spfreload=10

jimjam said:

Things can ALWAYS be worse

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True Like I can be about to be killed in a war torn country. Atleast I am safe and not hungry eh!!!

Dear SuperLoser,
Your question shows you are fighting back!...As for Salsa and and Tango....Go to both venues and see if there are surplus Girls...Salsa is simple to learn,but usually has a gender balance...Tango is very hard for the Leaders,musn't say Men LOL...But relatively easy for Women,not many Guys persevere with learning,that's why there are heaps of stray Girls,usually very intelligent ones at that!

Original poster....so you're saying you're about to be single, have no children, and have few responsibilities in life?

That doesn't sound so bad to me. Think how many married men with children dream about being in your situation.

I'm thinking you picked the wrong user name.

Also, great that you want to go right back into marriage. So many independent women out there who believe in complete independence if and when they are married. Just be careful going down the marriage path, the odds of success are very low, make sure there's some key things in place that put the odds in your favor. Not impossible, but very difficult to achieve these days.

bmp2cpm said:

Original poster....so you're saying you're about to be single, have no children, and have few responsibilities in life?

That doesn't sound so bad to me. Think how many married men with children dream about being in your situation.

I'm thinking you picked the wrong user name.

Also, great that you want to go right back into marriage. So many independent women out there who believe in complete independence if and when they are married. Just be careful going down the marriage path, the odds of success are very low, make sure there's some key things in place that put the odds in your favor. Not impossible, but very difficult to achieve these days.

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Thanks bmp2cpm. You're right on everything you said.

So, 4th day into the gym, I receive a very warm smile from a woman. A middle aged lady but who takes her workout seriously and has some nice muscle definition.

Was trying to leg press this morning, but it has a wierd locking system and I couldn't figure it out after some heavy reps. My legs were already tired and shaking. An absolute stunner beauty runs towards me, asks if I am ok and helps me to lock the machine. I was like a damsel in distress and she was like prince charming.. It was a beautiful moment.. Except the roles were reversed.. grrr...

Caught up with a great friend of mine and she is dating another girl. Turns out her partner works out in the same gym as me and she has invited me to join her in one of the group classes that she goes to. My friend also asked me to come along to Bikram yoga. The Bikram yoga videos are pretty intense and I am sure I can't do even a single pose, but what the hell.. I said I will go on Saturday.

So, slowly increasing my social circle.. And exploring new things... Also enrolled in a Kizomba beginner class.. No idea what the hell it is, but it looked way sexier and more importantly I enjoyed the music.

A thought dawned on me today.. Do we need a woman to be happy? Can we be content with just ourselves? Any thoughts?

Don't hang out with Dykes, nothing can be gained from this.

A thought dawned on me today.. Do we need a woman to be happy? Can we be content with just ourselves? Any thoughts?

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The answer is no.

Its a bit much to call yourself a loser. There are lots of other men in the same boat as you. I could really tell you a tale or two of a loser but that'll be going off topic.

LiveFreeX said:

Don't hang out with Dykes, nothing can be gained from this.

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Why LiveFreeX? How about good friendships, social proof, get to know their friends?

mangotot said:

Its a bit much to call yourself a loser. There are lots of other men in the same boat as you. I could really tell you a tale or two of a loser but that'll be going off topic.

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Who is a loser or winner mangotot?

I realize it sucks being used like you have been by a woman who claimed to have loved you. And as for other family or friends who haven't checked in with you to make sure you're ok, that's fine, just remember it down the road if they ever need help in their life.

You don't have kids, and if you have the money or work out a payment plan, you can get a good lawyer to make any supposed charges of abuse go away. Don't let this sh!t interfere with you getting your life on track the way YOU want it to be. All men, at ANY age, can still pull tail a good 20 years younger. Plenty of people will give you a hard time for it, trying to tell you to find someone your own age or otherwise just generally trying to guilt you over it. Don't let them bring you down because every single one of them is jealous of you. Men say it because they would jump at the chance for a hot younger chick, and women say it because you're not giving them the attention.

Focus on those goals, get in shape, talk to and meet new people. Everything will fix itself.