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Need Help..Approaching Divorce

chosenfew22

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My soon to be ex-wife ran out on me in January after I caught her having questionable conversations with men on her phone. We have two kids (one is 2 - mine, the other is 11 - from a previous marriage). When I caught her I told her that we were going to sprint tomorrow to look at the phone records the next day.

The next day I went out to watch UFC fight with the guys. When I came back, her car (which I had gotten running the day prior) was gone. Mind you her license was in my car, there was no tag on the car and no insurance on it. I went inside and the kids were gone with not even a note. I was worried she might have been pulled over or wrecked so I rode up and down the street all night and the next morning. Figures the day before I have to go back to work from vacation she leaves (I'm military so I can't just not report)

4 days later, I found out from a family "friend" that she went to their house during the UFC fight and claimed that I hit her and she had to go bc she was scared. No report was filed. Her dad (a felon) had came from NY all the way to NC and had picked her up and snatched my 2 yr old daughter before the UFC match had even ended. I had no contact from anyone in her family for 4 days despite numerous tries. Finally, she responded to an email and told me where she was.

Blocked all of my bank accounts, lawyered up and revoked all of her power of attorneys. Tried to write a separation agreement but apparently she wants to walk away from this AND get everything she wants. Upon her leaving I found an old diary that tells the story of her and her son's father (which i was told was a one night stand) and find out they were in a relationship for 2 years!

She changed her pic on FB at the beginning of Feb hugging up on some guy so apparently she had a bf 3 weeks after she left (or before) since she had been making trips to NY every other month for the past year.

The first month and a half I was in f*cking shambles. They even dropped me from taking the Special Operations Combat Medical Course I was slotted to take in Jan (which is slowing my career) because they said I would not be able to focus. I am not butthurt about losing her bc our relationship sucked ass anyway, but I want to protect myself legally and financially and get this ***** out of my life so I can focus on my daughter (who I have not been able to see in 3 months bc of my job, the distance she took her and I know if I go up there I'll probably end up flipping the f*ck out and going to jail). She even once tried to go to see her "family" in NY with my kids during a blizzard EVEN WHEN I WAS SENT TO THE HOSPITAL THAT NIGHT..my boss was in the hospital trying to convince her it was not only dangerous for the kids but ****ed up morally.

The mortgage is in her name only and the deed is in both of our names. The house is upside down so I don't want it. I am currently living in our marital home. She has no job or income other than VA benefits ($751/month). I have been giving her $400 a month for my daughter and sending it certified mail. Have paid all of the bills on the house (which are in her name up to date).

Right now I am filing for temporary custody and am in the process of getting affidavits filled out. In NC you have to be separated for 1 year and in NY one party has to be a resident for 6 months before you can file for a divorce.

Can I just pack my **** up and leave and walk away from this house or will that endup f*cking me over in court if it gets foreclosed ?

Little help and insight guys...
 

chosenfew22

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True. I was wondering if anyone had similar experiences. Obviously I'm not gonna read a post and just take a strangers word for it. But it's also good to hear from someone who has been through **** like this and there are ALOT of them.

The best thing she ever did for me was bounce. The worst thing was she took my child 1/2 way across the country.
 

logicallefty

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Yes, very similar experience with a bigamist c\{}/nt that made false accusations against me and cost me my job as a cop/Detective and almost everything I had:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=214228

Mauser96 has a point about legal advice, but at the same time you have to understand that an attorney working for you is only as good as how well you prepare them. You MUST provide your attorney with any and all evidence in your favor (text messages, Emails, Notarized letters from people, character reference letters, etc). You also MUST make sure your attorney knows what you want out of the deal. Your attorney either won't have time to do all of the necessary legwork in your case, or, if they do do it at $200.00 or whatever an hour you are going to spend $15,000 when you could have spent $3000-5000 or maybe even less. You also SHOULD learn some law yourself at at least an awareness level, research relevant laws to your situation, and bring them to your attorney's attention and say "hey want about this?"

If you are in a state where you are considering seeing a consoler to help you get through the crisis, like I did, be careful what you say to them. I don't go to consolers anymore at all but just be advised that the things you say to them can end up in the wrong hands and be used against you. Consult with the friends and family you trust the most for the support you need, that would be my advise, and let the counselors serve the people they serve best; blue pill men and women.

Keep fighting for your kid! Never give up on that.

Please keep us posted and remember what we are here to help you as well.
 

Bible_Belt

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Taking your kid and running off is parental kidnapping. It's a felony, and you should have filed a police report immediately.

The nature of your job is going to keep you from getting full, or maybe even half custody. What you will get is court-ordered visitation. You can file an emergency order to try to get that right away, or you can wait for a non-emergency order. Since you're not going to get full custody, I don't think it matters that much what you do with the house.

As soon as you get court-ordered visitation that says she has to let you have the kid at a specific time, then you have the beginning of some ground to stand on. The first moment that she is even a little late or does not comply, you must call the police and file a report immediately - because that's also parental kidnapping. The cops will want to see a copy of your court order noting the visitation times. Always demand to file a report and create a paper trail, then obtain a copy of the report.

And no guy wants to hear this, but you want to get a court order against you for child support asap, so that your payments get documented. Any money you give her right now for the kid is a complete waste; don't give her anything. Since you're in the military, they especially don't fvck around about this issue. Have your ducks in a row - court order to pay and documented payment for every month.

And I'm not telling you to lie - because that's felony perjury - but remember that the cash in your pocket right now is half hers. If you have mattress money, or assets easily converted to cash, now would be a good time to go gambling to drown your sorrows and (pretend to) lose it all.
 

sodbuster

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Get all the Pictures and other stuff you want( pots and pans cost money too... when you have to replace them) out of the house. Stash cash in your friend/ parents place, etc. Get all the porn out of the house and off the computers. SHE WILL use it against you. Get rid of evidence of any other bad habits as well.

Figure out what YOU want. Do you REALLY want full time custody? {it WILL mess up dating/ your job.} Make a list of EVERYTHING you want. OR do it in the Lawyers office at $200 per hour. Then figure out what is worth fighting for.... Your Lawyer WILL fight for EVERYTHING ..... at a price.

My ex-wife had a clause that IF we got remarried, she got to KEEP the property settlement ..... I told my lawyer " I'm not going to pay you to take that out, because it will never happen"
 

sodbuster

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Nice list.... One thing NOT mentioned... Depending on the size of the town, there are only a few GOOD Divorce lawyers.... talk to them all and pay for their advice.... SHE can't use them... it would be a conflict of interest for them
 

Tenacity

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chosenfew22,

So sorry to hear this shyt, but take the suggestions that other guys have said in this thread. Gather as much info, evidence, etc. as you can, get a good attorney, and the whole nine yards. You are going to be in for a long legal fight here.

Mauser96: The woman you marry is never the same woman you divorce. The beast shows.
Gentlemen if you live by this statement, there's no way you can truly be ripped off by women again. If you come to terms that there's no real love in existence today anymore, and all you are dealing with is a temporary "like" situation, you can never truly be ripped off. If you have any type of sense, you would opt out of marriage, creating children and living with women. It's not going to END peacefully.

You are going to have to DENY your biological urge to be a husband and father, because the people you would be partnering with today are NOT wives and mothers, they are very much your own individualized, unique, personal enemy sent from HELL.
 

chosenfew22

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UPDATE:
-didn't see my daughter for 6 months
-went to court 3 times before she appeared for Custody/mediation (had to hire a PI to find her and serve her in NY for court in NC)
-had court on my daughter's bday, judge tore her a new a hole, gave me temporary custody
-went to custody mediation, agreed on all things
-I signed the mediation papers, she didnt...back to square one
-had my daughter the entire summer
-kept the PI on my wife in NY to watch her, I subtly let her know the screwed up things she was doing but had no official evidence of aside from pics with her with other dudes that I gave to my lawyer for the judge(drugs, living at a different address and messing with guys)
-she said she just wanted to keep courts out of it so I drafted up divorce papers online to terms that I could agree too
-went to drop my baby back off to her (halfway in DC) and had a Notary meet me and her the (unannounced to her). I Glet her hold my daughter and the pprwork and said "read this over, I have to use the resteroom. I called the Notary and told him to sit down by her. She read 3 pages of the 30 page document and said "is there anything else I should know in here?" I said, "it's all about things we have discussed previously". She signs the pages she needs to sign and we parted ways after scheduling my next daughter's next visit.

What she signed:
-signed away her rights to be served any future pprwork on the court proceedings (with the exception of the final divorce decree) as well as being allowed to add any adendum (changes or disputes) to the documents
-joint legal custody
-she is the primary physical custodian and I receive visitation when my military schedule allows
-I give her $400 child support per month (even though courts suggest 700 per example guidlines) in order to keep payments status quo since our Seperation
-Marriage Seperation and Settlement Agreement
-Defendants Affidavit saying we agreed on all terms custodial property and financial wise
-reason for divorce is Unretrievable Breakdown of the Relationship for the Past 6 months (in NY you can do divorce under these circumstances without explaining the details of what took place)
-Waived her right to alimony
-Waived her right to equitable distribution (the house she mortgaged in NC is now her responsibility solely)
- All her loan debts are hers, all mine are mine as well as finances
-Everything in her possession is hers (everything she took to NY with her/Everything I left behind in the house) and everything in my possession is mine
-We are to live our lives free of harassment and interference as if we are single
-that we have both read the documentation to its entirety

I next day mailed it to the Courthouse, filled out the remaining documents and now it is sitting on the judges desk waiting to sign! They said at maximum it will take a month for him to sign off!
 

Desdinova

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It sounds like you got whatever you could with the least amount of conflict. That's pretty much what divorce is. It's a balance between the 5hit you want and how much conflict you're willing (and financially capable) to endure.

Be thankful it's over. Mine took 2 1/2 years.
 

speed dawg

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I have no comment on your divorce proceedings, as I don't know anything about any of that.

My question is, how do you guys, time and time again, get yourselves into these situations?
 
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