Did I screw this up?

Hey guys,
I need a male perspective on my current situation with no judgements please.

Ok so for the last 2 weeks I've been seeing a guy from work. His 49 and I'm 26. Again please don't judge. It's only been 2 weeks and I've already fallen head over heels for him. His everything that I could want in a man, and to me age is nothing but a number. So anyway we've been texting non stop for the past week, getting to know each other and setting up a date. We managed to set one up the other day. We both hired a hotel room.

It was the most fun night. We spoke, cuddled and kissed for the most of the night and yes we did sleep together. He didn't pressure me, I got caught in the moment with him and couldn't help myself. The sex was great on my end, however I am scared I didn't please him enough....I'm not that much sexually experienced so I still have a lot to learn, he got a semi most of the time but couldn't finish me off because he wasn't hard enough...of course this made me feel conscious but he assured me that it was him and not me...I don't know if I believe that but he did tell me he hasn't had s3x in 2 years.....

What has me worried the most is I think I may have scared him...he knows how crazy I am for him already and how much I would like to be more then friends eventually but I also did tell him that I don't want to get attached to him if he doesn't see a future with me....I didn't mean to put so much pressure on him so early but I need to look out for myself and for some reason I am just so drawn to him, it's like I need to have him. He said to me that he wants to take things slow and see where things go.

Another thing that's worrying me though, is ever since our nighy together he has been distant. We've gone from texting all day everyday to barely nothing for the last few days...I haven't confronted him over it because I don't want to be too clingy or anything but I am so worried. I don't know if I have screwed this up by being too forward about things or if his having second thoughts about me?? I'm useless at reading men. Also his not overly bothered about the huge age gap as he has a teenage son who approves but I think he may be worried about what my parents and friends/society will think about it....

Ughh I don't know what to do!!! Please help! And keep judgments to yourself

You being clingy and desperate is a turn off and prob affected his ability to get it up in the hotel. I'm guessing he was already having doubts about you and was hoping the hotel experience would turn things around, but it didn't.

Obviously you need to get a grip and stop pedestalizing him. Not sure why you need so much validation from another person. Good luck.

You sound like you are very co-dependent, which is a huge turn off. Its ok to be that way a little bit. My ex was like this. Her presence began to annoy me, but she figured it out on her own and gave me distance which helped.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/00011992

Its one thing to be super clingy every day it sounds like your hamster smoked some meth. What you need to do is find other sh!t to do with you free time, or when you are at work focus on your work. Stop texting so much.

When it comes time for date night or to spend time together that when you should be expressing your feelings. For example express how happy you are to see him, that you've been looking forward to see him, and while you are together be very considerate.

Act like you're the sane person you are deep down inside, and not a crazy stage 5 clinger.

So how can I salvage this? I'm close to sending him a text simply stating how sorry I am and that I didn't mean to overwhelm him with my feelings. Is this a good idea? Or should I just stay ghost for a little while? I did thank him for a good night and told him I enjoyed myself and said I'd like to do it again and he wrote back "sounds good" this was the last text I got from him and its been nearly 4 days...

I don't know what's wrong with me, I just really like him and I don't want to lose him. Even if he'd just be my friend for life I'll be happy. I don't know I'm so confused

Don't get crazy about the situation. He said he want to take things slowly, so be it. Don't chase him, he'll text you when he's ready. Stay 'ghost' for the time being and don't text for at least another 4 days. He would have hopefully got back to you before then.

I hate it when a woman asks for opinions with several warnings not to "judge". Of course she'll judge whether we're judging or not.

We'll answer the way we want to.

You've got a lot of delusions going on.. I don't know where to begin. You need to stop telling yourself that age is just a number. Age is a quantifier of how much experience and maturity one has. A 46 year old man cannot possibly have anything meaningful in common with a 26 year old.

You got caught up in the moment and couldn't help yourself? Take some personal responsibility for yourself. You have a brain and a conscience. YOU are responsible for YOUR decisions. That night was a decision. It didn't "just happen".

This is someone from work? I would submit that he has come to his senses and is concerned about having opened Pandora's box. He probably recognizes the enormous potential complications of getting involved with a coworker.

You just need to hang back and wait. In the meantime, ponder why you're so infatuated with this guy. Are you sure you "really like" him, the person, or the person you made him out to be in your mind?

We work together but his in a different department then I am which means he has different bosses then me, it's not that bad and I'm happy to keep things discreet at work. That's no issue. As for the age difference his 49*, I consider myself an old soul and have always been attracted to men way older then me, I find them sexy, wise, mature and more settled in life. I don't have anything in common with guys my own age and they don't turn me on like older guys. He knows that.

Yes I take responsibility for sleeping with him, it was great for me but it disturbed me that he couldn't get hard enough to enter me...he said it was him but I feel like it was my fault....

I just need a plan to make him see that my overwhelming attraction for him is because I genuinely like him and am so keen to get to know him more. I need a plan to show him that I am the ONE for him and everything his dreamed of. He has been hurt by his former wife and wants to take it slow which is fine by me. But I have an urge to let him know that I'm capable of seeing other guys and will if he doesn't make up his mind sooner or later...

Firstly you need to stop texting him. It really doesn't matter how important you think it is, in reality it isn't. Give him some space.

In all honesty it sounds a bit like he used you and enjoyed the thrill of being with a younger woman. You need to take some space for yourself and ask yourself if you really want to be with a guy who is old, can't get his c*ck up and doesn't reply to your messages? Sounds like you've turned him into your dream guy but in reality he's not that great at all.

He knows you genuinely like him, I think you sleeping with him and texting him a lot has left him in no doubt about that. However clearly he doesn't like you the same way. Maybe you should think about finding someone who actually likes you for more than a quick fling?

Fugitive said:

Firstly you need to stop texting him. It really doesn't matter how important you think it is, in reality it isn't. Give him some space.

In all honesty it sounds a bit like he used you and enjoyed the thrill of being with a younger woman. You need to take some space for yourself and ask yourself if you really want to be with a guy who is old, can't get his c*ck up and doesn't reply to your messages? Sounds like you've turned him into your dream guy but in reality he's not that great at all.

He knows you genuinely like him, I think you sleeping with him and texting him a lot has left him in no doubt about that. However clearly he doesn't like you the same way. Maybe you should think about finding someone who actually likes you for more than a quick fling?

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But how do you know he doesn't feel the same way?? He didn't say that. He has agreed to see me again? He just said to me he wants to take things slow and his already told his son about me and his family and they approve. His only concern was our age gap and what my mother will think about it. He never said he wasn't into me. And yeah I am "spinning plates" and I kinda want him to know that, I want him to know that he can easily lose me to someone else if his not careful

djgirl said:

But how do you know he doesn't feel the same way?? He didn't say that. He has agreed to see me again? He just said to me he wants to take things slow and his already told his son about me and his family and they approve. His only concern was our age gap and what my mother will think about it. He never said he wasn't into me. And yeah I am "spinning plates" and I kinda want him to know that, I want him to know that he can easily lose me to someone else if his not careful

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I'm curious, what is/ was your relationship with your father?

I have a good relationship with my father actually, there's no daddy issues there. This is purely just an attraction I've always had and I don't see why I should be made to feel bad because of it

djgirl said:

I have a good relationship with my father actually, there's no daddy issues there. This is purely just an attraction I've always had and I don't see why I should be made to feel bad because of it

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All you can do is nothing. Stop thinking about it. Do other sh!t with your time. You have a vagina, you literally just need to exist to get laid and get dates, so stop whining. No one here cares.

djgirl said:

I have a good relationship with my father actually, there's no daddy issues there. This is purely just an attraction I've always had and I don't see why I should be made to feel bad because of it

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reread Fugitive's post. hes spot on!

Look theres no reason to feel bad. but atleast come up for fresh air. It seems as if you are intentionally looking away from all the signs.

the truth is, the age gap is relevant. More relevant than you want to make it seem. And this isnt simply due to the concern for your mother. Anything, and everyting you do can be magnified because he simply cant RELATE to you.

For all he knows, all 26 yr old girls text as many times as you do. Is he willing and ready to modify his lifestyle to fit you in? Better question... has his ACTIONS shown you this? not his words.. his actions.

Youre not spinning plates as you mentioned. The idea behind spinning plates is so you dont get caught up and psycho analyze the actions of one particular "plate".. you have others to keep spinning. Wanting him to KNOW you have other guys, will only come off desperate. I think you deserve better than what youre getting. simply put.

If you ask yourself for better, you'll get it. Continue to eat the sh!t, you'll continue to have this bad taste in your mouth

How do you know he's "making up his mind"?

Could it be that he's already decided? Could it be that he feels some embarrassment? It could be many of those things and more. All you can do is give him some space.