What does she think is going to happen?

A few weeks ago, I began talking to a HB who is a friend of a friend. Things were going well - I was receiving IOI's - she would always smile at me, kept our conversations going, etc. So, the other day, I ask her out for drinks.........no response. My job is hectic and I travel all over the area, so I wasn't available to ask her in person and texted her (she prefers text to phone calls, whatever).

Here's the thing - we have some of the same friends in a small town. We are going to run into each other at some point sooner rather than later. Our jobs are not located far from one another, so I could run into her on a work day as well.

With all of this being said, here is my question - if HB is going to say no, why not simply come up with one of the usual excuses ("I'm busy," etc.) or LJBF me? What does totally ignoring it accomplish? I'm sure we will run into each other in the very near future. This has happened with 1-2 other girls in my past, and I'm still confused about this tactic.

EDIT: To clarify, when the previous HB's ignored the question, she wouldn't maintain her previous upbeat/friendly behavior. Communication would dwindle significantly.

She probably assumes the problem will clean itself up, that her complete silence will send home the message. Don't ever expect women to follow some specific script or special decorum because you have done XYZ and are therefore entitled to a response rather clearly suggesting interest or disinterest. All that really matters is that when you cut this issue open, it will reveal the same picture as "I'm busy" or "LJBF" - that is, "I'm really not that interested". She probably enjoyed the attention you were giving her until you pushed it in a more serious direction, and that's when she decided to give you the cold shoulder. Next --->

She does doesn't care for going out and didn't even wanna bother with answering you. She gave as many $hits as characters she wrote back...zero. Just forget her and if you see her around be polite and act as nothing happened. Don't chit chat, either, she doesn't deserve your time. A quick hello and a reference to the weather is all This entitled snob should get.

The LadyKiller said:

So, the other day, I ask her out for drinks.........no response. My job is hectic and I travel all over the area, so I wasn't available to ask her in person and texted her (she prefers text to phone calls, whatever).

With all of this being said, here is my question - if HB is going to say no, why not simply come up with one of the usual excuses ("I'm busy," etc.) or LJBF me? What does totally ignoring it accomplish?

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It's so you don't have evidence she turned you down. If she turns you down in text, you could show all friends and family that you wanted to love her and take care of her, but she said no. (in other words, you have evidence that she's stuck up and high maintenance and does not want to be taken care of, which could mean she's looking for better options). Plus, if she rejects you now and then comes to you when her other options don't pan out, you have it on her that she initially refused your advances. Both not good options for her.

By ignoring it, she leaves her options open and allows herself to play the victim, if need be.

A simple "Would you like to go for drinks?" text can be interpreted so many ways. :cheer:

The LadyKiller said:

This has happened with 1-2 other girls in my past, and I'm still confused about this tactic.

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If she's not responding at such an early stage, you can take her behavior at face value. No action = no interest. Make sure you are ready for bumping into her and acting as if you've forgotten everything. Be funny, light-hearted, by no means ever mention the text. Don't worry about it, use your time to text some other HBs.

You're all on the mark, thanks for the replies. The last 24 hours was, well, interesting.

Within a day of my text, one of the HB's best friend goes to social media and "randomly" posts something to the effect of, "Hating a girl's favorite sports team is not a good way to her heart and will make her hate you." HB then replies to her and agrees. For some background, HB and I went to rival universities, so there's always been some tongue-in-cheek banter between us. Never any below-the-belt comments, and she was as much a participant as I. Well, an AFC guy I know sees it and starts texting me about how this is a "wake up call" for me, or something silly to that effect. I literally laughed and tried explaining to him how I see their post as a compliment - HB and her friend care and I'm on her mind (whether that's good or bad).

Remember how I'd have to see her again? That day was today. I show up to work, and shortly thereafter, she shows up and starts talking to her friends (our places of employment are owned by the same company, but we work in two different sectors). Instead of a quick visit, she lingers and hangs around for a few hours. It was clear from the get-go that her plan was to get a reaction out of me. It didn't work.

First, her smile quickly disappeared when I quickly said hi with a smirk and went on with my business as usual. Second, some of her friends (who work in my department) were eager and active participants in any conversations I was having - which did not include the HB. Third and finally, I took the high road and was generally in a good mood all day. My good friends also happened to be at work today, and chose to take a different road on their own doing. They also saw the social media post, and would find any opportunity to indirectly troll HB's favorite sports team whenever she was nearby. While I did not participate, it was quite amusing. HB was gone by lunch time.

Apologies for the lengthy update, but that sums things up. I excel at not letting girls' antics get the best of me and being able to "next" rather quickly - which I immediately did in this case. HB's strategy seemed scripted and not well-executed, predictably it failed.

Use the phone instead of text or e-mail, which can be ignored and leave you hanging. You will wonder if it was received, if she saw it, if she accidentally deleted it or simply ignored it - it opens you up to being in an uncertain position. Text and e-mail are in any case weak forms of communication for asking for a date and can be interpreted as showing a lack of confidence (the opposite of what chicks want).

Chicks generally do not like saying no explicitly. They think their less explicit hint or words will have you get the message. Remember Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber where she tells him his chances are "one out of a million" but he replies "So... there's a chance! Yeah!" Some will also hope to string you along for attention by avoiding an explicit rejection. If you ask a chick out and she likes you she will not ignore your message.

Moroder said:

If she's not responding at such an early stage, you can take her behavior at face value. No action = no interest. Make sure you are ready for bumping into her and acting as if you've forgotten everything. Be funny, light-hearted, by no means ever mention the text. Don't worry about it, use your time to text some other HBs.

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Yes and no. I agree that it shows a lack of interest but you took her by surprise with a text asking for a date. How old you two are will indicate what this means.

If you are in the teens and 20s, it probibly means she has no interest in you. She will ignore it because she doesn't care. She probibly gets a ton of texts and could have missed it. If she missed it, she's not looking for anything from you. If she liked you she would have responded.

If she is older... she could be sending you a signal that in her mind real men ask out women by talking to them, she might think you are being immature and lacking in confidence. What Moroder stated above is the BEST way to recover. If she did this it's a test, and this is how you pass it. You showed some weakness and this is how you pass.

I've had friends tell me about stuff like this happening to them, and it also could indicate that she honestly didn't know what to say... so the default was nothing. Ask her out in person... if she says no or flakes on you then you know it's low interest and you MUST move on. In most of these cases she has some interest in you but you are not her first choice.... there might be another dude orbiting that she is chasing, but sees you as a potential back-up.

She's like the politician that is absent from a vote.

To a supporter: "I would have voted for xyz."

To someone opposed: "I never would have voted for xyz."


She's sending you the message that she's not interested, but as the others say, she's not leaving a paper trail of a formal rejection either. She can claim later that she didn't get the text or her phone wasn't working. She WOULD HAVE considered meeting up with you, but the text didn't go through or her phone wasn't working lol.