Single, childless, 40 year old exec.

So I've been dating this 40 yo hb7 the past 6 weeks. She's never been married and doesn't have kids. She is an ivy league graduate and currently on sebatical from her job as a bank executive.

She made it clear from the beginning that she's on this new path of awareness which includes fitness, yoga and health. To do what makes her life fulfilling where the goal is happiness and not money. During her sebatical she also wishes to pursue some entrepreneurial interests and look at starting a family.

While nestled in my arms the other day she mentions that she fully intends to be pregnant within a year (her sebatical ends in about a year).

I go home and think about this. I am not interested in having babies or being married. A week later I explain to her that I am not interested in kids or marriage. She considers what I've said and suggests that maybe she shouldn't have been so enthusiastic about her motive and she just wants to see where things go with us.

I explain to her that's not the kind of thing you backtrack on. I said your 40, unwed, childless and on sebatical your agenda is clear and I can't be a part of it. I've pulled away but she still calls and texts me.

She's a great girl with a nice supportive family. I partially blame myself because I knew she'd want a family. I wanted to see where it went and how I'd feel about it with her.

grayclif said:

So I've been dating this 40 yo hb7 the past 6 weeks. She's never been married and doesn't have kids. She is an ivy league graduate and currently on sebatical from her job as a bank executive.

She made it clear from the beginning that she's on this new path of awareness which includes fitness, yoga and health. To do what makes her life fulfilling where the goal is happiness and not money. During her sebatical she also wishes to pursue some entrepreneurial interests and look at starting a family.

While nestled in my arms the other day she mentions that she fully intends to be pregnant within a year (her sebatical ends in about a year).

I go home and think about this. I am not interested in having babies or being married. A week later I explain to her that I am not interested in kids or marriage. She considers what I've said and suggests that maybe she shouldn't have been so enthusiastic about her motive and she just wants to see where things go with us.

I explain to her that's not the kind of thing you backtrack on. I said your 40, unwed, childless and on sebatical your agenda is clear and I can't be a part of it. I've pulled away but she still calls and texts me.

She's a great girl with a nice supportive family. I partially blame myself because I knew she'd want a family. I wanted to see where it went and how I'd feel about it with her.

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Can she even still have kids?

I would do as she suggests, keep dating/fvcking her and make sure you use protection so you don't get her pregnant. Or get a vasectomy.

I'd next her. If you're certain you're a hard no on marriage and kids, stick to what's right for you. Staying with her will just lead to her thinking that there's a possibility of you giving in and then turning on you for leading her on and ruining her last chance at having kids, etc. -- yes, despite you explicitly telling her where you stood! You gave it a shot over the past 6 weeks - no need to stretch that to 6 months.

Alpha fvcks , beta bucks.
Right now you are her potential wallet. Be aware of the "oppppsssss I am pregnant". Basically she is in wallet/baby seeking mode. At 40 she is very close to hit The Wall™. She is trying to getting out of the carousel. And the whole yoga/fitness/health is bullsh1t , the Eat,Pray,Love,Whoring has consequences.Pump and dump.

This is very dangerous territory. She's definitely on a mission and has an agenda. As the others have said, do what you need to do to make sure she doesn't get pregnant.

Something else sounds very strange here. I've worked in corporations for over 30 years and I've never even heard of a year long sabbatical. I've heard that it happens in academia, but in corporate? Never heard of it. If you haven't already, you might want to ask her some questions about how all of that works... You seem to have a good opinion of this woman and I'm not saying it's not true, but my BS detector would be on high alert if I was you.

-Augustus-

Eco-J said:

I'd next her. If you're certain you're a hard no on marriage and kids, stick to what's right for you. Staying with her will just lead to her thinking that there's a possibility of you giving in and then turning on you for leading her on and ruining her last chance at having kids, etc. -- yes, despite you explicitly telling her where you stood! You gave it a shot over the past 6 weeks - no need to stretch that to 6 months.

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^^^

Best advice. Zero reason to stick around. If and when you contact her, stick to your guns. The longer she thinks you can be baby daddy, the worse it will be for her.

Zero reason to keep banging her knowing this.

Augustus_McCrae said:

This is very dangerous territory. She's definitely on a mission and has an agenda. As the others have said, do what you need to do to make sure she doesn't get pregnant.

Something else sounds very strange here. I've worked in corporations for over 30 years and I've never even heard of a year long sabbatical. I've heard that it happens in academia, but in corporate? Never heard of it. If you haven't already, you might want to ask her some questions about how all of that works... You seem to have a good opinion of this woman and I'm not saying it's not true, but my BS detector would be on high alert if I was you.

-Augustus-

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You mean it almost sounds as if she could have been fired/laid off and she needs a beta wallet to leech off, using a kid as the means, before any alleged severance pay runs out, leaving her flailing in the wilderness?.......

Moy_1974,

You read my mind...

-Augustus-

The BS detector has been on high alert since she's been around. A corporate sabbatical was unheard of by me as well. Though out of a 15 dates she has chipped in twice but has money to decorate her new apartment and have a new car shipped in.

This lady has means though limited. She's settled here for her sabbatical at least but maintains a home in another city, so she says.

My opinion of her IS high. I haven't found any reason to beleive that she is lying about anything. Starting a family is not in the cards for me right now tho. I'll have to explain this to her again.

FWB won't work either. As my relationships escalate I like to move away from condoms. It seems whenever my **** hears a condom wrapper open it runs and hides.

Augustus_McCrae said:

This is very dangerous territory. She's definitely on a mission and has an agenda. As the others have said, do what you need to do to make sure she doesn't get pregnant.

Something else sounds very strange here. I've worked in corporations for over 30 years and I've never even heard of a year long sabbatical. I've heard that it happens in academia, but in corporate? Never heard of it. If you haven't already, you might want to ask her some questions about how all of that works... You seem to have a good opinion of this woman and I'm not saying it's not true, but my BS detector would be on high alert if I was you.

-Augustus-

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Repped

Dear Grayclif,
Yeah,As usual Augustas is right...Sabbatical is a seven yearly privilege for academics...Banks just drive their employees mercilessly...A young Lad should take care!

I'll play devil's advocate here and say you all have it wrong.

Women say nice things all the time for their reputation. I suspect you are all taking this woman's words too literally.

1) An executive with a sabbatical? Could be her company was bought out and she received a golden parachute? And she's taking some time off since she's worked non-stop her whole life? Not uncommon at all for an executive. Women don't like to advertise their wealth when they have it.

2) Look, she's 40. If she really wanted kids, she would have had them by now. I think she's just saying that because this whole taking time off thing is foreign to her. She does not want kids. She just says that for other people because she is not working and because it's a "nice" story.

Always translate every word a woman says. I don't think anyone here translated her words enough.

Just my limited opinion though.

I am a corporate exec around 40 yrs/o. We don't have an official program for it but I've know people who have done it and I have been thinking about taking some time off to reflect on my career and life direction myself.

Not to hijack the thread but being an exec pays well but is seriously hard work with long hours, and after a bit you (well I) start to think, is this what I want for my life? Do I really want to think about work 24/7 and put in these hours?

At 40 your working life could be a little under half way so not too late to change direction and do something more satisfying - call it a mid to late career crisis.

I tend to think she would have had kids by now, too but maybe she was busy climbing the corp ladder and women do get persecuted for having families.

Having just come off match.com there are plenty of delusional women who marked "want kids for sure" at 37-43 so that could be legit. She also might have just been telling you what (she thinks) you wanted to hear.

It also might have been more of a passing thought, sounds like her life is in a bit of a transition.

I tend to not listen to women much and go more on their actions.

What if you told her you had a vasectomy scheduled? See what she does?

If you're serious about the no kids, I had a vas at like 33 and it was one of the best things I ever did. Strongly recommend for any fella who's sure about his choice not to procreate.

CJ.

yannick43 said:

40 wants a baby run ........ don't think run or she is gonna hook you in so deep.

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I would agree with run in this situation!

This is an "accident" waiting to happen.

A little update on this. So I told her I was uninterested in continuing with her. She fought me on it but I wasn't checking. But I read something interesting on Heartiste's site this morning. My plate mentioned on more than one occasion that she had preserved her fertility. I asked her how that was even possible and she didn't answer. Stating that I was being such an assh0le she saw no reason to tell me.

Heartiste: "
Peter Drucker, in his famous essay Managing Oneself, advised strongly the need to understand your strengths and weaknesses, and observed that you can never win by improving your weaknesses, only by improving your strengths. In broader socio-economic terms, feminism has pressured women to build on their weaknesses (ability to compete against men) and discouraged them from capitalizing on their strengths (youth and fertility). Young women have taken up this mantra to the extreme as their innate herd behavior has driven millions of them dominate universities and commit to a life of cubicle drudgery over hearth and home. They would rather have a crappy job with vicious co-workers that provides them money to spend on frivolities than a humble home domain where they rule and experience the joy of children. It is unfortunate that so many of our most intelligent and well-bred women are buying into this lie only to discover just 10 years after starting that they have missed the boat on marriage and childbearing opportunities. Adding to this cruel feminist hoax inflicted on impressionable women, some companies make a spectacle of offering to freeze their female worker’s eggs so they can devote their youth to the corporation and attempt childbirth long after the ideal window for this has passed. This is not to imply that women should not be educated; a woman should have an education as a financial backup and to use after child-rearing."

I didn't know preserving eggs was even possible. And I wonder if this was is what she meant by preserving her fertility (Of course I have no idea). I'm thinking if the egg is fertilized and incubated in her wouldn't the same complications arise. Or would a doner womb be required. Any thought on all this...

It is possible to preserve eggs:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-angeline-beltsos/10-realities-of-freezing-_b_5656344.html
It is relatively new and isn't by all means guaranteed to work.

I think they implant the fertilized eggs (I'm guessing more than one to improve odds) in her womb and probably also treat her hormonally (or whatever) to improve the chances the eggs latch on.

A lot of people will take a woman's words as literal in a case like this. Again, listen to her actions, not her words.

A woman will leave behind her desire to be a parent if the man leads her to this lifestyle. I've seen quite a few women give up on becoming parents because their alpha BFs don't want kids. However, there are consequences to pay for it. She will likely end up resenting you for taking away her chance at being a mom.

I had a GF who was a year older than me and had the desire to get married and have kids with me, despite me repeatedly telling her I didn't want any of it. She knew I had a vasectomy, but still stuck to me like glue. I eventually met a hotter, younger woman and broke up with the chick. She was extremely fvcking mad, trashed my living room, and never spoke to me again. She met another guy shortly after and got pregnant.

Even when women want to be moms, they still have no clue what they truly want. They just follow what their emotions are telling them at that moment in time.

She's on a mission. She's got a plan: She took off of work, , getting fit, found you, and has a baby schedule set . Play along or get the fvck out, it's very simple. She hit the wall a while ago, and is looking to fall in line with the world.