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more divorce advice needed

rothchild

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Have hired an attorney.

She hasn't been served yet.

married for about 11 1/2 years.

one child 9 1/2

She has been the bread winner, mostly been working part time stay at home dad.

My attorney has advised to get full time job and a place to live close by to shoot for 50 50 shared custody.
 

Bible_Belt

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You are in the US? What state?

If she is making the income, how are you supposed to leave? That doesn't make sense. I am suspicious of your lawyer already. You have the circumstances to go after her pretty hard - alimony, full custody for yourself, make her sell half her retirement funds like 401k and take a huge penalty just to give you half. You are the one holding the good cards right now. If you could get her to move out so that you start being the primary care giver for your child, she is the one who will be lucky to get 50/50 custody.

How are you getting along with her right now? Does she hate you? If she does, you need to fix that problem, or you're probably going to get raped. Even if you win everything I said you could get; that doesn't pay your legal fees. Getting her to pay those might be possible, but it's probably a long shot. Making it a friendly divorce is the best one thing you can do. If she is reasonable, you can split debt and assets 50/50, agree to a joint custody schedule and get it over with.
 

rothchild

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Thanks for the response.

kansas, overland park.

I am trying to make it a friendly divorce. I have been told that since she can pay the mortgage, she has a slight advantage.

My attorney told me to get a full time job because she may more than likely get the house, and I need to illustrate stability. I do have a potential roommate. But it is a girl.
 

Bible_Belt

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You didn't say how she feels. Do you know? Do you talk much? Dialogue is your friend. Find out what she wants out of the separation.

If I were you, I would tell her that your lawyer told you to be aggressive and go after her pay check and her retirement money, but you weren't comfortable with that because you still care about her too much. Now is a good time to use the phrase "I love you" very often. You're not trying to fvck her; you're just trying to guilt her into signing a fair agreement. Offer to fire your lawyer and draft the agreement yourselves, without any attorneys involved. Do it quick, before she hires some fem-cvnt lawyer who goes on a mission to destroy your life. If you get it over with quickly and painlessly, and without a big lawyer bill, then you both win, and that means your kid wins, too. That's another emotional card for you to play - let's get this over with for the sake of our child.
 

Epimanes

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Why are you getting divorced? You got another women you met while home alone? She been cheating on you with a co-worker or neighbour?

This makes no sense

Why destroy your family? It makes more logical sense (emotionaly and financially) to keep the marriage and learn to make eachother happy.

Check out www.marriagebuilders.com (start with basic concepts) for some excellent tools to turn this around if you so choose. If not.. Carry on.
 

Augustus_McCrae

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Rothchild,

Hopefully, your divorce will be a friendly one. However, you need to be prepared for anything.

I've seen too many women do incredibly hurtful things during divorce. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

Never forget that you are dealing with a woman. And when it comes to fighting dirty, men are amateurs compared to the average woman. She will probably have friends consulting with her, telling her to screw you over.

Think clearly and as logically as you can. You also want to consider a consult with another lawyer.

I'm not sure about Kansas law. You may be eligible for alimony. I live in Florida and I wound up paying temporary and durational alimony. At the end I will have paid a little over 100,000 in alimony to my ex.

Good luck!

-Augustus
 

speed dawg

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rothchild said:
Have hired an attorney.

She hasn't been served yet.

married for about 11 1/2 years.

one child 9 1/2

She has been the bread winner, mostly been working part time stay at home dad.

My attorney has advised to get full time job and a place to live close by to shoot for 50 50 shared custody.
First thing that jumps out at me is how terrible your lawyer is. Shoot for 50/50? Do that and you get drilled. Shoot for 75% and you end up with 50%, that's how sh*t works.

And you should be trying to half her stuff. Google Katy Perry divorce.

Big thing here is, what is the backstory? Why are you divorcing?
 
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