christoff522
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2014
- Messages
- 223
- Reaction score
- 36
Inevitably, after something like this contact will happen again. The question is how you deal with it. The alpha way is just to move on and not care, but a BPD never ever ever goes with an alpha because he'd destroy her. The BPD finds people of low confidence, usually on dating websites or other places where low self-esteems flourish.my story said:
In the end, I was bitter, twisted, desperate for closure - which I actually did get yesterday. During this whole experience I seemed to be dealing with a very unhinged individual and I ended up researching some of the qualities I was seeing, self-centredness, immaturity, lack of empathy and found narcissism and HPD. I actually cried for her at this point, as I couldn't believe that my little baby had this and was suffering so badly.
In the end though I almost hated her. I discovered BPD and it better fit her condition. Its hard to actually describe what BPD is like, you just have to experience it. I could tell from my own self just how bad this was, I was obsessed with her and everyone around me could see how depressed I was. I couldn't sleep because of Skype, I couldn't eat because of anxiety - and I was so dazed I didn't even know how bad I was. This girl would text me, and if I didn't reply immediately, she would text "?" "hello?" "you still alive?".
She told me she wanted me to be her dad, her lover, her brother, her ?shadow? her friend, she told me a few days in that she loved me, she later said she hated how much she needed me. She said "all men are ****s", almost daily at night she would say she hoped she wouldn't wake up. She would talk to me like a baby "cwrissy, luff u cwissy", one day she said she could hear people laughing outside her house at about 3am. Everytime I said I was going to sleep she would beg me not to leave her, then if I tried to text her she would tell me not to text her and sometimes even "please xx please stop xx"
I didn't know if I was coming or going.
When she finally let I had to rail on her, I told her exactly how I felt, I even called her a creep. She'd called me that as she was starting to split against me. I left a long pronounced skype message.
After more research into BPD I began to understand what had happened, and it led to a strategy for dealing with the pain. First thing is to deal with it as if it was a death, definitely send angry messages, just as you would deal with anger if a loved one had died. forget whether they call you a weirdo, let it out, and let it out at them - just be careful not to go overboard. Then once you feel that you're done delete their number, block them everywhere. Then wait about 2 months and unblock them. Do this for one reason - to see the difference - she will look like a different person, different hair, different guy. Mine went back to her ex, who within 2 months had dumped her again and blocked her. He actually looks like a different person himself (he's happy).
Now its up to you whether to restart contact, I advise against it. It will hurt and bring everything back. But I think its effective to see the difference. She won't be your girl anymore, she won't be the person you loved (or were infatuated with) and you'll see it, and it will hurt - but it's healing, she's dead to you.
You need to cut out the idea of a relationship and love, now if you want them back it can be done, it just takes time. The question is how masochistic you are, but if you want a **** buddy, it can be done. Just forgive and forget what happened. I decided to do that yesterday. She returned a few days ago, full of shame, she apparently has a new partner (yeah right) who she mysteriously fails to mention or have any photos of. Anyway she apologised and I forgave.
The end goal is acceptance and forgiveness. Never forget to forgive yourself for being an AFC. If you ever want a fwb then you must forgive them and yourself and work on DISINTEREST. Also be aware that you're not on your own when dealing with BPDs - guys everywhere suffer from girls with this disorder which is growing year on year due to the breakup of the nuclear family.
I don't blame her, and I don't blame me. I must work on me, and allowing yourself to suffer with the pain of what happened is no different than being a BPD.
God bless each and every one of you.
