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Long Distance Hookup

wakingup

Don Juan
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I previously posted in the Don Juan discussion, and found this page which is more appropriate.

Overview: I'm 31, she 29. Known each other since high school. Over christmas she admits she's had a crush on me for a decade. She lives in New York, me in California. She bought me a ticket in January to see her, then flew to California 4 weeks later to stay with me. Since she visited, I noticed her feelings developing for me even though we said this was gonna be short-term FWB deal. I was starting to develop feelings too but dont want an LDR. Since her visit I've cooled it on the texting, but have been responsive and upbeat, in a good mood on phone calls, however she would text me that she felt disconnected, sad, missing me, and I would respond with "dont be sad" and "I miss you too and it sucks we're far apart."

Recently: She's lagging on responding to my texts, when I call her she often sounds annoyed and very edgy. I cut her short the 4th phone call and she could tell it was on purpose. She texts me "you can call me whenver you want." I told her that I prefer talking to her when she's in a good mood and that doesn't seem to be the case lately so I'll lay off. She blew up on text messages, saying she "never call me again unless she's having the best day of her life." I didn't respond, and a week goes by no contact.

I call her this weekend, she's in the same pissy mood so I get off the phone quick. She texts me "Dude, did you really just hang up on me? Are you joking or serious?" She calls me back and I told her that if we're going to talk, she needs to improve her tone and not be so passive-aggressive. This escalates into an argument where she's asking for examples of this behavior. I give her one example (probably bad idea) and she instantly replies with "well one time you did this" and then goes further into "what about the time you did this, and this, and this."

My response was "I'm just letting you know your behavior is unacceptable to me and I don't accept that from anyone, you included." She gives me the half-apology of "well if I hurt your feelings I am sorry but I don't think I was doing anything wrong." I told her "that's fine, I just need you to hear me express that I find your behavior on the past 4 phone calls unacceptable and that's why I haven't called you for over a week."

She says that by me not responding to her barrage of hysterical text messages that I left her hanging. I explained that for one, things escalated way too quickly, and second, I didn't think responding at that moment would have been productive so I just laid off for a bit and enjoyed my life. I told her that she may have had a negative emotional reaction during that week of no contact, but it was not my fault or my problem as I was not being mean or avoiding her because she didn't reach out to me at all either. She said that because she was the last one to text, that I was ignoring her and being hurtful.

I know that I should not have engaged in an argument but for 3 weeks she was in a ***** mood and would make phone calls super awkward, so I stopped calling and then was accused of abandoning her.

In summary, this girl is smokin hot, great sex, she's really successful and very interesting, just highly emotional, very touchy, etc. I'd like to still have fun with her when she's in town and also practice my game with her, keep a plate spinning, just curious if I can get her attraction back because its gone.

Thanks.
 

BetterCallSaul

Master Don Juan
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I'm willing to bet there's smoking hot pu$$y in your area that isn't thousands of miles away.
 

wakingup

Don Juan
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there sure is Saul, I'm just trying to learn how to better react to women's hysteria. I could hear my voice starting to get a pleading tone, and was repeating myself a little bit. I am working on fixing that, but otherwise, was hoping for some other advice on being in this situation, as it's a typical runofthemill argument with a woman that I probably have not been too successful handling in my past, either.

Thanks.
 
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