Life's Quest to Improvement

Short story so far: confidence plummeting after break with ex, prompt me to improve my life. Still struggling with showing results and getting past her. 3 months after breakup, details later. I'd love a record of this so here goes...

Visited a Mexican club tonight with a buddy who has welcomed me into the latin group at work. I'm white and was one of 2 non-latin people in the club, but I grew up with Mexican music and I love it! Rather than being intimidated, I was prompted to learn and try something new.

Digging the music, and half the people in the place start dancing. Cruise the bar and start a few convos. Some go ok, others I'm met with instant b*tch face and I do my best to end it on my terms. Invite a couple ladies to the dance floor and get no takers. Adios boring ladies.

This is dancing like I've never seen before. Not your standard hip hop/club music so I spend some time watching the better dancers. After seeing a few steps I think I can try I hit the dance floor, try to dance with a few at the edge of the crowd and I'm getting turned down left and right. I'm learning persistence. Your average bar-going white guy would have given up the way these girls immediately say no to almost everyone, but these latin guys are persistent. Time to heed their lessons.

Tried a dance with cute girl. Playing up the "I can't dance, teach me" angle and it doesn't last long. Spot an average girl sitting alone. "Lets dance." Persisting. Upturned hand waiting for her to take it. She does. We dance through the song, getting better. Introduce myself and keep wandering. A couple more girls, getting more and more attractive. I get a dance with one of the beauties shooting down guys all night. My old country dancing skills kick in, I'm spinning her, pushing her away, pulling her back, squeeze her hips and pull her in close to grind. 2 song later she tells me "You're a good dancer."

"Give me a kiss then."

Hottie turns to friend boobiezilla and relays my statement to her who then screams "No!Ew!" and pries hottie off me. I bounce back in trying to charm boobiezilla but to no avail. Try to get hottie's number for the next time, but she has succumbed to this evil wench.

Almost get another number until evil wench #2 says "Give him a fake one or nothing!" FU wench.

Another great dance with another cutie. On approach Mr. Douche tries to cut in, I block him and he pushes me into her with an immature "Fine!" FU, Mr. Douche, we're dancing here. Song ends, go for the number and I get, "I'm not in town very long." Who cares? Persist. No,no,no. Here comes Mr. Douche who whisks her away.

Find the buddies. Dance and enjoy the beat for a bit until the music stops, the room lights up, the club closes.

Conclusion: Had a Great time. Fun with a couple buddies I now know a little better. New bar I like. Going back, and I'd love to learn that dance style. Wonder if I might need to fit in with that crowd better. No numbers, kisses, or hook-ups but 5-6 good dances.

Things to work on: Negating c*ckblockers. Ya know em, ya hate em.
Non-verbal seduction (get em dancing w/o talking)
Taking convo to the next level

Things to repeat: Confidence in what I can do (eg: dance decently)
Persistence
Enjoy myself no matter what
Don't let rude ladies get in my head
I don't need alcohol to be fun or have fun

It's been a rough road for me since the breakup. Before then I was hating work, not working on my personal goals, and my schedule saw my friendships and bro-time dwindle to a rare occurrence. I felt like the relationship was the only thing going for me. That, and my usual prowess with the ladies. On the rare occasions I did go out I often ended talking to one of the hotter ladies in the room with her asking what I was up to later, and my buddies encouraging me to go for it. I didn't need to or want to. I was committed to a wonderful and beautiful woman and at the time she was to me.

Post breakup she's on my mind more often than I want. Sometimes just a moment in a day. Today it's been consuming me. Try as I the thought of her seeps back in.

I actually did get my sh*t in gear since the breakup. I applied for and got a pretty cool career building position at a very prestigious university. I started and have been sticking with a workout plan. I reinvested effort with my buddies and have been seeing them a lot more lately, and I even regained my joy of barhopping and chatting up strangers. Had a great Saturday and Sunday night this week; lots of fun and flirting, but little physical and I doubt any date will materialize from the numbers I got. Details on that later, but now what plagues me is the thoughts of her.

I'm sure she spends little to no time thinking about me, and I do want to move on. Read an interesting article talking about how the inability to let go is linked to the idea of limited options and the belief that you can never get back the quality girl you had. Truth. Back before her, when I had myself together I told girls all the time, "There are 100 girls just like you a block from here. You'll never see another guy like me." I'd like to get back to that. It's true, women are everywhere. Quality girls...a little harder to find. Single quality girls...this is where I get frustrated.

I've been avoiding something I want to/should do and lounging in my self-pity, but after I get this out I'm gonna finish it. I will stop thinking about someone I can't have and think about what I can do, who I can be.

Last couple days I've really noticed how many beautiful women there are around me. Trick is you have to be OUT of the house. Funny how that works! Trying to put reality back into order. There are thousands of women out there and some of them must be smart enough to realize I'm a catch. On the flipside I need to focus on improving myself and pushing myself further.

Got a visit from family and really worked at being in the moment and enjoying it. Even still I couldn't help notice the women around me. At my university we were in some magical spot where incredibly gorgeous women kept walking out of one room as if there was a modeling convention inside. At first I said, "Focus on your family. Enjoy their company." After the 4th beauty I couldn't resist, asked her if she knew where the art gallery we were visiting was, had a quick convo about it, told her she was gorgeous and I had to get her number Told her she didn't have to give it to me and only to do so if she actually wanted to go out. I got it.

Picked up some ink from OfficeMax and noticed the cashier was a cutie. This was smooth. I was high on life from goofing around with my brother and joking with every employee in the store. By the time I came to her she had noticed me and it was easy to get her to join in the silliness. Great rapport and it was so easy, even natural to ask for her number.

Another girl at work I've been crushing on, I got her number a few days ago and we planned to go out after her finals. I got off work, sent a text, and a second and no reply. Ignore me, fine, I have no reason to chat with you anymore at work, and I've been nothing more than polite ever since. Nothing more is worth the effort.

Texted OfficeMax girl and the goofiness continued. Back in the old groove. Set a date for tonight after work. Get off, text. No reply. I am so sick of women being flaky. I was stewing in the frustration and really understanding how some guys let this corrode them and then subsequently treat all women like sh*t and wondering if I could do that and not regret it. Not for the women but for myself. I'm a better person than that, and I owe it to myself to be better.

An hour or so later I get a text from this same girl.
"I'm so stupid"
"I'm just gonna hide now"

Yes, you are stupid. Yes you should hide. Ignore. I haven't really figured out what to do with you yet, but damn, this sh*t gets old. I used to get turned down when a girl wasn't interested and I asked for a number. Now I almost always get the number but my call/text is either ignored or the girl flakes on the date. I'd much rather get a "no".

I like my persistence approaching though. Keep it up and hopefully I won't have to worry about these flaky ladies anymore.

What a night. I can't stop thinking of ACDC's "Back in Black" because I'm back. And I happen to be wearing black at the moment.

Went out once last week and ended up bringing home the second person I talked to that night. Tonight I had a busy night planned with lots of fellas. Had a buddy meet me at work and got him a few drinks and some snacks. The manager ended up comping us the whole bill. We hit the bar and I started to make the rounds. I was intent on playing wingman for my pal who left the bar alone last week. Opened one group and one of the three was very receptive and we quickly fell into convo. Left my pal in a good place with two others. She was fun. Tried to keep the focus on her, get her talking. I'm a pretty goofy guy and she was loving it.

She asks me, "What are you drinking?" I ask why and she says she doesn't do this, but she wants to buy me a drink. I was suspicious and told her that's funny because I don't buy girls drinks. Other than girlfriends and close friends I've bought 2 drinks for girls. She got so excited then because her grandfather has the same rule. After the beer she wants to find her friends.

My friend LEFT THE BAR. WTF dude. Said he struck out with the two so he went home. Other friends hadn't arrived yet so I promised myself I would have a good time even if I spent the rest of the night alone. Talked to a few guys competing in the motorcross event this weekend. Played jenga with a trio of ladies. Chatted with a dude about the Bunny Ranch brothel near his hometown. Had a good time.

When I found the lady from earlier she was looking bored being hit on by a bouncer. Came up to her and started teasing her about not dancing. Got her on the dance floor and soon she wanted shots. She bought tequila. I put the salt on her shoulder, licked it off and that got things started. Told her I needed a kiss on the cheek for luck. She did. Said I needed a kiss on the lips for luck. Denied. "Has that ever worked before?"
"I tried it once and the first time I was shut down. The second time she was all over me." We kissed. "The third time I didn't even want a kiss, she forced it on me!" This got her laughing and it was all good after that.

My buddies never showed, but I had a blast. I'll be calling her later.

Hit a local late-night eatery and kept on chatting with strangers. Girl behind me was cute but a rude c*nt. She said something to me and I fired back with smart assery. I refused to let her ruin my night. She tried to cut in front of me and I stopped her. She accused me of being rude. "Maybe I am." Some other negative comment I didn't listen to. "Maybe I am." She sighed and said "You give up too easily." Then I realized that even this incredibly rude b*tch was interested in my unflappable nature. Tried to get her back into convo and she says, "All I want to do is go home and shoot myself in the face." I told her it was a great idea, got my tacos, and headed home.

Great night.

It's been a little while, but good lord, how time changes things.

1. My volunteer work, and time pounding the pavement has paid off! I got a job offer from my prestigious university, full-time, all the crazy benefits, not too shabby of a salary, though I'm trying to negotiate myself into the next higher pay bracket.

2. Started a personal research project and it's going well, good foundation laid, just need to put more time into it

3. Volunteer work continues, though with experience I'm now in a position to decide what I want to learn, and am trying to get that sweet spot that maximizes both my supervisor's skill set and optimal career possibilities

4. More time with family and friends in the last month than I had in six months prior

5. More time with old friends

6. More trips, dinners out, and exploring the area. This is a vital part of my personality I lost working evenings and weekends in the food and bev industry.

7. Quit the job I HATED! Took a risk. Chose to do some work for family contingent on the goal that I would get a job at the university in less than three months. I did it much sooner!

8. Not giving much of a crap with the ladies. Getting out and talking to strangers minimum of once a week. Getting rejected. Lots of practice, lots of kisses and numbers. Dating two regularly at the moment, also have an old crush (long distance) trying to get back in rotation

9. Finishing some courses that are really gonna help me in the long run. Been putting them off for way too long.

Every few months or so I assess my life and look at all the things I appreciate and all those I want to change. Recently I did this, and things are looking pretty good. Lots of work is paying off. For the first time in a long time I'm focused on the future and putting in the work to get there. The next year is gonna be pretty challenging and certainly busy, but I'm excited to see what it will bring. The only major thing I'd like to add in my life is a better commitment to working out, but I have a few tasks I need to cross off the list first to allow me that time to do so. So much better off than I was six months ago, and feeling it!