Help in gaining more confidence and being more realistic

Hi guys,
I'm starting to feel bad for myself. And I hate it but seriously can't stop. Long story short:had a gf, broke up, ultra happy with that, started talking to a older girl, she stopped talking to me, normal happy no feelling bad, start liking a taller girl, kinda start once again feelling bad for myself for being short (1.70m), still not feeling totally bad, yet I simply couldn't talk to her, I tried she was nice and all but I couldn't say anything decent to her. Holidays, decided to start fresh new year, last day of first week of school, see older girl and her friends, a guy of her class calls me, start talking to him, say Hi to her, she greets me with a kiss, kinda run away because I'm trying to avoid her, then I when I get out of school see taller girl talking to a guy I know (the player kind, not even that good looking, but confident and can make her laugh) was thinking about saying bye to her, then she see's me and says Good Weekend and I go away feelling bad for myself. I go home, feelling really bad, trying to stop thinking about it, older girl starts talking to me on fb, I answer, she's making an effort to keep conversation I get happy with that, flirt a bit with her (not sure how cuz I'm not used to it) we stop at 1AM cuz she had to go to sleep (me too) and she ends calling me "sweet" and asking me to say something to her next day, was talking to some other friends at the time and they say I should take a chance because she seems interested. Don't talk to her in saturday only in sunday night, say hi smurf (joke with something from last time) she doesn't answer.. feelling really bad after that, after talking to a friend of mine that knows her, he says she isnt ignoring me not her type, she just didnt see it so I should say something again, I ask how r things going she answers, taking centuries to respond when I try to make chitchat, say I have to go, feelling bad but better. Today saw her once, went to say hi to her and some of her friends, then went away.

Now here I am totally confused about her, I know I like this older girl, I can't stop thinking about her, but seriously think I have no chance. Feelling bad for myself and I freaking hate it, really can't stand being so short, I try my best, I am athletic and all but I just can't stop feelling sh*tty for it even knowing I can't change it goddamn it. I know lots of people, I have good grades (18/20 kinda grades), I am not wonderfull but I am not horrible either, blonde, green eyed, girls said to me that I had a strong jaw and have a deep voice (too deep for me, I hate it almost no one can hear me -.-), atheletic naturally trying to get time to work out but I have more muscle than anyone at my class anyway (guess that's the one thing in my advantage). How can I get more confident, stop feelling bad for myself and start ignoring this kinda thing with girls ? There's times I can simply not give a damn about anyone, that's how I was before, but then suddenly I start thinking about my height and then I simply break down and feel like complete awfulness. I try to keep that appearence but I don't feel like it. How can I start being that ? I want to man up.

Sorry for the wall of text. But seriously could use some help in this.

Greetings !

Leave this girl and her friends alone. No more talking to her over Facebook, text, etc. If she says hi to you or starts talking to you out of the blue, be nice about it but cut off all contact with her. If she asks why you don't talk to her any more, just say you've been busy and leave it at that. At that point walk away. And don't seem angry or sad about it.

Next, it sucks but you gotta take care of yourself before you worry about others. You have nothing to feel bad about. Short guys, ugly guys, thug guys, stupid guys, etc can all get girls. You won't ever get ever girl you go after, but make them feel the right way, and you'll get most of them. Most importantly, work on yourself. You hold the key to your own happiness. No one else does.

Thanks for the words! Today after I read this I just decided to totally avoid thinking about this, so I simply went along with my day. Actually talked to some of "her" friends, they came to me (she wasn't around) and started talking to me about future and stuff. So I talked to them a bit. THen I met her in bus, chitchat a bit and then went along listening to music and talking to my friends. Guess this way of thinking is very good ahah met 2 girls, they were with a friend of mine, I went to greet her and greeted them both aswell, so I guess this way of thinking is the best. My thing is, when talking to a girl I have no idea about how to make them laugh, just joke around ? Joke about myself but not totally self destructing ? I just want to be a guy girls like to be with. Do you know what should I do to achieve that ?

Thanks a lot again for helping me Eph ! Guess that message just gave me a new light this morning. Even when I slightly embarassed myself at my view I just thought to myself, "I'm laughing inside, why would I worry about what other people are thinking ?". So really, thanks a lot !

Guys.. I decided not just to focus on older girls. But seriously how can I talk to younger girls? Like 1/2 years? It seeme hard.

Talking to younger girls is the easiest thing ever. People naturally assume (at least in high school) others older than themselves (even if it's a one or two year different) are smarter/wiser than they are. For whatever reason, you'll generally have the "cool factor" of simply being older working in your favor as well.

With a few exceptions, talk to them about the same things you would talk to your male friends about. The exceptions are nothing "serious". That means work, religion, politics, etc. Other than that, talk about anything. Keep the conversation light and fun, make them laugh, and sooner rather than later, get into deeper topics. It doesn't matter how much she knows about you, but if she feels like you know a lot about her, she'll feel more bonded and connected. Which means comfort. Don't forget to be playfuly sexual as well or you'll end up in the friendzone.

SpoonJedi said:

I just want to be a guy girls like to be with. Do you know what should I do to achieve that ?

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Rest assured that we all wanted to be that guy in high school. So welcome to the club. Here's some thoughts:

- Be yourself, but don't be over the top. If you're too much off the wall, you'll lack that trustworthy smell of social mainstream compliance.

- Learn when to have fun and when to be serious. Being fun is fine, but being a fulltime clown will fast-lane friendzone you with the majority of girls.

- Say whatever comes to mind to start a conversation. Girls won't judge you by your opener but by your interaction with them.

- Try to accept your height. Try to accept you may struggle for an extra 2 or 5 or 10 years, but KNOW you'll eventually get over it.

- Realize that no matter how many blessings you have, you'll always have something to worry about. It's just human nature. Yes, thousands of kids your age are dying and have horrible diseases, but there is no global karma balance. You need to deal with your sh!t, everybody else needs to deal with their sh!t. As long as you do deal with it, no problem whatsoever.

- Take everybody's advice including mine with a grain of salt. Train your own bullsh!t detector. Figure out what works for YOU.

Thanks for the help Moroder and Eph.
My troubles are normally to get to be fun, since I'm naturally serious and everyone calls me mature for some reason. For example, when I started really talking to some people they were surprised I was only 16, they said I looked 18 ( even though I have no facial hair and don't look that old, only my voice could hint to that but I'm normally quiet), so my troubles are like, know how to "unlock" myself xd

Normally I can forget that height thing, and when girls ignore me or something like that I just think that's their problem, at least that's the mentality I'm trying to grow on me and think on less drama.

Guess the road to be a DJ will be a marathon not a sprint

But into that younger girls thing, my troubles is, I know at one person in every class of 12grade (1 year older), for my year I don't have "contacts" in like 2 class's. In 10/9, I know like 10 people max .. how can I go to a group of 2 year youngers and talk to them (there's a quite beautiful girl in one class) ?

Thx for the help !

I feel you on the height department, were practically the same height.

You honestly sound/look a lot like me, same height, deep voice that to the point that I have to talk slow, no real facial hair, strong jaw line, naturally introverted, people thing I'm older when I think I look young, and even built/athletic. But your high school career sounds better than mine believe it or not. Let's see... My first 3 years had me a, confused, depressed and even a somewhat loner whilst my late Senior year I had just grasped the DJ Bible and its concept. Focus on you grades though, cheat if you have to.

About the height situation, I actually noticed a while back that whenever that I pursued women I would typically try and find girls whom are a bit taller than I am. Once I noticed that this was my insecurity of my own height I then realized that tall girls weren't that hot after all and it was just me projecting my insecurity on what I THOUGHT what was more attractive, but don't get me wrong some tall girls are hot but I'm just not as crazy about them as before. Ever since then I haven't really minded my height.

About the introverted thing, use that as an advantage. Most women love that guy who is quiet, indifferent, yet mysterious. BUT you have to have really good body language, eye contact, and be able to hold a conversation when you're spoken too. Being smooth is also a huge bonus. Or in other words, be confident. Quiet + confidence = "who's is that guy; yumm-eeeey.."

About that tall girl situation... The second she told you to come say hello to her that was when you should have said hello but since you didn't she's now second guessing you from being that "cool mysterious guy" to being a "weak shy guy." No more of this "behind the screen" crap, from now on just talk to her in person so you don't get any more mixed signals, if she gives you mixed signals then go ghost and talk to other girls in the mean time. Remember, you can read a person but you can't read a screen very well.

About the younger girl thing, there's nothing hard about it to be honest. The only thing "hard" is getting over that social barrier of "talking to younger girls-" which is crap.

go do a 100 approaches, forget every other girl in your life, do a 100 COLD APPROACHES. And note down everything you can about each approach, then after the 100 do a full analysis, after 10 , change some stuff around if it aint working.

Watch yourself slowly, by each approach, morphing into an alpha male...

Thanks guys and thank you Frayzer, I know now I can survive my shortness ahah
I'll not try but do those cold approaches void !

I kinda felt a difference yesterday, just by feelling good, I got looks from girls. And the older girl came talking to me again on fb, mentioning a drawing I gave her one year ago (so many mixed messages ._.), I made a decision about her, I'll talk to her, I'll have fun and do my best to flirt, if she stops talking to me again, well then, I kinda know half my school already so it's not like I'm restricted to her ahah

But seriously I don't understand her, came talk about the drawing, I said it wasnt that good, she said that what I meant by doing it was the important, then I said that even so, it would be better if at least decently drawn and she says the quality of a drawing isn't just in the perfection, it's very about the intention... I was like, okay .__.
Then we talked for a bit, I didn't really stop the conversation, but neither did I really try to keep it. In the end started flirting, called her a geek, said I'd be happy to be complimented by someone, even more by a geek like her. Then we started talking, the town of our school, she said tomorrow she had a free day but everyone was busy, I tried to ask her if she was free next week on the mornings, she said she was bbusy with final school projects (she is in a professional course, and she«'s going in an internship in about a month), and I started saying that the universe was against us. And then basicly it was that, we saying that we couldn't afford having the universe keeping us apart and that one day we would have to do something about it.

So yeah, I'm trying to be a bit less dramaking ahah

SpoonJedi said:

Thanks guys and thank you Frayzer, I know now I can survive my shortness ahah
I'll not try but do those cold approaches void !

I kinda felt a difference yesterday, just by feelling good, I got looks from girls. And the older girl came talking to me again on fb, mentioning a drawing I gave her one year ago (so many mixed messages ._.), I made a decision about her, I'll talk to her, I'll have fun and do my best to flirt, if she stops talking to me again, well then, I kinda know half my school already so it's not like I'm restricted to her ahah

But seriously I don't understand her, came talk about the drawing, I said it wasnt that good, she said that what I meant by doing it was the important, then I said that even so, it would be better if at least decently drawn and she says the quality of a drawing isn't just in the perfection, it's very about the intention... I was like, okay .__.
Then we talked for a bit, I didn't really stop the conversation, but neither did I really try to keep it. In the end started flirting, called her a geek, said I'd be happy to be complimented by someone, even more by a geek like her. Then we started talking, the town of our school, she said tomorrow she had a free day but everyone was busy, I tried to ask her if she was free next week on the mornings, she said she was bbusy with final school projects (she is in a professional course, and she«'s going in an internship in about a month), and I started saying that the universe was against us. And then basicly it was that, we saying that we couldn't afford having the universe keeping us apart and that one day we would have to do something about it.

So yeah, I'm trying to be a bit less dramaking ahah

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any girl that does not count as as stranger cannot be put under the category of cold approach.

even if its through a friend or thru fb or instagram or any of that ****. If you did not literally GO up to a person youve never spoken to before , it aint a cold approach.

nothing wrong with meeting girls thru fb or thru mates, they should just be the plates spinning on the side whilst youre focusing on your 100.

if u start with 1 a day you will finish in approx 3.5 months.

time is gnna go by so fast u might as well do it

So the older girl and I've been talking. I've been flirting and she's been nice about it, she's been quite nice and sometimes sounds like flirting back. I have the problem is that I seriously like her since always and I really can't stop thinking about her. I'm trying not to think about it much, haven't talked to her in fb for 2 days now, said Hi in school went up to her kinda awkward and all, so tomorrow I won't be awkward I'll go talk to her if I feel like it, otherwise I'll try to get my mind a bit clean of her (it will be pretty hard). I kinda confused right now, by her reaction to flirt she never backs off, she keeps talking and nicer than she talked before, but I don't know if she's interested or not. How can I check for that, and what do you think I should to next ? She going on an internship in like 2/3 weeks (she told me about it) , so I will only be able to see her everyday for 3 weeks max. I'm still talking to some other girls, although I can't really find any interest on anyone else..

That cold approach thing confuses me a bit, just go on anyone and say Hi ? What else ? Like, people won't think it's creepy and all ?

Thx for the help dudes !

SpoonJedi said:

I kinda confused right now, by her reaction to flirt she never backs off, she keeps talking and nicer than she talked before, but I don't know if she's interested or not. How can I check for that, and what do you think I should to next ?

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keep flirting whenever and where ever you can, nothing has really happened yet, so just keep going until something notable (as in, until you want to post here about the (positive or negative) results or lack of results ) happens.

I once heard someone say, you can tell if a girl is interested if you imagine a guy doing what she does and seeing if you feel uncomfortable(a girl who likes me likes to hug me and kiss me on the cheek... I'd be pretty severely weirded out if a guy friend of mine did that hence it's more than platonic)

some girls will just make it extremely obvious when they like you if you're lucky (like the aforementioned girl who hugs me and kisses me on the cheek as a greeting everytime she sees me)

SpoonJedi said:

She going on an internship in like 2/3 weeks (she told me about it) , so I will only be able to see her everyday for 3 weeks max.

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if things go well, 2/3 weeks is plenty of time, if things go badly all the time in the world wouldn't help you.

SpoonJedi said:

I'm still talking to some other girls, although I can't really find any interest on anyone else..

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ah, the struggle of finding one girl you like above all the others.

SpoonJedi said:

That cold approach thing confuses me a bit, just go on anyone and say Hi ? What else ? Like, people won't think it's creepy and all ?

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A) don't just say hi, I've tried saying hi to random girls and so did my friends, generally if that's all you say, they just ignore you, so just say something to them, make a comment or ask a question or something.

B) would you be creeped out if a relatively normal human being started a relatively normal conversation with you at a reasonable time and place? no? of course not!

SpoonJedi said:

Thx for the help dudes !

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you're welcome bruh.

Today I asked the older girl for her number, she gave it to me and yey. We've been talking tons in fb all smiles, stickers and some flirting, in school I went up to her today more and talked to her for a bit, this has been the best I've ever talked to her.
Actually have something interesting to tell, so two days ago was talking to her, and her bestfriend put a like in 2 comments I made to 2 of the girl's picture and also to her response, it was like, maybe normal. But then, yesteday I was seeing my feed and a post made by the girl to her bf page saying something like "You are not nice xd <3", like in the joking way (no real direct translation), and it was just after her last like. What do you think ? Related ?

SpoonJedi said:

Actually have something interesting to tell, so two days ago was talking to her, and her bestfriend put a like in 2 comments I made to 2 of the girl's picture and also to her response, it was like, maybe normal. But then, yesteday I was seeing my feed and a post made by the girl to her bf page saying something like "You are not nice xd <3", like in the joking way (no real direct translation), and it was just after her last like. What do you think ? Related ?

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I think you're investing too much time into this girl.

Everyone says I'm close to dating her and I kinda feel that too (a bit afraid I'm having false hopes, altough it doesn't seem so). The thing is, I have a girl that is like 2/3 years bellow me in school (14/15 probably) that is seriously hot for her age always giving me those looks, then there's a 1 year younger girl that I say Hi to, that is kinda pretty, have been told she smiles a lot to me, those are like the ones that have showed interest in me, them and the older girl. The thing is, I really like her, and I can't think much on other girls :/ And that first younger girl, I think it would be quite weird because of the year difference. Today I was going to try to talk to a stranger that sat with me on the bus, smile to her twice she smiled back, but never really had a topic :/

SpoonJedi said:

Today I was going to try to talk to a stranger that sat with me on the bus, smile to her twice she smiled back, but never really had a topic :/

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Ah, I have been there done that before. Starting the conversation can be the hardest part sometimes. I used to be a really quiet, shy person until I got a job as a bagger for a grocery store. Believe it or not, it actually helped. My only source of income is tips from customers so I have to be really friendly and strike up conversation to get the best results in a tip. Smiling works really good, but if you can't back it up with a conversation you might not get anywhere with just that.

Personally, I have found that a simple "How are you today?" breaks the ice fairly well. But you shouldn't use that all the time. If say, it was the first time you ever saw that person you can easily ask things like if they are new and such. You can also begin a conversation with school related topics like "Are you going to the game Friday?" Or maybe even introducing yourself. The possibilities are endless. It is just something that you have to force yourself to do the first few times and then you become more comfortable as you go.

A good way to get better at starting a conversation is (oddly enough) starting them. Set yourself goals to meet 1 or 2 new people in a week or so, then slowly work your way up to meeting a new person every day. It takes a little practice, but you can do it! Don't give up! I hope that this helped you at least a little bit.

Thanks a ton nick, yeh it helps, I really need to get back at my know everyone goal xd
The older girl and I were really close, fb was getting like cute stickers and stuff, she even hinted that I wasn't just somebody for her, talked to her everyday, yesterday she ignored me in fb and I'm feelling a bit bad today, probably it's nothing, but I don't know.. she kinda goes mental sometimes, happenned before and I can't be mad since I like her so much I'd just like to forget her but that doesn't seem easy, been trying for a year :/

Went to my future college in a school trip some days ago, started talking to a college girl, very nice, didn't ask her name though, but made her laugh a few times. I was planning on making a move next week with this older girl, tell how I feel or something like that, but it'll depend if she says something to me or not. GOD what does she wan't of me ?!! Anyway.. gotta meet new people, it's all a numbers game.. My problem is, I'm always about platonic love and things like that.. dumb me

Thx u all for the help !