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Is woman being DIVORCED a RED FLAG?

way2smart

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Okay, so I am currently dating a girl 26 y.o
She is 8.5, works out regularly, holds a PhD and is a professor at a state university. Plus her interest level is in the stratosphere.

She is very polite and decorous and doesn't give that "slutty" vibe that some girls do.

However she is divorced but doesn't have any kids.

I am considering her as a potential girlfriend material, however I am not sure if her being divorced is a red flag.

I remember, some more experienced DJ say not to consider divorced women as gf material.
What do you guys think?
 

BigSteve28

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A woman who's divorced or believes in it is a red flag for me. During a divorce you, the man, get screwed. Why was she divorced? That's what you should figure out as it can be a wide range of reasons and shed a lot of light on if she's GF material to you or not.
 

El Payaso

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Any reason for divorce other than the husband dying or being a murderous psychopath, should draw up all your red flags.

Here's the truth though: if you date this woman, it will inevitably lead into an LTR whether you like it or not. Unless you do a pump and dump or she agrees to a FWB deal.

Therefore think carefully.
 
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way2smart

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El Payaso said:
Therefore think carefully.
Yes, I agree, that's why I am considering all of this, before it even has a potential to become LTR.
I may actually end up just using her as FWB, or until it runs it's course.
 

expos

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way2smart said:
Okay, so I am currently dating a girl 26 y.o
She is 8.5, works out regularly, holds a PhD and is a professor at a state university. Plus her interest level is in the stratosphere.

She is very polite and decorous and doesn't give that "slutty" vibe that some girls do.

However she is divorced but doesn't have any kids.

I am considering her as a potential girlfriend material, however I am not sure if her being divorced is a red flag.

I remember, some more experienced DJ say not to consider divorced women as gf material.
What do you guys think?
Why is she divorced? Did you ever ask her? How long has she been single or has the divorced been finalized?. If it's been less than 5 months since the divorce has been finalized, you are probably in her life to patch her wounds.

Don't do it. As a divorced male, I got hooked up with a lot of divorced females (some with kids, some without) when I was single and they all have one thing in common: DESPERATION.

Her interest is through the stratosphere not because you are great (you might be, no offense), it's because she's desperate to get back what she once had (house, diamond ring, a man, a new family). They are worse than never married women because a never married never had that stuff to begin with or know what it's like.

When a woman has her identity taken away she will claw and scream to reclaim it. While some don't want kids, NO WOMAN wants to be unmarried or without a partner.

Add in all of the mental fallout from something as catastrophic as a divorce, and you've probably got a troubled woman (low self-esteem, depression, lacking identity).

Sorry if this is coming off as negative, she could be great, but you haven't given us much detail.
 

VladPatton

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It all depends. You don't know what chump or psycho she was married to. It's a case by case scenario. Ride it out, man. Just remember, if she's looking for husband number 2, she may be goin full throttle to find him.
 

way2smart

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Okay, here are more details. She says that her husband used to beat her up and she got a restraining order. It's been about a year since the divorce has been finalized. I don't think she got any money out of him, because he wasn't that wealthy to begin with.

But this is just her story, I will never find out what he has to say about this though.
 

way2smart

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expos said:
Don't do it. As a divorced male, I got hooked up with a lot of divorced females (some with kids, some without) when I was single and they all have one thing in common: DESPERATION.

Sorry if this is coming off as negative, she could be great, but you haven't given us much detail.
I must agree with you on desperation. She got into me way too quickly, but I am trying to attribute that to my game and not to "despiration". I maybe wrong.
I am cautious about this as well.
 

VladPatton

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way2smart said:
I must agree with you on desperation. She got into me way too quickly, but I am trying to attribute that to my game and not to "despiration". I maybe wrong.
I am cautious about this as well.
Just keep your foot on the brakes and control the situation. If she can't go at your pace and wants marriage number 2, it's time for sweet cheeks to take a hike. If she's cool with whatever happens, she's a keeper. Just don't let her take the reigns.
 

Trump

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way2smart said:
- I am currently dating a girl 26 y.o
- She is 8.5, works out regularly, holds a PhD and is a professor at a state university. Plus her interest level is in the stratosphere.
- She is very polite and decorous
- doesn't give that "slutty" vibe that some girls do.
- I am considering her as a potential girlfriend material

- she is divorced but doesn't have any kids.
Not really upto us, but when a woman is "divorced", that means she tried to do either do what was socially accepted, what her girlfriends were doing, what she thought was for love, or what she thought was for money, but then realized she got in way over her head and quit. Which means she wasn't serious about marriage in the first place. And if she wasn't serious about marriage, she won't be serious about any relationship.

For me, I'd rather be with a slut who has slept with 6 guys, than a woman who has slept with one guy but has been "divorced". It's just leaves such a bad taste in the mouth. You enter in a contract, it wasn't all lovey-dovey flowers and roses and wild and amazing sex living like a princess, and you told the institution to "go to hell" because you didn't "feel the love".

Not good bro. :nono:
 

JohnyTheArrow

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26 years old and already divorced ? Red Flag

You are too young to consider her for any serious LTR, she is for fvck only IMO.
 

Desdinova

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way2smart said:
Okay, here are more details. She says that her husband used to beat her up and she got a restraining order.
If this is the case, I guarantee she still has strong feelings for him. Men who take women for an emotional rollercoaster ride, especially at a young age, will always have a place in the woman's heart.

You will NEVER be more significant in her mind than her ex-husband is, no matter how DJ, confident, or alpha you are. She's worth a lay and nothing more.
 

SmooveMooves

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Omg. Date the girl and find out if you see any red flags for yourself. Jesus.

If the bítch starts acting crazy kick her to the curb, but if she's behaving, what's the problem? People make mistakes, contrary to popular belief here, women are human too . Just stay on your toes.

edit: oh she was getting her ass kicked by her ex? Now that's a real red flag, proceed with caution.
 

BrainDamage92

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If you hear some girl saying her ex used to beat her it goes 3 ways - either she is a psycho or he is or both are.

He might have just pushed her around a little after shed been grinding his gears for hours until he lost it and then she had good lawyers. Women are capable of putting even the most level headed person off balance if he lets them do it. Maybe the guy was sweet, but she got bored couse she married young and regretted it, and wanted to squeeze as much as she can out of the marriage before she bails out. Maybe he found out she slept with half the town unprotected while he was going down on her lol. So you can kinda get why the dude got angry if it was like this. That state of her education\intelligence is not a sign of exactly how evil she is. In fact, smart and evil women are the worst, the dumb are easier to manage. See these kinda women have this scheme:

1. Meet a guy.
2. Tell him my ex is a jerk so he treats me nice.
3. Drive him nuts.
4. Repeat step 1.

Maybe he is just the kinda jerk who beats his woman routinely but something tells me if the girl was alright she wouldnt talk about it to a stranger. I think many people are\were victims of abuse, but the ones who talk about how abused they were to relative strangers are actually abusers themselves, the victim role is VERY POWERFULL and I know people who have survived major abuse and got their **** together and dont whine and if this seems confusing, wait it gets better.

There are many scenarios, but fact is if you met her recently, and she says stuff like "My ex used to beat me." the is a THE HUGEST BRIGHT RED FLAG POSSIBLE, couse wheather true or not, she uses this to play on your Capt Save A Ho complex which all of us have as an instinct. I mean switch the roles and think, youve gone out of an abusive relationship, your girl was bad always putting you down always foolin around, and so the next girl you meet you start telling her how bad your ex was. Does this sound like someone whos over his past and has his **** together? Nope. Did she take responsibility of her part in the failed relationship (couse its a two way street)? Nope. When I think about my past for example, I can tell exactly what I did wrong. SHe obviously cant. So thats not good, not good at all.

And dont get tricked by the fact that she dont seem slutty - females are great actresses as you know and they have the habit of pretending to be something they aint in front of someone new. I see it all around - like this girl from highschool - she was the biggest possible golddigging ho back at school, always had a rich boy for a main man and a bunch of orbiting fools, but 5 years later she plays it serious hah its funny. People dont change, at least not radically. Think, why would even the most abusive jerk beat her if she was so nice and not slutty and intelligent and all?

Moreover, girls who pair with abusers, or are abusers themselves - because you dont know on which side she was now, dont listen to what she says, you just know the relationship was bad, of course she wouldnt admit shes an abuser - so these people had a troublesome childhood which they are still not over yet. Look at the parents, if they are out of reach or are **** as people, well theres your answer.

"Мy ex used to beat me" translated means "My ex was horrible so now you must feel obliged to treat me like a princess, but even then I wont be happy, because my mom left when I was 5 and then my cousin did things to me while my father was drunk and penniless, which is not your fault, but now that I think of it it is. Everything is your fault. And I will grind your gears for hours until you lose your **** and slap me so I can file another report." Yeah...

When you enter this kinda relationship, you not only carry the load of all the stuff thats normally problematic, you carry her abusive childhood and her abusive relationships on your shoulders too, which you cant do, youre only human. Expect nothing but drama created outta thin air and problems.

Just remember that she wasnt OK till some point, and then she met some jerk who abused her and fvucked up her mind. No, its never that simple, a normal girl wouldnt be with him, and I bet my ass shes lying through her teeth and he wasnt so bad.

Also the fact she seems unrealistically interested in you means she is trying to be nice this time, and is trying too hard, but the *****iness is always there beneath the surface.

Ive fallen for the professional victim shtick once,and stayed in this shtick for far longer than I shouldve, so I learnt my lesson, now if I hear a girl tell me something like this, Id never consider even dating her, Ill just throw some money on the table and leave the bar ASAP. Better safe than sorry.

REMEMBER: ITS ALWAYS MUCH MORE MAJOR ISSUES THAN "Oh, my ex abused me" Nonononononono....
 
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MillionBillionaire

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BrainDamage92 said:
If you hear some girl saying her ex used to beat her it goes 3 ways - either she is a psycho or he is or both are.

He might have just pushed her around a little after shed been grinding his gears for hours until he lost it and then she had good lawyers. Women are capable of putting even the most level headed person off balance if he lets them do it. Maybe the guy was sweet, but she got bored couse she married young and regretted it, and wanted to squeeze as much as she can out of the marriage before she bails out. Maybe he found out she slept with half the town unprotected while he was going down on her lol. So you can kinda get why the dude got angry if it was like this. That state of her education\intelligence is not a sign of exactly how evil she is. In fact, smart and evil women are the worst, the dumb are easier to manage. See these kinda women have this scheme:

1. Meet a guy.
2. Tell him my ex is a jerk so he treats me nice.
3. Drive him nuts.
4. Repeat step 1.

Maybe he is just the kinda jerk who beats his woman routinely but something tells me if the girl was alright she wouldnt talk about it to a stranger. I think many people are\were victims of abuse, but the ones who talk about how abused they were to relative strangers are actually abusers themselves, the victim role is VERY POWERFULL and I know people who have survived major abuse and got their **** together and dont whine and if this seems confusing, wait it gets better.

There are many scenarios, but fact is if you met her recently, and she says stuff like "My ex used to beat me." the is a THE HUGEST BRIGHT RED FLAG POSSIBLE, couse wheather true or not, she uses this to play on your Capt Save A Ho complex which all of us have as an instinct. I mean switch the roles and think, youve gone out of an abusive relationship, your girl was bad always putting you down always foolin around, and so the next girl you meet you start telling her how bad your ex was. Does this sound like someone whos over his past and has his **** together? Nope. Did she take responsibility of her part in the failed relationship (couse its a two way street)? Nope. When I think about my past for example, I can tell exactly what I did wrong. SHe obviously cant. So thats not good, not good at all.

And dont get tricked by the fact that she dont seem slutty - females are great actresses as you know and they have the habit of pretending to be something they aint in front of someone new. I see it all around - like this girl from highschool - she was the biggest possible golddigging ho back at school, always had a rich boy for a main man and a bunch of orbiting fools, but 5 years later she plays it serious hah its funny. People dont change, at least not radically. Think, why would even the most abusive jerk beat her if she was so nice and not slutty and intelligent and all?

Moreover, girls who pair with abusers, or are abusers themselves - because you dont know on which side she was now, dont listen to what she says, you just know the relationship was bad, of course she wouldnt admit shes an abuser - so these people had a troublesome childhood which they are still not over yet. Look at the parents, if they are out of reach or are **** as people, well theres your answer.

"Мy ex used to beat me" translated means "My ex was horrible so now you must feel obliged to treat me like a princess, but even then I wont be happy, because my mom left when I was 5 and then my cousin did things to me while my father was drunk and penniless, which is not your fault, but now that I think of it it is. Everything is your fault. And I will grind your gears for hours until you lose your **** and slap me so I can file another report." Yeah...

When you enter this kinda relationship, you not only carry the load of all the stuff thats normally problematic, you carry her abusive childhood and her abusive relationships on your shoulders too, which you cant do, youre only human. Expect nothing but drama created outta thin air and problems.

Just remember that she wasnt OK till some point, and then she met some jerk who abused her and fvucked up her mind. No, its never that simple, a normal girl wouldnt be with him, and I bet my ass shes lying through her teeth and he wasnt so bad.

Also the fact she seems unrealistically interested in you means she is trying to be nice this time, and is trying too hard, but the *****iness is always there beneath the surface.

Ive fallen for the professional victim shtick once,and stayed in this shtick for far longer than I shouldve, so I learnt my lesson, now if I hear a girl tell me something like this, Id never consider even dating her, Ill just throw some money on the table and leave the bar ASAP. Better safe than sorry.

REMEMBER: ITS ALWAYS MUCH MORE MAJOR ISSUES THAN "Oh, my ex abused me" Nonononononono....

I agree with this 100% ... also consider the fact she has been divorced for only 1 year... and she prolly already has the wedding planned out with you... IT'S A TRAP! RUN FOREST RUN!
 

PeasantPlayer

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Feel her out some more and don't worry about the LTR. Stop seeing the goal at the end of the tunnel and live in the moment and be aware of the process
 

miketan70

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Why is that even important. Today every 3rd marriage is broken. We are in a new age, that is a normal thing. If you ask me it seems like being in a marriage is not normal anymore. You are still married?? WOOW, what is your secret. :). That is what people started to ask some couples.
 

Partizan

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You can't judge a girl just because she's divorced. You have to find out the reasons. You don't know her personal situation. The guy could have beat her, been a drug addict, etc.
 
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