Beware the Waiting game

A friend was telling me this morning how a new girl hes seeing isn’t putting out

Theyve been on 3 dates and back to his twice the most he’s had is some boob ......He is more than prepared to put up with her sh*t so he can get between her legs but i wouldn’t put up with it

hes undoubtly playing it wrong with this girl because she is quite clearly running things but it did spark an interesting debate about how quickly you should expect sex

I See this is as a bit of a paradox in the game because if you don’t express clear sexual intent within the first few hours of meeting her , she’s gonna take control and start playing with you enjoying the power that comes with “making you wait”

On the flip side if you do express a clear sexual intent to her you run a risk of being labelled creepy or “thirsty”

The only thing that you can do to stop this is have complete confidence in knowing what you’re doing and when your gonna do it .....which is a really difficult skill to master

Personally when it comes to sex i like to be in charge and i like my girls to be submissive i want her to be fully aware that if things heat up shes getting pounded i aint about "waiting for the right time" , i don’t mind a little resistance to show shes not a complete wh*re......... sure she makes me pin her arms back & sexy stuff like that is all good

But when they physically stop the flow it starts to become a chore and nothing turns me off faster

Thankfully i rarely get the whole “I’m not ready yet” or “lets wait” (which btw are all indirect routes straight to the friend zone)

I don’t believe for one second a woman that’s interested in you would want to wait any longer than she had too for the D , therefore if shes “ not putting out”

your doing something wrong

I have run into LMR several times with plates. In each and every case, I tell her it's totally cool, and just continue making out or whatever. No whining, no pouting, no butthurt. Just shrugging it off and going about your business.

In each case I've done this, the girl puts out on the next date. Often times girls just want to be assured that you're not just after them for sex. If you don't treat it like a big deal, they don't. A guy who shows control, shows value. I'm sending her the message that sex for me is not difficult to come by, so it's no big deal if she doesn't give it up. I'll just get it somewhere else.

This is a difficult question. I feel like the default sentiment on sosuave is to say "escalate, escalate, escalate" almost immediately. I do feel this is a good rule of thumb.

However, there is something to be said for being nonchalant and acting almost as if you don't care about sex. You CAN come off as thirsty if you're grabbing her face and trying to makeout after just meeting her, and it often gives off a really big "player" vibe (NOT a DJ vibe). For example, i have a friend who plays it really really slowly and makes girls wait a while before making his move. It works for him. personally?

I'm very aggressive. To the point where i can come off too thirsty if not played right. I used to go for the makeout almost IMMEDIATELY. I'm talking like sometimes at house parties or whatever, i was making out within 30 seconds or a minute. This has its downsides. If shes like a 7 that you just want to bang in the bathroom and maybe make her a fvckbuddy, then by all means this is probably the best strategy.

However, if she is a high quality girl that you might potentially want to date, this is very aggressive and it might make her uncomfortable to begin getting sexual before she's even comfortable with you. Yes, it will turn her on and she'll like it IN THE MOMENT...but afterwards she will think back on it and you will just be the guy she made out with drunkenly at a party, rather than the guy that peaked her interest and got her interested through conversation and kino that she wants to meet up with again.

As for how many dates...I'd say it depends, again, on what your intentions are with the girl. You have to confidently progress the interaction as a man and be sure what you want. Do you want Sassy Sally to ride your d!ck like a champ only when you call her drunkenly on friday and saturday nights? Then don't be taking her out to coffee and holding her hands and telling her your hopes and dreams. Do you want that 8/10 with a fantastic personality that's perfect girlfriend material to want to hang out with you and make a connection? Then don't try to bang her in a frat house bathroom within minutes of meeting her.

Others may disagree, but if it's a high quality girl that is up to my dating standards (rare), then it doesn't frustrate me to hang out with her a few times before sex. You can still turn her on and be sexual without getting it in. I'm probably going to push for it, yes, but I won't be butthurt if we wait a little bit. Now...if this is the 10th time you guys have hungout, then that's a different story. You're not trying to be friends here.

For me personally. After we've been out one, two, maybe three times I set something up where we end back up at my house, or we meet at my house then go out. Either way the night ends hanging out at my place and that's when I sexually escalate things and it almost always results in sex, one time it did take about 1 1/2 hours of making out in my bed before it happen but still.