Women Friend Says i Look Insecure in Pictures

and thats what other women see. some maybe find me unattractive but others may find me very insecure and lose interest. she said women can sense this.

thing is its very difficult for me to fake confidence. all my life since i was very young i suffered a lot with my looks, bullying in school, remarks in the street. i was very skinny, had big ears and eyes that slanted downwards (i had very mild treacher collins).

if you dont know what treacher collins is, here's some pics of jono lancaster, one of the best known cases in the world

http://specialeditionfilms.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/jono002_700.png

i looked absolutely nothing like this, it was a very mild case, but it ruined my chances with girls all my life. my life as a kid, as an adolescent and even in my 20's sucked.

Since 2010 i've done an otoplasty, rinoplasty, eyelid surgery, strabismus surgery and im using braces (5 years with them) and waiting for a maxilar and mandibular surgery to realign my jaws and push my chin forward.

Thing is guys, and i know some of you have read my complaints before here on the board, although i never told about this elements before, even with this surgical procedures i suck with women, i dont have confidence, my self-esteem is shattered and even if i do that orthognatic surgery, it wont change who i am, because this who and how i am. i suck with women, i dont know how to have confidence, i dont even know how to fake it.

I can go to a shrink and use anti depressives, yeah i can do that, absolutely. but i dont think it will give me the confidence that its not lost, because i never had it.

Being attractive is a plus plus, but looking insecure even if you dont realize it is a big turn off for women. dont even try to fake it they will see through it, i dont know how they do it but they do.

I can say that after doubting about confidence being a key to attraction all these years (and i saw some guys in here saying that being attractive physically was the only thing that was needed to get all the girls), i am now inclined to accept confidence as one of the major keys to attraction.

Feeling insecure about it or worrying about it will make you look insecure.

VikingKing said:

Feeling insecure about it or worrying about it will make you look insecure.

Click to expand...

i know but its hard to change the mindset, it's too many factors to deal with. posture, eye contact, the attitude, and so on.

basically i need to rebuild myself.

NeedToImprove said:

i know but its hard to change the mindset, it's too many factors to deal with. posture, eye contact, the attitude, and so on.

basically i need to rebuild myself.

Click to expand...

Well, find a way. Nothing is easy.

NeedToImprove said:

i know but its hard to change the mindset, it's too many factors to deal with. posture, eye contact, the attitude, and so on.

basically i need to rebuild myself.

Click to expand...

You can do it. You need to start with the absolute basics and work your way up.

Do you engage in small talk with men and women every chance you get in your day-to-day? This is an absolutely vital first step.

I've got a lot of respect for you working on yourself like this. Although I didn't grow up with obvious physical issues, I did grow up with extreme Ulcerative Colitis, which I still have. It's a brutally painful illness and it makes it incredibly difficult to date. But I push through it like a monster because I won't let it defeat me.

Answer my question above and we'll take if from there.

You need to improve.

Try Confidence brain washing , it might help you.

Not a single person in the world is perfect. But that doesn't mean you can't improve yourself.

Women are attracted to three things: money, status and looks.
If you don't have the looks, you can more than make up for it with status and money.
So, work hard, try to improve yourself. You can do it.

NeedToImprove said:

and thats what other women see. some maybe find me unattractive but others may find me very insecure and lose interest. she said women can sense this.

Click to expand...

Women make it seem like their "insecurity detector" is so advanced and all of that when it really isn't. I can definitely pick out people who clearly lack confidence. Remember, women do not know the difference between fake and real confidence.

NeedToImprove said:

thing is its very difficult for me to fake confidence. all my life since i was very young i suffered a lot with my looks, bullying in school, remarks in the street. i was very skinny, had big ears and eyes that slanted downwards (i had very mild treacher collins).

Click to expand...

I suffered from horrendous acne. Anyone who ever brought it up I pretty much made it obvious that it affected me personally without saying much. Stop blaming other things for your lack of confidence. It's your fault that you lack self esteem just like how it was mine. Take responsibility.

Confidence stems from your mind that then reflects onto your body language. So how do you fake confidence? Well you don't. You pretty much train yourself to BE more confident.

The first things you should do is improve your posture.

- Stand up straight.

- Try and keep your arms waving back and forth while you're walking. Don't just lock them by your side.

- Head up, chin up. Don't look at the sky but look up high enough so that your chin is looking straight forward, rather than down or at an angle.

- Walk with your chest out and shoulders down relaxed. This is kind of hard to explain but don't walk with your chest bulging forward but have it lurched forward so that it's noticeable.

- Walk with decent size steps. Don't be a chicken and take like 50 small steps in that would normally take 2.

Once you get this done, then we move onto facial features.

- Eye contact. This is very important. This is, tied with strong body language, can heavily influence people's judgement for you. If you're eyes are always looking at the ground or darting around then people are obviously gonna think you're lacking somewhere.

- Smile or smirk with your teeth showing. Not many people do this, so do it.

- Project your voice. Don't speak like a rat squealing but also don't speak like you have a megaphone. Talk in a normal, slow(if you have to), and clear manner.

- Get a decent haircut/maintain your facial hair. A simple haircut can literally transform a person. I would recommend getting something short but you can also stick with moderately long hair so long as you take care of it.

- This one isn't really apart of your facial features, but a sense of clothing style also plays a roll. I'm not saying blow your pay check on new clothes, but I am saying you should find a masculine style that suits you.


Next, is what most consider the "faking" it part. You basically have to force positive thoughts inside of your head. Just be aware someone could probably tear this down. So it's best to improve by yourself without any outside factors like relationships.

This is pretty simple. Anything negative towards you or anything else, either turn it into a positive or work on it. Let's say you're really skinny and don't have any muscle, so go work out and keep telling yourself that you won't stop because you deserve to be at least toned! Keep giving yourself positive feedback. Every time you use the bathroom and see yourself in the mirror, just smile and drop a compliment. Maybe you have yellow teeth as well. So smile and tell yourself that you will change that by brushing your *ss off!

Treat yourself like a self-made king and you will develop standards for yourself. This won't happen over night so don't do it for one day or week and then stop because it's "not working." This is going to take you at least a year to perfect.

NeedToImprove said:

if you dont know what treacher collins is, here's some pics of jono lancaster, one of the best known cases in the world

http://specialeditionfilms.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/jono002_700.png

i looked absolutely nothing like this, it was a very mild case, but it ruined my chances with girls all my life. my life as a kid, as an adolescent and even in my 20's sucked.

Click to expand...

It could have ruined your chance, yes. But is it really the reason?

Probably not...

NeedToImprove said:

Since 2010 i've done an otoplasty, rinoplasty, eyelid surgery, strabismus surgery and im using braces (5 years with them) and waiting for a maxilar and mandibular surgery to realign my jaws and push my chin forward.

Thing is guys, and i know some of you have read my complaints before here on the board, although i never told about this elements before, even with this surgical procedures i suck with women, i dont have confidence, my self-esteem is shattered and even if i do that orthognatic surgery, it wont change who i am, because this who and how i am. i suck with women, i dont know how to have confidence, i dont even know how to fake it.

Click to expand...

You can change your looks. But is that change really going to automatically give you confidence simply because you can now "get women?"

No.

NeedToImprove said:

I can go to a shrink and use anti depressives, yeah i can do that, absolutely. but i dont think it will give me the confidence that its not lost, because i never had it.

Click to expand...

Using drugs to treat low self-esteem is basically running away. It's time to own up to it.

NeedToImprove said:

Being attractive is a plus plus, but looking insecure even if you dont realize it is a big turn off for women. dont even try to fake it they will see through it, i dont know how they do it but they do.

Click to expand...

Do what I said above and you probably won't look insecure for much longer.

NeedToImprove said:

I can say that after doubting about confidence being a key to attraction all these years (and i saw some guys in here saying that being attractive physically was the only thing that was needed to get all the girls), i am now inclined to accept confidence as one of the major keys to attraction.

Click to expand...

Who cares about women? In fact, women aren't your issue at the moment. What do you want to do with your life? You said you passed your early 20's, so what do you do now? Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Happiness and passion with women come from happiness and passion from yourself. You need to learn how to love yourself first.

I can tell if a person has no confidence, this "skill" is not exclusive to women

Sorry to hear about your lot bro, you've had a tough life. Hope with the surgery, life picks up for you.

I think this is a very good thread, and I can empathize with your issues.

I completely agree that unless you are EXTREMELY good at lying and acting, women will see through your attempts at feigned confidence. Because of this, I think that you should not focus on many of the qualities that make people APPEAR confident, and instead focus on actually being confident. That being said, the couple things that I would still try to keep in mind are:

1. Posture - walk with your head held high and don't hunch
2. Volume - don't talk too quietly, but don't be yelling. Project your voice.

I believe that every other characteristic of confidence will come naturally once you actually feel comfortable and confident talking to women. The question then is, how do you gain this kind of confidence?

Go talk to women, and don't have any expectations. Don't have any goal or agenda - talk to them and don't give a sh1t about what happens. Fvck with them for sh1ts and giggles if you want, just have fun. Don't try to attract them. Just joke around and do whatever you feel like doing at that immediate moment.

Once you feel more comfortable just talking to women, I would practice kino escalation.

I hope this helps!