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Been fvcking up lately.

VikingKing

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Some times I drink so much its almost sickening. For the last 4 days ive been putting down a 750 ml of cheap vodkah a day. This is something ive been struggling with especially after the military.

I've been slacking a lot at school. But I'm pretty sure I can get everything done by may, thats when its due.

I'm not very social. I don't try to make friends at all.

Its really just been a struggle the last couple of years, and I really need to pull myself together. I know once I can maintain sobriety for 90 days every thing in life will be easier to deal with.

Sh!t kills.

One thing thats kinda fvcked up is i get sober for a week to more, then go back to it. Two weeks ago I ran 6 miles in 52 mins, two days later I ran 3, two days later I ran 5. It's amazing how far I can push my body.

Then I take a break from the gym and go back to drinking, its insanity.

Regardless of what happens now, as long as i can just keep on keeping on regardless of my situation, which Ive learned to do very well now. Just forcing yourself to do things you have zero motivation.

I finally got hired so I will be busy working, so I wont have time to drink. I think I will just start to run after work. But having a job really makes me feel a lot more secure.

I talked to my brother about this. he says I need to stop feeling bad for myself and let go of whatever is bothering me. I told him about my job, and he told me I should continue to look for a better paying job.

Alcohol is just holding me back from everything I want to get out of life. Sh!ts rough.

Today I'm going to lower it to a pint and just drink it slowly, if I dont I'm going to have insomnia combined with extreme cold sweats. I have learned to ween myself off of it untill im fine with out drinking, but I go right back to it.
 

TheStig

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You're on the right track in recognizing there is a problem, and also that you now have a job. I've never had any experience with alcoholism so I can't give too much advice on that, but I'll say deciding to work out regularly (be it running, lifting, or somewhere in between) is a great decision. As you detox and feel your body grow stronger, you will most likely become addicted to building yourself up and experiencing all that life has to offer through a much cleaner, clearer lens. You get addicted to the "runner's high," not only through running, but lifting too. After a good hardass lift I always feel like king of the fvcking world. You probably know the feeling because you say you can push yourself pretty far.

I'm sure it'll be tough at first, but nothing worth doing is ever easy (most of the time). You just gotta push yourself past 1 week...take it a week at a time, or even a day at a time. Set goals.
 

Bible_Belt

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I'm at the point of quitting drinking for a while. My hangovers keep getting worse. It's time to let the old liver grow back a little.

Last night was Saturday night, and not drinking was odd. It occurred to me, no wonder alcoholics go to meetings - they're bored! As soon as you stop putting so much time and energy into something, you have to find somewhere to direct it.
 

Married Buried

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Bible_Belt said:
I'm at the point of quitting drinking for a while. My hangovers keep getting worse.
And then the cure for the hangover is a few drinks.
 

SeymourCake

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I hear it takes about 27 days for someone to break a habit. Try to not drink for that long and see how it goes.
 

backbreaker

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Hey there man. I would suggest going to AA meetings. Even if you don't believe in AA and **** like that, use it for the support group. When you talk about it out loud it really helps. The more you talk about it the more people hold you accountable, the less likely you are to **** up.


Take all the alochol away from your house. Dont' go anywhere for 90 days that serves alcohol. Anything that triggers you to want to drink steer clear from it.


Dont' listen to your brother. It's just gonna make you feel worse because you feel you should be able to stop but you can't. You have a problem


I sponsor people in AA and what I do is i tell all new addicts and stuff to make a list of movies they always wanted to see and never did. Whenever you get that killer urge to drink, watch something on that list of movies. It will take your mind off of drinking for the time being.
 

Lentaur

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You're going to have insomnia and cold sweats regardless. Get that out of the way now, otherwise this will interfere with your newly acquired job. Cold turkey is the only way to rid your body of the toxins and get your brain in the right balance to face the challenge of sobriety. I know where you are coming from. Right around your age, I nearly destroyed my life due to uncontrollable drinking. I paid quite a price for it, and as a matter of fact I still am paying for all those wasted years. The social problems you have now sound very similar to what I experienced until I kicked the alcohol out of my life.

Bible Belt and Stig are correct, in my view, that you have to find other activities that can immediately replace your time drinking. Thing is, they have to be stimulating actions. Don't try to trick your brain into drinking less, but rather into replacing drinking with something just as instantly gratifying. I would also definitely recommend the points Backbreaker makes about ditching the triggers/people that may cause you to drink and pouring that vodka down the toilet right now. And I do mean this second. I tell you, the day I did just that, it felt like a thousand doors opened for me, no joke. You have it in you to beat this thing, I'm certain you will, and you will be glad you did.
 

backbreaker

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Lentaur said:
You're going to have insomnia and cold sweats regardless. Get that out of the way now, otherwise this will interfere with your newly acquired job. Cold turkey is the only way to rid your body of the toxins and get your brain in the right balance to face the challenge of sobriety. I know where you are coming from. Right around your age, I nearly destroyed my life due to uncontrollable drinking. I paid quite a price for it, and as a matter of fact I still am paying for all those wasted years. The social problems you have now sound very similar to what I experienced until I kicked the alcohol out of my life.

Bible Belt and Stig are correct, in my view, that you have to find other activities that can immediately replace your time drinking. Thing is, they have to be stimulating actions. Don't try to trick your brain into drinking less, but rather into replacing drinking with something just as instantly gratifying. I would also definitely recommend the points Backbreaker makes about ditching the triggers/people that may cause you to drink and pouring that vodka down the toilet right now. And I do mean this second. I tell you, the day I did just that, it felt like a thousand doors opened for me, no joke. You have it in you to beat this thing, I'm certain you will, and you will be glad you did.

I've been clean off drugs for 9 years and 2 months now. Everyone likes to say how things were great when they got off drugs and it's something I'm definatly glad I did but honestly, that first year, really that first 2 years if you want me to be dead honest were hell on earth.

the first year, i couldn't sleep. i was an emotional wreck. I was miserable because i was miserable and i couldn't get high anymore to not be miserable lol. I didn't know how to deal with problems. I had gained weight in my addiction and i had to walk to the gym, because everyone thought it best i didn't have a car for the first year of my sobriety even though i had 2. I wasn't getting laid. I had no dates. All the whlie i'm looking at everyone else with all this clean time and they are happy and i'm looking at people out using drugs and they appared to be happy and i was just.. in the middle


year 2 was better, i lost weight, i drove again, i started sleeping normal again, even started dating again. But now i was going out and doing stuff and being around normal people. the cloest i ever came to relapsing in my life was just a normal ass thursday night, i was leaving the club, i was going home alone and i had this thought in my head.. mind you like 2 and a half years clean.. backbreaker.. go get some dope. no one will know. i'm around all these people drinking and **** and i'm trying to have fun and i can't have fun. That got to me a little. Going out, travelnig, dating, going on dates, dealing with girls that reject you, emotions, emotions were a trigger for me. I was teaching myself how to be a professoinal handicapper at this time and there were days i lost gobs of money and i'd want to say backbreaker you can't do this, just go hit the pipe and call it a day lol.


it took me really 3 years to appreciate my sobriety again. the first 2 years it was more like ust a burden on me. when people told me how great their lives were i felt like i was doing something wrong when i wasn't. it just takes time. But you have to start now.
 

VikingKing

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Thanks. Three days sober now. Ran 4 miles yesterday, 3.5 miles this morning. Cleaned my disgusting apartment. Think I'll run another 3 tonight.
 
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