So Im 30 and quite doubtful, p!ssed off, and probably living and identity crysis

Who Dares Win · Sep 10, 2014

Guess the older guys can relate and those around 30s can even more.

It arrives this moment when I cannot really tell who I am, I honestly dont know for sure what should I do...should I give priority to achieve the highest position as possible before its too late? plan to have a family before Im left with leftovers?

This is not an identity crysis like during teenage time where you question your family or school, Im much more p1ssed off at the government and society, I dont know if I should try to fit into the system or find a way to stay out of it cause its unfair against those who happen to be men,white,straight and conservative all togheter.

I see that I still have time to choose my path but that at the same time Im running out of fuel and I will have to stay around the stopping point of my car and walk not that much with my legs right after.

I look myself in the mirror and I dont know if what I see is what I decided to be or the result of the environment around me, not sure if I should keep try to bang as many girls as possible following my libido and ego or quit that game and start to think like an adult...in sum Im not quite sure where I am and which wind I should follow to sail.

mangotot · Sep 10, 2014

Leave the house, go pull some hotties and give yourself a good time. You will then feel whole heaps better.

user43770 · Sep 11, 2014

I can relate. The past few years I've been having my own existential crisis. All I can suggest is for you to experiment with new things in order to figure out what works best for you. That's all any of us can do.

"It's an adventure." - Steve Zissou

MtnMan · Sep 11, 2014

Not sure I have any advice for you, but I completely know the feeling man. I had one of these episodes around 26 or 27 where I started really hating society around me, the government, manipulated history, cooperate media etc. I felt like I was alone in a world of zombies screaming at the top of my lungs and no one was listening.

I still get those feelings sometimes. I hate the system, but I am completely part of it (working 40 hours a week, paying a mortgage etc). Part of me wants to just drift off into the wilderness and never come back.

If you have some true good friends, spend time with them, get into your hobbies, bang some women if you want to (sometimes that can be mentally draining). Build quality relationships with people you love. You only get one chance at it, so try to enjoy every step of the way.

Good luck brother, I'm right there with you.

backseatjuan · Sep 11, 2014

I see that you are EMO along with straight white conservative.

speed dawg · Sep 11, 2014

Who Dares Win said:
Guess the older guys can relate and those around 30s can even more.

It arrives this moment when I cannot really tell who I am, I honestly dont know for sure what should I do...should I give priority to achieve the highest position as possible before its too late? plan to have a family before Im left with leftovers?

This is not an identity crysis like during teenage time where you question your family or school, Im much more p1ssed off at the government and society, I dont know if I should try to fit into the system or find a way to stay out of it cause its unfair against those who happen to be men,white,straight and conservative all togheter.

I see that I still have time to choose my path but that at the same time Im running out of fuel and I will have to stay around the stopping point of my car and walk not that much with my legs right after.

I look myself in the mirror and I dont know if what I see is what I decided to be or the result of the environment around me, not sure if I should keep try to bang as many girls as possible following my libido and ego or quit that game and start to think like an adult...in sum Im not quite sure where I am and which wind I should follow to sail.

Man.....I'm right there with you. I already have the family though, so the money-making part is doubled in my mind. I feel like I've done well with Game and all that since 2005 when I hit bottom.

Mauser96 has some good points. Don't try to change the environment, you have to change yourself. You have to be smart. Don't go around picking fights in un-winnable battles. Learn your circle of influence.

I just want to figure what it is I really want to do. Back in the 40s, the 'greatest generation'....man, those guys were desperate. When you're on the brink of desperation, that pushes you to greatness. Our generation is comfortable, and that's not our own fault. It's the reality. I firmly believe to truly prosper above the norm in the modern-day West you absolutely HAVE to find something you truly enjoy, then work your ass off trying to achieve it. You and I just haven't found that. It also seems we don't want to be average either.

Consider this......how much of an outlier are we right now in reality? Take this site....how many things do we know about the brain-washed world that others don't? That alone makes us unique.

Colossus · Sep 12, 2014

Mauser96 said:
Money is VERY important, whether you like that fact or not.

^ Couldn't agree more.

Look, not many of us like being part of "the system". I hate it too, but you have to look at your alternatives. I'm not saying yo HAVE to work 9-5 and have a mortgage and a wife and all that. But money is freedom---freedom to make your own choices and invest in your own future.

I think our generation suffers from this mentality where we all expect to be able to find something we are passionate about and make lots of money doing it. Our whole lives we have been told "follow your dreams", "find your passions", and a bunch of other glittering generalities that are actually horrible advice.

First, "follow your passions" assumes that we all actually HAVE a passion we can pursue which will eventually result in gainful employment. Not the case. If that were true, every 27 year old female would have her own successful yoga studio and a gluten-free bakery. Second, it also assumes that said passions have profitable value. Even IF you have something you love to do which can make money, it may take years of hard, discouraging work, poverty, and just plain luck to succeed. Beyond that, there isn't really any good evidence to suggest that trying to make your passions a vocation actually does result in happiness. More often that not, when we try to make our passions into work, it just doesn't translate the way we thought it would.

There was a great podcast on the Art of Manliness about this subject recently. They suggested that the way to achieving vocational happiness was not necessarily through your passions, but in achieving mastery in the work you do. Mastery of craft will essentially give you skills that cannot be ignored, which will in turn result in more freedom, more money, and more satisfaction because you are so good at what you do.

Of course it's not that simple; mastery takes years, and years of building 'career capital' in something that is worth a damn.

I don't think anyone should be doing work that they hate (unless the circumstances are dire), but I'm also changing my views on work in general. I think our generation (25-35) needs to get out of the mindset that if we just find the right JOB, then we would be happy. That's similar to thinking if we just found the right woman, then we would be happy. It's only partially true. Yes, the right job or woman can bring us a level of satisfaction, but without mastery of the craft or leadership in the relationship, we aren't invested at all and we would just be relying completely on this outside entity to make us happy. A great job is is great....until it isn't. You need to have skills and experience that are so strong that you have major leverage and a fair degree of bargaining power no matter where you work. Similar with a great woman....she's great, until she isn't anymore because you got lazy and thought you could just coast through the relationship without any maintenance or leadership.

Hope that helps a little.

samspade · Sep 12, 2014

Colossus said:
^ Couldn't agree more.

Look, not many of us like being part of "the system". I hate it too, but you have to look at your alternatives. I'm not saying yo HAVE to work 9-5 and have a mortgage and a wife and all that. But money is freedom---freedom to make your own choices and invest in your own future.

I think our generation suffers from this mentality where we all expect to be able to find something we are passionate about and make lots of money doing it. Our whole lives we have been told "follow your dreams", "find your passions", and a bunch of other glittering generalities that are actually horrible advice.

First, "follow your passions" assumes that we all actually HAVE a passion we can pursue which will eventually result in gainful employment. Not the case. If that were true, every 27 year old female would have her own successful yoga studio and a gluten-free bakery. Second, it also assumes that said passions have profitable value. Even IF you have something you love to do which can make money, it may take years of hard, discouraging work, poverty, and just plain luck to succeed. Beyond that, there isn't really any good evidence to suggest that trying to make your passions a vocation actually does result in happiness. More often that not, when we try to make our passions into work, it just doesn't translate the way we thought it would.

There was a great podcast on the Art of Manliness about this subject recently. They suggested that the way to achieving vocational happiness was not necessarily through your passions, but in achieving mastery in the work you do. Mastery of craft will essentially give you skills that cannot be ignored, which will in turn result in more freedom, more money, and more satisfaction because you are so good at what you do.

Of course it's not that simple; mastery takes years, and years of building 'career capital' in something that is worth a damn.

I don't think anyone should be doing work that they hate (unless the circumstances are dire), but I'm also changing my views on work in general. I think our generation (25-35) needs to get out of the mindset that if we just find the right JOB, then we would be happy. That's similar to thinking if we just found the right woman, then we would be happy. It's only partially true. Yes, the right job or woman can bring us a level of satisfaction, but without mastery of the craft or leadership in the relationship, we aren't invested at all and we would just be relying completely on this outside entity to make us happy. A great job is is great....until it isn't. You need to have skills and experience that are so strong that you have major leverage and a fair degree of bargaining power no matter where you work. Similar with a great woman....she's great, until she isn't anymore because you got lazy and thought you could just coast through the relationship without any maintenance or leadership.

Hope that helps a little.

Excellent advice.

I will say that after 7 years, I've mastered my current job and am planning on leaving it for new challenges. BUT I stuck it out long enough to develop a terrific reputation here - it's just that there are no places in my office I want to be promoted too.

Darth · Sep 12, 2014

Colossus said:
Mastery of craft will essentially give you skills that cannot be ignored

Extraordinarily true; this is what I am doing right now.

speed dawg · Sep 12, 2014

Colossus said:
I think our generation suffers from this mentality where we all expect to be able to find something we are passionate about and make lots of money doing it. Our whole lives we have been told "follow your dreams", "find your passions", and a bunch of other glittering generalities that are actually horrible advice........Of course it's not that simple; mastery takes years, and years of building 'career capital' in something that is worth a damn.

I sort of agree, but I bolded the the parts that stand out to me. I can say my passion is golf, but I can't really make a career of it, so in that regard, I agree. When I say I am looking for my 'passion', technically I'm just trying to find something I am good at. No more, no less. If you can find that, then you're cooking. But then you have to find something you're good at, that pays.

user43770 · Sep 13, 2014

A lot of good advice in this thread. It's similar to the stuff that I've been reading for years. I don't mean any disrespect to anyone, it's just that nobody's advice has ever helped me figure out what I should do with my life.

I've read probably 10 books on finding your passion in a career. I've asked multiple vets on this site for advice. I've done google searches on the topic. I've done sosuave searches on the topic. Nothing helped.

The only thing that actually helped me find my way was grabbing my balls and trying something new. If I didn't like it, I cashed in my chips and left the table. I swallowed my pride and tried something else.

The only way any person can truly find their way is to go out and try new things. You failed at them? Then go out and try different things. Repeat this process until your find your way.

That's life.

speed dawg · Sep 13, 2014

TyTe`EyEz said:
A lot of good advice in this thread. It's similar to the stuff that I've been reading for years. I don't mean any disrespect to anyone, it's just that nobody's advice has ever helped me figure out what I should do with my life.

I've read probably 10 books on finding your passion in a career. I've asked multiple vets on this site for advice. I've done google searches on the topic. I've done sosuave searches on the topic. Nothing helped.

The only thing that actually helped me find my way was grabbing my balls and trying something new. If I didn't like it, I cashed in my chips and left the table. I swallowed my pride and tried something else.

The only way any person can truly find their way is to go out and try new things. You failed at them? Then go out and try different things. Repeat this process until your find your way.

That's life.

I can respect this. Have you found your way yet? I'm personally thinking about saying f*ck it and jumping jobs.

narcissist · Sep 13, 2014

mangotot said:
Leave the house, go pull some hotties and give yourself a good time. You will then feel whole heaps better.

Worst advice ever.

News flash: his existential crisis won't be fixed by sleeping with a dumb 25 year old blonde bxtch with zero personality and nothing to offer the world.

user43770 · Sep 14, 2014

speed dawg said:
I can respect this. Have you found your way yet? I'm personally thinking about saying f*ck it and jumping jobs.

I haven't found my "dream job", but I've learned a lot about myself. I'm definitely more happy than I was 5 years ago.

I know I don't want to work in a cubicle farm. I don't want to work in the medical field. I don't like working with women. I enjoy being able to work in changing surroundings. I like autonomy. Etc.

Figuring out those things is helping to push me in a direction that's better for me.

I'm single with minimal debt, though, so taking chances was never a big deal. You said you already have a family, which makes things more difficult. You could always just try different things in your spare time. You could take some night classes in subjects that you find fascinating. That's an easy, low-risk way to figure out what you should do.

speed dawg · Sep 14, 2014

TyTe`EyEz said:
I know I don't want to work in a cubicle farm. I don't want to work in the medical field. I don't like working with women. I enjoy being able to work in changing surroundings. I like autonomy. Etc.

Yeah it's almost like process of elimination. Myself, I really don't like working alone, I like being part of a team rather than long-rangering. I don't mind being in an office but like you, I'd rather have privacy and not be in a cube. And my current boss has a management style where he puts everybody out on islands alone and sort of creates competition. I don't like that sh*t and think he's making a mistake with that. Competition is good, but not within your own team. Unless you're salesmen, which we are not.

TyTe`EyEz said:
I'm single with minimal debt, though, so taking chances was never a big deal. You said you already have a family, which makes things more difficult. You could always just try different things in your spare time. You could take some night classes in subjects that you find fascinating. That's an easy, low-risk way to figure out what you should do.

No doubt, at this point I know I cannot make whole-sale changes, rather I'm pretty stuck inside my current field. Good thing is, it's fairly diverse. And you read my mind on the night classes, I've already begun that process.

So Im 30 and quite doubtful, p!ssed off, and probably living and identity crysis

Who Dares Win

Master Don Juan

mangotot

Master Don Juan

user43770

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MtnMan

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backseatjuan

Banned

speed dawg

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Colossus

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samspade

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Darth

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speed dawg

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user43770

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speed dawg

Master Don Juan

narcissist

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user43770

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speed dawg

Master Don Juan