The Ultimate Break-up Guide...

[rosner]

Originally Posted by Sir Auron

The Ultimate Break Up Guide…

Intro
Okay so it’s always bound to happen, you meet a great girl, go out a few times have a ball, and then the ball starts rolling down hill and the inevitable happens, you break up. This happened to me recently, say 2 months ago, with the only girl I’ve ever been attracted to at school and my one-itis. Over the weeks I’ve gone through routines and techniques to get over her and it is these that I’m going to post here today for the guys out there like me, that never had any advice on breakups and didn’t know what it was until it hit them.

Pre-Breakup – Dump or Be Dumped
For all those guys out there, currently unhappy with their relationship, this is for you. You’ve tried talking problems over with the girl, nothing’s changed and you’ve got breakup in your sights. The advice here is, do it. Just do it. It feels a lot better to break up with her than have her breakup with you and leave you sitting on your sorry ass in the gutter. Men have a habit of staying in a relationship so they still have that special someone around, and for the sexual factor, but you must do it before she does it to you.
This is one sure step you can take to give yourself a better foundation for Post-Breakup.

Post-Breakup – I want her back, now!
When I first broke up with my girlfriend, almost immediately after I felt sick. Not that cold sick, but pure sick in the pit of my stomach. Letting go of something you loved is extremely stressing and emotionally straining no matter what, but there is one thing you must stick by. I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT GO BACK TO HER. Once it’s over, it is over. The few days after a breakup you will feel extreme loss and have no-where to place your feelings, consequently feeling like you need her back. It’s only natural because you’ve lost a part of you, but you mustn’t crawl back.

Do not say you will change
Do not say it was a mistake
Do not say it was your fault

You know why I know this? Because I did it, the day after breaking up I felt so much loss I crawled back to her and asked to get back together, I begged…it was pathetic. The lowest point in my life and I still regret it heavily to this day. So please if you take no other advice here, just take this for your own sake. Do not let her win, do not crawl back .

Post-Breakup – Her Thoughts/Techniques
So how does she experience the breakup? While I am no expert on what women think, I do know a few things about women and breaking up.
Firstly, women deal with breaking up with a guy by cutting all strings of attachment with him. That is, they destroy the links in their head that say “Bob – Lover” and are left with “Bob – Friend”, in general terms. This is why in most cases, in serious breakups, it is very hard to get back together with her directly afterwards. Maybe in the long run after flirting and rekindling old flames, but getting back together afterwards has a very small chance.
Secondly, women have a great huge massive support network of the “he was **** anyway” friends to console in. This is why they can cope and seem to be doing a lot better than you are, my friend. They’ll go around chatting and socializing like nothing has happened. It’s an act, don’t buy it… that’s just how women are, she’s still hurting as much as you are underneath, just wants to believe she’s strong and doesn’t need you. Laugh at her for this


Post-Breakup – Detachment
You will find the most common advice on this board regarding breakups is detachment, and the reason it’s so common is because it works. Cut her out of your life completely, don’t call her, delete her off IM programs, avoid her at school if applicable, and pretend she isn’t there. This is the best way because by not meeting with her you are not stirring up old emotions and allowing yourself to let go and forget. This will not happen anywhere near instantly, but it will happen and this is the safest way about it.
However with detachment, in most cases I’ve seen and in mine, the girl comes back to you. Girls don’t like to let their good friends go, and that includes you. Chances are she’ll call you or try to talk to you, but just walk away… be polite but walk away, get out of there as fast as you can.

Even if you wish to be friends with your ex, detachment is a must until you completely get over her and are then able to re-initiate contact as friends and friends only.

Post-Breakup – Forgetting About Her
By far the hardest thing to do is forget about her, to stop thinking about her and put your mind at rest on other things. This is made exceptionally hard if you are, like me, still at school with her and seeing her everyday (I used to think her being in 5 of my classes was a blessing…).
First of all, forget any quick fixes you may have in mind. Time and time alone will make you forget. As I sit here typing this today, 2 months after the breakup, it is only now I believe I am truly over her and forgotten about her. It will take time, but you will get there.

Techniques for forgetting:
Find what you love and do it in excess…
What do you love doing in life? Sports, hobbies, socializing, whatever. Find your passions and do them!! For example I love playing volleyball and enjoy web designing/development as a hobby. These are my passions and these are what I think about day-to-day instead of my ex-girlfriend. In a way you’re substituting them in for her, but it works. I took on 3 games of volleyball a week and have gotten jobs doing web design (no money, doing them for free) for people and it really takes my mind off things. Instead of thinking about my times with her, I am thinking about the big project I’m working on, or the next big game. Try it!

Also, surround yourself with your friends while at school. Make an effort to laugh and joke with ‘em, have a damn good time. This has worked wonders for me because I forget about seeing my ex around, she can walk past and I’m too busy listening/telling a story I don’t see her anymore. And when I do see her? Just smile and laugh to myself about what happened and turn my back. Out of sight, out of mind .

Conclusion
In honest truth, breakups are never easy and never will be. However they are a necessary time you must go through and there is always light at the end of the tunnel, it may take you one night of crying your eyes out, it may take you a few months, but you’ll get there and be a better, experienced man for it.

All my best,
-Sir Auron

My thoughts exactly

[rosner]

Originally Posted by rosner

My thoughts exactly

oops double post. love internet

[betheman]

Originally Posted by Sir Auron

The Ultimate Break Up Guide…

Intro
Post-Breakup – I want her back, now!
When I first broke up with my girlfriend, almost immediately after I felt sick. Not that cold sick, but pure sick in the pit of my stomach. Letting go of something you loved is extremely stressing and emotionally straining no matter what, but there is one thing you must stick by. I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT GO BACK TO HER. Once it’s over, it is over. The few days after a breakup you will feel extreme loss and have no-where to place your feelings, consequently feeling like you need her back. It’s only natural because you’ve lost a part of you, but you mustn’t crawl back.

Do not say you will change
Do not say it was a mistake
Do not say it was your fault

You know why I know this? Because I did it, the day after breaking up I felt so much loss I crawled back to her and asked to get back together, I begged…it was pathetic. The lowest point in my life and I still regret it heavily to this day. So please if you take no other advice here, just take this for your own sake. Do not let her win, do not crawl back .

great post and a must read for anyone in or considering a relationship, the part Ive quoted is particularly pertinent imo as I too have been there done that and its just as Sir Auron described on the tin, this is very very damaging, losing a loved one is bad, try the crawling back and you basically hand your arse on a plate with your dignity and self esteem as Hors Douvres

[Trakla]

I had many problems when i broke up with my first gf.I didn't even know what to say.When i broke up with my second gf it was rely easy.I didn't text her , call and i didn't wait here after school.I said i got some other things to do and after a weak i told here we can't continue anymore like this and we have to break up.
Later she send me a letter telling me that she loves me but I didn't response to her.That was rely sh*** what i did.She doesn't speak to me anymore...

[European-DJ]

Thumbs up for this post!

[VoxPotentia]

If she meant enough to you, you only need one break up to show you your mistakes...

[VincentNew]

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

[VinnyFromGermany]

Originally Posted by European-DJ

Thumbs up for this post!

A joke is a very serious thing.

[TheVirtualMind]

Moved to The Archive for preservation.

[betheman]

this f cucking thread is another one of those....'where was this sh!t when I needed it' threads.
very good nonetheless and truth!

[MedDude]

I'm currently going through a break-up from a nearly two year relationship and this post has been gold for me. I cannot recommend the advice given here enough.

[r1971]

Hi Gents,
Glad to have found this place...
Dating my girlfriend for 1yr 4 months. Both 40 yrs old. She has two young boys and I have one. Her past showed cheating by her ex husband (the boys' dad), which left her with trust issues and not wanting to be or feel controlled.

For the first year, I had needy clingy issues that clashed with her Controlling fears, and I told her I didnt like her seeing her friends when we had such limited alone time. Something snapped in me and I finally realized I was doing this and saw her pull away. So...I stopped and she saw the difference without me saying anything to her about my change. However, we argued a lot, and whenever we did, if I wanted it my way for once, I was accused of controlling her....

Long story short, I moved out last month after major arguments over stuff that was inconsiderate (not cheating)....but it spiraled. There was a mix up and I changed her to It's complicated on FB, and she changed her to Single...tit for tat.

I laid low after I left as I was furious still, but she kept hounding me as to where we stand, etc. I truly am in love with her, so I slowly got back into a groove with her. But my big issue was she would say she loves me, wants me as a huge part of her life with the boys and she loves me more thank anything. But...it was sizzle...I wanted steak. I wanted to see action from her....you know....Don't listen to her words, Watch her Actions !!!

So last weekend, she went out with her girlfriends, and she called me from the place and told me to meet her with my friends, which was cool....I said we'll see, and to ring me when she gets in and I should be back by then and I'll pop over, and added something funny to my msg to her. She just wrote LOL...I rephrased it and she said LOL. Didn't hear from her, and didn't mention it....but she felt I was not pleased.

New guy pops up on her FB page Monday and puts smiley faces, starts liking all her pictures, and likes all her pics from Sat night with her friends...ODD...but I play it cool.

However, during the week, as she pushed me with more loving words and such, I spoke about Actions. Of course, I made up a song as an LOL to tease her about the new guy, "So and So and Girflfriend, sitting in a tree" and wrote lol.....she said he's old, fat, and is the bus driver. HMMMM....

Well, the action I realized would put us in the Public eye and MUTUALLY commit ourself in this digital age, is to put ourselves on our PUBLIC FB pages as In a Relationship, which brings us to yestererday. She said if we know it on our hearts, why do we have to do that again, and she does not want to keep adding it and removing it, especially after our rocky month or so...

However, I pressed on and of course, was labeled controlling, however, I offered to change mine FIRST, and she would right after. She could not do it. I told her if she cannot mutually commit, this is not a good thing and we had choice words.

A few mins later, I realized I went overboard, and wrote her that I feel strongly about this, but I could have phrased it differently. We continued on talking via E-mail and normal talk ensued...she asked when and if she will see me this weekend, etc....and I was refreshing her page, and right there.....was a profile picture of JUST her....the first time since we began dating. When she changed from couple pic to her kids, I swallowed it, and she asked if I liked the pic, and that "at least it wasn't a pic of just her alone"...

I wrote I saw something disgusting and I gotta go. She asked, "Was it my profile pic" and I didn't reply. She has been texting me all day huge texts, but she wants to fix us and try us again and does not want to see anyone else and her life is with me....but she will not budge on the FB Status, which may seem minimal to most, but considering we MET on Facebook and we had that status up there for a long time, bells are going off that something fishy is going on, or she loves me, but deep down, something is off as reflected in her actions (or in-actions !!).

She texted me a few hours ago when I told her we were done because she saw I was not going to give in on this one, and told me she told me I broke up with her and an expletive about it. BUT, I wrote back saying she broke up with me by not wanting to recommit at our age and our long history. Hey, I love her to death, but I need to see MORE than words...in light of the fishy stuff, as well....she needed to know her INACTION ended us.... So, the texting continued a little while longer....

My last text 3 hours ago was for her to "not minimize the importance of this to me", and I didn't like the way she was dismissing something important to me ONCE AGAIN. I ended with, "If your answer is NO, then very simply, my answer is NO"....

AND THE TEXTS FROM HER STOPPED........

And the NO CONTACT begins....I've had practice the past month anyway with that with her.

So....two things:
1. Guys, was I wrong? I know FB status is BS Stuff, but in the context of how we met and how we both use it daily and EVERYONE we each know is on it (plus the odd coincidence)??, and

2. Did I TOAST this relationship by ending it for this, and will she call me ?


Thanks SO much !!
R

[ginagrace29]

catechism

[D1ZL4]

Day 2 - Ok so this is my story in a nutshell. My ex found messages from ex in previous relationship, the messages she read were completely harmless, however we did speak about meeting up (only as friends, as I really have moved on from my ex ex) Looking back I can see why my ex was upset and has lost trust in me but there really was nothing in them!

From then onwards we broke up, didn’t speak for about a week, then got back into contact with each other, met up and ended up having ***. She then initiated that we start to see each other, with the possibility of getting with other people. Myself as a fool agreed to this but with no real intention of wanting any body else, it is her I love. For about a week things were great, spent all of our time together, went out for meals and both of us were really happy. The two weeks that followed went downhill, started to get back into our regular routine of things and the spark was pretty much non existent!

She then went out clubbing etc whilst I kind of chilled, went to my local snow dome had no interest in any other woman because I wanted her back! I cooked for her at times, told her how much I loved her and was there 24/7. She became a lot more distant, giving me the cold shoulder, very short and not interested in speaking or wanting to meet up. By this time I knew there’s something up, buggin’out asking her what she was up to, who she was seeing and if she was seeing anybody else ( by this time I must of pushed her away, as she would of known my exact feelings of her and what I wanted and how I felt about her)

The situation continued she began texting some body else right in front of my face and the texts weren’t of a friendly nature… she had pretty much lost all respect for me and started to be dishonest, something that she never was towards me.

Enough was enough I asked to meet up with her where it was pretty much where I had to grab my own balls and man up to the situation. I told her that I would not tolerate what was going on as it was out of order, told her that she was being very dishonest and disrespectful (which she admitted) I ended it by telling her that I don’t want her to contact me anymore and that I wouldn’t be contacting her, told her how I felt and that I couldn’t carry on with the way things were as it wasn’t fair. She told me that she still loved me but she didn’t know if she was still in love with me and that she didn’t want to be in a relationship with me any more. I dropped her off at her house and she wouldn’t get out of the car, she told me how I was her best friend and that she didn’t want it to end this way, tried to hug me…which I declined, even dropped a hint that she maybe pregnant…WTF! Its almost as if from manning up to the situation, could see I was not putting up with it any more and she went into a panic. she literally did not want to leave my car and kept asking if I wanted her to go, didn’t really want her to but I stood my ground after 10 minutes and kindly asked her to leave.

After 2 days of no contact I have just received a text from her saying this ‘Hi, Just to let you know, you owe me £93 when you get paid. Hope your okay xx’ – she sounds so happy..what should I do, I have every intention of paying her its just the way in which she sounds, im at such a low right now!

[rhythmic]

^ Hard times, you did the right thing though. You're gonna see her one last time, give her the £93, be polite and positive, then do proper NC. You'll feel better afterwards.

[Mauser96]

Originally Posted by D1ZL4

Day 2 - Ok so this is my story in a nutshell. My ex found messages from ex in previous relationship, the messages she read were completely harmless, however we did speak about meeting up (only as friends, as I really have moved on from my ex ex) Looking back I can see why my ex was upset and has lost trust in me but there really was nothing in them!

From then onwards we broke up, didn’t speak for about a week, then got back into contact with each other, met up and ended up having ***. She then initiated that we start to see each other, with the possibility of getting with other people. Myself as a fool agreed to this but with no real intention of wanting any body else, it is her I love. For about a week things were great, spent all of our time together, went out for meals and both of us were really happy. The two weeks that followed went downhill, started to get back into our regular routine of things and the spark was pretty much non existent!

She then went out clubbing etc whilst I kind of chilled, went to my local snow dome had no interest in any other woman because I wanted her back! I cooked for her at times, told her how much I loved her and was there 24/7. She became a lot more distant, giving me the cold shoulder, very short and not interested in speaking or wanting to meet up. By this time I knew there’s something up, buggin’out asking her what she was up to, who she was seeing and if she was seeing anybody else ( by this time I must of pushed her away, as she would of known my exact feelings of her and what I wanted and how I felt about her)

The situation continued she began texting some body else right in front of my face and the texts weren’t of a friendly nature… she had pretty much lost all respect for me and started to be dishonest, something that she never was towards me.

Enough was enough I asked to meet up with her where it was pretty much where I had to grab my own balls and man up to the situation. I told her that I would not tolerate what was going on as it was out of order, told her that she was being very dishonest and disrespectful (which she admitted) I ended it by telling her that I don’t want her to contact me anymore and that I wouldn’t be contacting her, told her how I felt and that I couldn’t carry on with the way things were as it wasn’t fair. She told me that she still loved me but she didn’t know if she was still in love with me and that she didn’t want to be in a relationship with me any more. I dropped her off at her house and she wouldn’t get out of the car, she told me how I was her best friend and that she didn’t want it to end this way, tried to hug me…which I declined, even dropped a hint that she maybe pregnant…WTF! Its almost as if from manning up to the situation, could see I was not putting up with it any more and she went into a panic. she literally did not want to leave my car and kept asking if I wanted her to go, didn’t really want her to but I stood my ground after 10 minutes and kindly asked her to leave.

After 2 days of no contact I have just received a text from her saying this ‘Hi, Just to let you know, you owe me £93 when you get paid. Hope your okay xx’ – she sounds so happy..what should I do, I have every intention of paying her its just the way in which she sounds, im at such a low right now!

When you get paid, give her a CHEQUE , not cash, for the amount owed. Then say "I gotta run" and walk away. Don't reply to her texts, cut all communication.


Start looking around for a better woman.